[NilNisiOptimum]

I think the lesson of this thread is beware the cats!

My dog never liked when my wife and I would go at it. We'd shut the dog out of the room and after finishing, we'd always find the dog left a surprise in the hallway while we were busy.

Finally, taking the dog out became a preflight check. It seemed to work.

[Cyclone419]

(12-17-2014 05:14 AM)JohnyBoi95 Wrote:  

(12-17-2014 02:48 AM)alex3948 Wrote:  

I was with a girl that couldn't get wet, no matter what I tried. She clearly showed excitation but her pussy was dry like a desert.

So I get a lube bottle (the cheap ones with strawberry flavor that you can buy at your local pharmacy), put some in my hands, and start rubbing her pussy. Her pussy was absorbing the lube and becoming dry again. I was starting to lose my boner and lose patience.

Since the bottle was around 6 cm diameter, I take off the top of the bottle, and put the bottle directly in her pussy, thus fucking her using the lube bottle. However I scratched her inside and hurt her accidentally. When fucking her, it was hurting too much for her and I ended up blueballed. And she was still dry.

-=============================-

Also a Thai chick from a very conservative family invited me to her house because she had the house for herself, and while fucking her, her parents came back home and walked in silently. Right in the middle of the act, the father opens the door and catches us in full action. Fortunately they had a sense of humor, but the moment was REALLY ankward.

Either defective vagina or post OP tranny.

She sounds like a dope head. Pain pills will do that to you.

[brick tamland]

Mine is a pull-out failure. I was 26 with my LTR at the time. We were having passionate sex and in those days I had incredible stamina. We'd been going at it for a long time yet I was not about to jizz anytime soon. So being very wise off came the condom. Well still I wasn't about to jizz. After a while I did jizz unexpectedly, the 1st and only time I haven't felt that I was about to jizz. Afterwards came the usual angst which turned out to have been unwarranted.

[YossariansRight]

(12-17-2014 08:51 AM)The Reactionary Tree Wrote:  

I dont know if this counts as a fuck up but it was pretty gross and hilarious.

I was at this chicks dorm room, we were making out and then I started fingering her. When I pulled my finger out, she immediately grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth. As she did this, I noticed it was absolutely covered in her menstrual blood. As she cleaned my finger off, she had this vampire that just fed look on her face as her entire mouth & chin were covered in blood. It was hilarious and pretty fucked up.

That's hot. Very fucking hot.

[The Reactionary Tree]

(12-17-2014 03:34 PM)YossariansRight Wrote:  

(12-17-2014 08:51 AM)The Reactionary Tree Wrote:  

I dont know if this counts as a fuck up but it was pretty gross and hilarious.

I was at this chicks dorm room, we were making out and then I started fingering her. When I pulled my finger out, she immediately grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth. As she did this, I noticed it was absolutely covered in her menstrual blood. As she cleaned my finger off, she had this vampire that just fed look on her face as her entire mouth & chin were covered in blood. It was hilarious and pretty fucked up.

That's hot. Very fucking hot.

it looked something like this:

[weambulance]

(12-17-2014 03:34 PM)YossariansRight Wrote:  

(12-17-2014 08:51 AM)The Reactionary Tree Wrote:  

I dont know if this counts as a fuck up but it was pretty gross and hilarious.

I was at this chicks dorm room, we were making out and then I started fingering her. When I pulled my finger out, she immediately grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth. As she did this, I noticed it was absolutely covered in her menstrual blood. As she cleaned my finger off, she had this vampire that just fed look on her face as her entire mouth & chin were covered in blood. It was hilarious and pretty fucked up.

That's hot. Very fucking hot.

[Sourcecode]

I met a girl...We went club hopping
I was pulling multi venue change before even knowing what it was... next thing you know. Im banging the chick at her place.
I hadnt had sex in a while.. So I Busted the biggest load ever..Raw..right in her..
Trying to pretend like I was fine..I didn't tell her..and we fucked for 5 more minutes.

My brain shit itself..ect ect.. the next day.. I met her again for another bang.. this time I pulled out a condom.
She looked at me like..wtf..We went raw last night and im still leaking your cum...why would you need a condom now

That was one of my fuck ups...
Luckily..she was a dedicated college girl on birth control

[ONE A DAY]

(12-17-2014 04:01 PM)Sourcecode Wrote:  

My brain shit itself..ect ect.. the next day.. I met her again for another bang.. this time I pulled out a condom.
She looked at me like..wtf..We went raw last night and im still leaking your cum...why would you need a condom now

LOL!!

[YossariansRight]

(12-17-2014 03:39 PM)The Reactionary Tree Wrote:  

(12-17-2014 03:34 PM)YossariansRight Wrote:  

(12-17-2014 08:51 AM)The Reactionary Tree Wrote:  

I dont know if this counts as a fuck up but it was pretty gross and hilarious.

I was at this chicks dorm room, we were making out and then I started fingering her. When I pulled my finger out, she immediately grabbed it and stuck it in her mouth. As she did this, I noticed it was absolutely covered in her menstrual blood. As she cleaned my finger off, she had this vampire that just fed look on her face as her entire mouth & chin were covered in blood. It was hilarious and pretty fucked up.

That's hot. Very fucking hot.

it looked something like this:

I've always found this to be pure, raw, primal fucking:

http://www.xvideos.com/video1329269/lisa...ngel_heart

I reenacted that scene to an extent years ago when I had a broken nose and I beast fucked this chick and my nose was leaking blood like a faucet all over her.

I wish I had taped it, what a fucking mindblower!!!!!!

[RealityCheck]

My biggest sexual fuck up was coincidentally with the biggest dragon I ever slew was. She was a force to be reckoned with. It was Independence Day... I was young, game unaware, and nearly a virgin.

I had known her from a six month language learning program that we both did.

I ran into her by chance at a street party. We talked a bit. My apartment was far away, I was drunk, and she offered to let me sleep over at her place right in the neighborhood. We got into bed, my arms around her shoulders, to "sleep."

As if it wasn't humiliating enough that I was banging Smaug from the Hobbit, I came in about ten seconds. Quite amazing actually, considering how drunk I was. Maybe my dick just didn't want to suffer one second longer in that blubbery cavern than it had to. I was embarrassed that I had came so quickly, so I kept pumping, hoping that I'd stay hard. I started to get soft, the condom slipped off, and my semen got lost inside of her.

I pulled out and just kind of pointed at her vag, so that she would figure it out. She went, "Oh, shit!" and ran to the shower where she cleaned herself out as I lay in the bed feeling miserable.

I still slept next to her. She said something like, "Wow, four guys in four days."

I woke up with a monster of a hangover and a heavy dose of self-loathing. I could barely breathe from all the cigarettes I had smoked. I started to leave and meekly said, "Can we not tell anyone about this?" We had a lot of mutual friends from the aforementioned language program.

Yeah, I wasn't basking in the glory of a fresh notch on my cab ride home.