[isildurrr]

What would you guys have done in this situation? Generally i like relationships...they keep me happier though i'm not really averse to a one night stand.

This is the story. About 4 months back a girl joined our office...very cute,very lively and very cool. So we're hanging out and i'm just being a jackass and finally
about a month later after a night out we had a drunken make out. When she was drunk she said she had been raped before. keep in mind this is not a western country so
there was no reason for me to doubt her.

I thought i had time so i took it slow but then i came to know that she slept with someone she had known for about 4 months more than me. she had no feelings for him
and it was again during a drunken night. So i realized it was time,and i dropped her a message saying i know she has issues,she seems cool and i'd like to take it slow
and see where it went.

She replied saying she was not in a place she could give anyone a chance explaining a bit. So i said cool,no issues and left it. The next day she text's saying she likes
me but needs to protect me...I just burst out lauging at this point and i say sure but i don't need protection. Anyhow some time later she was drunk and said she wants
to give us a chance and invited me for a movie. So we went for the movie and afterwards she invited me back to her place and she explained it...she had been raped,
she flipped out and slept with 3 random guys and went on drugs.She was in a relationship when the rape happened. She went to therapy and then came clean with her boyfriend
and he flipped saying she deserved to be raped.

She broke up with him obviously and finally met the other guy i mentioned she slept with. He told her he liked her,she said she had no feelings for him but he stuck around
probably because he is an extraordinarly nice guy and he really liked her. Anyhow she trusted him and when she was sober she hung out with him,she told me to move on
but drunk it was a different story till i finally realized if she can't trust me when she's sober there is really no point.

I also realized if she kept sleeping with him it was inevitable she would develop some attachment for him, so i went all out...tried to get her on ice cream dates
and all sorts of corny shit just to get her to trust me but i guess it came off like i wanted it too much and she refused to budge till i finally snapped and called her
an absolute idiot.

she completely clammed up after that,and i finally gave up and just sent her a text explaining why i did what i did.

Anyway my question here is how would you guys have played it?

[isildurrr]

I typed it out in notepad and copied it here so the formatting is a bit of, sorry about that.

[heavy]

Whether she was raped or not and whether she has so many emotional issues to turn to substance abuse (sounds like drugs/alcohol are her meds), she was labile with YOU, and that's all that matters. Hindsight 20/20 you knew you couldn't really trust her, so her "take it slow" was less a function of potential LTR and more a function of not gaming her well enough.
We've all been there. I can sympathize from my more scarce moments that even a non-LTR girl (crazy, drugs, alcohol) who wants to take it slow (ie I haven't banged) starts to look more and more LTR than she should.
To answer your question, I try not to hookup at work, but I don't judge if you do. Besides that, in my perfect world, at the "I thought i had time so i took it slow but then..." point I would have put her on a "she's attracted to me but I'm not interested other than bang and shallow relationship" status.

[mbare]

This chick=crazy/drama/issues. Perhaps not only for a few months or years, but maybe the rest of her life. Trust me, I work in the Emergency room and deal with crazy bitches like this every day. If any girls has depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, ANY algia, or other psych disorders they stay away.

You work with this chick so it's especially important to just do your job, and not even be involved with her at all. She will drag you into her fucked up life and everything that comes with it.

My advise: Forget her completely. Go out and start meeting and banging other girls right now.

[ryanf]

(11-07-2013 09:41 AM)mbare Wrote:  

This chick=crazy/drama/issues. Perhaps not only for a few months or years, but maybe the rest of her life. Trust me, I work in the Emergency room and deal with crazy bitches like this every day. If any girls has depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, ANY algia, or other psych disorders they stay away.

You work with this chick so it's especially important to just do your job, and not even be involved with her at all. She will drag you into her fucked up life and everything that comes with it.

My advise: Forget her completely. Go out and start meeting and banging other girls right now.

Cosigned. I guarantee she isn't worth the trouble. Find another.

[Pinocchio]

heads up for rolls

[Remington]

You blew your chance when you said you wanted to take it slow. She's a slut who enjoys riding the carousel, should have taken advantage of the situation.

I agree with mbare, just focus on work and forget her. The girl is damaged goods. The most you would have gotten out of it was a pump and dump.

[rudebwoy]

Never date a girl you work with. Red Flag #1

A girl that says she has been raped. Red Flag #2

I didn't need to read the rest once I saw those two comments. A girl wanting to "take it slow" means you did not impress her enough or became needy. Red Flag #3

[FrenchCanadian]

you should of just hit it when you had the chance... but preferably
girl got some issues + related to work = GG

[isildurrr]

(11-07-2013 10:34 AM)Remington Wrote:  

You blew your chance when you said you wanted to take it slow. She's a slut who enjoys riding the carousel, should have taken advantage of the situation.

I agree with mbare, just focus on work and forget her. The girl is damaged goods. The most you would have gotten out of it was a pump and dump.

The situation is pointless now,she feels no spark with the other guy but he gives her a serenity she cannot refuse.

She isn't a slut,her bed count is 7,after flying of the handle for rape.

I could have taken advantage but then i would have been just another douchebag, i can honestly look in the mirror and say you did your best kid and you were honest so i'm happy.

she's a stand up girl,the issue here is not whether she was raped or not,she was.

the question i'm asking is how would some of you have played it if you wanted to date her?

[TouchpadSeller]

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

(11-07-2013 10:34 AM)Remington Wrote:  

You blew your chance when you said you wanted to take it slow. She's a slut who enjoys riding the carousel, should have taken advantage of the situation.

I agree with mbare, just focus on work and forget her. The girl is damaged goods. The most you would have gotten out of it was a pump and dump.

The situation is pointless now,she feels no spark with the other guy but he gives her a serenity she cannot refuse.

She isn't a slut,her bed count is 7,after flying of the handle for rape.

I could have taken advantage but then i would have been just another douchebag, i can honestly look in the mirror and say you did your best kid and you were honest so i'm happy.

she's a stand up girl,the issue here is not whether she was raped or not,she was.

the question i'm asking is how would some of you have played it if you wanted to date her?

I'm pretty sure none of us would want to date her, especially after your description. You're asking the wrong people for advice here. Perhaps you'd prefer a dating forum?

[Remington]

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

(11-07-2013 10:34 AM)Remington Wrote:  

You blew your chance when you said you wanted to take it slow. She's a slut who enjoys riding the carousel, should have taken advantage of the situation.

I agree with mbare, just focus on work and forget her. The girl is damaged goods. The most you would have gotten out of it was a pump and dump.

She isn't a slut,her bed count is 7,after flying of the handle for rape.

the question i'm asking is how would some of you have played it if you wanted to date her?

Girls lie about their bed count all the time. Never believe what a girl says about that number, it will always be crap.

Regarding the whole dating situation, I don't think she is emotionally stable to be seen as dating material. Sounds like she was using you as an emotional crutch for her to open up and lay everything out on the table because nobody else would listen. She already labeled you as the safe guy she can express her feelings to.

Reminds me of an old buddy who went to Iraq and returned after a 4 year deployment. This guy was a different man when he came back. He was incredibly unstable and turned to alcohol and drugs to ease his pain. He also fell into a deep depression after returning and was seriously contemplating suicide. So after seeing all this, I made myself available if he ever needed to talk about what happened. My buddy opened up and gave it to me straight. He tells me everything now.

That guy was like my brother though. You do not want to become that girl's therapist, its exhausting and you get nothing in return.

Not trying to be a dick or anything. Just saying that dating a girl with those emotional issues would be very difficult. Rudebwoy is on point

[AneroidOcean]

I'm going to break it down for you point by point:

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

The situation is pointless now,she feels no spark with the other guy but he gives her a serenity she cannot refuse.

Yes, the situation is pointless. You need to avoid her at all costs.

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

She isn't a slut,her bed count is 7,after flying of the handle for rape.

Let's say you're right and she's not a slut. Wait, wait, wait. She's sleeping with a guy who she has no feelings for. Yep, that's slut behaviour. Walks like a duck....

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

I could have taken advantage but then i would have been just another douchebag, i can honestly look in the mirror and say you did your best kid and you were honest so i'm happy.

Stop white knighting/putting her on a pedestal. If you'd had consensual sex you wouldn't have been taking advantage of her. You didn't do your best. You pulled shitty game and ignored the huge red flags. LEARN from it so that you can do better in the future.

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

she's a stand up girl,the issue here is not whether she was raped or not,she was.

She is NOT a stand up girl. She's led you on, she's fucking a guy she has no feelings for, and she's a fucking mess. Whether she was actually raped or not is inconsequential. You are defined by how you react and move forward from a situation, not by the situation.

(11-07-2013 01:02 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

the question i'm asking is how would some of you have played it if you wanted to date her?

You should've gamed her just like normal. The problem comes when guys think there's some HUGE difference (at least initially) with gaming a girl who you want to date.

Did you come on here with your questions looking for the answer YOU like, or the answer that we know to be the truth? If you're looking for your own answer, start your own forum, post under multiple accounts, and have fun answering your own questions, otherwise stop wasting our time and yours.

Also, this definitely belongs in the newbie forum.

[isildurrr]

(11-07-2013 02:19 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Yes, the situation is pointless. You need to avoid her at all costs.

agreed.

(11-07-2013 02:19 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Let's say you're right and she's not a slut. Wait, wait, wait. She's sleeping with a guy who she has no feelings for. Yep, that's slut behaviour. Walks like a duck....

Can we take every situation on a case by case basis? i am genuinely curious not entrenched in my opinion. my reasoning here was obviously she needs to get laid, so after going through an emotional mess like that there is logical reasoning in you sleeping with someone 'safe'.

(11-07-2013 02:19 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Stop white knighting/putting her on a pedestal. If you'd had consensual sex you wouldn't have been taking advantage of her. You didn't do your best. You pulled shitty game and ignored the huge red flags. LEARN from it so that you can do better in the future.

Mistake no 1 was putting her on a pedestal...agreed.

It seems i'm defending her too much from the opening post. Let me simplify this.

1) she is attracted

2) you are attracted

3) she cannot act on attraction because of said issues, tells you straight up, tells you to move on. Says she cannot loose the friend she has found in him, say's she's using him and he is ok with it. My figuring was this was just a defense mechanism to convince herself she wouldn't get burned.

4) I think if the attraction is there, the thing missing is the trust after all that shit so we need to build that. I keep asking her out on corny ass dates because i have a limited time frame before she falls for him. She never accepts alone. I point blank ask why? she says she doesnt want to give me hope. The only IOI's iv'e got are when she's piss drunk. you cannot really control yourself then and i figure all her inhibitions are down.


so what would you have done here? the attraction is there but the timing is so rubbish that you're stuck? do you just chalk this up to something where attraction was not enough or could you have done something dfferent?

[WestIndianArchie]

What would *I* have done in this situation?

1) I don't talk to bitches I work with
2) I don't take a month to make out with a bitch
3) If a bitch even plays like she been raped before, she's a head case, move on.
4) Why the fuck do I care if some bitch I barely know has been raped before?
5) Take it slow? Da fuck does that even mean? You realize this is a game board, not a bitch made relationship board right?
6) I wouldn't be trying to psychoanalyze text messages
7) I wouldn't treat an emotionally damaged girl like she's a fucking invalid. Clearly the bitch is looking for healing through cock, give it to her.

That's what I would have done.

That's because I have a modicum of game.

You, on the other hand, think this board is some Ask Yahoo shit, some weepy ass subreddit for dudes with no fucking backbone.

Man up, or get out.

WIA

[aphelion]

Cold blooded!

+1 to CHASE SOME OTHER GIRLS

[isildurrr]

Ha Ha i like the aggression but you need to read mate.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

What would *I* have done in this situation?
3) If a bitch even plays like she been raped before, she's a head case, move on.

True, she isn't playing and that was not the question. Everyone has issues, you pick the ones whose flaws you can deal with.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

4) Why the fuck do I care if some bitch I barely know has been raped before?

It's called being human.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

5) Take it slow? Da fuck does that even mean? You realize this is a game board, not a bitch made relationship board right?

I was under the impression this was a self improvement forum of some sort and game doesn't exclusively mean getting laid. was i mistaken?

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

6) I wouldn't be trying to psychoanalyze text messages
7) I wouldn't treat an emotionally damaged girl like she's a fucking invalid. Clearly the bitch is looking for healing through cock, give it to her.

agreed and agreed. I made mistakes there.

I would never have shown my hand so early if there was no one else on the scene...unfortunately there was and i was running out of time.

The question remains crystal clear but you seemed to have missed the point. I wanted to date her. If 'game' covers that i'm curious as to how more experienced people would have played it?

[WestIndianArchie]

I missed the point?

No, you have missed the point.

Aside from engaging in white Knight behavior by trying to date clearly damaged goods, you fucked up your initial window of opportunity.

If you can make out with a girl, you can put your hands on her tits. If you can lick the nipples, you can b finger her. If you can finger her, you can fuck her.

Only after fucking is the concept of having a relationship in the realm of possibilities.

You don't have the game mindset, much less the actual skills.

Letting the fact that she claims to have been raped, stop you from doing what a man should do?

As I live and breathe. ..

WIA

[mbare]

(11-08-2013 08:00 AM)isildurrr Wrote:  

Ha Ha i like the aggression but you need to read mate.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

What would *I* have done in this situation?
3) If a bitch even plays like she been raped before, she's a head case, move on.

True, she isn't playing and that was not the question. Everyone has issues, you pick the ones whose flaws you can deal with.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

4) Why the fuck do I care if some bitch I barely know has been raped before?

It's called being human.

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

5) Take it slow? Da fuck does that even mean? You realize this is a game board, not a bitch made relationship board right?

I was under the impression this was a self improvement forum of some sort and game doesn't exclusively mean getting laid. was i mistaken?

(11-08-2013 12:31 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

6) I wouldn't be trying to psychoanalyze text messages
7) I wouldn't treat an emotionally damaged girl like she's a fucking invalid. Clearly the bitch is looking for healing through cock, give it to her.

agreed and agreed. I made mistakes there.

I would never have shown my hand so early if there was no one else on the scene...unfortunately there was and i was running out of time.

The question remains crystal clear but you seemed to have missed the point. I wanted to date her. If 'game' covers that i'm curious as to how more experienced people would have played it?

I'm not surprised you're still not getting it/the point everyone is trying to make. To answer your question, no one on this forum would have played it like you did. Again, no one and that's the bottom line. Whether gaming a girl for a quick fuck or a relationship, you did everything wrong. You tried to hook up with her, then be her friend, then therapist, then bitch boy, etc, etc.

As soon as I get the hint that a chick has issues like that, I'm gone and never look back. You don't have to lose a human aspect and NOT feel bad for some if something REALLY did happen to them. Unless it's a true friend, wife, or family member, then you do not need to concern yourself in their problems that much. Especially in this particular case.

Most of us have experienced crazy drama girls like this before. And before you defend her..trust me, she's fucked up. She was probably fucked up before the "rape" and always will be fucked up. I dated a girl with depression in college, and banged a girl with an eating disorder for about 3 months. In my work I've seen girls with the diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder from "rape." I think it's bullshit, but someone put it down in their record. Crazy does not get better over time. The dumb ass husbands of these crazy fucking women look like hell and have a miserable life. But they're to blame for dating, marrying, and unfortunately having kids with them.

You need to man the fuck up. If not, you'll continue your foolish ways and learn the hard way. Perhaps that's what you need.

[ObnoxiousStoner]

You shoulda just hit it when you had the chance. Girls that you just start being sexual with usually dont wanna hear about that LTR shit. They see it at clingy and is a turnoff for them. They wanna fuck and take it from there, especially if there drunk. But if you woulda piped her down the right way she woulda been attached to you anyway, if you wanted the relationship or not. I think she friend zoned you when you turned down the pussy in the first place.

[isildurrr]

(11-08-2013 12:57 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

If you can make out with a girl, you can put your hands on her tits. If you can lick the nipples, you can b finger her. If you can finger her, you can fuck her.

Only after fucking is the concept of having a relationship in the realm of possibilities.

You don't have the game mindset, much less the actual skills.

Letting the fact that she claims to have been raped, stop you from doing what a man should do?

As I live and breathe. ..

WIA

The fact that she was raped did not stop me there, it was logistics.
we were at a friends place, there were too many people,no free room nada nada.

rest assured if i could have i would've fked her.

(11-08-2013 12:57 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Aside from engaging in white Knight behavior by trying to date clearly damaged goods, you fucked up your initial window of opportunity.

'white knight' is putting girls on a pedestal. I think the term you are looking for is 'knight in shining armour'. There is a subtle difference.

But i agree it was a mistake.

So the question remains,what do you do when a chick is attracted to you, but is not in a position to give you a chance or trust you.
Trying to fk her is mute because it's nigh on impossible to get her alone...

[isildurrr]

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

I'm not surprised you're still not getting it/the point everyone is trying to make. To answer your question, no one on this forum would have played it like you did. Again, no one and that's the bottom line. Whether gaming a girl for a quick fuck or a relationship, you did everything wrong. You tried to hook up with her, then be her friend, then therapist, then bitch boy, etc, etc.

very eloquent and helpful mate. I'm listening because you absolutely nailed the order.

what would you have suggested i do? she initiated the make out and next day apologized. I laughed it off. The other guy was getting extremely close to her under the guise of being a friend and i was running out of time cause i knew i wouldn't be able to get her alone much...so i dropped it saying i liked her. Agreed,perhaps wrong move but how else would i have bought time? unless you're saying i should've just let it flow and banged her when i had the chance

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

As soon as I get the hint that a chick has issues like that, I'm gone and never look back. You don't have to lose a human aspect and NOT feel bad for some if something REALLY did happen to them. Unless it's a true friend, wife, or family member, then you do not need to concern yourself in their problems that much. Especially in this particular case.

Of course not, I am generally a very apathetic guy...don't give a fk.
she is a lovely person though.

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

Most of us have experienced crazy drama girls like this before. And before you defend her..trust me, she's fucked up. She was probably fucked up before the "rape" and always will be fucked up. I dated a girl with depression in college, and banged a girl with an eating disorder for about 3 months. In my work I've seen girls with the diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder from "rape." I think it's bullshit, but someone put it down in their record. Crazy does not get better over time. The dumb ass husbands of these crazy fucking women look like hell and have a miserable life. But they're to blame for dating, marrying, and unfortunately having kids with them.

You need to man the fuck up. If not, you'll continue your foolish ways and learn the hard way. Perhaps that's what you need.

She is fked up obviously. The difference here is that she is from an eastern country, so there isn't any need to put "rape" in quotes.
That aside, she accepts she is fked up,but she is stable enough to hold down a steady job,is fiercely independent.

Anyhow i'm defending her again which was not my intention,let's just take it on faith that she is a good person ok? I would like it if you replied to the first part where you nailed the order i flowed in...

[isildurrr]

Also man the fk up in what way?
let it go?

already done...dropped a text saying if she needs help let me know ( yes,it is pansy...but like i said,lovely person)
had a date with a lovely coorgi girl today...

[WestIndianArchie]

'white knight' is putting girls on a pedestal. I think the term you are looking for is 'knight in shining armour'. There is a subtle difference.



Think you got all the jargon down, but don't understand the essence of the game. Read the glossary in the back, but not the 1st chapter.

So you're telling me, you're making out with this girl in a public place, and you're getting all hot and heavy and you can't
- hit up a bathroom
- go outside for a "smoke"
- get into a car
- take a walk
- bounce with her to a sex location

That's what players do. That's what people with game do.

You want us to let you off the hook cause
- she's special
- she's been raped
- there were people around
- you want her for a girlfriend

FOH. (and that stands for fuck outta here, so you can add that to your player lexicon)

All the discussion about her favorite silverware and best movie she ever saw business is unimportant.

Girl likes you. You make it happen.

A chick giving you a chance?

WPOTGIT? (what part of the game is that?)

You're giving the chick a chance!
If she gets with you, she gets the best 6 and half of minutes of her life, plus if she's nice in the sack and in the kitchen, you can upgrade all that shit about her life. You're the one bringing Gospel to the infidels. She's the one that needs you, not the other way around.

You're tryna cop last year's distressed jeans at full price from Macy's with a home depot gift card.

Until you understand what the game is, pretty much any advice we dish out will be over your head.

WIA

[mbare]

(11-08-2013 02:09 PM)isildurrr Wrote:  

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

I'm not surprised you're still not getting it/the point everyone is trying to make. To answer your question, no one on this forum would have played it like you did. Again, no one and that's the bottom line. Whether gaming a girl for a quick fuck or a relationship, you did everything wrong. You tried to hook up with her, then be her friend, then therapist, then bitch boy, etc, etc.

very eloquent and helpful mate. I'm listening because you absolutely nailed the order.

what would you have suggested i do? she initiated the make out and next day apologized. I laughed it off. The other guy was getting extremely close to her under the guise of being a friend and i was running out of time cause i knew i wouldn't be able to get her alone much...so i dropped it saying i liked her. Agreed,perhaps wrong move but how else would i have bought time? unless you're saying i should've just let it flow and banged her when i had the chance

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

As soon as I get the hint that a chick has issues like that, I'm gone and never look back. You don't have to lose a human aspect and NOT feel bad for some if something REALLY did happen to them. Unless it's a true friend, wife, or family member, then you do not need to concern yourself in their problems that much. Especially in this particular case.

Of course not, I am generally a very apathetic guy...don't give a fk.
she is a lovely person though.

(11-08-2013 01:52 PM)mbare Wrote:  

Most of us have experienced crazy drama girls like this before. And before you defend her..trust me, she's fucked up. She was probably fucked up before the "rape" and always will be fucked up. I dated a girl with depression in college, and banged a girl with an eating disorder for about 3 months. In my work I've seen girls with the diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder from "rape." I think it's bullshit, but someone put it down in their record. Crazy does not get better over time. The dumb ass husbands of these crazy fucking women look like hell and have a miserable life. But they're to blame for dating, marrying, and unfortunately having kids with them.

You need to man the fuck up. If not, you'll continue your foolish ways and learn the hard way. Perhaps that's what you need.

She is fked up obviously. The difference here is that she is from an eastern country, so there isn't any need to put "rape" in quotes.
That aside, she accepts she is fked up,but she is stable enough to hold down a steady job,is fiercely independent.

Anyhow i'm defending her again which was not my intention,let's just take it on faith that she is a good person ok? I would like it if you replied to the first part where you nailed the order i flowed in...

Nothing much else to say here. "Man the fuck up" means to chalk it up to a life experience, and move on. Also, it means to stop the stream of betaness you're exhibiting and learn from your mistakes. Based on the way you gamed her, failed and continually put her on a pedestal means you have a long ways to go.

Obviously I've never met her so I don't know how nice she is. But I do know crazy and fucked up girls can play a nice card for a while, using people as an emotional crutch. The crazy always comes out eventually. I don't know her situation with the rape... I have very little details regarding it. And honestly, from here it doesn't matter.

Again, my biggest piece of advise is you can bang girls like this (although probably not coworkers) but that's it. If you want to experience a lot of added tough times in your life then feel free to latch on to women with emotional and psychological issues. I won't be joining you.

-M'bare