Hi everyone,
I want to describe a situation and ask if any of you guys have advice?
TLDR version: How do you stay motivated and alpha in a relationship when you aren't out banging chicks?
I'm in my 30's. A few years ago I was single, I was active on this forum under another alias and I was having the time of life running around chasing women. I spent a lot of years getting good at latin dance and I had an active lifestyle.
Then I met my wife. I didn't want to get married, but she seduced me with how sweet and loving she was. She is the most emotionally mature human being I have ever met. When we started together I was the happiest I've ever been. I have a son from my previous marriage and he absolutely adores her, even more than his own mother. She loves him too, despite the fact that he isn't hers. She is going to be an awesome mother one day.
Shes similar age to me, and from Venezuela. She's a 10 with a perfect body. I can't keep my hands off her ass. Exactly my type. When I enter a place with her, I can't find a woman more attractive. Like Venezuelana's do, I had to work really hard to get her. It took months, she resisted every tactic in my toolbox, but eventually I did it. I conquered her, and she loves (loved?) me dearly. She is special and takes (took?) care of me in a way I never thought possible from a woman.
Everything was good for the first year or so. We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures. There were times I had to go away for work or to battle with my ex wife in court. She never complained, only supported and encouraged me. When my ex would push my buttons and make drama to not let me see my son, my wife would calm me down and remind me not to get angry and do something hair trigger stupid.
Being married, I was stuck for a long time on what to do with my time. I stopped going out because it seemed useless. Why go out to bars and clubs when I don't have intention to chase women? Whats the point of wasting time and money I could spend improving myself in other ways?
I ended up only being at work or with her. I stopped dancing because I couldn't afford to pay classes for 2 people and she doesn't like the idea of dance classes anyway. We used to do activites outside sometimes, but after a while I got bored. I would go with her to a bar or club and be sitting there befuddled about what I'm supposed to do. Dance with her a bit? Talk? Drink? If I was there single I know what I'd be doing.
I tried to come up with ideas. Maybe put in extra hours at work to make more money? Work on this personal hobby project I've been meaning all my life to complete? I did some of these things but of course that took away from the relationship. Despite how hot she is, I even started getting bored with the sex.
Eventually I fell into a depression. I stopped having desire to go out on weekends. Fridays at work were stressful as I knew I was supposed to be planning weekend activities. I stopped going to the gym. I don't really have any friends. Compound that with money pressures, as going out means spending. She doesn't pressure me for needless shopping, but still I want to live below my means and built wealth after my bank account was annihilated by my ex.
This and other things rightfully started to kill her passion for me. She stopped giving me the attention she once did. She used want sex every night. Now her sexual desire has all but dissapeared and she can't even achieve orgasm anymore. She spends a lot of time going out with her girlfriends or being glued to her phone when she's at home. Its an escape for her. Over time she has followed me into depression. I've recovered, but now she has anxiety and depression affecting every aspect of her life.
Shes going away to her family for a few months because she says she needs space to recover herself. She says she wants to miss me again. She tells me I can fuck other women during this time if I want, as long as I don't fall in love.
When I look back, I feel like a complete fool. I did it. I took the red pill and had my fun. Then I worked hard, cracked the code, and earned the woman that most men could only dream about. But I got lazy and stupid, starting falling into beta loser tendencies and now I'm about to lose her.
Even now I keep fucking up. We get a little better and have a good day, and then I do something stupid. Trying to be "alpha" I say angerly how I will wait for her until I can't and then I will need to find another woman if she takes too long to "love me" again. This doesn't make her jealous, it just makes her angry and sad. I think I'm being strong and distant, but saying stuff like this is really me being an insecure hurt little puppy and she knows it. I'm being swallowed by beta quicksand that I myself have created. Each day I think I'm going to be better, and then I do something stupid like this again and again.
I don't want to be the loser begging and crying for her to come back to me. But my reaction to avoid this is to try to say "always another women" and try to be cold and reject her, even though I can't. Both positions are wrong. If she was an insecure weak woman, I could manipulate her with these antics, but she's not, so this doesn't work and always backfires in my face. I guess I need to learn a different way to handle this?
I have severe "one-itis" for my wife which is destroying me and making me insecure.
She is going to be away a long time and I don't know what is going to happen. She says she will come back but its going to be many months and that's too long to have certainty about what will happen. She wants me to see a therapist.
I need to find myself again. The core problem is I haven't figured out how to be "alpha" in a relationship. I know how to do it single, but somehow not being alone chasing women and having that lifestyle saps all my strength and desire for life. I don't really want to go back to being single and banging sluts, she is worth more to me than that. But I have to find a way to have peace with myself and be motivated for life with her.
So that's my story. Have any of you guys dealt with this sort of thing before?
I want to describe a situation and ask if any of you guys have advice?
TLDR version: How do you stay motivated and alpha in a relationship when you aren't out banging chicks?
I'm in my 30's. A few years ago I was single, I was active on this forum under another alias and I was having the time of life running around chasing women. I spent a lot of years getting good at latin dance and I had an active lifestyle.
Then I met my wife. I didn't want to get married, but she seduced me with how sweet and loving she was. She is the most emotionally mature human being I have ever met. When we started together I was the happiest I've ever been. I have a son from my previous marriage and he absolutely adores her, even more than his own mother. She loves him too, despite the fact that he isn't hers. She is going to be an awesome mother one day.
Shes similar age to me, and from Venezuela. She's a 10 with a perfect body. I can't keep my hands off her ass. Exactly my type. When I enter a place with her, I can't find a woman more attractive. Like Venezuelana's do, I had to work really hard to get her. It took months, she resisted every tactic in my toolbox, but eventually I did it. I conquered her, and she loves (loved?) me dearly. She is special and takes (took?) care of me in a way I never thought possible from a woman.
Everything was good for the first year or so. We got married sooner than I wanted because of immigration pressures. There were times I had to go away for work or to battle with my ex wife in court. She never complained, only supported and encouraged me. When my ex would push my buttons and make drama to not let me see my son, my wife would calm me down and remind me not to get angry and do something hair trigger stupid.
Being married, I was stuck for a long time on what to do with my time. I stopped going out because it seemed useless. Why go out to bars and clubs when I don't have intention to chase women? Whats the point of wasting time and money I could spend improving myself in other ways?
I ended up only being at work or with her. I stopped dancing because I couldn't afford to pay classes for 2 people and she doesn't like the idea of dance classes anyway. We used to do activites outside sometimes, but after a while I got bored. I would go with her to a bar or club and be sitting there befuddled about what I'm supposed to do. Dance with her a bit? Talk? Drink? If I was there single I know what I'd be doing.
I tried to come up with ideas. Maybe put in extra hours at work to make more money? Work on this personal hobby project I've been meaning all my life to complete? I did some of these things but of course that took away from the relationship. Despite how hot she is, I even started getting bored with the sex.
Eventually I fell into a depression. I stopped having desire to go out on weekends. Fridays at work were stressful as I knew I was supposed to be planning weekend activities. I stopped going to the gym. I don't really have any friends. Compound that with money pressures, as going out means spending. She doesn't pressure me for needless shopping, but still I want to live below my means and built wealth after my bank account was annihilated by my ex.
This and other things rightfully started to kill her passion for me. She stopped giving me the attention she once did. She used want sex every night. Now her sexual desire has all but dissapeared and she can't even achieve orgasm anymore. She spends a lot of time going out with her girlfriends or being glued to her phone when she's at home. Its an escape for her. Over time she has followed me into depression. I've recovered, but now she has anxiety and depression affecting every aspect of her life.
Shes going away to her family for a few months because she says she needs space to recover herself. She says she wants to miss me again. She tells me I can fuck other women during this time if I want, as long as I don't fall in love.
When I look back, I feel like a complete fool. I did it. I took the red pill and had my fun. Then I worked hard, cracked the code, and earned the woman that most men could only dream about. But I got lazy and stupid, starting falling into beta loser tendencies and now I'm about to lose her.
Even now I keep fucking up. We get a little better and have a good day, and then I do something stupid. Trying to be "alpha" I say angerly how I will wait for her until I can't and then I will need to find another woman if she takes too long to "love me" again. This doesn't make her jealous, it just makes her angry and sad. I think I'm being strong and distant, but saying stuff like this is really me being an insecure hurt little puppy and she knows it. I'm being swallowed by beta quicksand that I myself have created. Each day I think I'm going to be better, and then I do something stupid like this again and again.
I don't want to be the loser begging and crying for her to come back to me. But my reaction to avoid this is to try to say "always another women" and try to be cold and reject her, even though I can't. Both positions are wrong. If she was an insecure weak woman, I could manipulate her with these antics, but she's not, so this doesn't work and always backfires in my face. I guess I need to learn a different way to handle this?
I have severe "one-itis" for my wife which is destroying me and making me insecure.
She is going to be away a long time and I don't know what is going to happen. She says she will come back but its going to be many months and that's too long to have certainty about what will happen. She wants me to see a therapist.
I need to find myself again. The core problem is I haven't figured out how to be "alpha" in a relationship. I know how to do it single, but somehow not being alone chasing women and having that lifestyle saps all my strength and desire for life. I don't really want to go back to being single and banging sluts, she is worth more to me than that. But I have to find a way to have peace with myself and be motivated for life with her.
So that's my story. Have any of you guys dealt with this sort of thing before?