[TravelerKai]

(08-20-2014 10:46 AM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

^ Solid, informative post based on actual long-term experiences. This is the type of thing I was hoping for.

Can you give an example of how you would phrase it when "demanding someone give you face?"

Sorry I missed this part.

OK a recent example:

I give this example out often. My wife (fiancee) at the time was helping me to prepare a trip to China to spend Chinese New Year with her whole family. I am talking about distant cousins, all kinds of people I had not met yet. I asked her what should I bring for hong bao. (red envelopes filled with money) This is Chinese tradition. I learned about this in college from Mainland Chinese teachers who made it a point to teach us the rules of how it works.

My wife told me, "Don't worry about hong bao. They will give us one." I said, "That's not how it works! You are a grown up now! You are not a kid anymore, that would be rude!" She and I go back and forth on this. Then I told her "Don't you dare cause me to lose face in front of your grandfathers and family." "Go ask your mother right now." She said yes dear and went on without talking back. Then her mom all but wanted to beat her. She told her the same thing I said. Your husband is right! What is wrong with you!?, etc... blah blah. But she also brought up something I did not know, she said that the hong bao we give will be given back at our wedding and then some. Which indeed happened. I gave out 2,000 in hongbao at mom in law's advice, and we got back 4,500 or so in (profit) the rest covered expenses.

Now that we have a newborn and yesterday she talked about if the baby will be old enough to go back to China for Chinese New Year. I brought up hong bao again. She said the baby is too little and they would give us one. Tsk Tsk.... Still haven't learned yet?! I will deal with that later.

I posted that other incident with that other Chinese girl causing me to lose face in our social circle and it made her feel guilty and come back to me totally different.

Another one would be when I told another girl from Hunan that was just another gal on my team at the time, "Don't you dare cause me to lose face!" I had asked her to help a friend of mine buy some products from some friend of hers that works for some electronic parts company in Shenzhen I think it was. The reason why is because I know from my history with her that something I bought through her did not work out because the guy cheated us both out of my money. Was a small amount but that's not the point. She is gullible. She then got smart with me and asked me what I know about saving face. I told her, enough to know to come after her. She was pissed off for a couple days, but later we got alot closer. Later on she and I had a fight over my "big titted girlfriend" she saw on my qzone (now my wife) and some other smoking hot 9 22 year old that lives near her. She accused me of causing her to lose face with her friends or whatever. I told her fuck that, "You caused me to lose face because when I asked you to meet me in Changsha, you said you would not be there, and when I asked you where you were going you did not answer." (A fucking lie, she was being flaky and silly, and probably LMR about her fear of losing her virginity or something)

I was in a taxi cab in Changsha with another girl and she and I are arguing about it over the phone and she then begged me to come to her apartment and she and I can talk about everything. I hung up on her and said Fuck that. I am mean. I don't play games with women like that. All my girls know I have others. They are not worried about controlling me. I went back to the US and she hit me up again and asked me if I was still angry at her and wanted to try again, she was probably crying but I didn't care. I blocked her account and haven't spoken with her since, and I knew her for like 3 years prior to that kinda like as a friend. Me dogging her out around others or using her as "my main girlfriend" gave me huge amounts of face and prevalidation game points with others. Some of you may say, dude why skip that bang bro? The thing is me and her fight too much, just naturally over any little thing....I don't like that. It reminds me of my exwife. I actually notice my blood pressure rising when I get that angry and I do not like that feeling anymore. Plenty quality women around, no need for all that. For the record, my wife has never made me anywhere near that angry before.

I even once told my best friend's wife (both are Chinese), not to cause my boy to lose face over something. She did not like me or trust me before when I met her. Nowadays she always hugging on me and loves me to death all because she thinks I am sooooo Chinese. Whatever. That's my main man I keep my eyes on her at all times for silliness. He is redpill and we both keep the ladies in check and watch each other's back. I have given him 2 hot wife quality girlfriends before in the past and thought nothing of it. Bros before hoes forever. I'm sure she and my wife realize that. We tell all the stories in their presence. And give zero fucks what they think.