Quote: (01-22-2019 08:31 PM)crentist Wrote:
New here. I've gotten so much from reading this thread. Reading from the beginning but only on like page 25. I got a girls number day gaming this morning, it was a pretty quick interaction, not really clear that I had solid attraction but whatever, I'm trying to schedule the date.
Me: Hey it's x
Her: Hey its x
Me: How are you
Her: Good. Tell me about you, what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer, you? (I know, I should have replied with a joke answer here)
Her: I'm studying
Her: Are you here with family?
Her: Or, how long have you been in Colombia?
Me: I arrived in October. No, I live with friends (again I shouldn't have fallen to her frame)
Me: What are you studying?
Her: Accounting
Her: How long are you staying?
Me: Cool
Me: I'm here until July
Me: What's your availability this week. We should get a coffee one day
Her: The weather is always great here
Her: What motivates you about me. Why do you want that we see each other (translated)
I know I fell to her frame already but this last one is a massive test. I clearly didn't know enough intent ("hey I think you're hot") when we met during the day.
I'm thinking about saying something like, "You seemed interesting and I'm spontaneous, so I figured I'd say hello and see if you'd be up for a coffee. It could be fun."
Maybe that's weak though, will take any advice
There is a significant space for improvement and I won't elaborate about all that could have been done. You didn't provide much about the interaction, though that is not that important - there are some basics you should've covered.
First and foremost, daygaming is a daring act. You've separated yourself from the chaff. You began to sing a different tune from most men. You've opened a bottle with a magic potion but might have spilled it on her shoes, instead of giving her to smell its seductive fragrance. Women dream of being swept off their feet. They love romance (whatever that means), hence that's why that's the most widely read literature the world over. Try to think like a woman. A boring, matter-of-factly conversation, such as yours, is no romance. I did it too, in the past, and it deflates the romance like a fat kid bursting a ballon with a dirty needle. Big it up, paint a dreamy picture, mythologise yourself and her. Make up new universes and make her forget the drudgery of hum-drum, every day life. Be creative (female mind digs it more than you think), daring and with a dash of fun.
I don't recommend your last proposition. Too convoluted and boring. Amateurish. The "We should get a coffee one day" is the way girls speak. It's a passive voice, you approached her, you drive to the date city. YOU arrange things, not put the responsibility on a poor girl. Bad game. And the last part, "It could be fun", sounds like a salesman of used cars, wearing ill-fitted suit with a polyester and stained cravat unsuccessfully persuading a customer to buy a mildly rusty Honda whilst combing with his left through his greasy hair fully knowing that the potential buyer has already set his eyes on another, fancier car... Or, in another words, if you need to tell someone you're a president of a country, you ain't one.
Anyway, let's revisit her penultimate and the last replies. She ignored your date request, then wants to know about your motivation to talk to her. Possibly, low self-esteem - act with caution. In any case, this is not usual type of exchange after getting a number. I wouldn't hold my breath you'll get her out but maybe good for experience. Loosen up, don't expect anything, this may show outcome independence, and increase your odds (mildly). The first order of business is to re-assert your frame (this salvageable only if your face to face one was correct). No more sissy talk. Also, I don't recommend to use Spanish unless you're really fluent and can get all nuances just right. Even then, I still don't recommend it - it sends an implicit signal of your qualifying to her whereas when she speaks your language (I assume it's English), she's qualifying to you. It's subtle, but shouldn't be underestimated. Why to get rid of a key tool from your toolbox?
Me: What's your availability this week. We should get a coffee one day
Her: The weather is always great here
Her: What motivates you about me. Why do you want that we see each other
CowboyExtraBigBalls: not so fast. first, when you're free
It's not about setting up the date now. Slow down, don't be too eager. Re-establish a frame. Maybe a few days, maybe couple weeks. Don't, again, strike out until you'll be sure there's high chance she'll accept. It's about you leading the conversation and her complying. Until she complies, you'll get nothing. As long as she replies you've something to work with. Begin to steer the conversation in the right direction. Hope that helps.
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