The one thing I've been working on the most lately is making sure who I see myself as is the same person that other people see me as. I like to think I'm a nice, agreeable, and neutral dude towards other people, but the way other people see me is much different. I come off as negative, self-centered and I actively push people away.
I did a clean up of my facebook yesterday. I've only had it for a year or two and never posted a ton so there wasn't lots to look through. What I noticed is that I brushed off all attempts by others to be my friend (or more). I have wall posts from at least 10 different girls saying we should catch up, saying something positive about me, apologizing for not keeping in contact, painfully blatant displays of interest, girls from class asking to 'study'. There were posts by guy friends as well posting links to videos, or asking whats up on the weekend.
I know for a fact I didn't follow through on a single one of those. I'd say something like "yeah, sounds cool" or just deflect and change the subject. As I discussed in this post I start pushing girls away as soon as we start banging and it usually results in them being fed up and leaving.
I want to change this. One of my biggest annoyances in other people is flakiness and negativity and I am a complete hypocrite for being negative and flaky.
I've been much more self-aware of this lately and have been accepting offers from friends to hang out and do stuff that I would have normally said no to. It feels great. The other night I went and got wings and beer with a friend and his friend. It was great.
However, this isn't enough I need to take the initiative in changing and that's where you guys come in.
I want to pull a George Costanza and start doing the opposite of what I normally do. Instead of saying no I say yes. Instead of letting people make plans I'll be making plans. Instead of only talking to girls who I'm interested in I'm going to start being friendly to everybody.
From now on I'm going to say yes to every opportunity that presents itself to me provided its not completely dumb, has a negative impact on my health or wellbeing, not illegal, super expensive etc. I'm also not going to do things for people with nothing in return (ie. them always asking for money, my time and giving nothing back) and I'm only going to give friends a few chances. If they want to do nothing but play videogames and drink beer and ask me every day I'll only accept every once and a while.
It would be awesome if you guys could help me out by suggesting things I can go out and push myself to do in turn I'll be checking this thread once a day. Hopefully I'll have some kind of crazy stories to show for it although my city doesn't present much opportunity for nightlife debauchery etc.
Ideas I've got so far:
- reconnect with a few old friends. ask out chicks I always had a crush on in highschool
- dance class
- yoga classes + try to eventually bang a chick from one of them.
- learn + sing a song on my guitar.
- meditation
- direct daytime approaches in various settings
- random acts of kindness (buying people food, giving strangers compliments)
- buying someone a beer at the bar and getting their life story
- climb/hike a mountain on my day off.
Right now its about 3:30pm here. I've already made conversation with a stranger at the gym about their training. Right now I'm going to either go to a coffee shop, read and make conversation with the barista, go to the barber and let them have free reign over my haircut, or go to the mall and try to get the number of a girl working at a clothing store.
I did a clean up of my facebook yesterday. I've only had it for a year or two and never posted a ton so there wasn't lots to look through. What I noticed is that I brushed off all attempts by others to be my friend (or more). I have wall posts from at least 10 different girls saying we should catch up, saying something positive about me, apologizing for not keeping in contact, painfully blatant displays of interest, girls from class asking to 'study'. There were posts by guy friends as well posting links to videos, or asking whats up on the weekend.
I know for a fact I didn't follow through on a single one of those. I'd say something like "yeah, sounds cool" or just deflect and change the subject. As I discussed in this post I start pushing girls away as soon as we start banging and it usually results in them being fed up and leaving.
I want to change this. One of my biggest annoyances in other people is flakiness and negativity and I am a complete hypocrite for being negative and flaky.
I've been much more self-aware of this lately and have been accepting offers from friends to hang out and do stuff that I would have normally said no to. It feels great. The other night I went and got wings and beer with a friend and his friend. It was great.
However, this isn't enough I need to take the initiative in changing and that's where you guys come in.
I want to pull a George Costanza and start doing the opposite of what I normally do. Instead of saying no I say yes. Instead of letting people make plans I'll be making plans. Instead of only talking to girls who I'm interested in I'm going to start being friendly to everybody.
From now on I'm going to say yes to every opportunity that presents itself to me provided its not completely dumb, has a negative impact on my health or wellbeing, not illegal, super expensive etc. I'm also not going to do things for people with nothing in return (ie. them always asking for money, my time and giving nothing back) and I'm only going to give friends a few chances. If they want to do nothing but play videogames and drink beer and ask me every day I'll only accept every once and a while.
It would be awesome if you guys could help me out by suggesting things I can go out and push myself to do in turn I'll be checking this thread once a day. Hopefully I'll have some kind of crazy stories to show for it although my city doesn't present much opportunity for nightlife debauchery etc.
Ideas I've got so far:
- reconnect with a few old friends. ask out chicks I always had a crush on in highschool
- dance class
- yoga classes + try to eventually bang a chick from one of them.
- learn + sing a song on my guitar.
- meditation
- direct daytime approaches in various settings
- random acts of kindness (buying people food, giving strangers compliments)
- buying someone a beer at the bar and getting their life story
- climb/hike a mountain on my day off.
Right now its about 3:30pm here. I've already made conversation with a stranger at the gym about their training. Right now I'm going to either go to a coffee shop, read and make conversation with the barista, go to the barber and let them have free reign over my haircut, or go to the mall and try to get the number of a girl working at a clothing store.