[heavy]

This is why I need to travel solo, which perhaps is also part of the reason I'm considering quitting my job and teaching in Asia for a year (not decided, don't want to do that just by default stuck in a shitty teaching job).

Going out solo is just like traveling solo or moving away solo...it's just getting out on your own and realizing you can affect your surroundings without needing a support group to do it...something I've always had a tough time believing.

Great thread, glad it was revived.

[xxMarco]

Been doing the solo thing a lot lately with good success. Having issues with local bars though.

Anyone have any tips on hanging out solo at a local bar? I usually go and end up just going on the forum on my phone if I have nobody to talk to. Sometimes I end up chatting up the bartenders but usually don't get much action.

[StrikeBack]

If you have nobody yet to talk to, you're better off bringing a book to read. It's a good conversation starter, whereas your phone isn't. And you learn something, so you're not wasting time.

[General Mayhem]

I picked up some good advice once from an older cat. The dude was married, but was in town to go downtown with me and another good friend.

Hours before we ever ever got to the bar I remember him saying, "All I want to do is dance. It's all about me tonight."

Once we got to the bar he went straight to the dance floor and started dancing by himself, and he kept doing that all night. He had a rotation of girls that danced with him almost the whole time. The dude was in his own world all night and he was having a fucking blast. My mind was blown.

So, the first time I went out alone I used that same mindset. I went a bar that had a band playing, ordered a beer and started dancing and singing along. After a while I had a rotation of girls dancing with me, and eventually went home with some random chick.

Moral of the story is, it's all about you. You are going to go out alone and people are going to look at you funny, but fuck them.

It's all about you, you're there to have a good time.

[Enjoythedecline]

Do you guys actually sit at the bar and then wait for girls to come and order a drink near you ? Or are you going directly to them. I find it difficult when girls are in group, which is happening everytime at the bar.

[Frontenac]

First week in a new city and new province and I'm rolling solo tonight on a personal bar crawl.

I could have sat in my hotel and watched a flick, but wanted to make the most of my newly established independence.

[Checkmat]

(10-18-2014 07:16 PM)Frontenac Wrote:  

First week in a new city and new province and I'm rolling solo tonight on a personal bar crawl.

I could have sat in my hotel and watched a flick, but wanted to make the most of my newly established independence.

Awesome attitude!

I've been in my new city 4 weeks now and haven't rolled solo yet. OKCupid has been supplying me with dates/bangs every week and making me lazy.

Need to adopt your attitude and get out there more.

[Frontenac]

Okc has been a dead end here, and yes it does make you lazy.

It's a bit of a bugger though being in a new city. This place is definitely a step down in terms of culture from where I was. For example, I usially went out with a jacket and square, but here I'm not sure of that would give me a one way ticket to a beating. I also don't want to just walk into a biker bar or some shit.

But how else are you going to learn if you don't give it a go.

[NeVerGymLess]

Anyone from Vancouver here ? My solo game is horrible =l .

[xmlenigma]

Drop the game. Be a SOCIAL .. guy who talks to everyone when you step out. Small talk in the moment.. and fun in the moment talking to anyone.. then you will see the light.

[xmlenigma]

(10-18-2014 07:29 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  

(10-18-2014 07:16 PM)Frontenac Wrote:  

First week in a new city and new province and I'm rolling solo tonight on a personal bar crawl.

I could have sat in my hotel and watched a flick, but wanted to make the most of my newly established independence.

Awesome attitude!

I've been in my new city 4 weeks now and haven't rolled solo yet. OKCupid has been supplying me with dates/bangs every week and making me lazy.

Need to adopt your attitude and get out there more.

I need to know how to work some of this when I am exhausted and lazy. Trade tips

[kavakid]

(10-22-2014 01:47 PM)xmlenigma Wrote:  

Drop the game. Be a SOCIAL .. guy who talks to everyone when you step out. Small talk in the moment.. and fun in the moment talking to anyone.. then you will see the light.

That's right. There are few things that a boy can do to be a strong man these days, and going solo is one of them. Plus the feeling of starting out empty handed and ending the night with some crazy adventures and/or women is unmatchable. Its the feeling of a true power that most folks don't have.

The key is "intent without expectations" as the RSD Pua folks say.

Anyone who gives you a bad reaction on approach is just WRONG. They are in denial of the fact that they have paid a premium for their drinks only for the reason of being in a place with strangers, and yet they will have a bitch shield about talking to those strangers? Fortunately most women aren't bitches if you calibrate yourself to the situation. My default is to just be friendly then I escalate after I feel her out.

P.S. I LOVE sidewalk game. I think women love it too if it's done right. Don't skip the girls you see between bars! Watch Owen RSD videos on youtube.

[Barraclough]

(10-22-2014 02:10 PM)kavakid Wrote:  

Plus the feeling of starting out empty handed and ending the night with some crazy adventures and/or women is unmatchable. Its the feeling of a true power that most folks don't have.

The key is "intent without expectations" as the RSD Pua folks say.

Long time lurker, first time poster. Great thread - Kavakid put it perfectly. It'd be interesting to compare this to a generation ago, when your ability to "hold your own" in a bar was held in higher regard. When did meeting people in a place designed for meeting people become creepy?

[Frontenac]

Out again running solo. Setting tonight is an art auction put on by the local university's art department. I expected to see a number of arts girls running around but it's mostly 50+. Too bad. At least they are serving booze. Regardless, it gave me a chance to dust off the jacket and red pocket square and work on my social skills.

By the way, and this is for the newbies, the key to defeating approach anxiety is to talk to everyone. After you get comfortable talking to strangers, it won't mean anything to talk to girls.

I'll likely hit another bar or two afterwards as this is my cheat/alcohol day. May as well make the most of it.

[redbeard]

Bumping this classic thread. I've gone out solo on and off...never completely got into the swing of things due to life situation and shit. There are usually more opportunities to go out then I need...so I've gone out with wings more often.

Last night I went out solo and had a great time. Here's what helped me:

1. I had "one in the kitty," a Tinder girl in town for one night only who wanted to meet up. Having this not only gave me a backup plan, but it gave me a purpose. I was legitimately meeting someone, and this convinced me to go out.

2. After arriving to the first bar and posting up, I started people watching. I had a view of the entire bar and noticed that the only time guys moved was when their rape squads would go to get a drink, or go to the bathroom. Weak!

Later I saw a possible player walk in, suited up with a white jacket and orange tie, with only one wingman (also suited up). If there was a guy who was going to get pussy, this was it. Clean fade, solid build, walking in like he owned the joint. I got the popcorn ready....and he let me down like Ronda Rousey last night. He stood on the wall with his wingman and watched girls as they walked by, beer-shielding the entire time.

What a lame ass! From then on I felt fine. Before then, I expected everyone at the club to be happy and celebrating with their groups. I incorrectly assumed that I would be seen as lower value just posting up at the bar searching for pussy. Wrong! I was doing the same thing as everyone else = trying to have a good time! No one cares how or why.

3. My look is on point right now. This boosted my confidence and helped differentiate me between "some loser with no friends" and "guy with balls who needed to unwind."

I'm going to start going out solo more. I spent less money and only had a few drinks to warm up, a big improvement over getting smashed like most Saturdays.

[Easy_C]

(10-22-2014 01:47 PM)xmlenigma Wrote:  

Drop the game. Be a SOCIAL .. guy who talks to everyone when you step out. Small talk in the moment.. and fun in the moment talking to anyone.. then you will see the light.

This.

It will help change the vibe you give off, and change the state you're in.

Specifically I recommend ONLY going out alone. You get better results that way, logistics are better, and you will be more invested in the interactions.

[TheDuncan]

26 here, always been to clubs and bars with friends, when I was 23 that was an accomplishment in itself, at 26 now hell yea! Im all for going to a place with friends, have drinks and pull chicks.

Going by myself though? It has crossed my mind because friends arent always avaliable but damn its a nervous thought, Im not even sure what I would do, go straight to the bar, get drinks then look for girls I guess.

Bars Im pretty sure I could do but a full blown club? I am pretty introverted so I dont do well in that environment, by myself even worse lol

Thinking about going solo to local bars then move up from there but I gotta admit its pretty nerve racking, I have high confidence in certain areas but I have some issues when it comes to situations with a lot of people, seems like everyone is judging. (Drinks usually fix that for the night)

[Brian Shima]

Amazing thread..Bottom line is that you are missing out on A LOT of women if you cannot go do things alone..it is akin to being scared to "daygame"..

[Dr.assman]

I just went to a concert solo and it was tough, but not that tough for what was going in my head beforehand. The hardest part was actually getting dressed and walking to my car. The rest was much easier.

[Hazaer]

The situation: I have been going out solo for a 6 or 7 months now. For me, the hardest part does not seem to be getting to the venue. Rather, it is at the venue itself. I take the last bus to the city at half past 10 enter a pub at about a quarter to 11. I post up at the bar and I get only 1 beer for the entire night. Some girl at the dance floor or at a distance gives me the look but I don't act on it. Dancing up to her or approaching her when she is in her group of friends seems like a huge obstacle for me.

At the smoking area, girls are in their groups and even if they are only in pairs or threes, I feel that I can't hold the conversation or their interest after 2 or 3 minutes. Entertaining all of them requires more energy and I am not sure if a girl who is there with 1 or 2 friends would be willing to leave them for the night if her other friends do not meet a guy.

What do you guys think? I used to live in a much bigger city with a large tourist population and going solo was very possible because there is always some tourist chick alone or lost near the venue but currently, I am in a much smaller city with almost no tourism and on most nights, I am the only coloured guy there hence probably the looks of curiosity.

What I have done: I have tried and finished watching the Seinfeld seasons to get in the mood but it doesnt seem to help. In fact, in a college social environment, I actually sense a decrease in attraction probably because I am probably seen as a try hard and some RVFers have suggested that I maintain the cool and collected personality instead. This might be a better option for people with a naturally more serious persona. Now I am watching Mad Men. But I am not sure if that is going to help in Night Game.

Perhaps, I should have a beer before going out and then get another one at the venue?

Any advice on a future course of action would be good as going out for months with hardly anything to show for it is a pretty bad record. Going with a wing wont be an option for me as the others are usually focussed on getting wasted and trying to score that same few girls in my social circle.

[asdfk]

- don't try to entertain a girl, let alone her whole group
- just calmly focus on one girl and introduce yourself to the rest to be polite, then resume hitting on her. They know what's up anyway
- go there 3 hours before closing and don't leave until every last girl has gone home. Don't waste your time coming any earlier if you want to pull. Numbers from Bara wouldn't be a thing I'd go for.
Stop apologizing in any way. They know you are there to hit on one of them and if she doesn't like it she will tell you.

[Green-On-GO]

(03-06-2016 04:13 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

The situation: I have been going out solo for a 6 or 7 months now. For me, the hardest part does not seem to be getting to the venue. Rather, it is at the venue itself. I take the last bus to the city at half past 10 enter a pub at about a quarter to 11. I post up at the bar and I get only 1 beer for the entire night. Some girl at the dance floor or at a distance gives me the look but I don't act on it. Dancing up to her or approaching her when she is in her group of friends seems like a huge obstacle for me.

At the smoking area, girls are in their groups and even if they are only in pairs or threes, I feel that I can't hold the conversation or their interest after 2 or 3 minutes. Entertaining all of them requires more energy and I am not sure if a girl who is there with 1 or 2 friends would be willing to leave them for the night if her other friends do not meet a guy.

What do you guys think? I used to live in a much bigger city with a large tourist population and going solo was very possible because there is always some tourist chick alone or lost near the venue but currently, I am in a much smaller city with almost no tourism and on most nights, I am the only coloured guy there hence probably the looks of curiosity.

What I have done: I have tried and finished watching the Seinfeld seasons to get in the mood but it doesnt seem to help. In fact, in a college social environment, I actually sense a decrease in attraction probably because I am probably seen as a try hard and some RVFers have suggested that I maintain the cool and collected personality instead. This might be a better option for people with a naturally more serious persona. Now I am watching Mad Men. But I am not sure if that is going to help in Night Game.

Perhaps, I should have a beer before going out and then get another one at the venue?

Any advice on a future course of action would be good as going out for months with hardly anything to show for it is a pretty bad record. Going with a wing wont be an option for me as the others are usually focussed on getting wasted and trying to score that same few girls in my social circle.

i think your going out too late for OZ depending what state you are in.
Go out earlier, open everyone.Have a coffee or dinner in town.Take action so you don't get in your head.There will be bad nights and good ones
Get to the bar early befriend the staff bouncers doorman etc..Concentrate on being social first.
Make friends at College join groups etc.This is Oz not America,you must be able to laugh at yourself here, James Bond game won't cut it .

Try day game..it's easier in a big Aussie city to be solo ,night game wise.
In small or medium city not so much.

And you have to have a go and fail you will...nothings perfect there is no magic bullet.

My next project is to go to this seaside bar where solo dudes are treated like leppers..I like the girls there and have watched solo dudes flounder hard.It's like a cage fight.

[Stimulus]

Perhaps drinking a bit more and getting a slight buzz will help you get more into the vibe and stop you from overthinking.

For me that works, together with some loud music (for me, house/techno) to get me into a party vibe just before leaving my home.

[Hazaer]

(03-07-2016 05:46 PM)Stimulus Wrote:  

Perhaps drinking a bit more and getting a slight buzz will help you get more into the vibe and stop you from overthinking.

For me that works, together with some loud music (for me, house/techno) to get me into a party vibe just before leaving my home.

The music does help in setting the mood. How much do you drink before going out? I am thinking of trying 2 beers.

[Hazaer]

(03-07-2016 09:30 AM)Green-On-GO Wrote:  

(03-06-2016 04:13 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

The situation: I have been going out solo for a 6 or 7 months now. For me, the hardest part does not seem to be getting to the venue. Rather, it is at the venue itself. I take the last bus to the city at half past 10 enter a pub at about a quarter to 11. I post up at the bar and I get only 1 beer for the entire night. Some girl at the dance floor or at a distance gives me the look but I don't act on it. Dancing up to her or approaching her when she is in her group of friends seems like a huge obstacle for me.

At the smoking area, girls are in their groups and even if they are only in pairs or threes, I feel that I can't hold the conversation or their interest after 2 or 3 minutes. Entertaining all of them requires more energy and I am not sure if a girl who is there with 1 or 2 friends would be willing to leave them for the night if her other friends do not meet a guy.

What do you guys think? I used to live in a much bigger city with a large tourist population and going solo was very possible because there is always some tourist chick alone or lost near the venue but currently, I am in a much smaller city with almost no tourism and on most nights, I am the only coloured guy there hence probably the looks of curiosity.

What I have done: I have tried and finished watching the Seinfeld seasons to get in the mood but it doesnt seem to help. In fact, in a college social environment, I actually sense a decrease in attraction probably because I am probably seen as a try hard and some RVFers have suggested that I maintain the cool and collected personality instead. This might be a better option for people with a naturally more serious persona. Now I am watching Mad Men. But I am not sure if that is going to help in Night Game.

Perhaps, I should have a beer before going out and then get another one at the venue?

Any advice on a future course of action would be good as going out for months with hardly anything to show for it is a pretty bad record. Going with a wing wont be an option for me as the others are usually focussed on getting wasted and trying to score that same few girls in my social circle.

i think your going out too late for OZ depending what state you are in.
Go out earlier, open everyone.Have a coffee or dinner in town.Take action so you don't get in your head.There will be bad nights and good ones
Get to the bar early befriend the staff bouncers doorman etc..Concentrate on being social first.
Make friends at College join groups etc.This is Oz not America,you must be able to laugh at yourself here, James Bond game won't cut it .

Try day game..it's easier in a big Aussie city to be solo ,night game wise.
In small or medium city not so much.

And you have to have a go and fail you will...nothings perfect there is no magic bullet.

My next project is to go to this seaside bar where solo dudes are treated like leppers..I like the girls there and have watched solo dudes flounder hard.It's like a cage fight.

I am in a small city in Tasmania with a population of abt a 100k. Currently, I am reaching the city at a quarter to 11. Or I can be there an hour earlier. What do you reckon?

The city just becomes dead after 8 even on a Friday and its worse during the winter.

I probably am thinking too much and have a lot of approach anxiety to deal with esp going solo. I might try drinking before going out but I have to figure out the right amount.

Have you pulled going solo from a group of say 2 or 3? Chicks in their mid 20s, post uni. I have this feeling that girls in small groups would probably feel bad leaving their friends with a random guy especially if there are no other guys that their friends are hanging out with.