[tremont]

Hi everyone,

I want to describe a situation and ask if any of you guys have advice?

TLDR version: How do you stay motivated and alpha in a relationship when you aren't out banging chicks?

I'm in my 30's. A few years ago I was single, I was active on this forum under another alias and I was having the time of life running around chasing women. I spent a lot of years getting good at latin dance and I had an active lifestyle.

Then I met my wife. I didn't want to get married, but she seduced me with how sweet and loving she was. She is the most emotionally mature human being I have ever met. When we started together I was the happiest I've ever been. I have a son from my previous marriage and he absolutely adores her, even more than his own mother. She loves him too, despite the fact that he isn't hers. She is going to be an awesome mother one day.

Shes similar age to me, and from Venezuela. She's a 10 with a perfect body. I can't keep my hands off her ass. Exactly my type. When I enter a place with her, I can't find a woman more attractive. Like Venezuelana's do, I had to work really hard to get her. It took months, she resisted every tactic in my toolbox, but eventually I did it. I conquered her, and she loves (loved?) me dearly. She is special and takes (took?) care of me in a way I never thought possible from a woman.

Everything was good for the first year or so. We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures. There were times I had to go away for work or to battle with my ex wife in court. She never complained, only supported and encouraged me. When my ex would push my buttons and make drama to not let me see my son, my wife would calm me down and remind me not to get angry and do something hair trigger stupid.


Being married, I was stuck for a long time on what to do with my time. I stopped going out because it seemed useless. Why go out to bars and clubs when I don't have intention to chase women? Whats the point of wasting time and money I could spend improving myself in other ways?

I ended up only being at work or with her. I stopped dancing because I couldn't afford to pay classes for 2 people and she doesn't like the idea of dance classes anyway. We used to do activites outside sometimes, but after a while I got bored. I would go with her to a bar or club and be sitting there befuddled about what I'm supposed to do. Dance with her a bit? Talk? Drink? If I was there single I know what I'd be doing.

I tried to come up with ideas. Maybe put in extra hours at work to make more money? Work on this personal hobby project I've been meaning all my life to complete? I did some of these things but of course that took away from the relationship. Despite how hot she is, I even started getting bored with the sex.

Eventually I fell into a depression. I stopped having desire to go out on weekends. Fridays at work were stressful as I knew I was supposed to be planning weekend activities. I stopped going to the gym. I don't really have any friends. Compound that with money pressures, as going out means spending. She doesn't pressure me for needless shopping, but still I want to live below my means and built wealth after my bank account was annihilated by my ex.

This and other things rightfully started to kill her passion for me. She stopped giving me the attention she once did. She used want sex every night. Now her sexual desire has all but dissapeared and she can't even achieve orgasm anymore. She spends a lot of time going out with her girlfriends or being glued to her phone when she's at home. Its an escape for her. Over time she has followed me into depression. I've recovered, but now she has anxiety and depression affecting every aspect of her life.


Shes going away to her family for a few months because she says she needs space to recover herself. She says she wants to miss me again. She tells me I can fuck other women during this time if I want, as long as I don't fall in love.

When I look back, I feel like a complete fool. I did it. I took the red pill and had my fun. Then I worked hard, cracked the code, and earned the woman that most men could only dream about. But I got lazy and stupid, starting falling into beta loser tendencies and now I'm about to lose her.


Even now I keep fucking up. We get a little better and have a good day, and then I do something stupid. Trying to be "alpha" I say angerly how I will wait for her until I can't and then I will need to find another woman if she takes too long to "love me" again. This doesn't make her jealous, it just makes her angry and sad. I think I'm being strong and distant, but saying stuff like this is really me being an insecure hurt little puppy and she knows it. I'm being swallowed by beta quicksand that I myself have created. Each day I think I'm going to be better, and then I do something stupid like this again and again.

I don't want to be the loser begging and crying for her to come back to me. But my reaction to avoid this is to try to say "always another women" and try to be cold and reject her, even though I can't. Both positions are wrong. If she was an insecure weak woman, I could manipulate her with these antics, but she's not, so this doesn't work and always backfires in my face. I guess I need to learn a different way to handle this?

I have severe "one-itis" for my wife which is destroying me and making me insecure.

She is going to be away a long time and I don't know what is going to happen. She says she will come back but its going to be many months and that's too long to have certainty about what will happen. She wants me to see a therapist.

I need to find myself again. The core problem is I haven't figured out how to be "alpha" in a relationship. I know how to do it single, but somehow not being alone chasing women and having that lifestyle saps all my strength and desire for life. I don't really want to go back to being single and banging sluts, she is worth more to me than that. But I have to find a way to have peace with myself and be motivated for life with her.

So that's my story. Have any of you guys dealt with this sort of thing before?

[Montrose]

Sad. I have no experience of this but why do you want to stay with her? If you’re bored to depression by married life, just live the happy life of a playboy . What does that relationship bring to you?

[Checkmat]

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I ended up only being at work or with her. I stopped dancing because I couldn't afford to pay classes for 2 people and she doesn't like the idea of dance classes anyway. We used to do activites outside sometimes, but after a while I got bored. I would go with her to a bar or club and be sitting there befuddled about what I'm supposed to do. Dance with her a bit? Talk? Drink? If I was there single I know what I'd be doing.

This is the part that grabbed my attention.

It sounds like you were really passionate about latin dancing before you met your wife. Now that you're with her, you stopped dancing completely.

Why would you stop being the guy that she fell in love with? She fell in love with a guy who had a passion for dancing, and made it his priority. I don't know how often you would dance, but I imagine at least once per week. Now you don't dance at all. What does she have to do with it?

Who gives a fuck if you/she can't afford for her to go to dance class with you? I do BJJ 5x/week and it has always been a "selling point" to girls. Much like your passion for dancing, my passion for BJJ makes me a cool guy. If I stopped going to BJJ because my girlfriend can't afford to take classes with me, or didn't like the idea of doing it etc, I would rightfully deserve to lose her. In fact, I forbid my last girlfriend from starting BJJ on her own, in her area. I don't want that part of my life to cross-sect with my dating life. That's MY time, she doesn't get to fuck with it.

And you've completely let your wife erode who you were.

Start going dancing again, with or without her. Whatever else you were doing when she fell in love with you, be that guy again.

[tremont]

(04-21-2019 02:10 PM)Montrose Wrote:  

Sad. I have no experience of this but why do you want to stay with her? If you’re bored to depression by married life, just live the happy life of a playboy . What does that relationship bring to you?

You raise a very good question.

In my opinion, the playboy life is a short term thing. Its fun while you're young but what about when you're old?

Being a playboy won't give you a family. Who wants to be that old creepy guy in the club still trying? Nobody will take care of you when you're old and sick. Constantly going out and chasing takes a lot of time, money, and energy too. There are many other things in life one can spend their time on improving themselves. Finally if I want that thrill, maybe I can try to train her to hunt with me and do threesomes. I started on that track before hitting this bad times..

I see this as a real test. As I mentioned before she is an amazing woman. If I can't be happy with her, I don't see how I could be happy long term with any woman.

If after this separation we try again, and I can't handle it again, then I will have to do the playboy life for good. I've had 2 foreign wives, 2 green card processes, a kid with the first one, etc.. I don't think I could do it again. I can't stand American women so that option is off the table.

[yang2287]

First of all I wanna say this should be a fun thread. It has everything in it. I have never been married OP but i have had LTR of 2 years but i think the married guys can help you better.

I'm just gonna dig into a few pointers as i have experienced some of the scenarios you described.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Then I met my wife. I didn't want to get married, but she seduced me with how sweet and loving she was.

It think this is the source of the problem, you didn't want to get married, then you got married, then you hated it, then she hated it, then she got the papers she wanted (i'm guessing this) Now she is leaving you

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

She is the most emotionally mature human being I have ever met.

People change, expect people to change not just physically but also emotionally.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Everything was good for the first year or so. We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures.

Again i mentioned getting married when you didn't want to and her getting married because she needed the paper, now she got what she wants, the question is why should she stay with you

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Being married, I was stuck for a long time on what to do with my time. I stopped going out because it seemed useless. Why go out to bars and clubs when I don't have intention to chase women? Whats the point of wasting time and money I could spend improving myself in other ways?

I have had this experience, this is perfectly normal. Why go in a bar or a club with a girl, it's like bringing sand to the beach but again marriage is boring, a totally different ball game, the question is What are your goals for getting married? Cos you don't sound someone who wants to take his wife to a bar/Nightclub and have her get hit on by drunk chodes or worse exchange her for some partouze, I digress.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I did some of these things but of course that took away from the relationship. Despite how hot she is, I even started getting bored with the sex.

This is where the alarm bells should start to ring for you. I will argue that you got bored of her because you were not f***ing other girls. But this point is arguable. My point is, even if you are married you should be seeing other girls on the side. I don't know why but seeing other wome on the side is one Alpha trait that keeps a man looking attractive to other women. Probably something with A man having options > Not giving a f*** > not displaying Beta traits > The girl respecting you > No Onenitis

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

This and other things rightfully started to kill her passion for me. She stopped giving me the attention she once did. She used want sex every night. Now her sexual desire has all but dissapeared

This is expected, women feed off your emotions, if you get depressed you project it on her and she gets depressed as well. If you're happy you project it on her etc etc. If your girls starts to lack sexual desire, it means she no longer finds you attractive. I mean you cannot stop going to the gym and expect that you look same way as when you met her and consequently that she still finds you attractive as before. The alarm bells should start ringing at this point. Because if she is not having desire for you, you can be sure she has it for someone else, and you can be sure your relationship is headed for the rocks, just a matter of time.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

she spends a lot of time going out with her girlfriends or being glued to her phone when she's at home. Its an escape for her.

Girls night out is a red flag, and if she comes back tired and refuses to f*** you and you justifying it as an escape for her, well that sounds like white knighting, but what do i know. Again if she is not f***ing you, you can be sure someone else is getting the a** . was it not you who said she was a 10 and guys can't keep eyes off her? If she is a 10 like you say and spends a lot of time on her phone (I'm assuming Instagram) i cannot imagine the volume of likes, comments, DMs she is getting in her inbox all offering her d***. Seriously a smartphone is the biggest enemy of relationships today, and you should know this OP if you read this forum long enough, it's not an escape. A girl spending a lot of time on social media is a red flag

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Shes going away to her family for a few months because she says she needs space to recover herself. She says she wants to miss me again. She tells me I can fuck other women during this time if I want, as long as I don't fall in love

More red flags, again women hate to share, if she asks you to f*** someone else, you can be sure she is doing the same. I would argue that she not going home but is moving straight into the house/arms of her new found lover

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Hi everyone,
I want to describe a situation and ask if any of you guys have advice?
TLDR version: How do you stay motivated and alpha in a relationship when you aren't out banging chicks?

Now back to your initial question, the solution lies in your question, you cannot be Alpha if you are not banging several chicks simultaneously. It comes from abundance mentality and not giving a shit. Having only one chick leaves you open to Oneitis and pedastalization and all the Beta traits you know.

I think OP is a case of a dude who has a problem, searches for solution, finds game which says: dress well, eat well, go to the gym, learn seduction, approach many girls etc etc, OP does these things, it works, OP finds the woman of his life, declares victory, marries and stops doing ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU DID THAT GOT YOU THE GIRL IN THE FIRST PLACE. and now we are back to square one. why change because of a girl?

[tremont]

(04-21-2019 02:32 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  

Start going dancing again, with or without her. Whatever else you were doing when she fell in love with you, be that guy again.

You're right about that.

If my hobby was a normal man sport like martial arts I don't think this ever would have been a problem. I got hung up on dancing being tied to game. It's kind of an activity for singles or for couples. So just as I stopped going after other women, the dancing went with it.

(04-21-2019 02:59 PM)yang2287 Wrote:  

First of all I wanna say this should be a fun thread. It has everything in it. I have never been married OP but i have had LTR of 2 years but i think the married guys can help you better.

Thanks for your replies

(04-21-2019 02:59 PM)yang2287 Wrote:  

Again i mentioned getting married when you didn't want to and her getting married because she needed the paper, now she got what she wants, the question is why should she stay with you

Of all the things going on, I'm pretty sure she wasn't in it for the documents. She has a degree and a good career lined up in Europe. Most of her family is there and that's where I met her. She doesn't like American culture and hates boring American men. When I met her she was leaving America and had no intention to come back. She basically had to upend her entire life to come live with me here. That's part of why I had to work so hard to win her in the first place.

(04-21-2019 02:59 PM)yang2287 Wrote:  

Girls night out is a red flag, and if she comes back tired and refuses to f*** you and you justifying it as an escape for her, well that sounds like white knighting, but what do i know. Again if she is not f***ing you, you can be sure someone else is getting the a** . was it not you who said she was a 10 and guys can't keep eyes off her? If she is a 10 like you say and spends a lot of time on her phone (I'm assuming Instagram) i cannot imagine the volume of likes, comments, DMs she is getting in her inbox all offering her d***. Seriously a smartphone is the biggest enemy of relationships today, and you should know this OP if you read this forum long enough, it's not an escape. A girl spending a lot of time on social media is a red flag

Has she screwed other guys?

This is the one thing I'll never know for sure.. Once I tell you the next piece, you'll probably want to (rightfully) punch me in the face.

We have been in this bad place for about 9 months now. There are 4 incidents I'll talk about. The first 2 happened at the beginning of the bad times, then nothing for a long time until now just a month ago for the others.

1. One time we had a party at the house. This was when I started being depressed and bored, and I wasn't having much fun (or being fun) at the party. I was drunk and she was very drunk. I saw her touching this guys hand who was talking to her. I ended the party and threw the guy out. I was ready to murder him and throw her out on the street.

2. Another party at the house. I just got home from 8 hours of driving my son somewhere. I arrive its her with some girl friends and one dude. I come home I'm exhausted. As soon as I arrive, the dude tries a very subtle amog. I ignore him and after that he was fine. Before I even take a drink, she tells me "You're boring" and "You're nothing". Instead of making a scene I ignore everything and take a glass of wine. She is very drunk. At the end of the night she talks about how funny this other guy is. I was so mad I left the house for an hour.

After those 2 incidents, there was nothing more like this for 6 months.

3. This last one is really bizarre, and it happened after she got into depression. We went to a club with friends. She has a tall friend, a hot girl who looks like a model. After getting extremely drunk, she kept trying to get me to have a threesome with this girl. For whatever reason, I wasn't into it so I didn't follow through. Too bad, because it seemed the girl was down as I was dancing with her and touching her thighs.. Anyway she got angry with me that I didn't do what she wanted. So later I saw some dude put is arm on her shoulder and she locked fingers with him. I brushed the hand away, and then she went and danced next to him. I was furious and took her home. I did not make eye contact with the dude, because if I did I would have no choice but to fight him and probably get thrown out by bouncers / cops. This time she was bad drunk, like in a self destructive way. I had to literally pull her all the way home, otherwise she wanted walk off into the street. If I hadn't been forceful, she would have gotten either hit by a car or passed out on the street and probably got raped by some homeless bum.

4. A second time she got drunk with the girlfriend of her best friend at my house. Again she was trying to get me to fuck this girl. There were not dudes involved this time. After that shes stopped drinking and going out because shes terrified of this new out of control behavior. She's never acted like this before and I think its because of depression.

Now, before you throw the stones I can say a few things. First, I've done these things too. She has a picture of me holding some girls hand at a party we went to. Sometimes when I was angry with her I would (like a woman...) flirt with her friends and subtlety put her down when talking to them. She knows I want to fuck other women as I've told her this and she sees the obvious intentions on my face when I talk to women when I'm drunk, hug them, and put my hand around their waist. One party I tried to fuck one of her close friends and she had to stop me when people started talking too much.

Event (3) was most definitely some kind of revenge. But the other ones.. If she is willing to do this in my own house with me present, then god knows what she did when I wasn't there. Was this just some revenge against me, or active intentions to fuck other guys? I'll never know, because if I ask her if shes cheated she'll surely deny it.

I can hate her for this, but in a way I brought it upon myself. When we were happy she never would have even considered doing these things.

All that being said, these events are so humiliating that I can barely look myself in the mirror when I recall them.

(04-21-2019 02:59 PM)yang2287 Wrote:  

More red flags, again women hate to share, if she asks you to f*** someone else, you can be sure she is doing the same. I would argue that she not going home but is moving straight into the house/arms of her new found lover

As to this, I don't believe so. I know where shes going and the family member she is staying with. I've spoken with them many times and I've seen her ticket. However after a few weeks when she gets over the depression will some dude show up and she gives it to him or will she stay faithful and want to repair with me? That I can't know.

Besides, if she really wanted to leave me for some lover I think she would just tell me so and want to divorce. Instead of making this whole story about being separate and coming back. Making up elaborate schemes is not her style. She also has no external need to stay married to me at this point, financial, documents, or otherwise.

[Checkmat]

^ The things she has said and done to you, the amount of disrespect that you have tolerated from her, all of that (the things you’re telling us, never mind all the other disrespectful things she has done that you’re not telling us) alone is grounds for a break up from my POV. I recently broke up with my LTR for doing less than what your girl is doing. See my post in the LTR thread.

The fact that you married her makes it trickier. Do you pull out now, with the strategy being better sooner than later if this marriage can’t be salvaged?

Or is she worth trying to save the marriage?

Only you can answer that. We don’t know the whole story, but based on what you’ve shared, I know what I would do.

[Matt Warner]

Married 20+ years, now divorced. First 10 years good, last 10 not but stayed for the kids.

You have no children with her I assume, apart from the fact she is close to your son. This makes it much easier to split.

Thank God I pretty well kept all my hobbies and good friends. That said to be fair in the relationship I scaled down my time and money spent. For anyone in a relationship reading this, in my opinion it is a huge risk and mistake to cut these out. I actually kept dancing and I my own.

Based on what you've said I'd get some legal advice on the sly and make moves to split, don't get her pregnant.

[Winston Wolfe]

Incredibly honest post OP, I hope guys who are married and have more experience than me can chime in.

As for me, all I can say is I've been there and know what it's like to be caught up deeply with a chick. At the end of the day though, enough is enough and you choose you. There's no other way, she can then either find a way to come crawling back or stay gone.

Easier said than done, I know.

I just hope this thread doesn't turn into a "just next her bro" thread, the OP is showing vulnerability and I think he is genuinely looking for help.

[tremont]

Lol, well anyone who actually read what I wrote will see where "just next her bro" logic has done for me here..

[bgbusiness]

OP, I can't not actually fathom what you are going through as I did not have a long-term relationship that lasted a year or even marriage for that matter, but here are my input.

Again, I am not trying to put you on the spot, but you seem like you really want any direction/input/feedback from people, so here it goes. I know what you are going through can be pretty hard, but I am going to be very logical and objective as much as possible for your own benefit.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

TLDR version: How do you stay motivated and alpha in a relationship when you aren't out banging chicks?

If you had to ask this question, you are probably not truly confident or alpha male. IMHO It's not being motivated and "being" alpha when you are pimping and not being "alpha" when you are just banging one chick. It's not a switch that you turn ON & OFF.

The question you should really ask yourself is, "What's your purpose? What path are you on? Like what do YOU want in your life?"

When I was in school, I harshly broke up with a girl that was an 8 when she had disrespected me several times. I knew that I can spend more time academically and learn more about business, which will drive up my sexual market value in the long-run.

Did I have fun with that girl during the 6 months that I was with her? Yes, but I didn't run back at her like a puppy with desperation because I know myself and I know I can do better.

I know that an 8 is different than a 10, but you get the point.

Your game/confidence should be mainly derived from your own core value, not some gimmicky one liners and openers. Yes, they can help, but they shouldn't be the core fundamental foundation of your relationship imo.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Then I met my wife. I didn't want to get married, but she seduced me with how sweet and loving she was.

She seduced you and chased you, that's good. However, at the end of the day, you are the one making decisions in your life. You are the CEO of your life. It almost sounds like you are blaming external influence, this is almost like the notorious victim mentality. You ended up marrying her with your own will. Nobody has put a gun on head.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Everything was good for the first year or so. We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures. There were times I had to go away for work or to battle with my ex wife in court.

I would have waited at least two years. If you had to be away for certain weeks or even some months, she would have waited if she REALLY wanted you. My friend went to the army for two years and when he came out, he got married with the girl who waited for him. That was lat year.

I honestly think you should have cleaned up everything in the past and have married this woman if anything. You weren't even fully done with your ex-wife and you are marrying another woman.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Despite how hot she is, I even started getting bored with the sex.

Of course. The honeymoon phase can last only so long. After a year or two, the dopamine levels do not reach as high as before when you engage in sexual activities. Fuck, even after three months, I get bored with most of chicks. I haven't slept with my own version of 10, but I can guarantee that I will get sexually bored of her. I logically understand this fact.

Another reason why psychologists recommend two years of relationship before you get married.

I recommend you read this book:The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men can Manage Risk In Dating and Marriage
https://www.amazon.com/Tactical-Guide-Wo...0990686442

IMHO like you said, you should have kept working out, kept your friends and do the things that YOU LOVE in regardless of how your woman feels.
In addition, having your finance straight wouldn't have hurt you either.

If she really was a high quality girl, she would have stayed strong on your side and didn't leave you like that. I mean I am not going to demand accountability or responsibility from woman for obvious reasons, but the couples that are married in my social circle, the woman were SUPER CHEERLEADERS who encouraged their husband to go out there and achieve whatever they want. Even when the husband is depressed or super down, the woman were THERE next to the guy trying to come up with a solution TOGETHER.

I think it's great that you realize what you have done wrong and have taken the initiative to fix them. Most man do not have this level of self-reflection.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

If she was an insecure weak woman, I could manipulate her with these antics, but she's not, so this doesn't work and always backfires in my face. I guess I need to learn a different way to handle this? I have severe "one-itis" for my wife which is destroying me and making me insecure.

Again, being "alpha" isn't situational or cicumstantial. That's why you are having a hard time like this.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

She is going to be away a long time and I don't know what is going to happen. She says she will come back but its going to be many months and that's too long to have certainty about what will happen. She wants me to see a therapist.

Why are your depending on your wife on the future decision that you are going to make? Don't rely on her, make your own decisions and fuck up on your own. I wouldn't want to live a life based on someone else's choices at all. Don't wait for her. Why does it matter what she does? Live your own life.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I need to find myself again. The core problem is I haven't figured out how to be "alpha" in a relationship.

Again, imo being "alpha" isn't a switch that you turn on & off. It has to be your core fundamental identity whether you are banging different girl every single day of the week or going MGTOW and not banging a chick for couple years.

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I don't really want to go back to being single and banging sluts, she is worth more to me than that.

How? Why would she just run away like that if she was truly MORE THAN THAT? Just like you said you have a severe one-i-tis, and I think that's making you blind to see the reality as objectively as others have pointed out.

Last words:
Before you truly know that you don't NEED her, you are not going to HAVE her.
Find out your purpose in life and put that shit into no.1 prioritization. She shouldn't be the price, you should have been.
Not sure if you can save this relationship, I think it has went a little bit past due, but the only way you get it back it by finding your passion imho.

[tomzestatlu]

I am younger, but have some ideas about this.

I think, that once you limit your life your work, you will start to feel shitty and depressed. Somebody, who doesn´t feel comfortable with himself can´t atract other people, especially hot women, who have options.

Starting playboy lifestyle to prove yourself something to you or to her doesn´t seem like answer to this situation. Yes, keep girls around, but focus mainly on yourself. Start doing again what you like (dancing) and together with dancing, lift weights, do BJJ whatever.

She will come back or won´t (if you don´t change anything, she definitely won´t come back), but at this moment, you know she will be away for few months and you can´t change anything about it. So focus your energy somewhere else.

Now as a single guy, you have got few hours free for yourself everyday. Every working day you can go to at least one training/lesson, on free day you can do 2. That means you can go 9 trainings/lessons a weeek (that´s enough for combining dancing with lifting and one more hobby).
If you are not financially comfortable, you can use your free time to earn some more money.

You will attract her back or find another one. Just keep working and working again.

[The Black Knight]

Short version: The burning desire is gone. Let it go.

(06-30-2016 09:35 AM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

I always look for that gleam in their eyes of natural burning desire.

On a first date, I often go for a random kiss as a test to gauge whether the burning desire exists.

Do they passionately kiss back or do I get a lukewarm kiss? (If I get rejected altogether, that's the end of the date for me).

Passionate = a great bang likely awaits that same night. If I don't get it that night, it's going down in the next date or two for sure. High likelihood of a mini-LTR/LTR if I want it.

Lukewarm = Maybe I'll get the bang, maybe in a few dates, often times nothing happens after the first date. Bang will probably be OK if I do get it.

But whether it's one date or one year with a chick, once that burning desire is gone, it is usually gone for good. A key game concept is knowing when that desire is gone or about to be gone and ejecting accordingly.

I think a major difference between blue pill and red pill aware men is that the former can't recognize when the burning desire is not present and/or is gone for good. Chicks looking for a beta bucks prey on men who can't detect what real female desire looks like. The guy in the OP article is a perfect example of failing to recognize what real female burning desire looks like from the get-go.

However, I'm sympathetic to some degree: In places where men have little to no leverage left in the dating market, it can be very difficult for the average men to ever experience genuine female desire; to even get a taste of it. So when any pussy shows any attention, how can they resist? They don't know the difference.

Game fixes a lot this. Game teaches you how to act in a way that gets women hot and bothered. When you get women hot and bothered, you see and experience real female natural burning desire. Once you have experienced this with a few women, there is no going back. I can't even take seriously 30+ women anymore partly because it's virtually impossible for them to have that burning desire. The vast majority of 30+ women are mercenaries who are all about resource extraction. Once you have experienced a 21 year old girl who hangs on your every word and fucks you likes its your last fuck every time (at least until the burning desire is gone), it becomes extremely difficult to entertain going out with 30+ women or those late 20's "ready to settle down/I'm not like that anymore" types of women. MAYBE a pump and dump but that's it.

Personally, I am at a point now where I can recognize the burning desire pretty early via just body language and eye contact. Ultimately, I'll confirm via the first kiss but I can totally understand how inexperience guys can get married/get in a LTR and not recognize it until shit blows up in their face. It's something that has to be developed with experience and a dedication to understanding game concepts. And on top of all that, it something you must pay especially extra attention to in the very, VERY beginning of an interaction with a woman when she is the least invested in you. She should naturally want to be your little whore from the get-go and be treating you like a mini-celebrity as long as you run decent game. If she is not, you're fighting an uphill battle in the short-run and a unwinnable battle in the long-run.

I guess the point is:

Always look and be testing for that burning desire. If it is not there and/or disappears down the line, you are on borrowed time with that chick. If it's a date, get the bang that night. If it's a LTR/marriage, secure your assets.

If there is one hard lesson I've learned in life in dealing with women its that when they have checked out and that burning desire gone, they give ZERO fucks about you or your well-being. When a women has crossed this point, they are potentially very dangerous in a legal and social environment where they have unfair leverage.

Somewhere along the way, some of your actions contributed to her losing that burning desire for you. It's a hard thing to maintain in a relationship. To maintain it, you have to remain somewhat desirable, that means:

1. Staying interesting.
2. Staying in shape.
3. Don't tolerate disrespect.
4. Always be the leader and in-control
5. Have some mutual goal to work towards (usually, it's kids for most people).

What did you do?

1. You became un-interesting.
2. You stop going to the gym
3. You let her disrespect you, publicly, numerous times.
4. You are not acting like a leader and are clearly not in-control
5. You have no real clear mutual goals; not that it matters given all the other problems.

Bonus: You also took her half away around the world away from her family, friends, and culture that she likes and brought her into one that she hates with minimal/no support structure.

Bonus part 2: You think you can't do better and that also fucks up your game tremendously.

Bottom line:

It's over. This chick has lost any sort of burning desire for you. Even if you did all the right things, shit still could have had gone south. When a chick has gotten to a "I need to find myself" (i.e. find new cock) over months mission mindset, it's game over.

Could you implement my aforementioned 1st list to fix things? Theoretically, yes. But it's VERY likely too little too late.

That's an unfortunate reality with women in relationships: They are not really that forgiving when you fuck up numerous times. In your case, she sounds like she is pro-actively trying to get you to move on by OPENLY telling you to fuck other women. Unless she is a total freak, no normal woman who really cares about you would be saying that. To her credit: it sounds like instead of straight up dumping you, she is trying to give you every out possible to move on; she understands you're a bit of a emotional basket case and might not handle the break up well. She is also likely looking for an out herself. If you fuck another chick, she can tell herself it's over for real and not feel any guilt.

You sound like you know mostly what the problems are. It sucks but that's the game.

If it were me, take advantage of her offer and start banging some new chicks and get your swag back. You MUST get out of this mental state of thinking she is perfect or the best you can do. Maybe in her PRIME (the first year) when she was respectful and nice, maybe she was top shelf.

But you are WAY pass that point now and there ARE better chicks out there if comparing her to her current state and demeanor.

You have to reset. It's that simple. Reset and work on your inner game BEFORE getting into a serious LTR. From the sounds of it, you jumped the gun a bit and your inner game really wasn't solid. Solid enough at the first layer for a short while... but not harden enough to withstand the long-term journey of a multi-year LTR. It's not easy so don't feel bad about it. Even with a good chick, it's really tough sometimes.

If you decide to do the LTR thing again, you will have to implement the things I mentioned from day one and MAINTAIN them FOREVER. If you can't do that, it's OK. Just recognize it as soon as possible and don't get in too deep. Ultimately...when the burning desire is gone in any relationship, you gotta accept it and know when to walk away.

[the.king]

(04-21-2019 05:12 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I saw her touching this guys hand who was talking to her.

(04-21-2019 05:12 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I just got home from 8 hours of driving my son somewhere. Before I even take a drink, she tells me "You're boring" and "You're nothing". At the end of the night she talks about how funny this other guy is.

(04-21-2019 05:12 PM)tremont Wrote:  

some dude put is arm on her shoulder and she locked fingers with him. I brushed the hand away, and then she went and danced next to him. I had to literally pull her all the way home, otherwise she wanted walk off into the street.

I don't know what will make me happier in life - being married or single. I think both have advantages and disadvantages.

However I can tell you with absolute conviction, I will never accept being told 'you're nothing' inside my fucking house, from a woman I honoured by making her my wife.

Regardless of what you did/whether she is a 10/whether children are involved - there are no circumstances where such behavior can be ignored.

I bet even your wife is disappointed you tolerate this shit.

[GT777733]

@tremont - it sounds like you are being very honest about everything and admit some fault, so I'd say that is a positive first step in itself. Some guys try to cover everything up to protect their ego and stay living a lie for years

Having said that, I know it sucks to hear this and it makes your stomach sink, but @Black Knight is right

Once a woman reaches a certain point in her mind and starts exhibiting certain behaviors of being distant or being disrespectful, it's done. 99.9% of the time, there's no reset button. It's likely she made her mind up some time ago she was done, but only now has had the conviction to say anything about it.

You could both be great people deep down, but you aren't compatible at this point in time.

I think that's what players or guys deep in the meeting women lifestyle struggle to accept sometimes. A long term relationship is completely different to playing the field. When you respect the other person and you're together for a while, you go through adult life shit, and sometimes it just doesn't work out and it can be very hard to accept failure.

You need to go forward with your life sub consciously accepting you may never be with her again, and rebuild yourself. Change can take time too - so, be patient.

The best thing you can do is cut ties with her respectfully (tell her how much you appreciate meeting her, spending time with her and how great of a person she has been - tell her a lot of the things you told us above - but, tell her it's best you both go separate ways), otherwise there's always the risk either you, or her, slip back into the shit you are both finding yourselves in now. And, that's a big risk that can set your development back months and years.

Take some time to process everything, and then make a list of the things you've learnt from this relationship/experience, and move forward into the future with those learnings and working on the things you know you need to work on in yourself, and when that next opportunity presents itself in the future, you will be a far better prepared and changed person (for the good).

You're always going to remember this girl, that's natural. But, it just wasn't meant to be on this occasion and moving forward is the healthier smarter option.

The only one hard part that I haven't had to deal with (I don't have kids) is your son's relationship with her. I can't give you advice on that other than to think about what will be best long term for your son with dealing with the situation.

[BasketBounce]

One-itis

[edlefou]

(04-22-2019 05:12 AM)the.king Wrote:  

However I can tell you with absolute conviction, I will never accept being told 'you're nothing' inside my fucking house, from a woman I honoured by making her my wife.

Regardless of what you did/whether she is a 10/whether children are involved - there are no circumstances where such behavior can be ignored.

I bet even your wife is disappointed you tolerate this shit.

the.king is spot on here.

[Tigre]

Quote:

Venezuelana's

Do you speak her native language at any useful level?

Most people dating a venezolana would know that word is venezolana.

[Duke Main]

(04-21-2019 11:02 PM)tremont Wrote:  

Lol, well anyone who actually read what I wrote will see where "just next her bro" logic has done for me here..

The logic of nexting her is sound in my opinion. The difficulty comes in what to do after that. You seem to imply you'll fail if you attempt another marriage. Only you can determine that. I think The Black Knight's five points in that regard are spot on.

My only expertise in this area comes from my own failure to maintain a marriage to a good (albeit flawed) Filipina. I want to thank you for honestly sharing your experience and I wish you the best going forward.

[ìlikegirls]

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

She wants me to see a therapist.

For what?

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

I have severe "one-itis" for my wife which is destroying me and making me insecure.

Man after just one year of marriage you feel like that? I might think she is not a good wife...

(04-21-2019 01:52 PM)tremont Wrote:  

We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures.

Are you american? she is from Venezuela? Did he get the green card trough you?

How is her economical status? and yours? Who has more money?

[quote='tremont' pid='1968880' dateline='1555872739']She used want sex every night. Now her sexual desire has all but dissapeared and she can't even achieve orgasm anymore. She spends a lot of time going out with her girlfriends or being glued to her phone when she's at home. Its an escape for her. /quote]

It may seem she has found another dick.




Man there are many strange things from your story, are you 100% she marry you for love and not for immigration or economical benefits ?

[ManOfTheTimes]

(04-21-2019 02:34 PM)tremont Wrote:  

(04-21-2019 02:10 PM)Montrose Wrote:  

Sad. I have no experience of this but why do you want to stay with her? If you’re bored to depression by married life, just live the happy life of a playboy . What does that relationship bring to you?

You raise a very good question.

In my opinion, the playboy life is a short term thing. Its fun while you're young but what about when you're old?

Being a playboy won't give you a family. Who wants to be that old creepy guy in the club still trying? Nobody will take care of you when you're old and sick. Constantly going out and chasing takes a lot of time, money, and energy too. There are many other things in life one can spend their time on improving themselves. Finally if I want that thrill, maybe I can try to train her to hunt with me and do threesomes. I started on that track before hitting this bad times..

You move to Colombia or the Philippines. The game never ends provided you are willing to make the necessary adjustments to keep it going. If you are basing your self worth on validation from women once you are at the mature player stage, you are going about it the wrong way.

Also, you may not be cut out for this game if you are using faggoty SJW terms like creepy to describe natural male desires.

P.S. you should easily be able to find someone to take care of you when you are old and sick if you have social skills and/or a solid bankroll.

[Alpone]

There are a few problems here. The first is "I ended up only being at work or with her."

I see this with almost all married dudes. They gut their lives and become their wife's orbiter. For many men this is fine and they're OK with it. For a self-respecting, masculine man, this will gnaw at them. Giving up your passion (latin dance), hobbies and friendships not only makes you miserable but makes you less of a man in the eyes of your woman.

Second, you have one-itis for your wife lol. You're in a scarcity mindset. You're afraid of losing her and afraid of being alone forever lol. Things will only go downhill from here unless this changes fast.

Her attraction is fading because you're acting like a needy bitch. I'd say you literally need to bang out other women to save this marriage. You need to treat your wife like a plate and go find other plates.

It's not a pretty solution but your situation is dire. You've dug a deep hole and I believe this is the only way to save the marriage (if that's your goal).

[ìlikegirls]

(04-22-2019 06:55 PM)Alpone Wrote:  

There are a few problems here. The first is "I ended up only being at work or with her."

I see this with almost all married dudes. They gut their lives and become their wife's orbiter. For many men this is fine and they're OK with it. For a self-respecting, masculine man, this will gnaw at them. Giving up your passion (latin dance), hobbies and friendships not only makes you miserable but makes you less of a man in the eyes of your woman.

Second, you have one-itis for your wife lol. You're in a scarcity mindset. You're afraid of losing her and afraid of being alone forever lol. Things will only go downhill from here unless this changes fast.

Her attraction is fading because you're acting like a needy bitch. I'd say you literally need to bang out other women to save this marriage. You need to treat your wife like a plate and go find other plates.

It's not a pretty solution but your situation is dire. You've dug a deep hole and I believe this is the only way to save the marriage (if that's your goal).

Anyway is very strange this situation after 1 year of marriage.....

My question is: He is 100% he married him for love and not for some benefits?

Venezuela is a poor country too...

[tremont]

(04-22-2019 06:55 PM)Alpone Wrote:  

Her attraction is fading because you're acting like a needy bitch. I'd say you literally need to bang out other women to save this marriage. You need to treat your wife like a plate and go find other plates.

I can't argue with this. The more I think about it, banging some other chicks seems like the only way to kill my neediness and get my mojo back.

I need to get out of this horrible mindset fast, and I don't know any other way to do it.

[PixelFree]

I've only read the OP but I'll contribute.

I was in a very similar situation - an Aussie with a Russian LTR that I became bored with.

In hindsight, one of my biggest problems was allowing the relationship to go stale. I think the best thing I could have done here is create some 'healthy space', regularily. We just spent too much drudge time going through the motions. I think her suggestion to go home is a very good one and will help.

My LTR went back to Russia for a month (family visiting trip, the only one during our 4 years together) and when she came back the passion was back - we lusted after each other for a few weeks until it became all boring again.

The second thing (in hindsight) was that our relationship did not advance to the next level in time - that is, creating a family. On one hand you shouldn't create a family to releave boredom however having kids is certainly very un-boring!!

It doesn't sound pretty however I'm convinced that all/most relationships will become 'boring' if you spend too long without going to the next level OR accept that LTRs are a little boring. Obviously you can do things to keep it fresh (most importantly deliberatly creating healthy space - go do your own hobbies by yourselves).

Good luck. Just let her go and see if she comes back. Try again with the above in mind. You can't do anything else anyway.