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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 04:29 PM
Been having a lot of discussions about this lately.
Long story short, was in a 1-year LTR that I broke off because the girl was increasingly becoming more prone to throwing temper tantrums, complaining, and disrespecting me way too often. She had been dumped 4-5 times by me previously for the same thing essentially and for sure, even to this day, I'm the highest quality guy that has ever committed to her. I genuinely loved her and gave her every chance to change - her friends and family could see that she was becoming a cunt and I was holding frame. (I'm on good terms with all of them)
Every time I've dumped her, I've proceeded to plow at least 10 other girls and still didn't get over my oneitis. (And for about every 10 I've found, she's been pumped and dumped once)
This last time I dumped her, I found a girl who checks all of my LTR boxes and additionally would make a great wife or GF.
The only issue is, I still love the cunt from the other LTR before.
I've been at 5 months no contact and I still get dreams/nightmares of my ex-GF. I miss her intensely maybe once a week.
There's nothing special about my ex. Everything about the new girl is better.
But I still love my ex. It would be a mistake to go back to her AGAIN and I'm not considering it. I'm sure she'd be different for a few months and then regress to her true state.
If I knew that she could genuinely change, I'd marry the ex immediately regardless of what has happened to her in the meantime. But I've given her plenty of chances and I know that another one wouldn't be any different.
My new girl can sense that I still love my ex. I'll never admit to missing my ex or loving her since that would be a relationship ender - and for good reason too (I'd dump an alpha widow).
The new LTR tries much harder since on a certain level, she senses I don't fully love her. It makes for a very RP relationship where she's basically chasing my validation constantly on top of being a very good choice. I have no complaints with her and she'd make a very good wife. We've been together for 6 months.
There's absolutely nothing the ex can do for me - and I don't see how I could have any sort of a functional relationship with the ex. I hate her when she is there and I love her when she is gone.
I suppose my question is - how important is it that you actually love a girl?
TLDR: How do I stop being a little bitch and missing my slut ex?
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 04:45 PM
Slut exes are emotional vampires. That "feeling" you're getting is the innocence of your soul being sucked out of you by a creature not worthy of being called subhuman.
I dated something like this for too long and after all was said and done it took me a long time to be able to feel a "connection" to a woman. I guess I never really understood the power of my ability to dull what was going on around me. I ended up becoming semi permanently dulled!
These types of women are addicting. Crazy pussy is the best pussy. I've found the opposite advice (not hooking up with new women) is the most effective way to get over this as opposed to the general consensus of sleeping with new women.
When you sleep with new women after a succubus, your mind will unconsciously compare both women looking for good and bad things. In my experience it will always come back to the worst choice (the succubus). The best way to escape this cycle is to not see any women so you don't place yourself into that mental pattern of comparing new girls back to the succubus. Time will heal this.
If you think you're stronger than that then keep on hooking up with women. Though you might end up spinning your gears.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 04:55 PM
I'm 100% sure that if I didn't have my current LTR, I'd break down like a little bitch and go back to the slut-ex.
(I've done that before)
I've also had a girl that was a lot better (A LOT BETTER) than the ex and left the new girl to go back to the ex.
I could have the ex right now - but I'd have to give up a girl who has been almost perfect and done nothing wrong to me.
That would be really fucking stupid. But I do love the ex. I can't rationalize it and I know she's not good for me.
But it is soul draining like you said. I know the answer isn't to take her back.
The best thing I can rationalize is progressing with my life and seeing if my ex has changed every once in a while (surprise! she hasn't).
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 05:09 PM
Hey man, I'm pretty sure you're not going to want to hear this, but I tell you this as your friend.
On an intellectual level, you know that going back to your ex is a mistake and that your current LTR is a much higher quality woman for you. You're saying all the right things and that's coming from the left side of your brain.
The problem is, on an emotional level, you're still hung up on your ex. She somehow pressed your buttons, and knew how to do so, and you're still affected by it despite 5 months of no contact.
Are you absolutely sure that, on an emotional level, that everything about your new girl is better than your ex? This is where I think you aren't being entirely honest with yourself. If that were really true, you would be over her by now and you wouldn't have those dreams or that dark cloud hanging over your current LTR (which she apparently senses is there).
Let me relate from my own personal experience, or rather that of my ex-wife's. The guy she cheated on me with (this is not to imply that you are cheating on your current LTR, but bear with me)... is a lower quality guy than me. I don't mean to brag, but I have a higher paying job and generally have my shit together better than that other guy, who has a drinking problem.
My ex-wife KNEW this on an intellectual level, she knew that the other guy doesn't even come close to checking even 20% of her boxes for a LTR. But it was a different story on an emotional level, because the other guy had game, and I did not. He knew how to push her buttons. Even when they had no contact over the summer, she could not get him off her mind, and she kept going back to him despite all my efforts to save our marriage.
It's like a viral infection. I hate to break it to you, but I don't know what it would take to break this pattern and start over anew. The Beast's suggestion of not being with any new women for a good period of time does make a lot of sense. But I'm not going to tell you to unload your current LTR, because that's totally your choice. Unfortunately, you're going to have to find a way to remove that shadow permanently if you're going to stay with your current girl. That's something for you to really think about, and I think that, ultimately, only you can answer that question.
I'm not trying to be a dick or an armchair critic, but I respect you enough to tell you the truth without sugar coating it.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 05:17 PM
Appreciate the advice CleanSlate, but not being with a girl or gaming girls while in Manila is some zen level stuff. I haven't quite made it there yet. =D
I suppose the question is, how important is an emotional connection in an LTR?
Being detached surely allows one to make better decisions - and in my current LTR, I've been able to make the right choices game wise since I'm not overly emotionally involved.
With the slut-ex, I have made bad decisions just to keep her. Eventually I always came to my senses and dumped her.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 05:25 PM
It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.
I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.
Long-term relationships are not about love.
A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.
When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.
Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.
The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.
Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.
It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.
Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.
Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.
What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?
What type of man does that make you as a result?
How do you feel about being that man?
None of those questions can possibly have good answers.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 05:43 PM
There is a 3rd option. Follow your heart and your head. Continue to see your left brain choice LTR and bang your hearts desire slut ex on the side as a FB.
Try that for a while and report back.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 05:43 PM
Quote: (05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:
It's highly likely that I'm going to go deeper into this subject in a RTS post, mainly because threads like this one are popping up regularly, and I'm responding to nearly all of them.
I'm going to make this one statement and leave it at this for now.
Long-term relationships are not about love.
A long-term relationship is a strategic move for a woman, whereas for the man, it's an emotional move.
When men are ready to break themselves down, open up, share, and make themselves vulnerable, they are engaging women on an emotional level.
Women use your emotions to get you connected so that they can implement their strategy, which at the end of the day is to either find someone who is willing and able to makes their lives easier or someone who's willing to go through their miseries with them.
The situation described by the OP and others is a classic symptom of low-quality manhood.
Low-quality men can only acquire and maintain low-quality women, and no matter what, they feel comfortable with them, because they are on the same level, and that comfort matters to them, no matter what the woman does to the them, they have that "devil you know" mentality.
It is a weak man who plays the on-and-off relationship game with the same woman.
Even if that man can find a "better" woman, he'll go back to what's comfortable because he knows that eventually he'll be exposed as a lesser man, and then he'll be the one who gets left in the dust.
Everything that you do and that you don't do makes up who you are, and you feel everything on some sort of level.
What type of message are you sending yourself by continuing to run back to someone you continue finding a reason to run away from in the first place?
What type of man does that make you as a result?
How do you feel about being that man?
None of those questions can possibly have good answers.
So, what is the end game then, if your options are permanently playing the field or being willfully enslaved?
Further food for thought, can a red pill man ever actually do the whole marriage thing knowing what he knows?
The closest I've seen to it is my one friend who is in his fourties who lives with his girlfriend and their kids. They are both fully aware of the consequences that a failed marriage could bring down on their kids and don't put themselves through it.
He's also a millionaire, so he isn't exactly the best example given his exceptional place in the world.
I will be checking my PMs weekly, so you can catch me there. I will not be posting.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 06:20 PM
Quote: (05-26-2015 05:25 PM)jariel Wrote:
Long-term relationships are not about love.
One of the worst statements I've ever read on the forum. This is advice feminist or the socialist government wants you to believe so we disconnect from others. There's nothing right about it and I would disregard completely.
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05-26-2015, 06:56 PM
There are two sides to love. The John Lennon type, and the guy who killed his cheating wife type. Both claim it's all out of love.
Dagnasty, you have to realize what it is about your ex that you love so much. I'll give you a hint, it's all in your first post.
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05-26-2015, 07:01 PM
From an out sider looking in, it seems like Jariel was burned/hurt by a LTR in the past. While on one hand, that anger can make for GREAT content like Real Talk Sessions, it can also make one jaded and clutching onto the past.
Also, keep in mind that guys like El Mechanico are much older than Jariel and have seen it all when it comes to women so the term "listen to your elders" should possibly be applied.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 07:17 PM
There's a saying, the things we love about a person in the beginning are the very things we hate about them later on.
I don't know enough about you or her to say specifically why you love her, but I suspect if she did change like you want her to, you wouldn't be attracted to her anymore.
One thing is clear, she seems to be the one who's in charge of the "feelings" in the relationship. Weather it's adoring you, being jealous, brining you into anger or fear or happiness. It's seems to be this external force of really wild emotions that is always trying to bring you into feeling. Like a damn typhoon.
Emotional/Passionate chicks like that are hot. As men we don't subscribe to feelings as primary, but we "love" woman that do. They have what we lack.
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How Important is it to Love Your LTR?
05-26-2015, 07:25 PM
Lol, so let me get this straight:
You have a girl who is not a psycho who you're in an LTR with, but you haven't gotten over your psycho ex? You want to ruin everything and get back with your ex. Hmmm, tough choice.
Male hamstering is far more interesting than female hamstering. Dude, leave the fire alone and stick with your current LTR. Your ex is going to fuck your shit up.
I will be checking my PMs weekly, so you can catch me there. I will not be posting.