Hug consent in now a real thing. This was from a viral Facebook post. I can't wait for grandma to get sued by little Susy for hug-raping her on Christmas.
![[Image: kids-consent-meme-katia-hetter-3.jpg]](http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/kids-consent-meme-katia-hetter-3.jpg)
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Katia Hetter taught her daughter an important lesson with a very simple phrase: “I would like you to hug Grandma, but I won't make you do it.” Her then four-year-old daughter was going on what she describes as “a hugging and kissing strike” -- parents might receive a hug, but even close family would not. Hetter felt it provided a good opportunity to teach her daughter “that it's OK to say no to an adult who lays a hand on her -- even a seemingly friendly hand." As she explained, "I figure her body is actually hers, not mine. It doesn't belong to her parents, preschool teacher, dance teacher or soccer coach. While she must treat people with respect, she doesn't have to offer physical affection to please them. And the earlier she learns ownership of herself and responsibility for her body, the better for her."
Hetter’s decision is backed up by many parenting experts. Ursula Wagner from FamilyWorks in Chicago says that forcing physical contact like hugs “sends a message that there are certain situations [when] it's not up to them what they do with their bodies.” That message can have multiple repercussions as children grow: Irene Vanderzand, cofounder of Kidpower Teenpower Fullpower International, says that “forc[ing] children to submit to unwanted affection in order not to offend a relative or hurt a friend's feelings, we teach them that their bodies do not really belong to them because they have to push aside their own feelings about what feels right to them... [this can lead] to children getting sexually abused, teen girls submitting to sexual behavior so 'he'll like me' and kids enduring bullying because everyone is 'having fun.'”
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I’m struggling with the asking permission part of this. Your example of hair brushing is perfect and relatable for us. My almost four year old daughter has more days than not, that if left up to her, hair goes unbrushed. I promise to be gentle, quick, keep it simple, offer a fancy braid, a special treat, it doesn’t matter and she outright refuses. The days I’ve let her get away with this, the tangles are twice as bad the next, and that much more painful to brush out. I obviously want her to understand consent, and have boundaries to keep others from hurting her, but as her mama I have to take care of her too, and usually she doesn’t agree with me. It’s not just hair either. She won’t go potty enough to the point of giving herself recurrent UTI’s, she’d rather bleed everywhere than wear a band aid, and there are tons of other things that I have to do for her safety, health and wellbeing that are not with her permission. Maybe it’s because she’s still three that we have such struggle, but I worry that me forcing her to sit on the potty when she hasn’t gone in more than six hours is damaging her future power to give consent or not. Any thoughts on how the discipline plays into permission? We do all of the other things you highlight, so maybe I need to wait and this last one will come with age and maturity.
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I’m struggling with the asking permission part of this. Your example of hair brushing is perfect and relatable for us. My almost four year old daughter has more days than not, that if left up to her, hair goes unbrushed. I promise to be gentle, quick, keep it simple, offer a fancy braid, a special treat, it doesn’t matter and she outright refuses. The days I’ve let her get away with this, the tangles are twice as bad the next, and that much more painful to brush out. I obviously want her to understand consent, and have boundaries to keep others from hurting her, but as her mama I have to take care of her too, and usually she doesn’t agree with me. It’s not just hair either. She won’t go potty enough to the point of giving herself recurrent UTI’s, she’d rather bleed everywhere than wear a band aid, and there are tons of other things that I have to do for her safety, health and wellbeing that are not with her permission. Maybe it’s because she’s still three that we have such struggle, but I worry that me forcing her to sit on the potty when she hasn’t gone in more than six hours is damaging her future power to give consent or not. Any thoughts on how the discipline plays into permission? We do all of the other things you highlight, so maybe I need to wait and this last one will come with age and maturity.
Quote: (12-26-2016 04:34 PM)Serious Sam Wrote:
It would be nice if it was a troll job, but sadly, it seems legit.
Quote: (12-26-2016 09:15 PM)cascadecombo Wrote:
whatever sort of propaganda comes out, I'll always snatch up my future nieces and nephews in bear hugs whenever I see them.
Quote: (12-26-2016 08:01 PM)Germanicus Wrote:
Contemporary white urban leftists:
Believe that a family member hugging a child with affection as an act of goodwill is rape...
...but that actually sexually assaulting a child, especially a child of the same sex as the adult, is an expression of sexual love and exploration.
The absolute schizophrenia of these people is astounding. The more they call for civil war the more I'd love to give them one.