[Vaughn]

This scenario is from a couple years ago but I was thinking about it a lot today for some reason, and I still don't know what would be the red pill/alpha way to have handled it:

I was in the Caribbean for a destination wedding. The whole group went out on a boat ride one afternoon. We took a bus to the dock and back. On the way back, a single girl sat next to me (I was the only single guy and there were like 5-6 single women, which I thought would work to my favor on this trip but it did not). So she sits down but immediately turns her back to me so she can chat with her girlfriends across the aisle and the whole ride back to the hotel never faced forward (nor toward me). I just sat there quietly most of the trip, chatted maybe 30 seconds with the couple behind me, and felt like a loser. Basically felt "walled off" by her backside from any conversation/ boxed out like in basketball. It was a kick to the ego and it kinda ruined the rest of my night (blue pill I know but that's how it went down).

So, is there something I could've done differently there?

This girl was probably the most attractive of the half dozen single females (which isn't saying much, she'd rate a 6.5 imo). Not sure that's relevant here, but just throwing it in...

[mbare]

(02-10-2014 03:16 AM)Vaughn Wrote:  

This scenario is from a couple years ago but I was thinking about it a lot today for some reason, and I still don't know what would be the red pill/alpha way to have handled it:

I was in the Caribbean for a destination wedding. The whole group went out on a boat ride one afternoon. We took a bus to the dock and back. On the way back, a single girl sat next to me (I was the only single guy and there were like 5-6 single women, which I thought would work to my favor on this trip but it did not). So she sits down but immediately turns her back to me so she can chat with her girlfriends across the aisle and the whole ride back to the hotel never faced forward (nor toward me). I just sat there quietly most of the trip, chatted maybe 30 seconds with the couple behind me, and felt like a loser. Basically felt "walled off" by her backside from any conversation/ boxed out like in basketball. It was a kick to the ego and it kinda ruined the rest of my night (blue pill I know but that's how it went down).

So, is there something I could've done differently there?

This girl was probably the most attractive of the half dozen single females (which isn't saying much, she'd rate a 6.5 imo). Not sure that's relevant here, but just throwing it in...

Did you talk to or interact at all with this girl before the ride back?

[Vaughn]

Barely, outside of the initial introductions.

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(02-10-2014 03:16 AM)Vaughn Wrote:  

This scenario is from a couple years ago but I was thinking about it a lot today for some reason, and I still don't know what would be the red pill/alpha way to have handled it:

I was in the Caribbean for a destination wedding. The whole group went out on a boat ride one afternoon. We took a bus to the dock and back. On the way back, a single girl sat next to me (I was the only single guy and there were like 5-6 single women, which I thought would work to my favor on this trip but it did not). So she sits down but immediately turns her back to me so she can chat with her girlfriends across the aisle and the whole ride back to the hotel never faced forward (nor toward me). I just sat there quietly most of the trip, chatted maybe 30 seconds with the couple behind me, and felt like a loser. Basically felt "walled off" by her backside from any conversation/ boxed out like in basketball. It was a kick to the ego and it kinda ruined the rest of my night (blue pill I know but that's how it went down).

So, is there something I could've done differently there?

This girl was probably the most attractive of the half dozen single females (which isn't saying much, she'd rate a 6.5 imo). Not sure that's relevant here, but just throwing it in...

"So, is there something I could've done differently there?"

Yeah, you could have moved. Swapped seats with someone or just found another seat nearer someone you knew. Taking initiative is part of being Alpha. And it also would have sent a big "fuck you" message to the girl. You could have even coughed and shaken your head when you walked away, giving her the impression she smelled bad and that's why you moved (I've done this -- works wonders).

But by the way, I've found "cold shoulders" are not necessarily a female thing. Some of the biggest freeze-outs I've gotten have been from guys who were probably intent on keeping their cliques tight. These tend to be non-masculine super-liberal "artiste" types, for what that's worth.

[mbare]

(02-10-2014 03:30 AM)Vaughn Wrote:  

Barely, outside of the initial introductions.

Not sure why you're worked up about a girl you barely spoke with a couple of years ago, but I'll roll with it.

First I'll second what Broken Arrows wrote.

Yeah, those are no doubt strong social cues that she wasn't interested. Maybe she didn't like your vibe, or she had a boyfriend...etc. Who knows. Maybe she sensed you were eager. These are mute points frankly.

The best thing you could have done in that setting, was to be lively, talk to everyone, have fun, and say fuck the girl or girls who aren't feeling you. Their loss is how you have to look at it. It's hard to find times when you have jumps in your game, but one that you will notice is when you can bounce right back into the moment after being rejected hard. It's happened to me many a times. But that's what happens when you approach a lot.

Again, in big social gathers like that it's important not to focus in on one girl. If you do, you may cock block yourself later, if you decide to pull chalks on the one you were focusing on.

Remember, if you're not getting rejected, you're not playing the game.

[Christian McQueen]

Part of owning the room in social settings, is making the room work around you, instead of you conforming to the room.

I have this saying I say: "The party starts when I get there".

This establishes a few things:

1. I value myself so I know that when I arrive I bring value: entertainment, humor, energy and good vibes.

2. It establishes a mindset that I'm not dependent on the people at the party to make my night, I make my night.

When in a situation like this, be Active instead of Reactive. She put her back to you, ok, then get up and work the room. Don't let a girl's physical actions dictate your actions.

A part of Frame is having physical Frame. I'm not talking about being big physically, but about owning your personal space and moving about freely as you see fit.

Part of being 'opened' by girls whether through repeated glances by the girls and other IOIs, is by being the 'center of attention'. This doesn't mean to be jumping arround acting like a buffoon, but instead to be a presence.

For example, at a party, you could be posted up interacting with others in a high traffic area. Or you can work the room and make your presence known by introducing yourself to everyone.

One trick I utilize, is to conversate with whoever is around me regardless if I actually want to get to know them. By doing this you cause the social groups who you do want to interact with to notice that you're social.

Girl sees you talking with two other people. They're laughing, they're entertained, they're engaged with You. In her mind, she goes "hmmm that guy must be interested, I want to get to know him". Then she sends the IOI's and your job is to notice them and then approach her.

[polymath]

Forget about it. Everybody has bad days and moments of hurt pride from time to time.

You're dwelling on one that happened years ago.

[Vaughn]

Thanks for the tips. I'd clarify it wasn't this one situation that I was dwelling on yesterday, but that trip as a whole. I was thinking back on my favorite and least favorite vacations and had settled on that one as my least favorite, then started thinking on everything that sucked about it. And that freeze-out was one thing that stood out. In general my energy was bad for much of that trip. The way I am - if I feel like things aren't clicking socially I tend to withdraw a bit, which makes me less social, which makes me withdraw more, etc.

No homo but if there had been 3 or 4 other single guys there it probably would've gone a lot better. Then I would've hung with the dudes which would've kept my social energy level up, and used that social energy to springboard to better results interacting with the single girls. Kind of like going to a club with friends vs. going solo (I know some guys have mastered rolling solo, not me.)

[Wahawahwah]

She didn't cold shoulder you, mate. You did.

You're hitting yourself down.
You're holding yourself back with exaggerated mental barriers.
And you kind of hate it but are comfortable doing it.

You know why?

Because then you can fucking blame your failures on these exaggerated pseudo-barriers.


You're still doing it.

For instance "No homo but if there had been 3 or 4 other single guys there it probably would've gone a lot better." Or "(I know some guys have mastered rolling solo, not me.)"

You're thinking, and thinking, and then acting on the basis of those thoughts, choking, and thinking again.

I suggest you judiciously apply the three second rule to your entire life.

Act, then think.

You need to dislodge the festering, bubbling cauldron of excuses that's made itself comfortable in your brain, or else you'll see very slow, perhaps even marginal progress.

ACT, then think.

Next time you get seated alongside a girl, don't spend the first few moments thinking up the best way to approach or the best conversation. Talk to her. Make mistakes. Then think. Feel.

Its a much, much faster way to the top I assure you.

Don't cold shoulder yourself.

[El Rey]

In a plane, bus, car, etc. ALWAYS take an aisle seat. Never go on the inside (window or middle). That is just a general rule of life to follow, and it will avoid a situation like this happening to you again.