OP, it's called not being spanked as a child. You've at least been humble enough to recognize your problem and reach out. That in it itself is a huge step. Good on you. You say you go to the gym semi regularly and eat healthy. That right there shows some semblance of discipline within you. You need to be fine tuned. You still have time and it sounds like you are in good shape to do so. Seriously consider joining the military. Get further disciplined. Get broke down and built back up and kill your ego. Be held accountable for your actions and belong to something larger than yourself that will give you sense of a purpose. A part of an actual tribe. Put some pride in your step when you put on a uniform. If you have a computer science background, perhaps that could be your occupation. Forget politics or any moral reservations you may have, this is your quality of life. And being a part of a tribe that gives you a sense of agency and camaraderie can do wonders for mental health. And look on the bright side, you'll still have people telling you what to do except it won't be mommy and daddy. If you don't like it, you'll be out in four years and hopefully a better man back in the civilian world because of it.
Of course if you have been depressed and suicidal don't mention that at your medical. Only you truly know what your mental state is like and what's deep in your heart. If you have legitimately been suicidal, and not only thought about it from a philosophical perspective seek professional help as part of your self improvement journey. And if you, use caution about going on any meds for "depression". Side effects ironically include suicide. You don't want to snap in the military, have access to weapons and decide to go on some murder- suicide rampage. Seriously. Also if you've lived a life of trying to appease other people read a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It will give you answers to why you are the way you are.
If the military ain't your thing, well, like Suits said, only you can help yourself. People will help along the way, but only up to a point. You've already begun by reaching out. The resources are there for you. It's up for you to take action. When it comes to making decisions, the worst decision you can make is not to make one. You won't know if it was good or bad one until after, but at least you made a damn decision. When you're an old man, who do you want to see staring back at you in the mirror? A timid soul or a man who chose to take action. Right now, your diagnoses is.....LAZINESS.
Of course if you have been depressed and suicidal don't mention that at your medical. Only you truly know what your mental state is like and what's deep in your heart. If you have legitimately been suicidal, and not only thought about it from a philosophical perspective seek professional help as part of your self improvement journey. And if you, use caution about going on any meds for "depression". Side effects ironically include suicide. You don't want to snap in the military, have access to weapons and decide to go on some murder- suicide rampage. Seriously. Also if you've lived a life of trying to appease other people read a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It will give you answers to why you are the way you are.
If the military ain't your thing, well, like Suits said, only you can help yourself. People will help along the way, but only up to a point. You've already begun by reaching out. The resources are there for you. It's up for you to take action. When it comes to making decisions, the worst decision you can make is not to make one. You won't know if it was good or bad one until after, but at least you made a damn decision. When you're an old man, who do you want to see staring back at you in the mirror? A timid soul or a man who chose to take action. Right now, your diagnoses is.....LAZINESS.
Dreams are like horses; they run wild on the earth. Catch one and ride it. Throw a leg over and ride it for all its worth.
Psalm 25:7
https://youtu.be/vHVoMCH10Wk
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