[Pyre]

(09-15-2013 07:02 PM)Sugar Wrote:  

The guys with all the cocky-funny answers are wrong. Why don't you have a gf isn't a shit test, its a comfort question.

It is, but OP has insecurities that preclude him from answering honestly and straightforwardly as per a standard comfort response. He can't answer "I'm 40 and suck with girls so I haven't been able to get a gf." LOL

[alphaspiraton]

"I'm just dating around right now."

[Jaylow]

The more I read WIA's posts the more I wonder why hes not at 200 rep.

[JayJuanGee]

(09-15-2013 04:27 PM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

I've talked with my brother and a close friend about the past. Neither really want to talk about it because my brother doesn't want to dredge his own stuff up and the friend doesn't get affected by pretty much anything so can't understand it.

Agreed with WIA - gotta figure out a way to get this past worked out with yourself, and both your brother and your friend are not working for you in this regard.

Accordingly, maybe it doesn't even matter if you talk it over with other people, so long as you figure out a way to work it out with yourself.

Sometimes, when I am trying to work some issues out with myself, i will write the issues out... that's just my own way.. .and then I would share certain aspects of the issue with others. Usually, I would not share all aspects with others b/c that is just my nature. I will chose what parts to share with others and in the end, i am working out the global matter with myself.... and sometimes, for me, going for jogs can help while I am trying to ponder over aspects of the puzzle...

Then, once you have a story, then you can decide what parts, if any, of that story to share with others... but at least you have a story in your own head... which is the most important.

Let's say for example that you lost a job, a relationship or a home, and any of those things can be very stressful until you have a story about why it happened and something to keep up your self-esteem.

[Aliblahba]

Go extreme:

Her: Why no g/f?
Me: My wife and kids were killed in a car wreck last year.

[XXL]

girls are just curious and skeptic in the same way you would be about some superhot girl knowing that she was single and always available for you. it just doesn't make sense. so it's intriguing. but it's just a question. shittest version would be something like "how could you get me if no other girl wants you?". shittest is something that is meant to label you and challenge you in more or less condescending way.

tell them what they want to hear. "been dating some girls but i'm not in love, you know. it sucks i get it but i just don't feel it, do know what i mean? it's like the more i want it the more it evades me. have you ever dated a guy who was crazy about you while you didn't feel that way about him?". voila! perfect answer. not only because a girl can wrap her head around it but also great a material for a conversation. cocky/aggressive/IDGAF answers will only make girls more suspicious and defensive. forget all this cocky bullshit. to attract a normal human being you have to speak like one. if what you say doesn't gel with girls reality you will be outside of her reality.

[bojangles]

I like Ali's answer haha

I've been getting this a lot post bang, I don't care at that point.

[reaper23]

you want to get to the point eventually where they just assume you do and can't believe you'd be available

then the "it's complicated line" works too!

[zooka]

I use these two:

1. "I have five girlfriends."
2. "I broke up x months ago" - It doesn't really matter if you did or not, I haven't met a girl who would want to know about an ex girlfriend anyway.

[JohnKreese]

I just go with, "well, whenever I start to date a girl, she wants to get REALLY serious REALLY quick and I prefer a more casual pace," with a slight look of angst on my face. There has never been a time when I have said this that the girl didn't IMMEDIATELY try to qualify herself with something like, "ohh, me too," or "I'd never try to go fast. All of those other girls are crazy!"

This response has always bailed me out while also putting pressure on the girl. It also somewhat DHV that then she thinks that girls are always trying to lock shit up quickly.

[The Beast1]

Just got for a snarky retort.

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" is an easy tool to hold in your bag.

[JayJuanGee]

(09-16-2013 12:16 PM)JohnKreese Wrote:  

I just go with, "well, whenever I start to date a girl, she wants to get REALLY serious REALLY quick and I prefer a more casual pace," with a slight look of angst on my face. There has never been a time when I have said this that the girl didn't IMMEDIATELY try to qualify herself with something like, "ohh, me too," or "I'd never try to go fast. All of those other girls are crazy!"

This response has always bailed me out while also putting pressure on the girl. It also somewhat DHV that then she thinks that girls are always trying to lock shit up quickly.

With John's approach, it may also cause the girl to think that her question may be too fast, as well - that this girl would necessarily suggest that she wants details about your current/past relationships. ... stringing her along by giving her some information while keeping her interested can be the challenge.

In that regard, with the answer of "girls try to go to fast with me," you may get out of the answer for the moment, but then you may need some details when she responds back... and the trick, will be to give enough details to satisfy her, which John's approach seems to do.

But if she pursues in another direction, she does have a right to know if you are currently available and what her part would be in that, drama or no?

I suppose the guy has to answer the question about whether he is able to be discreet with multiple girls and what is the transition from one girl to another going to be like for her. Accordingly, it seems to me that there is not going to be one answer that works with every girl b/c your answer will depend on her phrasing of the initial question and then her come back... and possibly what she is looking for LTR or a bang... and is she o.k. with.. .let's just play around for a while and see how this goes before we commit... or let's just bang and forget about any kind of commitment.

Stalling can definitely be good, and i think the it's complicated should be mentioned early enough so you can stop the conversation at any time and to move it in another direction.

[Spider]

WIA, that was impressive. +1

[aphelion]

(09-15-2013 11:20 AM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

Summary of my story:
I passed a number of her shit tests. I passed the "I've dated black guys." test, the "I'm 30 and my son is 17." test.

The burning question is, what are you messing around with a semipro with a teenage son for?

[Merenguero]

For me, this is an easy one, a slam dunk. "I live in the Washington, D.C. area."

[Bacchus]

"You auditioning for that role?"

I prefer to reframe whenever possible.

[JimNortonFan]

(09-16-2013 02:35 PM)aphelion Wrote:  

(09-15-2013 11:20 AM)JimNortonFan Wrote:  

Summary of my story:
I passed a number of her shit tests. I passed the "I've dated black guys." test, the "I'm 30 and my son is 17." test.

The burning question is, what are you messing around with a semipro with a teenage son for?

She's an 8/10 and reciprocated interest. She seems to be honest. If she's spouting BS it's at least interesting BS.

@Frenchie: She does have a bf.

[Mrs. Chocolate]

What single ladies would do if all good men were taken?

[Distant Light]

Whos the opportunity here? You or her?

I always tell people I don't believe in monogamy and that it's BS, if they probe, I go abit into my philosophy. This is her opportunity to possibilly get with me, not the other way around. So far haven't had any problems AND it's actually funny when chicks misinterpret that I stated I have a girlfriend or something. Their face is priceless as if "OMG!?!?! Somebody got him!!! Finally"

When your fascinating shit like this is irrelevant

[Doctore]

I have two lines ready to fire depending on the vibe:

"Why, are you putting in your application?"

"True love isn't easy to find these days, I'm still looking"

IMO a man telling everyone out loud that he's not interested in relationships / marriage etc. is like a woman saying she's not interested in sex. Sure it might be what you believe in (and I agree on the marriage and LTR deal being sucky for men) but it's a stupid thing to say openly in social situations. It reduces your value. Keep it vague and mask your true intentions.

[speakeasy]

My standard reply to the why don't you have a gf? question is simple:

"I casually date, but nothing all that serious at the moment."

That usually ends it. If someone prods further, I just say:

"I'm looking for the right woman, but my standards are high."

Most important is to not let them think you have no women in your life. Even if you don't have anything going on, don't let women know that. Major DLV.

[Tornado]

I am looking for love in all the wrong places.

[MrXY]

I say that a long term relationship ended a few months ago and I've just been dating since then because I haven't been ready to jump back into something serious yet. They like this answer-it shows both preselection and availability

[Dulceácido]

"I don't have a girlfriend, but I do know a girl who would get very angry if she heard me say that..."

[Steve Derekson]

"I'm very picky."