Bullying is kind of like rape. There's two kinds of rape.*
There's rape at knife point, that sort of rape. That's actual rape. That shit's fucked up.
Then there's some dumb slut getting drunk, and you know the story. That's just humans being human.
For bullying, there's needless cruel bullying where no opportunity is present for the target to remedy the situation. Cruel stuff where harm is the sole intention and the target can't do anything about it. This kind of bullying is reprehensible.
Then, there's the other form of bullying which is just a group's way of trying to get the target to fit in. Trying to correct the target's mistakes. That's just society trying to do the target a solid by providing some valuable, albeit harsh, feedback. In a way, the bullies are taking a roundabout leadership role to tell the target to fit in.
A reoccurring theme I noticed in this thread is that there were a lot of members who upped their fitness after being bullied for being a fatty. I've heard a lot of this from people I met, too. A lot of fit people, you'd never expect them to have once been fat.
Remembering my high school days, I can't think of straight up cruel bullying, but instead recall lots of times this one kid would be picked on because he lacked any social awareness. He had a group, but they would always pick on him because, in a way, they wanted him to fit in better. They wanted to be his friend and for him to 'get it.' He took it very seriously, but if he dropped the 'gamma male' behaviors that AB talks a lot about (narcissism, passive aggressive, holds grudges about dumb stuff, is petty), I'm 100% his group would have treated him as an equal.
No one ever picked on kids with mental problems or physical impairments. We were friendly with them and if someone was stupid enough to do it, they'd get fucked up.
Rather it was kids who had some hope to change for the better that were picked on when they overlooked the most common social cues or did passive aggressive shit.
As for people having beef, they usually did that to each other starting as equals. There's a sort of consent to this.
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Anyway, there's a lot of people who have bettered themselves after reflecting on the reasons they were bullied. Samseau mentions it up thread that MikeCF was previously bullied and that's part of the reason he decided to improve himself.
I remember the line, "When are you going to get serious?" so I was able to find the article. Turns out it's his intro to Gorilla Mindset. I don't want to put words in Mike's mouth, so the article can speak for itself:
Gorilla Mindset: Introduction
Quote:Quote:
Gorilla Mindset: Introduction
In a practical book on mindset, you want to know why these mindset techniques will work for you and, quite frankly, who the heck am I to tell you anything? Those are legitimate concerns. The techniques in Gorilla Mindset, while being research-backed, were first applied to my own life.
I grew up as a child on welfare. I had holes in my clothes. My parents were well-meaning and good people, but they had no conception of how to make or save money. They made mistakes and did the best they could, which is all you can expect. Besides, whining about your parents is about the most pathetic thing an adult can do.
Not only was I usually the poorest kid in school, I was also the fattest. I was “naturally” chubby and was picked on, ridiculed, and beaten up. I was afraid to walk home from school, as more often than not people would follow me. I’d either be called names or beat up.
My dad told me to start taking martial arts, and he even started taking classes with me. I was not naturally athletic. I was clumsy and out of shape. I couldn’t even do a single push-up. I hated martial arts classes and would have quit had my dad not been there taking classes with me.
I went through the motions, but I had no natural talent or belief in myself.
One day a bully beat me up badly and in humiliating fashion. My sister had to pull my attacker off of me. I felt demoralized and powerless.
We had a mattress in our garage. I went to the garage, lied down, and cried myself to sleep.
When my dad came home from work, he opened the garage door, looked down at me with part pity, part contempt, and asked me one question that changed my life.
“When are you going to get serious?”
Those words coupled with the expression his face were a wake-up call for me. I decided to get serious, and in some ways fanatical.
I would train until my body was exhausted and would hit the heavy bag until my knuckles would bleed. When I read in a martial arts magazine Thai fighters do 10 rounds on the heavy bag, I would do 10 rounds. When I learned Thai boxers would roll up magazines and hit their shins and legs to toughen themselves up, that’s what I did.
I learned when you systematically put in work, you will make progress. You might have terrible genetics, you might not have potential to be in the Olympics or win a UFC title, but you will improve.
I earned my black belt in Tae Kwon Do, boxed, and began beating up the bullies who had bullied me. I had a hair-trigger and would look for reasons to fight.
But I was never happy, and my social skills were poor. I was awkward and weird. My mindset was based on vengeance rather than normal things like going to parties.
In fact, I was once invited to attend a school “lock-in” at the YMCA with a bunch of other classmates. I put on Tiger Balm to keep my joints warm, lest someone decided to start a fight with me.
I also didn’t perform well in school, with every teacher having the same line for my parents at PTA meetings, “Michael is so smart. He does not live up to his potential.”
It wasn’t I enjoyed getting into trouble, but I grew up in a poor neighborhood. Where I came from, getting good grades and doing homework wasn’t the norm. I’d get into fights, steal sandwiches from the local grocery store, and shoot out car windows with a BB gun (which was also stolen).
When one of my acts of vandalism made the local newspaper, I clipped out the picture with pride.
To change my life, I had to change my own mindset. The need to “do hood rat things” and this anger inside me had to be focused into something more productive.
It took a lot of work, but I ended up going from a poor bullied fat kid without any money to a well-known lawyer, writer, and podcaster who travels the world. In most ways my success makes me laugh, as my life story is unbelievable.
It took a lot of work, and indeed I’m still working. Sometimes when people say they like me or ask me for advice, it’s hard to understand why. There are days I still feel like the fat kid who was afraid to walk home from school.
But here I am, successes, failures, and flaws in all their shame and glory, and now I ask you, “Isn’t it time to get serious?”
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*For legal reasons I disavow that there are two types of rape. There is only one type of rape, and the woman is always the victim. I never question anything the media tells me and I believe the CIA puts the interests of everyday citizens first.