[RexImperator]

(10-04-2014 11:36 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

(10-04-2014 08:19 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  

The problem here is trying to appear cool, fun and relaxed when you're feeling anything but.

Confidence strikes me as the appearance of not caring about the approval of others because you're secure in yourself. Even a brutal rejection from a girl is her loss. You have to hone in on that mindset.

I think this is right on. Somehow approval-seeking can be inadvertently conveyed with a facial expression though I'm not sure how, exactly.

[Feo]

(10-04-2014 09:25 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

(10-04-2014 03:26 PM)Feo Wrote:  

All of these issues I think can be worked out by hitting the gym hard. Just my two cents

I agree that the benefits are many but I don't think that's my issue in this case...I've done so for over a year and I'm now deadlifting in the low 400's x5 and squatting in the mid 300's x5.

Supplement with zinc and diet. Sounds too simple to be true..but that's all it takes.

[Quintus Curtius]

I think that most of this comes down to nervous gestures and mannerisms. These can be brought under control with practice and discipline. Some suggestions are:

1. Get a strong workout in (preferably cardio-based) before a date, so that you are on an endorphin high and are feeling relaxed. This will impart a naturalness to your hand gestures, facial expressions, and speech. It will help you be more confident.

2. Read a book on acting techniques. Truly. Acting skills are very sophisticated, and you can learn how to control your facial tics and mannerisms, as well has hand movements. My big sticking point years ago used to be leaning in and moving my hands around too much. But I made a big effort to control this. A lot of game comes down to: unlearning bad habits we've been doing for a long time.

3. Practice in the mirror. This is a tried and true oratorical technique.

4. Read Quintilian (a famous rhetorician) and his opinions on how to control your body and limbs during a speech. Good stuff.

[AnonymousBosch]

(10-05-2014 01:33 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

2. Read a book on acting techniques. Truly. Acting skills are very sophisticated, and you can learn how to control your facial tics and mannerisms, as well has hand movements. My big sticking point years ago used to be leaning in and moving my hands around too much. But I made a big effort to control this. A lot of game comes down to: unlearning bad habits we've been doing for a long time.

Solid advice, as usual. You can unlearn bad habits. No matter how false and unnatural something feels at first, it can become second nature, and will therefore read as genuine.

As a teen, I was terrible for talking with my hands. By hooking my thumbs in the outer corners of my pants pockets to avoid doing this, I trained myself out of it.

When I'm standing and want to draw attention to my crotch, I hook my thumbs into the waist of my jeans, so my hands frame my package. Girls are notorious crotch watchers if they think they're not being observed.

[44delta]

Experience / practice / abundance.

I have a natural tendency to smile too much, and have strong beta urges all around... it's kind of a curse.

This stuff seems to decrease proportionally to the square of the number of women I'm currently working on. So, if there's a second one on the line, it's 1/4 as bad.. a third one drops it down to 1/9. Earlier this summer, with seven other chicks bothering me (I was going for a personal record), it was nonexistant.

Next time you're with a girl, try having a couple other ones texting you at the same time. When you're trying to work out the logistics of your next couple bangs without the current one noticing too much, you won't have time to worry about acting like someone she'll like, and the attraction will be much higher.

[edit].. now that I think of it, the same effect also applies to those other girls too.

[RexImperator]

^^^As a quick aside, this gives me an idea for a texting service/ web app...you could tell it when you will be out, and it will send you fake texts that appear to be from girls.

[General Mayhem]

(10-04-2014 08:06 PM)AnonymousBosch Wrote:  

^ Except there's plenty of evidence that faking it til you make it works, particularly with T-Production. The longer you do it, the less rehearsed it'll become, and will read as natural.

I agree with that to an extent. I just believe that most guys are be better off optimizing what works for them.

If you are a generally energetic, happy, smiling guy, I don't see the advantage of doing a complete 180 and becoming a Draper type.

I my opinion, in this day and age you are going to do much better with a more upbeat persona.

If someone really wants that, then by all means do so. Maybe I don't fully understand the problem coming from the other side.

[coverdoc]

Everytime I approach a chick I smile and laugh within 60 seconds. It's just my personality to make jokes and I honestly enjoy teasing the hell out of bish. I have some friends who try not to laugh or attempt come off as the cool serious "Alpha type." I just be myself, have fun conversing and usually get the digits.

[RexImperator]

I'm actually not a super smiley guy most of the time, but I do try to get along with most people. I did some practicing in the mirror and I think the issue might be with my eyes. If I'm not aware of what I'm doing, I'll tend to raise my eyebrows and widen my eyes when meeting someone new. For some reason this is a big turn off to girls in night venues (at least I suspect so). I guess I need to work on squinting more.

The best reactions I've gotten are when I can, using body language, maintain what I call an "arrogant asshole" look. Picture chin up, walking around like you own the place, basically. It's somewhat uncomfortable for me to do ("who does this guy think he is?" is what I imagine people thinking) and I have to make a conscious effort towards it. My habitual state is naturally towards more humility and blending into the background.

[AnonymousBosch]

(10-06-2014 09:45 AM)coverdoc Wrote:  

Everytime I approach a chick I smile and laugh within 60 seconds. It's just my personality to make jokes and I honestly enjoy teasing the hell out of bish. I have some friends who try not to laugh or attempt come off as the cool serious "Alpha type." I just be myself, have fun conversing and usually get the digits.

Controlling your face and emotions doesn't mean you're not laughing or telling jokes or being fun: you're being a charming rogue.

'RexImperator Wrote:

]
The best reactions I've gotten are when I can, using body language, maintain what I call an "arrogant asshole" look. Picture chin up, walking around like you own the place, basically. It's somewhat uncomfortable for me to do ("who does this guy think he is?" is what I imagine people thinking) and I have to make a conscious effort towards it. My habitual state is naturally towards more humility and blending into the background.

I guarantee that if you keep up the 'arrogant asshole' frame, it will stop feeling uncomfortable and become your natural state. Not only will other people believe the pose and start showing deference, but your body starts believing it. Faking it 'til you make it works.