[Dusty]

http://time.com/3422046/30-is-the-new-50/

Quote:

30 Is the New 50: Old Age Is Killing My Dating Life

Jenny Bahn @jennybahn 12:23 PM ET


My career successes, my triumphs as a human being, are trumped by the fact my looks—and my ovaries—have a shelf life



It’s 1 a.m. on a Monday, and I am currently on the phone having an argument with a guy I’d been on only four dates with, three of them good. One of them—the last—was less good, given he had gone MIA for the better part of three weeks and I had a sneaking suspicion he had a girlfriend.

We hadn’t slept together, but the kisses had been the type of kisses you walk away from with shaky knees and blind hope. There was something there, and we both knew it, which is why we were attempting to hash things out over the phone at some ungodly hour. Because at our age, we’re adults, and things matter more. The mistakes leave marks.

Alex is 38. I’m 30. Technically, there are no “people our age.” But I’m starting to feel that a 30-year-old woman might as well be a 40-year-old man, though infinitely less desirable, culturally speaking.

At 40, a man is well into hitting his stride, something the guy I’m arguing with is all too aware of, as evidenced when he professes on multiple occasions, “I’m an amazing guy.” “We’re killing it. KILLING IT,” he tells me, while explaining that he’s been caught up in his rapidly expanding architecture firm.

Alex sees his stock rising. For a man, age brings success, wisdom and the Hollywood-approved wrinkles of Robert Redford. And, while I too find that my career is on the up, it doesn’t matter, because time, for a woman, is hardly as kind as it is to a man. My career successes, my triumphs as a human being, are trumped by the fact that my looks—and my ovaries—have a shelf life. Biology and Sociology 101.

Interestingly enough, Alex and I, with nearly a decade between us, are two people on the same page in terms of what we are looking for in a relationship. In New York, men approaching their 40s begin to feel the weight of time more acutely, something women are confronted with the moment they start their first period. While boys are still sitting in the school parking lot burping up Cokes and Doritos, young girls are in some ways exposed to the long, faint shadow of their mortality, a life defined by precise timing and narrow windows—girlhood and fertility immediately presented to you as finite and limited. Everything has its end.

Men, on the other hand, start to engage with their bodies only decades later, when something goes wrong. A slow-healing broken arm, a herniated disc, high blood pressure: These are the wake-up calls, when aging men begin to wrestle with the thought of impending death, or at least not wanting to be an old dad. Overnight, their biological clocks start ticking. They want kids. They want a partner. Their timer has gone off. DING DING DING.

After decades after messing around, they’re ready to settle down. Which is precisely where Alex was at about a year ago with his ex-fiancée, who—kudos to Alex—was four years his senior and under the crushing pressure of having kids right away, lest the opportunity pass them by altogether—or, more precisely, pass her by. Alex couldn’t handle the idea of having kids right away and broke it off, because he had the luxury his fiancée did not: namely, time. And the ability to eventually, when he was ready, find someone 15 years younger to have children with.

Which brings us to the point when he finally—after nearly an hour on the phone explaining that he’s been so hot and cold because he’s too busy with work, because he’s very into expanding his business, because he’s shy—admits he’s been seeing some 20-something girl named Anouk for the past few months.



This, by the way, follows this part of the conversation by about 20 minutes:

Alex: Well, what do you want?

Me: I want to love someone and I want them to love me.

Alex: You? You think you’re lovable? You think someone can fall in love with you? You’re so guarded. How can anyone fall in love with someone so guarded?

Alex, of course, self-professed amazing person that he is, is not very well versed in Newton’s Third Law and its role in relationship physics. I was guarded because he did things that made me sense he had a girlfriend. Which he did. But that’s not his fault. Because Alex the Architect is amazing!

As though any amount of talking is going to make this better, Alex continues to tell me about Anouk, who doesn’t mind his going on dates with other women because he “doesn’t love her,” and who he is dating precisely because she’s not looking for anything at all.

It’s this logic that has most of my 30-something guy friends dating girls fresh out of college. , in my experience, are less impressive, less striving, less volatile, less successful, less intimidating, less questioning, less pressing, less complex, less damaged, less opinionated, less powerful, less womanly. They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything—like most of the guys I have dated in New York—less is more.



A 30-year-old woman is an undertaking, and it’s the real reason Alex has been putting me on the back burner for the past two months, telling me that I’m amazing and that he’s interested and then disappearing to hang out with a 23-year-old instead. Age ain’t nothing but a number, until it’s a number someone else doesn’t want to deal with.

Jenny Bahn is a writer and editor (and former model) living in a yet-to-be-ruined part of Brooklyn. You can find her work on V Magazine, CR, The Style Con, Lady Clever, Harry’s, and, of course, on xoJane.

[Barron]

Hi Jenny. Remember all those guys you friend zoned back when they weren't good enough for you? This is what that feels like.

[Parlay44]

I stopped reading after "Woman complains".

[Sonsowey]

Woman have an amazing ability to make their personal issues into Societal Issues.

[Avon Barksdale]

Poetic mother fuckin justice. We men age like wine( if we don't screw around with our lives) and women age like milk.
Let this story be a lesson to us younger men in the manosphere.

[PrimeTime32]

I told this to all my uncles and they we're like good for you. Said the same shit to all of my friends the same age (in our 20's) they all looked at me like I grew 3 heads. Guess who I'm gonna listen to.... Thanks forum.

[Anthony A. King]

Alpha Agents of Righteous Karma, Alpha agents of Righteous Karma! Bitch! http://therationalmale.com/2014/09/15/al...ous-karma/

Quote:

in my experience, are less impressive, less striving, less volatile, less successful, less intimidating, less questioning, less pressing, less complex, less damaged, less opinionated, less powerful, less womanly. They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything—like most of the guys I have dated in New York—less is more.

This is according to an a women who has hit the wall and is more striving, more volatile, more successful, more intimidating, more questioning, more pressing, more complex, more damaged, more opinionated, more 'powerful', and -even-less womanly (her womanly attributes are a farce in order to get a beta man to settle down with her). And on top of all that she isn't going to be fertile for very long and her looks will continue to fade. She can no longer compete and she has only herself to blame for actively choosing the feminist career girl lifestyle. But the the hamster will still run....

And we will be Alpha Agents of Righteous Karma!

[SheriffBart]

The delicious irony in this is that women's sexual liberation only benefits women from ages 18-26. Meanwhile, it benefits men from ages 18-mydickdontworkanymore.

One of the more horrifying aspects of the wall (as if losing their looks wasn't bad enough), is the fact that it makes women mentally ugly as well because now they have existential criseses over every possible relationship and become more demanding. As their product quality goes down, they feel the correct thing to do is charge a higher price. No wonder there aren't many female CEOs.

And I love that this dude is banging some young slut named Anouk. I need to get me some Eskimo pussy.

Regarding the author... WB as well.

[Fighting888]

Awesome article. Thanks for posting this.

I feel like as a guy, maintaining your looks and health is of utmost importance. Focus on a good lifestyle, diet, working out, grooming. Also keep progressing in your career. Men are definitely capable of hitting the wall and most actually do in their late 20s/early 30s, but men can easily avoid hitting the wall by staying healthy/active and continuing to improve themselves in all respects (finance, career, life, etc.). A guy who invests in maintaining himself and personal growth will continue to improve with age.

Honestly, I feel like men really hit their "peak" from 35-45, then are capable of gracefully declining after that. Just look at guys like Clooney, Redford, Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Will Smith. They continue to go strong and be attractive to women of all ages. Pierce Brosnan is starting to hit the wall (out of choice, if you ask me), but he was playing James Bond at age 50. Think about that - a man of 50 can be a sex symbol.

It just shows you that, for the majority of us, our best days are ahead. You just have to be disciplined about how you live and keep working on yourself.

[Lemmo]

Does she attempt to have a point in this article? Or is having an intro, premises and conclusion a tool of the patriarchy? She admits this is all Biology 101 and then spends the rest of the article seeming surprised by these basic biological facts and implying that somehow a man should deny his biological preferences to suit her convenience. The fact is if men were willing to deny their biology and be completely reasonable, the status of women would drop like a rock. And this woman lives in the US - land of the thirsty, home of the beta - so you know that even in her late 30s she is not hurting for attention (although not from men with options).

[CRR]

This was on xojane a week or so ago. I didn't post in the "Online Hamster" thread because I'm trying my best to avoid giving them more clicks.

Anyway, the comments were hilarious, and very telling.

Some were from women stating how they're 36-46-56 and never had so many men pursuing them. Yea right, I saw that movie too, where it turns out it's all in the character's imagination.

But what was most telling was how many women attacked this woman, because she was a model. Not long before this there was an article written by a fat chick complaining she wasn't getting any dates online. 99% of the responses were of the "You're perfect" variety. But when a pretty girl complains, it's because she makes bad choices and is shallow.

Point being, hating pretty girls falls somewhere on the feminist hate spectrum between disagreeing with them and when poor minorities 'catcall' them.

Oh, and WB…and then dump for a woman in her mid-20s.

[CactusCat589]

Women can age well too, by doing the same things as guys do.

And to make it worse, aging well actually isn't that much of an asset to a woman. I'm sure we've all noticed that an older woman is still pretty and attractive in the objective sense. It's something you... acknowledge. If you just dwell on that word, acknowledge, I think it captures the whole dynamic of women and age. It's not a word you'd associate with love and romance. It's a cold and clinical one.

The whole pheromones and that chemical attraction aspect doesn't happen because they're no longer young. Every time you see a girl and the spark lights up that drives you to make the approach, that's what older women no longer have. You look at them and feel nothing.

Steve Bauer probably has no shortage of good-looking 30 or 40 year-old women to choose from. Did that make any difference? No - he still chose an 18 year-old. And so it is with all men who have options (which is why we all have to work hard so we have options).

[ryanf]

Quote:

It’s this logic that has most of my 30-something guy friends dating girls fresh out of college. , in my experience, are less impressive, less striving, less volatile, less successful, less intimidating, less questioning, less pressing, less complex, less damaged, less opinionated, less powerful, less womanly. They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything—like most of the guys I have dated in New York—less is more.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call....

[samsamsam]

Not exactly when this was taken, I think this is her. You just know she will age badly, she is already starting to.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

She hasn't hit the wall looks-wise. It's very easy to find pics of her, and she looks pretty damned good. She's an ex-model and it shows.

What we have here is something more insidious -- and it's something we should discuss more often: It's the modern American woman who is hot and smart, yet unbearable to be around -- much less date.

She thinks it's about age. I think it's about personality. I bet we've all experienced women like this...

Maybe she's neurotic. Or overly jealous. Or she wants all of your time NOW. Or maybe she talks non-stop about her eating disorder. Or all her exes. Or her abortions.

Or maybe she's on a smorgasbord of meds for "depression," "anxiety, "ADHD" and twelve other things people didn't have in the 1950s. Maybe she's a former druggie or alcoholic and red lights went off telling him "stay away!!" Maybe her number count was really high.

Or maybe she's so self-involved she sees men as accoutrements, not people (which I get from her writing). Or maybe it's some intangible thing you can't quite name, but it keeps you from ever considering her being a girlfriend.

Whatever the case, America breeds these women and most sane men known instinctively not to commit to them. I don't think it's a minor point that her would-be guy went screaming to a foreign woman after dealing with her. That's a motif on this forum and I think we're vocalizing things a lot of men do but don't say.

I've told the story of how my folks were leaning on me to get serious about a foreign girl I dated in college (I lived to regret not listening to them). Maybe that's what happened to this guy. And unlike me, maybe he actually listened.

[Dismal Operator]

"It’s this logic that has most of my 30-something guy friends dating girls fresh out of college. Girls who, in my experience, are less impressive, less striving, less volatile, less successful, less intimidating, less questioning, less pressing, less complex, less damaged, less opinionated, less powerful, less masculine. They are less masculine, and, to a guy not ready to lose his sanity—like most of the guys I have dated in New York—less masculinity is more."

...And just like that you go from hamster to truth

[Days of Broken Arrows]

I need to add more to my original comment above: I looked her up and her height is 5'10" and a half.

It's telling that she doesn't consider that this shrinks her dating pool significantly and gives her fewer options. When men differ physically from the norm, that's the first thing they zero in on.

I have a female friend who is 5'11" and age 50 and is still looking for Mr. Right. She speaks of this as if it's some mystical quest. I tried to explain to her it's a numbers game: the guys she can go out (6' and taller) are among the most sought-after men, and competition is tough for women like her -- no matter how good they look.

Her response? "Um, whatever." Then I never heard back from her. Women don't like to confront reality.

Anyway, in this case, this woman is leaving a lot out of the story by not mentioning her height up front. It makes her an outlier, not an everywoman. The 5'4" everywomen who read her piece should know this is less likely to happen to them, since the pool of men from which they're drawing is much, much larger.

By leaving out a fact like this, I'm more convinced my above comment was right -- it shows a lack of self-awareness and that's not a quality you want in a relationship.

Addendum: There are some semi-nude pics of her here, if anyone's interested or wants to read them into what she's all about.

[Dusty]

(09-23-2014 09:30 PM)Days of Broken Arrows Wrote:  

She hasn't hit the wall looks-wise. It's very easy to find pics of her, and she looks pretty damned good. She's an ex-model and it shows.

What we have here is something more insidious -- and it's something we should discuss more often: It's the modern American woman who is hot and smart, yet unbearable to be around -- much less date.

She thinks it's about age. I think it's about personality. I bet we've all experienced women like this...

Maybe she's neurotic. Or overly jealous. Or she wants all of your time NOW. Or maybe she talks non-stop about her eating disorder. Or all her exes. Or her abortions.

Or maybe she's on a smorgasbord of meds for "depression," "anxiety, "ADHD" and twelve other things people didn't have in the 1950s. Maybe she's a former druggie or alcoholic and red lights went off telling him "stay away!!" Maybe her number count was really high.

Or maybe she's so self-involved she sees men as accoutrements, not people (which I get from her writing). Or maybe it's some intangible thing you can't quite name, but it keeps you from ever considering her being a girlfriend.

Whatever the case, America breeds these women and most sane men known instinctively not to commit to them. I don't think it's a minor point that her would-be guy went screaming to a foreign woman after dealing with her. That's a motif on this forum and I think we're vocalizing things a lot of men do but don't say.

I've told the story of how my folks were leaning on me to get serious about a foreign girl I dated in college (I lived to regret not listening to them). Maybe that's what happened to this guy. And unlike me, maybe he actually listened.

Good analysis, and I know exactly the type you are talking about. I call them "histrionics."

She drops some clues:

Quote:

It’s this logic that has most of my 30-something guy friends dating girls fresh out of college. , in my experience, are less impressive, less striving, less volatile, less successful, less intimidating, less questioning, less pressing, less complex, less damaged, less opinionated, less powerful, less womanly. They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything—like most of the guys I have dated in New York—less is more.

So she's volatile, demanding, pressing, questioning (interrogating), complex (moody), damaged, opinionated, powerful (masculine). No wonder Alex ran into the arms of a 23 year old foreign girl.

[Sonsowey]

One time I tried to hit on a girl exactly my own age.

She told me I was too young for her!

Maybe I could have played it better and gotten around her objection, but she was pretty damn firm.

Now, when a girl says they like older men, it is generally treated as a personal matter of taste, not to be judged, it is Her Life, after all.

When an older woman is on the flip side of that though, and not being selected, suddenly it's Our Problem.

And the young men struggling? Forget them.

[vinman]

This entire post plus the GIF's were worth a +1.

[samsamsam]

DOBA, great post.

She looks all worn out. Too much partying/attention whoring in her youth. She may be a model but it doesn't look like she took care of herself that well. Especially her eyes. Maybe I am wrong, but I wouldn't get excited fucking her. It might just be she is super skinny, I didn't see her body. Some super skinny chicks are malnourished.

[Glaucon]

I love this gif

[El Chinito loco]

Quote:

It’s 1 a.m. on a Monday, and I am currently on the phone having an argument with a guy I’d been on only four dates with, three of them good. One of them—the last—was less good, given he had gone MIA for the better part of three weeks and I had a sneaking suspicion he had a girlfriend.

We hadn’t slept together, but the kisses had been the type of kisses you walk away from with shaky knees and blind hope. There was something there, and we both knew it, which is why we were attempting to hash things out over the phone at some ungodly hour. Because at our age, we’re adults, and things matter more. The mistakes leave marks.

No bang within 3 dates. He should have walked away sooner than that.

She was a model in a major metropolitan area. I bet she has rode all sorts of cock and has had all kinds of "discovering myself" moments with strange men in strange places.

Now she's going to act all prudish and try to play the prim and proper woman role to land herself a husband. Part of the modus operandi of these women approaching the wall is that they like to pretend they are chaste and moral women who are over being the alpha male spooge receptacle. It's a delusion they will maintain until she finds herself a willing husband/fool or they will keep it up into their matronly spinster life cycle.

[Captain Gh]

As much as I would've loved for her to be a bad looking mess, she's not and she'll be ok. Her hamster will soon activate and snatch a good looking hipster from her circle that will tolerate her shit and be her Mr Right. Good look to him cause he'll need it!!

[HeyPete]

If this 5-11 manbeast (sorry, I hate non-petite chicks) doesn't find some self-loathing beta soon.

She can listen to this over and over and over and over and over and over again.