Something's wrong with me - Printable Version
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Something's wrong with me - supersaiyanjesus - 05-08-2017
Long time lurker.
I'll keep this short. I'm 28, huge beta with a huge ego, no motivation to make money or game girls, never had any, and after finally going back to college, I'm probably going to flunk most of my classes this semester. I have my own side hustle of flipping shit to make money but I only bother to make enough to live. I waste so much time with bullshit activities that I'm addicted to. I have no accountability and no standards for myself. I'll get short bursts of motivation after watching a video or reading something, I read motivational shit here semi-regularly, but it dies almost as soon as I wake up the next day. It's always been like that.
I've been depressed/suicidal but I'm not currently. I'm average/above average in looks and I go to the gym semi-regularly and I eat healthy shit. Got comprehensive blood work done a few months ago and everything was normal. So the problem isn't chemical/hormonal. Even did an IQ test and came out a little above average (120).
How do I change all of this? I'm not an idiot. But I sure as shit feel like one
Something's wrong with me - Jean Valjean - 05-08-2017
Have you ever had anything you were really passionate about? Did you have a dream when you were growing up of what you wanted to do or be?
Something's wrong with me - Latan - 05-08-2017
I'm sure you repeat all this to yourself daily, like a mantra.
"I'm a worthless piece of shit, and I'm unable to change."
Instead repeat : "I'm the best and nothing will stop me from achieving all my goals".
Both are just sentences you repeat to create your reality.
You're not stupid, don't fall for this kind of trap.
Something's wrong with me - supersaiyanjesus - 05-08-2017
to Jean Valjean:
Yeah, when I was younger all I did was draw and paint. I took a painting class last semester and loved it but I have no idea how to turn that into a career.
to Latan:
How long until repeating that has any effect?
What should I expect from just doing this?
Something's wrong with me - Investment Bro - 05-08-2017
The good news is you're reaching out for help. That tells me that you know this is a problem and that you want to change.
I was in your shoes before, at a younger age. The good news is that change is very simple. I subscribe to what I call the law of momentum, and I think if you start as well, you'll see the power of what I'm talking about.
The law of momentum is simple. When you are taking repeated, consistent action, it becomes easier to take further action. As men, we feel powerless insofar as it relates to our inability to take action. When we are making decisions, and taking action (even imperfect action) we feel better about ourselves, and growing self confidence helps us to continue to keep the momentum going.
So for you, I have one simple mantra: Get up tomorrow, and make a plan to take action, then execute it. Start with something simple like waking up at 6 AM. Make your bed. Resolve to cook yourself a healthy breakfast. Go to the gym. Lift heavy, with some aggressive music. When you're back home, use this exercise from Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World"
1: Write down all the discomforts you have in your life. Every. Single. One.
2: Think about what it would take to solve these problems. In other words: what is the price you have to pay to solve one of these problems? What actions will it take? Write these actions down in a list, for each problem, as best you can.
3: Begin by solving the biggest problems first. The list of actions you made? Now you have your plan. Keep the action steps specific, and break them down into daily steps. Execute these actions ruthlessly, until you have paid the price to solve the problem.
4: Assuming you remain consistent, you will improve your life immeasurably, and the motif of action will be ingrained into you. The taking of the action is what will set you free. The next step, after the problems have been dealt with is to ask yourself what you really want. On this, I could advise but I would highly recommend reading Maximum Achievement by Brian Tracy. This was my bible back when I was starting my career in IB. It helped me to control the thought laws that Latan mentions above.
These changes will take time. The great thing about taking action though, even though the goal may be a long way off, is you will feel a sense of peace as your work towards your end game. It's man's natural state to be working towards something; and I know the unrest you feel is a byproduct of feeling stuck. I wish you luck, please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
TLDR: Take small actions every day, and DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON!!!!
Something's wrong with me - supersaiyanjesus - 05-08-2017
Quote: (05-08-2017 08:45 PM)Investment Bro Wrote:
As men, we feel powerless insofar as it relates to our inability to take action. When we are making decisions, and taking action (even imperfect action) we feel better about ourselves, and growing self confidence helps us to continue to keep the momentum going.
I appreciated your entire post but this part stuck out: almost everything I've done with my life so far was just half-assed attempts at trying to please other people (nobody won there)... but then also feel lost without someone telling me what to do because I've had always had parents beating down my neck and since then have always been a pussy when it comes to making a decision. This explains a lot about why I always feel like garbage.
I've done variations of the step-by-step you listed before, but I'll do it again the way you said it. Wake up early, lift, then get to writing.
Something's wrong with me - Latan - 05-08-2017
Quote: (05-08-2017 08:42 PM)supersaiyanjesus Wrote:Until you believe it.
How long until repeating that has any effect?
What should I expect from just doing this?
You actually believe you're worthless because you repeated it to yourself (or other people told you to repeat it to yourself, by inserting this thought into your brain).
Both are lies, you're neither a failure nor superman.
By switching from one perspective to the other, you'll see it.
I relate when you're talking about parents and doing what you're told, even if this isn't your path.
You already made one step : you looked at yourself, at your life and saw what you didn't like.
If a path doesn't give you joy, change it.
Search what you enjoy, find your own path, then follow it.
You're actually forcing yourself into a path you dislike, that's why it's so hard to follow.
(5AM here, I hope I'm making sense).
Something's wrong with me - Leonard D Neubache - 05-08-2017
What are you studying?
Something's wrong with me - supersaiyanjesus - 05-08-2017
Computer Science
Something's wrong with me - lowside - 05-09-2017
Quote: (05-08-2017 08:14 PM)supersaiyanjesus Wrote:
I've been depressed/suicidal but I'm not currently. I'm average/above average in looks and I go to the gym semi-regularly and I eat healthy shit. Got comprehensive blood work done a few months ago and everything was normal. So the problem isn't chemical/hormonal. Even did an IQ test and came out a little above average (120).
If this is the case, then it seems to me you're just fucking around without having someone around to give you the good 'ole kick in the ass or slap in the face. You've come to the right place.
Something's wrong with me - Jean Valjean - 05-09-2017
Quote: (05-08-2017 08:42 PM)supersaiyanjesus Wrote:
to Jean Valjean:
Yeah, when I was younger all I did was draw and paint. I took a painting class last semester and loved it but I have no idea how to turn that into a career.
I see some painters do like 30 paintings and then have an art show where they're selling them for $200-500/apiece. Hey, that's $6,000-15,000 if you sell all of them. What about giving away your work and then getting sponsored through Patreon or something like that? Or doing commercial art?
Computer science is really easy to flunk out of if you're not disciplined. I failed my whole first semester of computer science after I transferred from community college to university, because I procrastinated getting help when I needed it, and just got further and further behind. (Plus the coursework was a lot more rigorous than what I had been accustomed to.)
However, if you get a degree in something like that, it's always something to fall back on. I ended up switching majors to accounting and eventually working in the corporate world with a guy whose degree was in music. He became a staff accountant to pay the bills, and taught music in his spare time. I think at this point he's a senior financial analyst, and makes a lot of money, although I'm not sure if he ever overcame his feeling that he was working in a corporate dystopia, since he always seemed to have some pointy-haired boss or another micromanaging or mismanaging him. He used to get chest pains because of all the stress in his life, since he had to pay the mortgage on his condo plus all the expenses of the chick he was living with who slept in a separate bedroom and wouldn't put out.
So who knows, maybe you could easily end up in a situation where you're making a bunch of money programming computers, but want to blow your brains out because you don't care about programming computers, and would rather be an artist. Also, what I found was that in my 20s, when I was doing really boring accounting work, I had trouble staying focused, and ended up getting fired. Then when I finally did get some opportunities to pursue my passion (which was programming computers), I fucked those up due to my political radicalism and failure to properly navigate office politics. And I'm now at a point where employers get suspicious and say, "Why aren't you at a higher level in your career by now?"
I was just reading Mein Kampf yesterday and thought, "Wow, even Adolf Hitler had the same problem, that his dad wanted him to do something practical like become a civil servant, while he wanted to become an artist." Somehow he ended up in politics. The problem with that career path is that shooting yourself in a bunker as allied forces close in doesn't really leave you with much opportunity to continue pursuing your artwork.
I don't know if the strategy of "I'll get a degree, so then I'll always have something to fall back on" is even all that valid anymore. For those who don't like school, the trades might be a better option, plus then you don't have to deal so much with HR departments the rest of your life.
Something's wrong with me - BrandonCodi - 05-09-2017
Acceptance is the first step. Cheers to that.
When people say they want to change, they mean 2 things:
1. They kinda want it and tell people they want it
2. They want it and put in fucking work until they get it
The majority of people want to change something about themselves. An older gentleman I know who is overweight constantly talks about how he's going to start going to the gym. It gives him assurance and validation. He convinces himself that he's going to make good decisions and that ends up being enough for him. A year later and he still hasn't gone to the god damn gym. Don't be one of those people.
The people that actually make changes happen are the rare ones that see results. Being like this isn't easy. If it were easy, everyone would be their ideal person already. Following your goals and making changes happen is what will separate you from everybody else though. Set some damn standards for yourself and force yourself to get motivated. Having a buddy to do this with will work wonders as well. If you don't try to change yourself, well, do you really want to?
Which type of person are you?
Something's wrong with me - Wreckingball - 05-09-2017
You can make a shit ton of money with computer science alone, even more if you add your drawing skills.
You can go straight to the gaming industry or stuff like autocad and other computer modeling.
If you want to make the gigantic bucks, make animated hentai.
Something's wrong with me - questor70 - 05-09-2017
Quote: (05-09-2017 08:09 AM)Jean Valjean Wrote:
...you could easily end up in a situation where you're making a bunch of money programming computers, but want to blow your brains out because you don't care about programming computers, and would rather be an artist.
That's my life right there.
The thrill of moving up the ladder during both dot com booms was enough to keep me motivated but once I reached the mountaintop it just became old-hat. In order for me to stay motivated I need to feel like I'm constantly learning new things and believe it or not a lot of everyday computer work that needs to get done in this world is repetitive and routine. That's something the OP should be aware of if he's gonna enter into this field. If he wants a glamorous career he would need to tailor his skillset to move into a niche like games.
The funny thing is how life satisfaction is relative. I broke the six figure barrier about two years ago and I had a brief high over that milestone, but then it became the new normal. Now the current perk is I'm working from home. To maybe 99.9% of the world the idea of pulling down a six figure salary banging away at a keyboard from home would be treated like a dream come true. And even to my past self, I would have perceived getting to this point as having "made it" in a big way. But other than the convenience and the peace-of-mind of the cash-flow, the boredom only serves to highlights gaps in other areas of my life. That's why my focus then shifts to my personal life, because if I had a woman in my life I could at least compensate for the boredom in a big way when I clock out.
This pattern is exactly why men do crazy mid-life-crisis antics.
Something's wrong with me - Jean Valjean - 05-09-2017
Quote: (05-09-2017 10:55 AM)questor70 Wrote:
That's my life right there.
The thrill of moving up the ladder during both dot com booms was enough to keep me motivated but once I reached the mountaintop it just became old-hat. In order for me to stay motivated I need to feel like I'm constantly learning new things and believe it or not a lot of everyday computer work that needs to get done in this world is repetitive and routine. That's something the OP should be aware of if he's gonna enter into this field. If he wants a glamorous career he would need to tailor his skillset to move into a niche like games.
I knew a guy who was programming in C# for a government contractor and hated his job, because the company was involved in a bunch of pork barrel projects, and it was his dream to be a game developer. Finally he got hired by a game company, gave a month's notice at his job, and started slacking off (not bothering to show up on time anymore, etc.) Then at the last minute, his new employer told him that they hadn't been able to make payroll because they were out of money. So he had to beg for his old job back. His wife told me she had to talk him off a cliff.
This guy was a math major, so I guess he was probably going to be involved more with the geometric aspects of game design. Anyway, he ended up saying "fuck programming" and went back to school and became an economics professor. It gave me the impression that maybe jobs in the gaming industry aren't all that abundant? Maybe his problem was that he didn't look into hentai, though.
I remember carpooling with him and then, as we were walking through the parking lot, him saying, "I am DREADING this day" because he knew they were going to have him work on some horrible project involving locally storing data and syncing it up with a database later.
Something's wrong with me - UlteriorMotive - 05-09-2017
I'm going to go a different approach with answering this.
Kratom.
Victor Pride Kratom Review
I didn't have the best of results with Kratom but a friend of mine has been making leaps and bounds lifestyle wise since I passed my Kratom to him.
His story sounds a lot like yours minus the good looks and healthy lifestyle.
If this is something you consider take the time to research it fully and start at a low dose. Good Looking Loser has tons of information.
Happy Hippo Herbals was where I got mine.
Something's wrong with me - Suits - 05-09-2017
I'm fairly confident that only OP can help OP.
Something's wrong with me - TravelerKai - 05-09-2017
Quote: (05-08-2017 08:14 PM)supersaiyanjesus Wrote:
Long time lurker.
I'll keep this short. I'm 28, huge beta with a huge ego, no motivation to make money or game girls, never had any, and after finally going back to college, I'm probably going to flunk most of my classes this semester. I have my own side hustle of flipping shit to make money but I only bother to make enough to live. I waste so much time with bullshit activities that I'm addicted to. I have no accountability and no standards for myself. I'll get short bursts of motivation after watching a video or reading something, I read motivational shit here semi-regularly, but it dies almost as soon as I wake up the next day. It's always been like that.
I've been depressed/suicidal but I'm not currently. I'm average/above average in looks and I go to the gym semi-regularly and I eat healthy shit. Got comprehensive blood work done a few months ago and everything was normal. So the problem isn't chemical/hormonal. Even did an IQ test and came out a little above average (120).
How do I change all of this? I'm not an idiot. But I sure as shit feel like one
What are your goals in life? Have you ever written down what you need to accomplish, or even what you would like to accomplish and to what end it would serve?
You say you got blood work done, but did you get your testosterone levels and vitamin D levels in that blood work? Hypertension and low blood sugar are not the only things that can fuck up your mood and send you into depression and anger. You might need to start taking supplements for men everyday and make your own stack (optiZinc, Vit D, C, E, DIM, etc.) and work out regularly.
Don't freak out just yet, you have time to fix plenty things going on right now. Just need to get focused on the big picture then work on the details afterwards.
Something's wrong with me - Bland - 05-09-2017
OP, some of what you are describing could be explained by something like ADD. I would recommend seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. Mental health visits are typically covered by the university health plan so I'd take advantage of that.
Also, a 120 IQ is not "a little above average." Your IQ puts you in the top 10% for intelligence.
Something's wrong with me - Boldoff - 05-10-2017
No chemical/drug is going to fix you, no book or YouTube video is going to fix you, and none of these posts on this forum is going to fix you.
You need to look inside like most posters suggested. This is an issue that only you can solve, and from the looks of it, id guess you don't even understand yourself.
So the first step would be to understand yourself, how do you do this? Take out a journal and start writing, start writing even if it's bullshit, write, write, write. Then read over it in the future. Read over your posts from years ago right now. Understand and analyze yourself, how do you think the way you do? Why do you think the way you do? What can you do differently?
There is a disease circulating the red pill right now, and that disease is the refusal to analyze one's past...lots of advice centers around blind action and less contemplation. Sure the past is done, but analyzing it holds the key to a more efficient future.
OP don't listen to the bitter lone wolves here and on the red pill. Starting a business alone, studying alone, gaming alone, lifting alone, are all far, far more inefficient and ineffective than if one were to partner up with like-minded people. If you studied with people who were motivated, you'd probably have no issues with motivation. There's a reason why the human tribe was conceived, there's a reason why society was conceived, there's a reason why corporations are as complex as they are.
You NEED people in the real world to work on a compelling project with. Fuck this lone wolf bullshit. I suspect a large portion of the red pill and manosphere will get nothing of worth done in their lives because of their refusal to work in teams. And if your bad at making friends, work around it. Go to office hours, join social clubs that force interaction.
What do you think was the difference between Pablo Escobar and a random street pusher that hangs outside a liquor store? Organization, efficiency, and most importantly, teamwork.
Something's wrong with me - Quintus Curtius - 05-10-2017
"Something's wrong with me." No, nothing's wrong with you. You're a malingerer and a whiner. You need a kick in your ass.
You sound like a whiny sack of shit.
"I feel so bad and hopeless and blah, blah, blah...."
Do you want to be a loser, and join the long ranks of all the other excuse-giving wimps out there? Or are you going to do something about it?
You need to get smacked and punched repeatedly until you smarten up. Reading your whiny bitching infuriates me.
Something's wrong with me - Mess O. - 05-10-2017
Long time lurker = long time troll?
Something's wrong with me - RatInTheWoods - 05-10-2017
Try harder OP
You know why you are failing at life, because you are not putting in the effort.
Something's wrong with me - doc holliday - 05-10-2017
Man what is it about modern day life that produces so many depressed, unmotivated people? On paper, this guy seems to have things in order: in school studying a high paying field (albeit failing out), has artistic ability, decent looking etc but he can't get motivated and is blowing away his chances at a good life. Dude you need to have some gratitude for what you have and then go out and make your life a good one. If you were born in the 30s, your ass would have been in Europe or Japan fighting in WW2. Instead, in 2017, you get to whine on a keyboard about how much your life sucks. Brutal.
Something's wrong with me - duedue - 06-18-2017
Seems you don't really 'need' discipline to survive. However you can force yourself into discipline by things such as fasting. You can start by fasting a few hours a day and get into fasting dawn to dusk for a couple of days a week. It can have a tremendous effect on your will power.