[Unkown_Killa]

I read Bang a couple of times and was reading about the vibe etc. but I feel game can be calibrated based on who you are.

For example, I know this guy, cool guy, he isn't as good looking or as built as me (maybe he's an inch or so taller, also I'm dark whereas he's fairer, not that it makes a difference) but he is ridiculously extroverted, cracking jokes left, right, and centre and a generally "in your face" guy. In fact we was talking to 2 girls we knew the other day, he went away temporarily, and one of them was like "he's so funny" to the other.

I can make women laugh, but I can't hold a candle compared with him, and I know I never would. I think I'm more of an introvert that tries to act extrovert, whereas as I said before, he is ridiculously extrovert. I'd feel overshadowed if I was out gaming with him as a wing.

But there must be a different approach I can take that would make women just as interested in me as him, or even more. I'm just struggling to work out what that is.

[Onto]

Having a good sense of humor definitely helps, but you can't force it. I wouldn't even try and compete with him on that level. Just agree with the girls and start talking with them about whatever.

Attraction is based on two people's personalities meshing. In that respect, it's really just a number's game.

[XXL]

Play your game. What are your strengths? For example, you can bet on intense sexual tension stuff aka deep eye contact, standing/sitting bit closer than usual, touching more, flirting instead of joking, etc.

Like this..

Quote:

You don't really need to do or say much of anything.

There is already tension between men and women. By definition that tension is sexual. It's always lurking just beneath the surface. If it was acceptable I believe people everywhere would be having care-free sex with multiple partners all the time. This tension is so dangerous it often leads to complete strangers having sex in less than 10 minutes. This tension is why some men feel the need to cover women head to toe in burkas. It's also why women know it's dangerous to put themselves in a situation where they are alone with you.

Do Less, Not More

Just by showing up, without doing anything, there is already sexual tension between you and women. It is natural and automatic.

That means:

1) There is really nothing "special" you need to do or say

2) Most women are already naturally attracted to you

Anti-Manifesto

It is my belief that it's not so much as you need to do or say "special" things to CREATE attraction as much as you just need to NOT do the small things that reduce the sexual tension that is already there. And eventually kill it forever.

- talking
- laughing
- reacting
- fidgeting
- bailing her out
- supplicating facial expressions

I consider this an anti-manifesto because most strategies usually focus on what you need to do or say. There is nothing to say. There is nothing to do.

Your whole life you have been doing things to lessen tension. You have always tried to make everybody else around you feel more comfortable at your own expense. You do this with your friends, your co-workers and especially the women you like. When things get tense or awkward you're the big clown making everyone laugh and feel comfortable. Even when girls reject you, you are more worried about their comfort level than your own. You don't want her to feel awkward. Aw!

This is bad because doing things to help women feel more comfortable with the sexual tension will be viewed by her as supplication. A woman is never going to be attracted to a man that can handle LESS sexual tension than she can.

In the end it always seems to come down to who wins the little tension battles:

Eye Contact: who is going to look away first
Introduction: who pulls their hand away first
Silence: who gives in and talks first
Resistance: who tries to diffuse the awkward moment first
Who breaks down and needs to have a talk about "what is going on" first

Lets look at a few subtle ways guys reduce the sexual tension in their interactions with women:

Opening & Silence

The reduction of tension starts right away. Most guys will use a social opener or make up an excuse to start the conversation. This may help you and her both feel comfortable, but is that really such a good idea?

Right from the beginning guys are scared of silences. In fact right after you introduce yourself you want to pause for a second and give her a chance to contribute. Instead what guys usually do is just assume it's their job to talk and entertain the whole time. It all comes off as they are trying to qualify themselves instead of the other way around. (The person talking is the person qualifying). When silence happens, as it always will, who feels the pressure to talk first.

Seductive Listening & Facial Expressions

Another way guys break sexual tension is by making supplicating facial expressions when listening. Instead of using this opportunity to bask in the natural tension of the moment guys get wide-eyed, flash goofy smiles and do lots of head nodding. And don't forget the nervous throw away lines like "oh my god that's so funny". Instead you want to keep relatively quiet and use more of a blank stare when listening. Similar to a poker players face. By listening intently but not giving her much feedback she will feel like she needs to qualify herself to you.

Escalation & Resistance

Anytime you get verbal or physical resistance there will be even more tension in the air. This is good news. Resistance is great! But if you react to the resistance verbally (ie. trying to diffuse the awkwardness by making a joke) you will kill that tension. The same thing happens if you look sad and become pouty. If you don't react to her resistance it never becomes real. It's not official. It's like it never happened. Being unreactive and keeping composed lets you be very persistent without coming across needy.

Tests/Asd

Many times it's not just you. When women become aroused they will try to reduce the tension by baiting you to break rapport. Of course you fall for this trap because you think you need to break rapport to create sexual tension. See the problem? The sexual tension is already there.

Even witty comebacks and reframes can reduce tension. As such, tests are best handled this way. Hold seductive eye contact, smile and turn your head away slowly. If her test is due to a legitimate sexual comfort issue then your response can be delivered in a sexual but serious tone.

ie.

~ We are not having sex tonight.

We're both adults. We will do whatever we are comfortable with.

Bailing Her Out

When you ask women to exchange numbers, meet up or come home with you, you should just ask her and then shut the fuck up. When women start stalling or making excuses guys always seem to bail them out by saying something. They crumble under the pressure.

Instead don't say anything and move slightly closer to her. Let the awkward moment linger. The pressure is on her. Let her feel bad for breaking rapport with you. If you can just keep your mouth shut long enough women will often come around on their own and agree to whatever you were asking for.

A good rule is to always choose the option that produces the most tension. For example if you want to set up a meet it's better to call girls vs. text them. When you text girls you let them off the hook and make it easy for them to say NO. Of course it's even better if you ask her out face to face. Anytime a woman thinks you are doing something because you fear tension (ie. using a bet as an excuse to ask her out) she is going to lose attraction for you.

Risk Creepy

As I have discussed before you want to embrace awkwardness and risk creepy. You want her breathing heavy and get her heart beating faster. That's because these symptoms mimic the signs of her being attracted. This tension is a good thing. You want it to be a bit awkward. You don't want things to feel too comfortable.

How Dare You!

Not breaking the tension can be even harder for new guys with less experience. You will be tested more. Women will look at you like how dare you be so confident. Plus, if you think of yourself as not traditionally "good looking" you will automatically think you need to DO STUFF to make women attracted to you.

Actually it's just the opposite. Guys need to do less. The things you are doing now might be getting reactions, but they are also reducing the tension. It's very subtle but when guys believe they don't have a shot with a woman, they say or do things to sabotage their chances. The funny thing is at the beginning the sexual tension and attraction was there. But because they didn't believe she was attracted, that tension made them feel awkward. So of course they were the ones to break it off first.

The key to assuming attraction is to remember that on some level there is already sexual tension between you and most women. This tension exists naturally. An automatic connection if you will. As such, your focus shouldn't be on what "special things" you need to say or do, but rather just on not breaking the natural tension and attraction that is already present.

Do less.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PUApolyamory/co..._years_of/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/01/...challenge/

Besides, there are many ways to get a girl. Being entertainer is just one of many. Try things and see what works for you. Many guys here cringe at direct step up game however it can work beautifully too. Look..

Few weeks ago I'm in a bar where most people know me and know each other so high risk situation where it's easy to ruin your rep. I'm standing against the wall and a beautiful girl [my type] walks by me. "Proper" move would be to watch where she goes and join her group strike up a convo and carry on. Well, I froze for a moment [she's hot] and I quickly step up, I grab her arm firmly, and loudly say "hey.. who are you?". She looks at me, I look at her intensively and boom! love is in the air, you know, one of those moments where you come out the blue HARD and make strong first impression. She goes into submissive mode right away. Everything around disappears. So textbook RSD approach in high risk situation. No joking, no laughing, just a slight smirk with intense eye contact.

Anything can work.

[HankMoody]

This is a good ROK post -

http://www.returnofkings.com/52130/analy...archetypes

My game is entirely calibrated to "The Conqueror", except throw in some degenerate Hank Moody type shit. (it's a little after noon and I'm drinking a beer).

"The Conqueror has better shit to do than play silly little texting games or tolerate the bratty behavior of a woman for sex. “PUA” game is something he has neither the time nor desire to learn. On the flipside, he’s likely to laugh at a shit test mistaking it for a joke which, ironically, is pretty solid game whether he realizes it or not."

[Unkown_Killa]

Good post man. You completely flipped everything on it's head.

Instead of there being only a small set of things you can do to game, you should take away the stuff that you can't do and use whatever is left.

[Unkown_Killa]

(11-14-2015 12:41 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

This is a good ROK post -

http://www.returnofkings.com/52130/analy...archetypes

My game is entirely calibrated to "The Conqueror", except throw in some degenerate Hank Moody type shit. (it's a little after noon and I'm drinking a beer).

"The Conqueror has better shit to do than play silly little texting games or tolerate the bratty behavior of a woman for sex. “PUA” game is something he has neither the time nor desire to learn. On the flipside, he’s likely to laugh at a shit test mistaking it for a joke which, ironically, is pretty solid game whether he realizes it or not."

I would rather calibrate to "The Hobbyist". My martial arts are important to me and I really want to do some Bear Grylls type shit, just me in a wilderness somewhere.

That builds character a lot more than fucking a 6 just for the sake of it.

[memcpy]

This is an area a lot of guys mess up on.

You should run the game that fits your personality. But you should consider adjusting your game if you want to bang a certain type of girl. I'll explain more below.

I'm a bit low energy and laid back. But I approach like a madman. It would not make sense for me to run high energy, high octane, cokeheaded-clown-extrovert game on some girl. That doesn't fit my personality at all.

However, if you are that high octane cokehead, then by all means run that type of game. That's your personality.

Extroverted guys can do all sorts of shit that I can't do. And I'm fine with it. One thing I beat every extroverted guy on is approaching and playing the numbers game. All while being laid back but interesting. You don't have to make a woman laugh to bang her. Let that sink in.

Adjusting game:

However, if I'm attracted to a chatty girl who's upbeat and happy and I want to bang I will adjust on the fly. I'll be about 10% more talkative a lively than normal. Nothing extreme. And I'm not drastically changing my vibe to do what needs to be done.

If she's crazy cokeheaded extroverted then I may pass because the effort involved would require me expend lots of energy for something that would only amount to a cheap thrill.

[WestIndianArchie]

(11-14-2015 09:52 AM)Unkown_Killa Wrote:  

I read Bang a couple of times and was reading about the vibe etc. but I feel game can be calibrated based on who you are.

For example, I know this guy, cool guy, he isn't as good looking or as built as me (maybe he's an inch or so taller, also I'm dark whereas he's fairer, not that it makes a difference) but he is ridiculously extroverted, cracking jokes left, right, and centre and a generally "in your face" guy. In fact we was talking to 2 girls we knew the other day, he went away temporarily, and one of them was like "he's so funny" to the other.

I can make women laugh, but I can't hold a candle compared with him, and I know I never would. I think I'm more of an introvert that tries to act extrovert, whereas as I said before, he is ridiculously extrovert. I'd feel overshadowed if I was out gaming with him as a wing.

But there must be a different approach I can take that would make women just as interested in me as him, or even more. I'm just struggling to work out what that is.

Problems
- You're going with a wing that's more attractive and out going than you

The only guy that gets to be introverted in a pick up situation is a male model. If you already have a good body, attractive face, and good style - you're about 40% of the way there.

That doesn't sound like your issue. You're chilling with a local celeb and no one is paying attention to you.

- You have no idea if chicks find you attractive, just that your boy is more interesting than you are.

- You're mistaking introversion for lack of social skills, and extroversion for social skills

----------------------

You need to learn game first before you calibrate.

And by game,
- your looks
- where to find these chicks
- how to get over your approach anxiety
- what you want to say
- what reactions you get
and
- how to use the reactions of the women you need to get what you want.

You're going to have to approach and have little to show for your efforts, or just random success and unexplainable failures.

It's only after you get over approach anxiety and how to let a chick's poor or non-existent reaction roll off you - that's when you develop your style.

WIA

[Unkown_Killa]

He's more outgoing and has better game yes, although I'm significantly more physically attractive than him (me and him have discussed this before anyway, he actually said he thought I was a "good-looking guy, no homo"!). For example, when I've walked with him down the street, I'm the one getting the lion's share of IOI's from women.

However, I'm no game denialist, this is perfect proof for that. Although, I do feel if we had equal game I would do better than him. I already have an attractive face, and have just signed up to Crossfit (not that my body is terrible atm). A lot of people say I dress "dapper" as well, so you're correct this isn't my issue. I also know where to find women, London is good for that.

It's the other points that are my main issues, AA is quite big for me (again I've discussed this with him and he just doesn't give a shit about AA). What I want to say is huge though, I just cannot hold a conversation with a girl for more than like 5 mins, I just cannot think what to talk about, or I sound like a Schizo, jumping from topic to topic with no logical conversation progression.

[AneroidOcean]

(11-15-2015 10:50 AM)Unkown_Killa Wrote:  

It's the other points that are my main issues, AA is quite big for me (again I've discussed this with him and he just doesn't give a shit about AA). What I want to say is huge though, I just cannot hold a conversation with a girl for more than like 5 mins, I just cannot think what to talk about, or I sound like a Schizo, jumping from topic to topic with no logical conversation progression.

Why are you not willing to sound like a shizo? Why are you not willing to find out if people think you jump from topic to topic too much?

Is it because you are not willing to fail?

Do you think failing but trying to learn will put you in a worse position than you are now?

What exactly do you think your friend would do if he suddenly had your looks?

Do you think he would approach less?

Do you think he would take the times he fails harder?

The answers to your dilemma lies in the answers to these questions.

You said:

Quote:

I just cannot hold a conversation with a girl for more than like 5 mins

This is a limiting belief. Do you think there's some logical, reasonable, factual reason that you won't ever be able to hold a conversation with a girl for more than 5 minutes? You're letting your emotion rule your good sense.

[Unkown_Killa]

(11-17-2015 09:27 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Is it because you are not willing to fail?

Do you think failing but trying to learn will put you in a worse position than you are now?

Do you think he would take the times he fails harder?

The answers to your dilemma lies in the answers to these questions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc

I saw this a little while ago and I think it really opened my eyes, not just in game but in all aspects of my life.

[Hazaer]

(11-14-2015 10:45 AM)XXL Wrote:  

Play your game. What are your strengths? For example, you can bet on intense sexual tension stuff aka deep eye contact, standing/sitting bit closer than usual, touching more, flirting instead of joking, etc.

Like this..

Quote:

Bailing Her Out

When you ask women to exchange numbers, meet up or come home with you, you should just ask her and then shut the fuck up. When women start stalling or making excuses guys always seem to bail them out by saying something. They crumble under the pressure.

Instead don't say anything and move slightly closer to her. Let the awkward moment linger. The pressure is on her. Let her feel bad for breaking rapport with you. If you can just keep your mouth shut long enough women will often come around on their own and agree to whatever you were asking for.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PUApolyamory/co..._years_of/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/01/...challenge/




Anything can work.

So, if she refuses to give out her number/meet, what can one say/do getting closer to her?

I am guessing, smirk, say goodbye and walk away?