This discussion of Super Hero movies reminds me of the Spiderman film with Sand Man and the Venom suit.
Early in the movie, the still-human Sandman leaves his wife and child through the fire escape of their apartment to commit burglary (because a burglar doesn't know how to use the front door, obviously) but as he's leaving he says to the son/daughter/whatever: "I'm not a bad person; I just do bad things."
That line's always stuck with me; I'm not sure if the writer is brilliant or pathetic.
"I'm not a bad person; I just do bad things." That's the mantra of the
Dirtbag Shuffle. It's the beginning assumption of narcissism.
You, as perceived by others, are weak/pathetic/poor/unpopular/ugly/et cetera. But the real You - the You that only you know about - is actually Batman/Kirk/Neo/whomever.
One of the lessons that drastically needs to be drummed into the heads of children growing up is that
you are what you do. This doesn't meant that you're your job - the job is just a label. The college you attend is just a label. How "hot" your girlfriend is, is but another label. The labels which society puts on you (plumber, cool guy, millionaire) are just taxonomical summations of your situation in life.
The question is
what do you do?
Do you show up to work on time and do a good job? Or did you inherit your wealth, and now you fritter it away on socialite parties? Does your girlfriend satisfy you physically and emotionally? Or are you merely popular because you know where to find blow for everybody and put on airs?
People are very obsessed with being rather than doing. As if there's some sort of ceremony with a cape and a gown at the end of it, that marks you as a "real" X. There isn't - or if there is, it's merely an excuse for a party.
A Medal of Honor recipient isn't "doing" the Medal of Honor when it's awarded - he was "doing" Super Soldier when he went above and beyond in the theatre of war. A Writer is not somebody who signs books at the local Barnes & Noble - he's a man who sits in front of his keyboard for hours at a time, ignoring friends and family as he obsesses over the words on the screen. A good man is not somebody who buys drinks for his friends after receiving his pay cheque; a good man is somebody who keeps his word even when it costs him dearly.
So forth.
Thus, we have JossWhedon the feminist, the film maker, the celebrity - and we have Joss Whedon the soy boy, the fanboy, and the famous (but not popular) geek.
When we discuss cheating and human weakness, we envision ourselves in a situation where some young and horny bit of fluff decides to come on to us after a couple of drinks, while we're on a business trip; "Would I have the strength to resist?" Quite frankly, even here it's not strength, but honesty - your own rationalization hamster is looking for an excuse as to why
you don't have to follow the rules this time. "Does it count if it's a different area code..?" Yes, it does.
But in Joss Whedon's case, it isn't about him being tempted by lust; Joss Whedon is looking for
affect. The same thing that drives him to become a feminist is the same thing that drives him to cheat on his wife: "Will you like me - will you say I'm cool - if I act the way you tell me that you want me to act?"
As the saying goes, if you want to be cool you need to not care if people think you're cool. The cool guy isn't the person who knows the cocaine dealer; it's the person who knows what
they themselves are doing, and enjoys the activity for it's own sake.
Adam Piggot nailed this in his recent article "
I was once an approval addict":
Quote:Quote:
Insecurity. The approval addiction is the symptom, as was lying. Insecurity is the disease. Insecurity is caused by internal dissatisfaction with who you are. Overcoming this is too hard for most people. The most common method that people seek to fill this void is an external romantic relationship. The person who is going to save you from yourself. This is the real reason that most relationships fail, particularly as most couples are both seeking fulfillment in the other person. Disappointment can be bitter in these circumstances. The other common void-filler is material purchases. Buy more stuff so you will feel better about yourself. This is what advertizing is built upon. The product will make you a different person. It will help fill your internal void. You believe it because you want it to be true.
...
However, one curious thing about my approval seeking was that I very rarely sought approval for things that I was very good at. My guitar playing, for instance. My musical ability was one of the few things I liked about myself so I neither lied about it or sought approval from it. Perhaps this is the clue. Becoming good at things can help fill the void. Becoming good at life is a very good way to go about it.
It's sad how many people dedicate their lives to proving that they can
be something, instead of going out there and
doing something that brings them satisfaction.