Quote: (12-03-2015 03:00 PM)Mess O. Wrote:
CBW & WIA offer some simple wisdom that has me reflecting. Given my novice level, it reminds me of how I'll needlessly sweat certain little processes that I imagine become naturally sub-conscious as one advances to new levels of awareness.
If you're just starting out, I wouldn't pay TOO much attention to the high level discussion.
The main thing is getting out there, and getting used to interacting with women. That's why the first 100 approaches are so important.
The more densely you pack those approaches in, the more you'll learn that these 105 lb human beings can't really do much to hurt you, and they almost always say the same shit to you no matter what you say to them.
You see, walk over, get her attention, deliver your opener
- she opens immediately
- she politely tries to avoid the conversation after a few seconds
That's pretty much it. If you're coming at a chick with basic human respect, it's not likely that she's going to a throw a drink in your face, get the whole bar laughing at you, and then have her shaven head mma boyfriend come out of nowhere to kick your ass, only to be arrested by the police for bleeding on the sidewalk.
It's after you've got that first taste of approaching under your belt, (with all the next set of problems that ensues) that you'll ponder the nature of "congruence".
As a coping mechanism, I find that congruence is great.
I saw a chick.
I tried to open her.
I let her know that I found her attractive by opening her.
She made her assessment.
You're honest with yourself and honest with the prospect.
But like I was saying in the "9" thread, if a person doesn't know you, they can't ever be sure if your sincere. She can't really tell if you're lying. If this is not "who you really are", that you're "putting on an act' (and when they know you, most partners lie their asses off).
So what being congruent really means in practice - is not "acting with intention" or some other nonsense - it's not talking too fast, it's not stammering or stuttering, it's not nervous fidgeting.
It's more of a body language thing than some grand approach to pick up.
This is a learned skill, because talking to strangers is generally stressful. Your heart rate goes up, you may even start to sweat a bit, adrenaline is on standby.
As animals, we sense those sort of things about each other.
And since you're taking on a new skill, this is essentially an "act" until you get used to the what's going on with your body.
To newbs and critics, the guy that's finally trying to talk to a strange girl is "putting on an act".
"Why don't you just be you?" is how the hater logic goes.
Try being the real you in an interview.
"So why do you want this job"
the real you - "Bitch, I'm not tryna be homeless."
the interview you - "I feel that my skills can help the company grow."
To a small extent, the attempt to pick up a girl is a job interview.
After you learn game, or by learning game, ideally you want to "switch chairs"...But that's beyond the scope of this post.
So TL DR
Don't get sidetracked with the philosophical debate.
WIA