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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 09:19 PM
One-itis - A mental condition that renders men helpless due to an infatuation with one woman.
I think it comes from insecurity. A desperate feeling that you can't get another girl. It comes from being deprived of female attention for long periods of time where any female that interacts with you may bring on this condition.
Some women may smell the inexperience of a man and purposely "love bomb" him or shower him with attention to bring on this condition. It's a way of creating a beta-orbiter to add to their "fan club".
Thoughts?
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 09:28 PM
I also think there is a big difference between infatuation with a girl when you haven't had sex with her, and infatuation with her after you have.
The former is a beta mindset that comes from lack of options and abundance. Also insecurity, desperate feelings as you mentioned.
The latter I think is great as long as it's reciprocated. Just important to control your emotions so that you are investing less of the feelings than she is.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 09:33 PM
You nailed it perfectly! I also think that some men think that they must give their attention to 1 woman at a time only, and that it's somehow wrong and misleading to be courting many women at the same time.
And my question to them would be do you only send 1 resume when you're looking for a job... or does a company only interview 1 candidates for an open position?? I thought so
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 09:35 PM
Couldn't agree with you more, Parlay44. The most important part of your analysis of "One-itis" is the word INFATUATION. Infatuation, rather than a feigned feeling of what is deemed as "love" -- combined with insecurity and lack of confidence -- leads to the obsession of being with somebody, in particular, that woman.
One-itis is a leech that attacks the man who cannot mentally love himself.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 09:36 PM
I think the One-itis applies to everyone. Men and Women.
It's about being "The One". How often in movies and myths do we here about "The One", or "The Chosen One".
Everyone is trying to be "The One", and Eros provides a tempting answer to that question, "How can I be the One?"
But what is "The One"? It seems to me that it's the resolution of the opposites (Masculine/Feminine). These two opposing ways of seeing. Two very different answers to the question…."What is the real?".
If we can't be it, than we need to have it and since, as men, we lack the feminine, we naturally want to possess it.
Now that's a basic metaphysical explanation, but it doesn't explain…..why this woman in particular?
For that, I think we need to look at Jung and his work in how we project our own shadow onto the other with the purpose of faulting it, or fixing it. And often it's not our shadow, but just that person has the attributes we lack ourselves.
Deep down everyone wants to be in love. Don't' they? Is there really a person here that would say, "I hope I never find the One that is everything I hope for"
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 10:37 PM
I think one-itis is pretty much impossible to get after a certain age. Once you're older and you've been around enough women, you tend to become too much of a cynical asshole for that thought process where you think one girl must be somehow special or different. A woman should only become exceptional to you through her actions, but even that can change very quickly because we know that women are fickle creatures with no loyalty.
I remember when I was younger, the few times I actually got one-itis were during periods of great stress or transition. Funny how it seems the mind and body is more prone to it during uncertain times.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 11:12 PM
I'm not sure it's age. I used to be more like you're describing, Vitriol, but I've actually found myself more prone to oneitis as I get older. I blame DC.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-21-2014, 11:58 PM
Most men have a competing tension between (1) the desire to fuck everything in sight, and (2) to have one reliable woman so he can focus on the important things in life.
If you're a doctor in training working 90 hours a week, or a C-level executive, you don't have the time or energy to be hanging out at bars until all hours trying to penetrate bitch shields, or putting up with flakes. You want a reliable piece of ass at home. You also want that nurturing and supportive partner you can lean on in your stressful life.
When number 1 is not an option (because of your job, where you live, your lack of social skill and game, etc) number two becomes more important. It's like these two things are on two sides of a balloon. If you squeeze the number one part, all the air moves to number two. And voila, you have one-itis. The cure for one-iris is to squeeze some of the air back into the number one part of the balloon (e.g., by getting better at game).
Take care of those titties for me.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 12:02 AM
Well since this topic has been done to death by better observers than me, I'm not sure if I can really add much of an insight.
But reflecting on factors outside of just insecurity, or "soul mate" conditioning, I would say that a big issue is that most guys have no "creative control" of their social lives.
Not the best choice of a term, I just thought of it off the top of my head, but stay with me.
We know that guys with Oneitis end up repulsing their girls because they become more controlling and try to hold down their women since they are afraid of losing them.
However, most guys make very few conscious decisions that lead to the relationships they get into, or often times even their male friendships.
They happen to meet a chick, happen to talk with them more than the average girl, or they were drinking and happen to be a bit bolder that night. One thing leads to another and they are dating.
Even guys who have multiple girls who might be down to date them, can still fall prey to Oneitis, since in their mind, this is only temporary. The next girl for them might come along in one month, or one year from now.
And they don't know how to re-create that situation on their own accord, so they can't take the risk of losing what girl(s) they already have in their life.
Maybe we should be differentiating between 2 types of Abundance:
1) Environmental/Passive Abundance - Guys who happen to be in multiple social circles, a career abounding with cute girls, some level of fame, etc. They have options, even without much game, solely because the environment generates a decent supply. Think athletes in high school/college before the real world hits or the band that plays the same bar every week.
2) Creative Control/Active Abundance - Guys who have Game and social awareness, the type who can get dropped in a brand new city, and build whatever lifestyle they'd like since they understand the foundations.
That's why it's such a contrast how some men can turn their lives around with game, and in a couple years rack up higher quality, and higher quantity, than all the years beforehand combined.
The lesson for guys going forward would be that Active Abundance is the most important to develop, but if you can combine both Passive and Active, you will be living your dream life with the least amount of effort/time involved.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 05:03 AM
I think it has more to do with the ever present reality of our mortality. We can deny it for as long as we want, but in the end we all will die, and not one of us wants to die alone. As to it being a disease, well, hundreds of thousands (millions) of years of evolution led us here. If it weren't for your mother and father you wouldn't be here. So, it naturally makes sense that we would seek what brought us here, even if, as in my case and many others, that initial relationship which brought you life crashes and burns. We're hardwired I guess.
Always nice to break the pattern though.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 11:40 AM
The Greeks having a saying that being in love is imagining that a person is better than other members of his/her sex. I think its scarcity mentality and a lack of abundance. Rollo Tomassi spoke about buffers and the fear of rejection. Oneitis is a buffer against rejection and looking for new prey.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 12:05 PM
I believe oneitis strikes us all in different ways. Some men are more sensual than others. Some get oneitis through the mind and some through the body.
For me, I've pinned it down and am dealing with a case of it right now. I get oneitis from fucking a girl well repeatedly. The sex just gets better over time as I teach her how to be a good lay and how to suck dick. If she's a trooper, I get hooked. Those chemicals Soup referred to start flowing. The women I fuck always get oneitis too.
The sight of her body, smile, and O-face. Her smell. Her skin and mouth. The sounds she makes in bed. I probably fuck a girl too passionately. Call it making love
if you want to. I really can't help myself. I could probably have oneitis with multiple women at once. I've just never had a really good fuck game going on with 2 women at once.
This quote from Nietzsche haunts me because I sometimes feel it applies to me. "It is the most sensual men who need to flee women and torment their bodies."
My name is SheriffBart and I'm an addict.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 01:00 PM
Nice quote from Nietzsche. Guys who got hurt easily have to be more careful than others. I am shure I would get One itis very quick if I would not hold some distance from women. After some connection there must be some disconnection otherwise the addiction can come very fast.
Everybody is vulnerable precaution have to be taken. Women are the greatest drug of all. All of them witches are bitches.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 10:05 PM
If you are in a LTR, what are effective methods to combat oneitis?
I stopped spinning plates for a main chick and I care about her - except that I know that "all women are like that".
She's shown me that she's not "special" with a little trickle-truth here and there.
She's given me plenty of shit and I've kicked her the hell out a couple of times when I didn't care to even take her shit tests.
At the same time, I like having her around - but I don't want to get complacent.
How do you avoid getting lazy and sloppy?
Physical distance is one way that seems to be working well (not giving her as much time with me so I don't become "addicted") but I'd like to avoid fucking other chicks. (No matter how Blue-Pill monogamy is, it just seems dishonorable to cheat)
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-22-2014, 11:49 PM
I realized this one-itis shit is no joke when the other day I likely got with one of the hottest girls of my life. A sexy girl with nice implants and a tight booty, bonafide 9.5. She was hot as hell but even then right after the fact I was bored, and kinda went "meh". I still had raging thoughts about a girl I fuked last month though, whom I have found it hard if not impossible to get rid off. In this month I've had my dick wet more then ever in such a short period in my life as a desperation move to try and shake this broad off and even then I can't.
This differs from my old one-itis shit for broads I ain't bang in my beta days. Normally after I bang a broad I grow boerd of her unless she had something specific I wanted more of. The last broad I got heated for, and it was simply the fact that she had the nicest and cleanest pussy I've ever seen, but that quickly went away once I got some new pussy and she vanished from my radar. This one though is a new beast. I am identifying with the posts on how it might be something more. My money and career prospects are in the dumps right now so it might actually just be these issues manifesting itself through a one-itis.
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Let's get to the root of One-itis
05-24-2014, 06:04 AM
I agree with vitriol. It's like our lizard brains and conscious mind are waging war on one another.
It's so hard not to develop some form of feeling for a girl that you've banged multiple times; as a poster above said, the sex just gets better and better and you start to become addicted to it.
Experience though tells us that this is all heading one way, towards some sort of proper relationship, so we have to kill it. That's when the war in your head starts to wage.
I think that unless you are a true sociopath it's hard not to develop some feelings for a regular girl. It makes me sad actually as in an ideal world I'd be a medieval king and keep em all in my castle at once