Quote: (12-28-2017 04:16 PM)Putin Closes Wrote:
There are a decent number of high quality women on tinder. Your just not matching with them. Simple as that. I wouldn't want to bang 3/4 either, I'd rather not bang at all. Don't really see the point to your thread.
Or lets put it the other way. You live in the sticks, why would a 6.5+ waste her time to meet you. And gaming 6.5+ takes actual game after you first meet, no girl is gonna stoop to your apartment straight there.
The best way I can put it is this way,
You know how some people decide to quit their job, break off their relationships and do something drastic like spend a year in the wilderness, or travel for a year or do something that others scratch their heads at?
That's sort of what I'm doing here, can I get laid on Tinder? Sure. Can I get laid with better girls on Tinder if I put more effort into it? Sure. Can I meet quality girls on Tinder? Sure (although the odds are probably lower than offline).
But do I want to?
No.
To some, my decisions may make no sense.
But what it comes down to is my own values and my own desires, Tinder doesn't fulfil them.
The novelty of sex from Tinder has worn off and now I realize that I need to cut it from my life.
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Now, with that out of the way, I'm going to re-cap todays venture down to a historic part of town to run Goldmund style camera on some girls. I'm also going to go into a few of my own insights about approach anxiety.
So I went downtown with the camera, whiteboard, dressed to kill while still maintaining warm because it's minus fucking 30 right now.
The town I chose had a very low amount of girls, many of them were with their boyfriends or family. The few I did see who had no noticeable family or spouse, I also chickened out on. There was probably 2 or 3 sets I could have opened but I failed to do it.
Eventually, time ran out and I had to go to work at the nearby pub as a host. Didn't approach any girls within the hour I had.
This is a new job I've started and it was only my 2nd shift, the good news is everyone seems to like me. One of the hot blondes from Holland gets along well with me, she's a funny flirtatious girl (just my type). The other girls I get along fine with as well and same with the guys.
So I'm quite happy with that. Plus I think I impressed the managers by not complaining when I was told I had to stand outside and watch the door for an hour because we were at the capacity limit.
But the work successes don't change the fact I didn't approach today.
Now before we continue I'm going to provide a bit of a re-cap of my "game" history. I have done approaches before, usually indirect but I've done a few direct approaches as well.
I hadn't approached legitimately in probably a year (had a girlfriend) and my "muscles" have atrophied.
I was never an approach machine but I feel like where I am at now with approach anxiety is where I was at when I just started game.
Thankfully, my drive to work is about 30 minutes and I seem to always come up with interesting insights about myself while I navigate the twisting, winding road ahead.
During the drive home I ended up breaking down why I'm feeling anxiety, how to alleviate it and eventually learn how to deal with it.
Perhaps someone might learn from this breakdown.
The reason I don't approach girls and why I let the anxiety control is me is because everytime I see a girl, I go into a negative thought loop. I instantly think of all of the NEGATIVES that could happen.
- What if she's a waste of time
- I won't know what to say
- I might be called weird
- She might think I'm weird
- Her boyfriend might beat me up
These are the types of thoughts my brain sends and they only get worse the longer I spend "thinking" about approaching.
Eventually, the thoughts are built up so much that they make approaching look like it has 0% upside and 100% negatives.
If I told you to walk across to the other side of the street and said you have a 99% chance of failure and a 1% chance of success...would you do it?
Fuck no.
Who would?
That's what I do with approaching, I built it up into this thing that has all failure attached to it and no positives.
Of course I wouldn't do it.
What I need to do is flip the negative feedback loop into a positive one. Instead of focusing on the negatives I focus on the positives.
Thinking back to all of the POSITIVE experiences that have resulted from approaching.
- How I spent a weekend with 10 lesbians in a private lakehouse 3 hours away from the city I was living in at the time
- How I got invited to a crazy afterparty at the end of a DJ set
- How I got my first girlfriend
As well as thinking of the POSITIVES that could happen
- I could very well fuck this girl
- She might know someone that may improve my life
- She might provide insightful conversation
- She could become a friend
- We might become lovers
- She might like it in the ass...
and so on.
But I won't KNOW any of these things until I actually approach. Now, the RISK seems like it's WORTH the REWARD.
What's the risk?
And whats the reward?
Of course there's more REWARD than RISK but I have to tell myself that, which is why the positive feedback loop is so important.
But that's not the entire puzzle.
The other part is simply association.
If you take someone scared of water and have them sit next to a swimming pool for 15 minutes for 365 days of the year. Eventually, they're going to want to put their foot in. Then maybe their legs and before long their entire body is in the pool and they're swimming.
It's the same with approaching, if I spend 365 days out trying to approach women, then sooner or later I'm going to say FUCK THIS and do it because I would rather deal with the fear than have to spend the 50th day of not talking to anyone and being too scared.
So, the plan is this.
1) Spend time everyday trying to approach women and eventually it will happen.
2) Flip the negative feedback loop into a positive feedback loop, start with positive thoughts when I see a cute girl instead of defaulting to negative
You see, the interesting thing is by forcing myself to meet girls in real life I'm already learning how to deal with my own fears and anxiety. I'm working through my own flaws involving self-doubt and as a result I'm starting to become a better man because of it.
None of these realizations would occur if I stayed inside and used Tinder.
Speaking of Tinder, I've deleted the app which was hard because I had about 3-4 warm leads that I could have gotten numbers from. I unsubscribed from Tinder plus and I also deleted Facebook (unrelated reasons).
One of the people I look up to, and sort of mentor myself after is Picasso. He lived a lifestyle that I very much could get into albeit a little less savage..I don't think I could deal with a girl killing herself because of me. I'm reading Picasso's biography and I think to myself, if I want to live that sort of life then I need to start cutting things out that don't create it. I also wonder how much different my life would be if instead of spending time online I spent the time reading or being out in the world.
For some, spending time online may be no big deal. But for myself, I think it's holding me back (both Tinder and just being online in general). Which is why I'm feeling a very strong urge to move in this direction and follow my gut instinct.
Tomorrow is another day, I plan to go to one of the universities and see if I can approach.
I have a feeling I will, but who knows. I might have more mental blocks that come up and need to be addressed.
