[iknowexactly]

It's a trick question.

I've been getting closer to a main girl here in the Phils. A rocket scientist she ain't.

But she seems earnest, even as I actively shit-test her on arguing, housekeeping, and my unforgiving nature should she start up with giving me shit of any kind, for any reason.

I've tried to keep it simple by saying that I make all the decisions, forever, and if she doesn't accept my authority, I will immediately leave her. I want to hear what she likes and thinks, but it is and will remain a benevolent dictatorship.

She has a lot going for her, the thigh gap and nearly perfect skin I seem sexually fixated on, a sweet voice, but the best is her seemingly innate desire to regularly tidy things. It seems bred into her, almost like a retriever or something. Every once in a while she'll placidly patrol the apartment, folding up clothes that are out of place, adjusting things on shelves, never with any judgement or complaint or dirty look because I am a total throw-it-on-the-floor slob. She SAYS she will ALWAYS accept doing the dishes and diapers.

She actually just likes to see things tidy.

She's an artful cuddler as well, always gently wrapping herself around me at night, not in a suffocating way.

I actually TRY to antagonize her, and like a dog that really likes you, she just sort of seems baffled by it. She doesn't amp up in response.

I sleep well- and for longer periods- when I'm sleeping with her, I think it definitely is healthier for me to sleep with a girl, my depressive tendencies seem immediately reduced.

Of course some of this has to change, but what does that logic lead to-- should I beat her up badly to see if she will eventually rebel?

There's only so much shit testing you can do out of fear of the future.

The main drawback is she is not smart. But almost all women cannot really be THAT smart, they can only be smart-asses.

She doesn't have DELUSIONS about her intellect like Western girls do. She and another Phils chick have both said to me "I'm not smart like you are."

But if you really want a girl to do all the housework and child care, and basically center her life around you, how smart can she be before without her wanting a "career" beneath which you become a distant second (third after she has kids) priority in her life?

Maybe a dull, conscientious, affectionate wife is something really valuable.

If you are at all above average in intelligence, as you mature into your 40s and 50s you will pull further and further away from your girl intellectually women because women's ability to accurately perceive and anticipate the way reality works remains for the most part stunted forever at the early-20s level (Proportional to their level of innate intelligence.)

Do you fault a dog because it can't play chess?

Maybe we're just asking too much from women. In ancient mythology, even the female gods were capricious and bitchy as hell. Is it realistic to ask for something even superior to a female God?

[kaotic]

Why would you antagonize or beat a loyal dog down ?

Something tells me you aren't fully satisfied with her...

You fear the future so you antagonize her and shit test her ?


You can't control the future, sure you can help predict it, but you shouldn't live in fear ?

Is there anything else going on that's bothering you with your relationship with her ? Perhaps we aren't getting the full picture ?

[Paracelsus]

A conscientious partner is objectively good for you. There's a study recently out that such partners actually advance the career of the working partner, mainly because they make the home environment less fucking stressful. Common sense, yes, but the data now backs it up objectively.

[worldwidetraveler]

(03-23-2015 01:13 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

Do you fault a dog because it can't play chess?

No, you just enjoy them for what they are.

Some of my best times were just sitting with my dog or walking in woods with him at my side. I didn't need to have intellectual conversation to enjoy those moments.

You are in your late 50's and want kids. IKE, you may be better off just looking for good mother material and get going before you hit 60, man. Find a women that will give you your space to pursue your intellectual pursuits.

You don't need to be partners nor do you need to enjoy everything together. Your kids can be the part you two enjoy together. What I do know if you keep playing these guessing games you won't have that family you say you want.

[CactusCat589]

In her favor, she's young, an 8 to 9 by your description of her skin, and most importantly this is her personality in the U.S.. She isn't in Ukraine or the Philippines or whatever, sweet and cuddly until she's exposed to feminism. She's already here, smack dab in ground zero of f-Hiroshima with the shell casings of Instagram, smartphones, and the overwhelmingly parched thirstiness of beta males. And she seems to be alright.

Perhaps this does change as you get older, but sweetness and adoration, loyalty and appreciation, to me, is a lot more valuable than being smart.

What Paracelsus mentioned - did these guys do better because at home their girlfriend or wife was intelligent or nurturing? I'm leaning toward the latter.

[iknowexactly]

(03-23-2015 01:20 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Why would you antagonize or beat a loyal dog down ?

Something tells me you aren't fully satisfied with her...

You fear the future so you antagonize her and shit test her ?


You can't control the future, sure you can help predict it, but you shouldn't live in fear ?

Is there anything else going on that's bothering you with your relationship with her ? Perhaps we aren't getting the full picture ?

I'm actually exaggerating a bit for dramatic effect. It would be more accurate to say I am quite frank about how I want things to be; and my comment about beating her was meant as an rhetorical question, something I would never do.

In American it would be viewed as outrageous by women lol.

[iknowexactly]

(03-23-2015 01:47 AM)worldwidetraveler Wrote:  

..... if you keep playing these guessing games you won't have that family you say you want.

Yes, time waits for no man. I'm getting my fertility checked soon. She's old for the Philippines--mid twenties.

[RichieP]

As for asking too much, I tend to think that relationships in general are difficult. Monogamy is tough, complicated and sometimes painful in the modern world, for both men and women. There's always compromise and a degree of needs unfulfilled for both partners.

Doesn't mean it's not worth it though. But I think it's a waste of time to try and find a perfect girl. What about finding one that makes you feel alive in a couple of core ways that matter to you, and then figure out how to meet your other needs in other ways.

Also, no offence, but you went looking for your wife in a third-world country man. In such places you will find stark divides between homely feminine girls and smart career go-getters... it's way more pronounced than in developed countries.

[CactusCat589]

LOL I thought Phils stood for Philadelphia for some reason. Nevermind.

[Sp5]

In my marriage, I always hoped or expected my ex-wife to share my interests, or at least keep up on the news so we could talk about things other than the house and the kids.

That was a mistake. I now know that expectations like that are futile, even if your woman has a graduate degree. They generally have a narrow vision of things. It's good if they get some of your jokes, that's about as much as you can hope for. Find your intellectual conversations elsewhere.

[iknowexactly]

(03-23-2015 03:22 AM)RichieP Wrote:  

Also, no offence, but you went looking for your wife in a third-world country man. In such places you will find stark divides between homely feminine girls and smart career go-getters... it's way more pronounced than in developed countries.

No offense, to the contrary, I have been having thoughts like that but you put it more clearly.

In Asian the rich/educated are wildly snobby compared to American elites, who feel they should at least be polite to poor people

"Middle class" Filipinos are pretty icy in the way they deal with service personnel, many of whom have bachelor's degrees but are working as sales clerks the way things work here.

The weird thing is these "go-getters" are killing themselves to get to making 2-5 dollars per hour at the most by about 26.

They don't really grasp there's a pretty dense ceiling preventing upward mobility here, it's the equivalent of the spinster class forming in the USA in the 1970s .

[RichieP]

Yeah man...I hear you on the go-getters getting nowhere. It's kind of sad to see - an intensity of drive and determination, doing everything they were told would make them successful... but not realising the world doesn't quite work the way they were led to believe.

I've met degree-holding taxi drivers, secretaries, baristas absolutely working their asses off in SE Asia to get ahead but... they don't see that they're in a dead end. The myth of "education --> success" and the false sense that "everything's growing, things will just keep getting better for everyone" are keeping them trapped. These countries are growing for now but I dread to think what happens to these people if (and probably 'when', in the case of Phils) their country hits a downturn.

[iknowexactly]

(03-23-2015 06:33 AM)RichieP Wrote:  

I've met degree-holding taxi drivers, secretaries, baristas absolutely working their asses off in SE Asia to get ahead but... they don't see that they're in a dead end.

Some will get somewhere, but it's almost the equivalent of making it in music in the West.

I actually got a blow-by-blow account of family "making it" here, the nose in the door was an engineer brother who got a job with an American company in the Phils. After a few years he got an offer in the States with the company and was making close to 6 figures, and he bought land in Cebu, at the same time a sister made the same moves as a nurse, now one other sister is back in the Phils taking care of the parents and managing the apartments they own while the other two make bank in the USA.

In a decade or two they'll have an empire and be multi-millionaires, but it's possible one or both of the sisters sacrificed her chance to have kids. It's kind of like my grandfather's generation who came over from Italy from a town that probably didn't even have electricity.

[YossariansRight]

(03-23-2015 06:42 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

(03-23-2015 06:33 AM)RichieP Wrote:  

I've met degree-holding taxi drivers, secretaries, baristas absolutely working their asses off in SE Asia to get ahead but... they don't see that they're in a dead end.

Some will get somewhere, but it's almost the equivalent of making it in music in the West.

I actually got a blow-by-blow account of family "making it" here, the nose in the door was an engineer brother who got a job with an American company in the Phils. After a few years he got an offer in the States with the company and was making close to 6 figures, and he bought land in Cebu, at the same time a sister made the same moves as a nurse, now one other sister is back in the Phils taking care of the parents and managing the apartments they own while the other two make bank in the USA.

In a decade or two they'll have an empire and be multi-millionaires, but it's possible one or both of the sisters sacrificed her chance to have kids. It's kind of like my grandfather's generation who came over from Italy from a town that probably didn't even have electricity.

Southern Italy? My grandfather came over here, from Calabria, by himself at age 14 to improve his life. We had a photo of him and his other siblings as kids - some of them were barefoot, I shit you not.

[TravelerKai]

Your main girlfriend is alot like my wife in alot of ways. I am guilty of shit testing her and it made her cry and fall apart, greatly surprising me. She cannot believe the way I think, but it is because of my past trauma in dealing with hardened people that makes me not as trusting as I should be of other's intentions.

Reminds me of J Cole and these lyrics on this song Head Bussa:

Quote:

Ok my granny just died, but I'm too broke to go
And she askin my fears but she too close to know
Got trust issues I'm trying, where it come from? Don't know
I just block out the pain, blow the fuck up, get dough.
See I thought that would help me, it turns out it's worse now
My girl want her first child, my label won't work out
My mama don't see me unless I'm on tv, I pray she don't break down
She strong but she need me

She knows what hell I went through with my exwife and she knows that I am trying. I feel you on the benevolent dictator thing. That is exactly how I am. I don't let her work, have a bank account, drive, or anything. Eventually, I will let her do those things except work for others. She can work for me in my business I will try to start soon.

She knows better than to object to my rules and really I don't think she ever really will because she is content with taking care of the baby and being a mother. She hears the complaining of Chinese women that have to work outside the house and still take care of their husbands, babies, etc. enough to know better I think, but part of me still wonders if she still wants to try it. The job she used to work in China is nothing compared to what a typical job in the US demands. It would be the rudest awakening ever for her. If you grow up in a slow paced part of China that is laid back, fast paced big city life could crush your spirit in a heartbeat. I have met enough Chinese college students that have left the US to go back home to know this lifestyle is not for everyone, that is not already indoctrinated in it.

I spend alot of my free time doing my hobbies, keeping up with my handful of friends, and spending time in the Manosphere. Only there I can relax and have stimulating conversations. Intellectual conversations with the wife are not necessary. She being Chinese can be quick to tell me that something too deep to discuss is beyond her comprehension or level of interest. That said she is very curious and asks lots of questions. She had very high grades throughout grade school so she is pretty smart, but she only went to a trade school more or less for college, so she is not some egghead person. I spend alot of time telling her about basic things about the US or whatever little stuff. Keeps us both busy. Discussing the Bible and Christ as well. Basically things that are more important than exploratory.

I get enough of mental exploration just browsing RVF and PM convos with a handful of the more higher repped guys, where we go back and forth on various topics or ideas on future write ups, etc.

So she is happy in her world, and I stay happy in both hers and mine. It's great when you can completely be at home in your own mind. A mental state beyond relaxed. If it were not for money issues, my life would be pretty much perfect.

All that said, never be surprised if you develop trust issues, have nasty flashbacks, or deep wounds come back to hinder you in your life journey. Keeping demons at bay and keeping personal issues in check is a constant struggle. Awareness helps, but the mind, unfortunately, is far more complex than that.

It can be hard to be happy when all the things you need to be happy are literally in your possession. You have to have the appropriate calling, wisdom, and understanding of what the end goal needs to be to, in order to overcome the mental "fog of war" aftereffects. The discernment required to understand real value when you see it, is not optional, but mandatory, otherwise you will throw her away like a piece of garbage and be none the wiser as to why you still have problems.

You are not the only one brother. Stand Firm.

[The Father]

(03-23-2015 01:20 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Why would you antagonize or beat a loyal dog down ?

Something tells me you aren't fully satisfied with her...

I agree its mean and immature. Might not be unsatisfied, though...he might just have internalized the same western poison we rightly mock girls for. "My partner is being submissive...that's beta, ima shit test them!" We don't like it when they do it; lets not do it ourselves.

It could also be that the poster is very young and a bit immature. Not sure about the age so just a guess.

EDIT: Did I just read the OP is in his 50s? Older than me. So my "young" guess was incorrect. Still, treating someone badly just b/c you can seems immature (with all do respect to the OP, who is a fantastic poster).

[WestIndianArchie]

This post is very problematic.
Is it systemic though?

WIA

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

The older I get the more the 80/20 rules applies in relationships I see

I'm not sure complete satisfaction is ever in the cards for most of us, personally I am ever restless as I age. Many things I wanted 5 years ago, aren't necessarily what I want now. Only recently have I come to grips with being a walking contradiction. If you wrote down what might make a woman "ideal" in your eyes, chances are in 6 months you would find yourself making revisions to that list.

The saying goes 'be careful what you wish for' and at this point if I met my "perfect woman" I'm still not sure if I wouldn't put her through the ringer just to test out her unwavering affection. Reason being; my upbringing has engrained in me a healthy dose of cynicism, with a shot optimism. Along with the red pill digestion, comes the realization that things we find satisfying today may not be suitable tommorow. Puzzling but true.

Life constantly moves the goal posts

[Menace]

IKE, the issues are not with her, but appear to be within you. She seems to know who she is and what she wants, but you're in some kind of negative, skeptical mindset. Step away from Western thinking; you're not in Kansas anymore.

You make the best effort you can to choose a wife/mother, and then just go for it. No one can predict the future, and no amount of testing now will guarantee a certain kind of behavior later.

As to your kind of rhetorical question, the sad thing is that we are not asking too much from women. We actually ask very little, but many women in Anglo-Saxon countries cannot even meet those rather elementary demands. That's why things are the way they are.

[Dusty]

Maureen Dowd about 10 years ago made the observation that the more successful the man, the more they want a subservient and nurturing female partner. I think she wrote a book on it. And a series of ny times columns. She turned 50 at the time and was never married, because she desired alpha men ( she fucked michael Douglas) but they just want to P&D her because they don't want to deal with her opinionated shit.

She made the observation that then President Bush was married to a librarian.

I look back at some of the executives I've known at places I've worked, and most were married to former secretaries and the like.

I remember in grad school, some of my professors were internationally known scholars, tops in their field, and they were married to secretaries and librarians.

Just some random observations here.

I think men with passionate interests feel distracted by women who have their own passionate interests. They get anxious because they can't fully focus on what engrosses them. They feel comfortable with a woman who gets off supporting a man with passions.

[General Mayhem]

(03-23-2015 01:13 AM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

Do you fault a dog because it can't play chess?

I am in a very similar situation. My girl treats me like a king, but she is dumb as a rock.

She is gifted when it comes to mathematics and makes more money working in IT at 19 than most chicks will probably ever make, but she doesn't understand common sense at all.

She doesn't know the difference between you're and your. I use words all the time and she asks what they mean. I make jokes that go over her head sometimes.

The difference with me is that I don't expect her to think like I do. She is a woman. I expect her to act like an overgrown child.

You can't depend on a woman for intellectual stimulation.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I am flabbergasted as to both why you are fantasizing about a clever woman who will have intellectual discussions with you and why you are intentionally antagonizing someone who is kind and nice to you.

[Downtown]

I've come to the same conclusion.

Intellect doesnt mean anything to me anymore beyond being moderately intelligent.

How she can be of service to me is far far more important.

[Dusty]

...and another thing..

Intelligent and/or successful men love being flattered by the women they're fucking.

I like, and pretty much expect my women to compliment my intelligence and act subservient to it.

If I dated a girl who was of equal or higher intelligence (or more likely - thought she was of equal or higher intelligence) I'd probably feel a bit emasculated. Or just not comfortable because the roles are not how I like to operate.

Now a feminist would screech "you can't handle a strong intelligent woman!" Well so be it. Neither can most men more intelligent and accomplished than me.

What about Bill & Hillary you ask? yeah, Bill was fucking every bitch except Hillary! You can see how much more stable and drama free George Bush's marriage to a librarian is compared to Bill Clinton's marriage to a Yale lawyer-cunt.

I'm not saying date retards, just saying for most guys you probably will enjoy relationships better when you're the smarter one.

[jariel]

Are we just asking too much from women??



Oh no, poor little things, they're so modern now, and there's just so much shit for them to do, that we need to lower the hoop. Let's go get the kiddie hoop that's six feet high, so everyone over 10 can dunk.

Fuck that noise.

We're not asking too much from women, if anything, we're not demanding enough. You keep asking, and you'll keep getting their answer, which is "Fuck you, I'll do what I want to do."

You're the man, you make the rules. She doesn't have to play your game, but the right women will, and the wrong ones can tell themselves on their death beds that they played the game by their own rules, and rather than have an adoring man at their sides until their last breaths, they can look over to the right and see a fuckin' empty ass coffee table.