Quote: (04-20-2014 06:49 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:
The idea that this is some sort of relic of the past is a wild exaggeration.
It's worth remembering that the great majority of people get married. And while about 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, that also means that the other 50% don't. If you confine yourself to the middle and upper social classes, more than 50% don't.
What goes on in those marriages is another story -- but marriage was never a guarantee of idyllic happiness at any time. And while this was clearly a devoted couple, who knows how they felt about each other 65 years ago (when they were already married for 5 years, lol)? As time goes on and people settle down and accept their fate and each other, past conflicts get forgotten -- but it's rarely a perfectly smooth ride for anyone. There are exceptions, of course.
There has been some social change, for sure. But let's not get carried away -- lengthy marriages lasting to the end of people's lives are still common and normal, not some quaint institution of the past.
When signing a legally binding contract that says that you promise to devote the rest of your life to another person has the same chance of being broken as getting heads on a coin toss, you have to begin to question whether or not it is worth it.
First, you have to realize people got married because the culture was built that way. Sex before marriage was a big no no. A lot of people were having sex before marriage regardless, but the second the girlfriend got knocked up, families would crack down on the two love birds and force them to get married immediately.
Applying logic to modern marriage as a legal institution. The divorce rate is 50% and on a long enough timeline it is over 50%. You have a greater chance of getting divorced than having a successful long term marriage. On top of this, the laws surrounding marriage are totally skewed towards women's favor. Signing the contract is the equivalent of giving your power in the relationship away to the woman. After the contract is signed, she has a significantly higher level of control over your resources and the children.
I hope to have kids one day because I want to continue my family's lineage, but it will be without getting married on a legal level. I might have the ceremony as a way of continuing the religious tradition I was raised in.
Here is my reasoning for this:
1) There is no longer any stigma against having kids outside of marriage.
2) Having kids outside of marriage gives me a higher level of economic autonomy.
3) I can make the conscious decision to share my resources with the mother of my children and the children we have because it makes logical sense to do so not because a contract told me that is what I should do.