Posts: 4,584
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2013
Reputation:
108
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-04-2017, 10:57 AM
Pretty sure she was around 280 give or take 20 pounds. Well I needed a place to crash, was drunk, horny, and I'm not going to the gas station as 2 AM and get shanked so I can fill up my tank(while completely intoxicated mind you).
So I did what any desperate man would do. Manned the harpoon. There was shame. There was disgust. And I made sure to throw up on the wall on my way out instead of on the bed when I woke up.
"Until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words,— 'Wait and hope'."- Alexander Dumas, "The Count of Monte Cristo"
Fashion/Style Lounge
Social Circle Game
Team Skinny Girls with Pretty Faces
King of Sockpuppets
Sockpuppet List
Posts: 679
Threads: 0
Joined: Aug 2015
Reputation:
31
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-05-2017, 07:15 AM
There was this one club in a not-to-be-named EE city where I hadn't scored after a few months of living in that city. My friends made fun of me for this. They happily banged away at all the sloppy Brittish tourists coming in, and I'm standing at the sidelines with my dick in my hand. One of my friends drunkenly offers the argument that I should "lower my standards". Yet did I know.
The next night I'm there alone, happily pounding away wodka clubs. I'm standing on the dance floor, and feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around, and this blond girl says something that I can't hear due to the music blasting at 120DB.
I smile back at her, and she starts making out with me. This happens every now and then, but she proceeds to eat my face like it's made out of cheesecake.
After five minutes of this, I take a step back. Wrong decision. Her face didn't reveal it, but she easily qualifies for "obese". I have no clue how you guys make an estimation of how much these land whales weigh. She was just fat as fuck.
I was disgusted, but I remembered the words of my friends. While she blabbers away, cut her off and say: "Look, I'm going downstairs to drink. If you want to come home with me, join me in 5 minutes." And I walk off.
Trying to drown my PTSD from the make-out with more soda clubs, ten minutes later miss fatty taps my shoulder again. I again remember the words of my friend, gnarl my teeth and take her to a cab.
Afterwards, I have no idea why I took the advice of my friend so seriously.
Let's just say that when I removed her underwear, the most disgusting smell hit my nose. A mixed scent of shit, sweat and pussy juice. Personal hygiene was not one of her strong suits. I lost my hard-on, made up a lame excuse and friendly escorted her to her hotel. I felt so disgusted that I vowed celibacy for a month. (That is not a joke)
When I told this to my friend the next day, he laughed his ass off. No fatties no more for asdfk.
Posts: 205
Threads: 0
Joined: Sep 2015
Reputation:
5
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-05-2017, 09:58 AM
I can't imagine that a fatty would smell good down there. I'll pass.
Posts: 288
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2013
Reputation:
3
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-05-2017, 10:36 AM
I have no idea, I didn't put her on a scale but she was fat.
A friend of mine had a much funnier story. He tried to bang a fat chick but she was so fat he couldn't get in. He claimed no position worked.
Her legs were so heavy he started sweating trying to get the legs apart.
Never bang a fat chick.
Posts: 942
Threads: 0
Joined: Sep 2014
Reputation:
13
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-05-2017, 02:56 PM
I have to change my statement councelor.
I went through a cold streak and I met this fat chick out one night. She had a cute face and her titties looked amazing. She was tall so If I had to guess she was north of 220 :/
I went on a
hot streak for the next 3 days after that.
Attraction and passion are non-negotiable
Posts: 803
Threads: 0
Joined: Dec 2015
Reputation:
3
What is the heaviest lizard you banged
02-09-2017, 09:32 PM
Maybe 5'5 150, banged few chubby girls but not one that was really huge.
I think about banging girls with large frames, like a tall samoan chick or something, probably wouldn't feel too good but it's fun to fantasize.