Quote: (11-29-2016 05:39 AM)Dream Medicine Wrote:
I repped you for your 'I'm not the father' thread and once again I'm impressed with your frankness and humility.
Thanks for the rep bro.
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In any case I would be curious to read more about what you mean when you wrote: "I've got a ways to go with this relationship stuff" (?)
It means that I'm not used to being in any kind of long term relationship with a girl that isn't purely sexual/casual.
Sharing expenses, personal space, decisions, planning for the future, planning a family, considering another person's feelings in the context of "togetherness" while reconciling it with my player nature and respecting myself - these are all things that I've never really had to do and never much wanted to do.
If I had given long term relationships the respect they deserve I'd be entering into this one better equipped and not fighting a steep learning curve.
Specifically this applies to boundaries.
On the one hand I'm not used to apologizing to anybody about anything or making excuses for myself.
I do what I do and I don't hide it and if you don't like it that's your business.
But I can't openly philander on my girl because she's not a whore, has self-respect and would drop me.
She's also not some barefoot Isaan chick who needs hansum man's paycheck.
Second, we've talked a lot about having a big family together.
She adores kids and animals like I've never seen before.
She's a nurturer and if she could just act right I'd be working on offspring #1 already.
But in the sole LTR she had was with a thai guy for basically her entire young adult life, she used the guy as a doormat.
He did whatever she said.
He caved for her all the time and bowed down like a bitch.
She can't understand why he annoyed her so much.
I tried to explain to her that it's because he was a pussy so she felt an inherent disdain for his weak behavior.
But she enjoyed being waited on hand and foot so she didn't break up with him until (surprise) he cheated on her, got busted, and then lied about having a terminal illness to guilt her into not breaking up with him (she called the hospital and found out it was BS).
So that's the archetype of LTR she's used to: 2-faced lying, cheating thai dude with no balls.
I'm not that, and I'm sure that's a big part of her attraction for me, but it's also hard reconciling our expectations around a relationship, a family, and responsibilities.
She's also young and hasn't really gone through any significant hardship or challenge and she quits easily.
On the one hand I wonder if she'll be able to rise to the challenge because I have friends who molded their wives from raw material into champions of the family who really took care of their businesses honorably.
On the other hand I wonder if I'm doing myself a big disservice by ignoring the Janka maxim "difficult girls remain difficult".
In an ideal world I'd just do whatever the fuck I want all the time and never hear a word of complaint about it.
I'd perfectly compartmentalize work, travel, me-time, wife/family time, side piece time, jiu jitsu time, and creative time.
But young girls who are in love with you have little sense of compartmentalization.
They don't see how it's suffocating and distracting when they follow you to the gym and hang out until you've finished your workout, or when they hangout at the coworking space waiting impatiently for you to finish so you can go spend your hard won money stuffing their faces with some sweet garbage they beg you to get them.
I realize I sound cynical like I don't care about this girl but the truth is I'm fucking crazy about her.
Maybe it's blinding me, I don't know.
Maybe we haven't given it enough time - it's only been a few months since we got "serious"; before that it was casual.
Maybe I don't have enough experience in "committed" relationships to avoid the pitfalls.
One thing I know for sure is that I'm not going to compromise on being who I am.
So if things fall apart I honestly won't lose sleep over it because in the end I'm true to myself and that's what matters to me.
Will we be able to make it work?
Stay tuned for another exciting episode of Vincent Vinturi in an LTR!