Quote: (11-24-2015 01:15 PM)Menace Wrote:
I agree with heavy on this one. If you have to make such explicit statements it's a problem. This dynamic is how it should be, but it must be implicitly understood as a subtext in the relationship. You can't be giving mini-ultimatums every time she does something you don't like. Arguably, they should have broken up already. A proper relationship has a certain flow, where everything is basically smooth the majority of the time (well for me anyway).
I have to respectfully disagree- I am of the opinion that it is in women's nature to naturally try and change you as long as you are with them, for various reasons.
- pride
- genuine disagreement/morality clash
- to push buttons because you 'won the last argument'
- her friends telling stories about what they do to their boyfriends
The list goes on. She can respect and know not to challenge you on certain things but when you 'don't care', hold frame and show her the door (which is natural) you can expect her to still try every now and then. If you are trying to eliminate this behaviour, that is more 'abusive'/'harmful'/-insert shaming language here' than not seeing it for what it is.
I've noticed this in my own relationships, my friends and my grandparents. Funny enough, my grandfather is the biggest G and doesn't take shit at all. Doesn't stop my grandmother from 'trying it' as he puts it, 62 years in to their marriage. He will let her have it every now and then and accept, 'I fucked up' and thus the cycle continues.
In most instances, it will be shit tests, questioning things from first week to 10 months in despite her subliminally knowing that your ways are what attract you to her.
It doesn't come down to 'wanting' your girl to be like this. If your game is tight and you accept women for who they are, this is to be expected. This is why XXL and myself, can so easily just bust out the line.
Sometimes, it's to assert your position and defend your actions, from a positive frame (given she knows your position prior).
Sometimes, it's to call her bluff when she is being a woman, the same little girl since young who always got what she wanted.
Sometimes, you just don't give a fuck because you have 4 other girls hitting you up on the side and willing to step up to your level and audition to be #1.
These are just human dynamics. The person with the most power will be willing to leave first; the person willing to leave first will have the most power.
I just came back from yoga and there was an absolute stunner, 20yo who partnered up with me. We flirted and joked about certain stuff. She works at a bar near my work and I am sure she has seen me before. I completely forgot about my girlfriend for that hour. I check my phone and I quote "I could just smooooooch you right now. Every time we're apart I realise just how much I want to be with you." Followed by "Silly girl" two minutes later.
Yes, she is in love. Yes, I can tell her to walk and she will tear up. I won't say that shit lightly anymore because she doesn't shit test me as much as she used -BUT- she still will and I will still show her the door. It just happens when your game is tight.
Excuse the arrogance but every ho and housewife wants to try and change a guy, especially when they know he is money or is destined for big things.
- entitlement, deserved-ness, fear of loss when you are in the upper echelon
- ability to claim your fame when you make it
- coffee talk with women
- pride (this is severely underestimated)
This is fucked up but if you have power over a woman's self esteem, she will fight wars for you and stay around.
An old Greek saying: "the more you spit on them, the more they stick on your shoe" (thanks Grandpa).
All relationships are trans-actional, zero sum and power based, from a purely rational point of view. The reason the HONY example works is because women are more emotional than men and guys with game know this to leverage it into getting what they want.
Eric Berne wrote a book which is a good jumping point- "Games People Play", I can go in to further details but I am sure it will derail this thread.
Rant over.