[samsamsam]

thread-54758.html

She says she is a supermodel.

[Suits]

(03-28-2016 08:29 PM)samsamsam Wrote:  

thread-54758.html

She says she is a supermodel.

She was probably forced to become a supermodel, because she couldn't afford Obamacare on a regular model's income.

[Gopher]

[TheMaleBrain]

[TheMaleBrain]

[Remington]

[Irenicus]

Rabbit walks into a bar. He yells:

"HEY, WOLF!!"
"What?"
"I JUST FUCKED YOUR WIFE RAW!!"
"You little bastard. Come outside, so that I teach you some respect.."
"DEAL!!"

After 10 minutes, rabbit comes back in, without a single scratch, smiling. Wolf, missing half his teeth, follows suit.

Rabbit yells:

"HEY, LION!!"
"What?"
"I HAD A THREESOME WITH BOTH YOU DAUGHTERS, WHILE YOUR WIFE WAS WATCHING!!!"
"You son of a whore. Come outside, so that I teach you some manners..."
"BRING IT!!"

And after 10 minutes...rabbit comes back in, smiling, and without a single scratch. Lion, missing all his teeth, and limping, follows suit.

Not one minute passed, and Bear comes in, very pissed. He yells:

"LISTEN UP FOOLS!!. IF SOMEONE DARES TO SAY ANYTHING BAD TO MY GOOD FRIEND RABBIT, HE WILL REGRET THE DAY HE WAS BORN!!!"

[NapoleonDynamighty]

What do you call a black woman who's had 7 abortions ?

A Crimefighter


ps: I am black

[NapoleonDynamighty]

Why do jews have long nose ?

Because the air is free .

ps: I am jewish

[NapoleonDynamighty]

What is the worst thing about being black and jew ?

Not being able to count the money you steal .

ps: I am a black jew

[Hazaer]

Do you guys use jokes when you open a girl? If it works, do share some. Some of the jokes above are good but I think they might offend someone whose friend might be of that race or religion etc.

I will start with one, not mine though: Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? Ans: 'Bro, how do you even breathe through that thing?!' I was thinking this is just a little sexual without poking fun of anybody. Not sure if it will turn women off though.. Your views?

Thanks.

[Matsufubu]

I'm thinking that will immediately associate you in her mind with a small penis. Possibly try another approach.

[CynicalContrarian]

Fat (heavy) chicks give new meaning to the phrase - "Do you even lift bro?"

[CynicalContrarian]

Ouch :

@JeremyOreo Jul 26
I saw two homeless people kissing. I yelled, "Get a room!"

[Suits]

Two ditch diggers are sweating it out in the trenches, digging yet another ditch for their corporate overlords. Finally, one of them has enough and says,

"What the fuck am I doing digging a ditch for $10 an hour just to try to pay for Obamacare while that asshole CEO sits in an air-conditioned office earning $1000 hour to tell others what to do?"

His compatriot responses, "Shucks make, you're right. Whatcha gonna do about it?"

"I'm going to go to the top floor at headquarters and give our CEO a piece of my mind."

So, the bedraggled ditch-digger climbs out of the ditch, dusts himself off and takes a trip back to HQ, where he takes the elevator up to the 28th floor.

There he shoves his way past a receptionist and encounters the CEO, who he corners and asks, "What the fuck am I doing digging a ditch for $10 an hour just to try to pay for Obamacare while you sit in an air-conditioned office earning $1000 hour to tell others what to do?"

The CEO isn't phased at all. He answers, "Great question, let me answer it for you."

The CEO then puts his hand in-front on an ornate exposed brick wall and says, "Punch my hand."

The ditch-digger winds up and delivers a powerful blow, but at the last possible moment, the CEO pulls back his hand and all the ditch-digger succeeds in doing is punching the exposed brick wall.

"Owwwww, my hand!" bellows the ditch-digger.

"Does that answer your question?" asks the CEO.

"Sure does!" responds the ditch-digger, as he nurses his bruised hand.

The ditch-digger thanks the CEO and then heads back to his ditch-digging project where his co-worker asks, "What did the CEO say?"

"Let me show you," answers the first ditch-digger, placing his hand in-front of his face. "Punch my hand."

[aeroektar]

Why is diarrhea hereditary?
-Because it runs in your genes.

I found out my toaster isnt waterproof the other day.
-I was shocked.

[Kona]

How do you get a redneck to suck your dick?

Dip it in ranch.

Aloha!

[Matsufubu]

I forgot how to throw a boomerang...but then it came back to me.

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

My wedding was so beautiful...the cake was in tiers

What do you call a nose without a body? Nobody nose.

To the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing

[Kona]

(07-28-2016 08:46 AM)Suits Wrote:  

Two ditch diggers are sweating it out in the trenches, digging yet another ditch for their corporate overlords. Finally, one of them has enough and says,

"What the fuck am I doing digging a ditch for $10 an hour just to try to pay for Obamacare while that asshole CEO sits in an air-conditioned office earning $1000 hour to tell others what to do?"

His compatriot responses, "Shucks make, you're right. Whatcha gonna do about it?"

"I'm going to go to the top floor at headquarters and give our CEO a piece of my mind."

So, the bedraggled ditch-digger climbs out of the ditch, dusts himself off and takes a trip back to HQ, where he takes the elevator up to the 28th floor.

There he shoves his way past a receptionist and encounters the CEO, who he corners and asks, "What the fuck am I doing digging a ditch for $10 an hour just to try to pay for Obamacare

Suits met a nice girl and drove her way out into the woods. They had some great sex the backseat of his car.

After they were done the girl says " im actually a hooker, and inorder to pay for obamacare, i need $100.

Suits then turns to her and says " well im a taxi driver, and in order to pay for obamacare, i need $200."

Aloha!

[Matsufubu]

Knock knock

Who's there?

Obamacare

[DJ-Matt]

A man walks into a zoo

The only animal there was a dog

It was a shh-tzu

[Charles Martel]

How did copper wire get invented?

Two Jews, fighting over a penny.

How did the Grand Canyon form?

Many, many years ago, a Jew accidentally dropped a quarter down a rabbit hole.

What do you call two Italians, an Asian and three black guys sitting in a circle?

A sprinkler.

[wait for confused look/courtesy laugh]

Wop. Wop. CHINK! niggerniggernigger

[YoungBlade]

There were once two prawns - Justin and Christian.

They were good friends, and had good times together, but spent most of their time swimming away from hungry sharks.

One day, Justin had had enough. He cried, "I wish I was a shark so I wouldn't worry about being eaten!"

A mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is my command!" Suddenly, Justin was a fearsome shark! Christian was naturally terrified, and swam off because he didn't want to be eaten by his former friend.

As time went by, Justin found shark life to be dull. Sure, he didn't have to worry about being eaten, but he was lonely, missing his good friend Christian. Finally, he had had enough, and cried, "I wish I was a prawn like before!"

The mysterious cod appeared once more and said, "Very well!" Justin found himself to be a prawn again. He was overjoyed, and swam immediately to Christian's home in the coral. He knocked on Christian's door. "Christian!" he shouted, "Christian! It's me Justin! Let me in!"

"No way!" Christian shouted back. "You're trying to trick me, I don't want to be eaten!"

"No, it's not like that!" said Justin. "I'm not a shark anymore, that was the old me! I found Cod! I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

[Spectrumwalker]

What do Paul Walker and Philip Seymour Hoffman have in common?




They both died hitting black tar.

[CynicalContrarian]

For awhile there the joke was :

"Does Bruce Jenner have the balls to cut off his own cock?"

Now that ol' Bruce has had the surgery the joke is :

"Bruce Jenner had the balls to cut off his own cock...
Turns out he is brave; in a very crazy sense."