[HankMoody]

Someone asked for this, so here goes...

Four years ago I remember bringing a broad back to my place. We start making out on my couch and she stops me abruptly. "Hank, your couch... it's filthy. It has cat hair all over it. And stains." I had bought this couch back in college from Ikea, and just sort of brought it into my house. I mean, it's a couch? Who cares? You sit on it? Well, she cared and left.

Until a few years ago, my house was basically a hodgepodge of stuff people had given me - stuff from college, stuff from my family, and stuff I had but didn't really need. After the incident where the broad bailed, I decided to get my house in order. Thankfully, my former law partner has an eye for design and was willing to give me a hand. It made an immense difference.

The good news is house or apartment game is relatively easy. Once you get her back to your place, what do you do to maximize your chances of getting the lay? I'll explain...

The Basics

1. Your place must absolutely be clean and orderly. If your place isn't clean and orderly, you're not getting laid. If you're like me and always out, simply hire a house clear who will get under all the tables, couches, etc. It's worth it. Your bed should be made, clothes in your drawer, etc. A clean living space is an absolute must to get bangs. Minimalism helps a lot with this - your house looks messy if it's cluttered. You don't need half the stuff in your place anyway. If you haven't worn it in a year, donate it. If you have old, purposeless stuff, get rid of it. Open, orderly, purposeful space.

2. Have a theme to all your decor, even if it's all Ikea. Personally, I did mine in mid-century modern, because it looks extremely masculine - a place where Don Draper would live. Another easy theme is ultra modern - stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, etc. If you have money, it's actually worth it to hire an interior designer. Tell them you want your place to look "masculine." In any event, all of your stuff must look like it has a "purpose" - not like you collected a bunch of crap over the years in college. Google around and see what works for you.

Everything down to your dinnerware, your bathroom towels, your blinds, bed set, and furniture should match and have a theme.

I have these from Target:

http://www.target.com/p/avanti-brown-din...Slot=_1_51

I use browns for towels, dinnerware, etc.

Also, invest in really good bedding. I recommend this:

http://www.downlitebedding.com/trump-hotel-bedding

You'll also sleep better and so will she.

3. Artwork on the walls looks great. You can acquire nice pieces from Ikea and no one will know. You can also get decent artwork from thrift stores. Band posters look juvenile, unless maybe you're a musician and they're framed. You can get away with some sports memorabilia but don't turn your entire house into a "man cave."

4. A bar. This is an absolute must, and the cost of entry is minimal. What you need: bottle of vodka, bottle of whiskey, ice bucket, diet coke, regular coke, cranberry juice, and wine. Little pony bottles of soda (preferably in glass) look very good. I found a nice ice bucket and decanter at the thrift store for like $10.

However, you definitely need something to drink when you get back to your place. Chances are she will either drink wine or something vodka based. Always have those on hand.

PROTIP: Put cheap whiskey and/or wine in a decanter and she'll think it's super special shit. I've had people tell me how delicious Franzia is. Serve wine from a wine glass, most cocktails from a rocks glass, and martinis from a martini glass.

PROTIP: Go the extra mile. Get stirrers, cocktail napkins, toothpicks (for olives), martini glasses and rocks glasses. The total cost is like $10 and the drinks you'll create look like they're coming from a high class bar. When you hand her a vodka cranberry with a cocktail napkin and a stirrer, the gina will tingle. Learn how to make a few drinks that are fruity.

5. Know how to cook a few good meals and make them look fancy - breakfast in particular. After a bang, it's not a bad situation to wake up and cook breakfast for both of you. For cooking basics, I recommend this book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005NJU...TF8&btkr=1

If you're going General Stalin style, ask her to come over and offer to cook dinner. I cook about 100% of my food on cast iron pans. This keeps my kitchen from getting cluttered, and simplifies my life.

More Advanced

1. A serious set of Sonos speakers was the best investment I've ever made. I bought two Play 5s, two Play 1s, and a subwoofer for my living room. Then I put Play 3s in all my other rooms. Best $2k I've ever spent:

http://www.amazon.com/Sonos/pages/2530477011

These are BALLER. My living room can sound like a club if I feel like it. I can play different music upstairs than downstairs. Everyone loves the sound. Plus playing music while banging is fun.

2. Candles. Lower your lighting to the extent you can, and have a few candles going. I bought a cheap tray from the thrift store and just threw three candles on there, which I put on my coffee table. Blam.

3. Running water from an indoor fountain. A bit of maintenance, but really sets the mood, especially with candles and good music.

4. If you have an outdoor spot, invest in decent patio furniture. Make sure your back yard is clean. It's nice to sit out back and listen to music.

5. I don't own a TV. But if you're looking to Nexflix and chill, go all out and get a 60 or 70 inch, and mount it to the wall. It's really no that expensive anymore to have a giant mounted flatscreen.

Some closing thoughts

You don't really need to spend a lot of money on this. Clean is most important, followed by themed, followed by a stocked bar. Your house can look great with stuff you found at the thrift store or Ikea. Just make sure you don't buy any cheap crap that comes up - you must have a theme. Dumb stuff like themed dinnerware is $30 and it goes a long way.

If you feel like sinking money into it, Sonos and a big TV will compliment your life and make your house more fun to live in.

[The_e_man]

Thanks for the write-up, gives me some motivation to step up my apartment decor.

One thing that didn't sit well with me: you can't make such broad statements such as "if your place isn't clean and orderly, you're not getting laid."
Some birds will fuck you in the back alley near a dumpster if its the right time and place. Or if she is just into you enough. If the girl is so on-the-fence about you that something like a messy apartment will make her run the other way, then she probably just wasn't that interested/invested in you in the first place.

But now that I got that little rant out of the way, I agree with everything else you have to say. Having a clean and tidy place is essential for living a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Even if most broads are messy themselves and will settle for a dirty place doesn't mean you have to.

[Travesty]

Cushy large deep deep seated couch preferable an L-shape for fucking with a love seat on the opposite side to switch things up. This is where I think most leather couches are terrible and a suede or soft cloth material that warms to bare skin is a clear winner. I want her to be thinking we are almost in bed together when we are on my couch.

A soft rug under your coffee table and couch, a shag one or llama skin or whatever - has to be of the texture her barefeet rubbing on it gets compliments and has her thinking about laying naked on it.

Lighting that can be dimmed to the right lounge level. Bright lighting is for jabronis, also is shadowy overly spaced lighting. Lighting is extremely important. Many times long wall mirrors that have a nice a border design frame around them can do wonderful things with lighting and spacing in a room. The type of lamp shades you use is just as crucial as the bulb lighting and dimming ability. I am a fan of lamps or lights that shoot up. Ones that shoot down from the ceiling rarely create a good vibe as they act almost like corny stage lighting oftentimes.

A bed mattress that has a sewn in pillow top layer. Girls won't want to leave your bed thank me later. Ditch the memory foam mattresses pussies.

A hot tub outside on the back patio with a bar next to it (arm reaching distance).

An indoor sauna room. These can be dope. I can't think of a better reason to get her into nothing but a towel.

And from G's Twitter - champagne. Boxes.

[WestIndianArchie]

I actually agree with this. I like my spot to be clean, but the other school of thought is this

You don't want a chick wanting to move in.

For you to *stay* a player, not just a guy that fucks a lot, is to reinforce the idea that your only redeeming qualities are your charm and your bedroom skills.

So the bare minimum is it smells good, and the bathroom is spotless.

Also, there are subtle opportunities to understand what kind of girl she is when your spot isn't tidy. (A lot like when you pick up a chick and you don't give her your name..When she asks for it, that's a free indicator
That she's interested)

1) after a session, is she going to clean up naturally?
2) if she has the urge to clean, and starts without asking you....that's a sign as well

[PapayaTapper]

(04-26-2016 04:45 PM)The_e_man Wrote:  

One thing that didn't sit well with me: you can't make such broad statements such as "if your place isn't clean and orderly, you're not getting laid."
Some birds will fuck you in the back alley near a dumpster if its the right time and place. Or if she is just into you enough. If the girl is so on-the-fence about you that something like a messy apartment will make her run the other way, then she probably just wasn't that interested/invested in you in the first place.

Hate to disagree with but this is wrong. There are so many ways to kill a woman's attraction for you that have nothing to do with you (and a messy pad is a good example).

Their attraction wiring is way different than a man's.

You can find exceptions to everything but generally speaking you can't go wrong with having the place spiffed up and clean. You can however go wrong by having dirty choney's on the floor and left over pizza boxes stacked on the coffee table

[John Michael Kane]

A couple of great sites for house design are http://www.houzz.com and http://www.pinterest.com. They both of tons of pictures that can give you inspiration for building out your pad. I also hired a designer, and it has helped immensely.

[HankMoody]

My living room has this...

- Exposed brick (did it myself)
- Matching end tables and coffee tables, in mid century design
- Mid century chair that someone randomly gave to me
- Rug that is consistent with my decor
- Century furniture given to me by my grandfather, which matches all my other stuff. The bar, in particular, is baller.
- Two black Italian leather couches that have a Danish design

All my furniture is actually from the 50s. My living room looks like where Don Draper would live, except for some modern artwork on the walls, and the speakers. Everything in the house is meant to look masculine - lots of browns, open space, etc. Find a style that is congruent with your personality.

In terms of being clean... whenever a prospect is coming over, I make the bed, clean the bathroom, spray some Aqua Di Gio on my sheets, stock the bar, and wipe down the counters. It's never failed me. However, I have lost bangs due to my house being a mess.

I have also had several women want to move in, especially because I have a lot of space.

[kaotic]

Dig it.

Cleanliness is a must, don't have a fucking messy room.

Absolutely dim lights, those Phillips Hue 2.0 lights are a rad touch.

I installed the flooring in my room myself, and I've always gotten comments on it.

Have cool shit to show off, things you made, frames of pics of places you've been, people you've met, stuff at shows you got, etc.

Anything with a story is great.

Personally my greatest asset in getting a bang is my AR-15 (pun intended) that I built from the lower receiver up.

I strip it down and explain it to them, how it's not even serialized and the gubmn't doesn't know about it.

I'll show some stuff I collected from foreign friends and band set lists.

If you're passionate talking about it, they'll eat it up.

I've dark wood flooring so I got a simple dark wood table, nightstand and chest all matching. (I know Snowplow is being triggered right now )

Custom black out curtains I mounted, a bad ass neon sign, and a lamp with some foreign stuff on it.

That's all I got.

Make sure you have a COMFY ass bed man, I can't insist more on this.

BATHROOM is important, make sure it's spic and span, ALWAYS review it pre and post date for other bitches hair or things they left behind.

Matching curtains and towels are a plus.

Girls don't come over to drink or eat, they come over straight to my room (I live with a relative).

I've also got a bad ass big Samsung TV smack in the middle of one wall that's hooked up to my PC, I can literally watch anything.

It's dark, it's clean, it's fun.

I of course screen these bitches WAY in advance to see if they're down to cruise here.

Now I when I hosted parties when I was younger, I had all sorts of stuff around the house, posted up on the walls, hung up, displayed.

Those were my college, post high school days, I did a little more maturing.

[HankMoody]

Noting kaotic's post, women love my gun collection. I don't care how liberal she is, once she puts an AK-47 or AR-15 in her hands, the gina starts tinglin hard. They're almost always like "we should go shooting one day!" If I get them in the gun room, a bang is practically inevitable.

A client made me some custom pottery that I put around my house. It's a great talking piece. I also keep trinkets around from my vacations (don't get out of control with this).

I also leave some of my interesting stuff in the living room like my jujitsu bag. Once a girl went through it, put on my kickboxing gloves, and then proceeded to try and "fight" me. I took her down gently, we wrestled for a few minutes, and that turned right into a bang.

When chicks come over, dim the lighting as much as you can and use candle light. It smells and looks great.

[Kona]

My house is on the beach, so I set up a large outdoor shower.

I keep all of the shower essentials girls need in there.

I built teak benches all around. The walls are several layersmof woven bamboo, and there's areca palms surrounding the outside. After a while I put the rain shower and hose shower head thing. I had some speakers, but they broke and that was kind of overkill.

After sluts come over to go to the beach they go right in and its all over. Even in the mornings I tell them use that one and them walking back in the towel gets it going. Late night it a sure thing.


Aloha!

[Suits]

Ditch the easy chairs. You want love seat couches that force you to sit close to each other.

[Tex]

HankMoody Wrote:

Someone asked for this, so here goes...

(04-26-2016 06:21 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Absolutely dim lights, those Phillips Hue 2.0 lights are a rad touch.

Do you find dimmer to be an overall better choice? Or should certain rooms (like the living room or dining room, let's say) be brighter and have more windows while rooms like the bedroom are dimmer and more intimate?

(04-26-2016 06:21 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Personally my greatest asset in getting a bang is my AR-15 (pun intended) that I built from the lower receiver up.

HankMoody Wrote:

Noting kaotic's post, women love my gun collection. I don't care how liberal she is, once she puts an AK-47 or AR-15 in her hands, the gina starts tinglin hard. They're almost always like "we should go shooting one day!" If I get them in the gun room, a bang is practically inevitable.

I can attest to that. I even had a leftist Croatian girl fresh off the plane drooling over some of my guns last summer.

Nice post Hank.

[CaptainChardonnay]

I keep my golf clubs prominently displayed. Upper class girls dig it. Lower class girls call me an old man.

Also have old shooting targets on my wall

[AneroidOcean]

Fuck, you guys really make me realize how much I need to up my game in my place. I need to upgrade a couple kitchen appliances, fix some things in the living room, and get rid of a number of items.

Does anyone have experience with x10 type systems that allow you to control the lighting in your entire house? That would be slick.

(04-26-2016 07:37 PM)Tex Wrote:  

Do you find dimmer to be an overall better choice? Or should certain rooms (like the living room or dining room, let's say) be brighter and have more windows while rooms like the bedroom are dimmer and more intimate?

Dimmer is almost always better when it comes to getting laid. There's a reason nightclubs, bars, and "romantic" restaurants have dim lighting. Everything looks nicer (you look better) and it gets girls more in the relaxed mood.

You can go too dim, but it's more likely that you'd go too bright.

Dimmable lights definitely are a plus as you can turn them up when you need more light and keep them dim the rest of the time.

[Kona]

(04-26-2016 07:45 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Does anyone have experience with x10 type systems that allow you to control the lighting in your entire house? That would be slick.

I have crestron. Its pretty cool. Everything in the house is on there. I don't use any of the stereo stuff at all. Don't buy more than one controller because you do it all from your phone. You might be able to not get the controller at all now. Its really expensive and sort of like iPhone #1.

The trick with the dimming and the shades going down with girls is to just act you are texting when you do it. Don't be the jackass that says "oooh look at my light dimmer" just say " oh yeah its on a timer." You wont look so corny.

Aloha!

[PapayaTapper]

(04-26-2016 07:45 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Fuck, you guys really make me realize how much I need to up my game in my place. I need to upgrade a couple kitchen appliances, fix some things in the living room, and get rid of a number of items.

Does anyone have experience with x10 type systems that allow you to control the lighting in your entire house? That would be slick.

Sending you PM

(04-26-2016 07:45 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Dimmer is almost always better when it comes to getting laid. There's a reason nightclubs, bars, and "romantic" restaurants have dim lighting. Everything looks nicer (you look better) and it gets girls more in the relaxed mood.

"...it's high noon, she's comes out the house and a fucking ..."

[General Stalin]

Thanks for the refresher - I am moving into a new place this weekend and need to keep my pad game on point.

I 2nd kaotic's point about having cool DHV stuff around your place to show off on "the tour." Like he said, neat/weird shit with a cool story behind it is great. Clean is key, because women stereotype that most men are slobs (true, sadly). It's easy to keep your place clean, and it goes a long way with impressing guests; friends, family, and girls alike. Honestly it's just good host manners anyway and every self-respecting man should keep a tight ship.

Having a convenient music setup is also important I cosign that. Having comfortable chill spot(s) are big. Get a LoveSac:



They are big comfy and very chill. Basically an oversized adult beanbag (actually filled with foam not beans). I have one of these with a record player setup and a small collection of smooth and chill post rock/indy vinyls. Really helps set the mood. I have fucked a few girls on thing thing with Explosions in the Sky playing in the background. I highly endorse.

May sound corny, by christmas lights set a nice vibe. string some up along the ceiling and it makes for a nice warm yet dimly lit mood. My last place had exposed wood beams and I strong those bad boys up in my living room and it was great. Also had a loft with an interior balcony in my master bedroom and strung those all up the railing. Just a nice vibe.

Notice the words "mood" and "vibe" being repeated a lot here. That's what its all about. You don't want a girl feeling like she is just going to some dank apartment, or some cold and brightly lit hospital. You want your place to have a feel to it. Something relaxing and even sexual. Comfortable fabrics, dim warm lighting, nice smells and sounds, etc.

Also may sound weird but having a nice kitchen setup is key. I have been complimented on having a well put together kitchen. Well stocked with quality organized utensils, cookware, and diningware. Women will be more pleased cooking for/with you in a nicely maintained kitchen.

[BlackFriar]

What about an MP5 (semi auto) for show and tell? I have a bunch of old lithographs from the middle 1800s-early 1920s. One of them is about three feet long and has napoleon on his ship...standing by the mast. Going to the island of elba. (Only bad thing, is they all turned yellow.)

Oh and General Stalin: I have a small bronze bust of Gen Stalin that I got in EE. ;')

[Adonis]

Good post, having a solidly set up pad has sealed the deal numerous times. It helps that I have an almost serial killer like OCD for cleanliness (hence the username). Just one small nit pick. Martini glasses are really cocktail glasses. I have a thing for classic cocktails so I have a few books (Imbibe, Bitters, and Craft of the Cocktail) along with some vintage looking glasses I picked up from Boston Shaker on my bar. Being able to whip up a fancy drink off the top of your head impresses everyone. Stirred > shaken.

Im a renter so I have to rely on DHV items to make up for substandard hardware. All my furniture I bought raw wood and finished myself. One of the better purchases I made was an electronic picture frame, just let it shuffle a couple hundred of my more interesting pictures and its super easy bait. A quality portable Bluetooth speaker makes good music a quick and easy affair. I like the Christmas light idea, going to try that out soon.

My second bedroom is my outdoor equipment storage room, I was thinking of putting up a 4'x8' sheet of plywood with a pegboard facing to hang all my climbing/outdoor gear to keep it superbly organized and show it off a little. Hell I might just make it the centerpiece of my living room.

I keep most of my guns out of sight, seen that go bad too many times and I have too much money locked into it. Exception being my carry piece. Girls will usually feel it at some point, which turns into "I want to see your gun hehe" then its easy to convince them to follow me home.

[kmhour]

I'll say this as a proponent of 'pad game', but I do try to avoid overthinking it. As Hank Moody alluded to, you can definitely screw up an opportunity with a girl who's come back to your place, but I do think her coming back means you're already in 'fuckup avoidance game' territory.

Also, you do have to be mindful that a well appointed place can activate last-minute good-girl feelings if she realizes you're more relationship material than she might initially have thought. It's definitely something to keep in the back of your mind and be proactive about. I'd come from the perspective that your place is more of a 'DHV' of your tastes and interests than a provider tell.

That aside, cocktails and cooking are two of my go-to draws. Both are genuine interests that work to provide opportunities. I have a well stocked bar and kitchen and it's a great opportunity to invite her over for a drink before you go out, dinner over candles, or whatever mood strikes. Hank Moody's point on having the essential cocktail ingredients is a good one. I know what cocktails I prefer and most aren't girly drinks, but I make sure I have materials on hand to satisfy the basics. And even something like a classic margarita or Sidecar can be sweetened up a bit with simple syrup to appeal to different palates. It clearly appeals to girls when you can mix up a cocktail from scratch from memory, hand her the glass, and steer her to the couch to continue the conversation.

Decoration is obviously down to personal taste. Find what you styles you like and drill down into them. I know I like a more contemporary vibe so I got a subscription to Dwell magazine for ideas. Google Image Search is just as effective. Any kind of streaming home theater/stereo solution is great - whether for mood setting music or for cozying up on the couch sharing tunes. Sonos is spendy but the UI and the ease of a whole house setup are great.

AneroidOcean, I've been experimenting with home automation in my place. X10 is pretty out of date by this point. Crestron as I understand it is typically installed by pros. For the home user, Z Wave is worth looking into. It's a standard so you can buy light switches from one company and door locks from another depending on preference and budget. Insteon is basically the successor to X10 and supposedly pretty robust too. Then you've got to find a hub - it's complicated. Feel free to PM if you want my more detailed thoughts.

[General Stalin]

(04-26-2016 10:11 PM)BlackFriar Wrote:  

Oh and General Stalin: I have a small bronze bust of Gen Stalin that I got in EE. ;')

I have Soviet Dictator Russian nesting dolls.

[kaotic]

(04-26-2016 07:37 PM)Tex Wrote:  

Do you find dimmer to be an overall better choice? Or should certain rooms (like the living room or dining room, let's say) be brighter and have more windows while rooms like the bedroom are dimmer and more intimate?

Straight up most my house is usually dark, I have neon sign I have on when a girl comes over in my room.

A dimmer can be used with your iPhone with the Phillips bulbs, it's fucking sick.

The darker the better, as long as it isn't creepy.

(04-26-2016 07:37 PM)Tex Wrote:  

(04-26-2016 06:21 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Personally my greatest asset in getting a bang is my AR-15 (pun intended) that I built from the lower receiver up.

HankMoody Wrote:

Noting kaotic's post, women love my gun collection. I don't care how liberal she is, once she puts an AK-47 or AR-15 in her hands, the gina starts tinglin hard. They're almost always like "we should go shooting one day!" If I get them in the gun room, a bang is practically inevitable.

I can attest to that. I even had a leftist Croatian girl fresh off the plane drooling over some of my guns last summer.

Nice post Hank.

Yep, I've had an asian girl who was scared of guns hold it and check it out.

It's actually one of my quals and bates I set when talking to a girl, I hint about making a rifle, ask them if they've been shooting.

I drop the, "let's bounce, check out X move (that we talked about) and my rifle" plausible deniability.

Bingo, gina tingles.

Bitches love dangerous and scary shit.

[d3traktion]

Stalin, I agree with the christmas lights, depending how and where you have them set up. I had some that provided excellent lighting in a previous apartment in my room that definitely set a mood. Relax on my bed, as its the only place to sit, the lights, get some music going, got em.

Also, I have one of those huge LoveSac's and it is completely out of place at my apartment currently (used to fit nicely when my set up was different). Chicks do dig them and they are fun to get high on and lay back and chill. Few notches for me on it as well !