Think you found wife material - how to know it's not an act?
05-03-2019, 06:01 AM
It's been a while since I've written a meaningful post. Based on the quality of responses in this thread, I'm thinking this is a place for it.
I'm entering my late 20s. I'm happy that I realized early, late in my teens, that I had what seemed at the time to be a problem. I didn't have experience with girls, and I wanted something, anything. After my first few successes, I got hungry, and made this thing called "game" my life. I quickly forgot that all I wanted was a nice girlfriend – how could I want something so simple when I was experiencing something much more exciting?
Finding a group of guys as hungry as you are, going out 4x a week and approaching like crazy, doing day game when you're not out in the bars – it distorts you. It's not simply enough to close the deal with a girl you followed up with. No, you have to hit up the club after a new +1 and make some moves. "This is what it feels like to be a man!" is something the naive 19 year old me said when doing such things at the time.
Fast forward several years, and cutting it to a long story short, I've done what I could have only dreamed of. Not only was I doing well enough back home, but I went abroad and did it in several countries. Lived abroad, had several mini relationships. I liked it, but started to feel like I wanted something more... meaningful.
Quite some time after starting to have those thoughts, I'm now in an LTR. Over a year, the longest I've been in one. It's a great relationship. In the past I quickly pulled the plug when a prospect for something more than just a FWB showed me something about her I didn't like. I didn't have to this time. She showed me many things I value and would need from a girlfriend. It helps to now be living in a culture where traditional values are still intact, even if it's not immune to western corrosiveness. But I've found, over the course of this relationship, that she's become even more conservative, so to speak. When in the beginning she said she could see herself having kids later on, when she's 30, she now says 25 would be a good age. Having tried out her first full time job, she now dreads a 40 hour work week and claims that a career is not the rosy thing she envisioned. She'd much rather work 30 hours or less and be able to sustain her home and raise her children. If she could, she'd be a housewife, she would joke.
Anyway I don't mean to suggest I've found wife material and I'm wondering if it's an act, as the title of this thread says. It's obvious to me she's worth dating and a relationship with her is worth building. Numerous times I've found cute sweet girls that were pleasant to be around, and wanted to date me. But almost always there was some serious detriment or issue, often due to the modern world we live in. Too much instagram, resilience against traditional values, male orbiters that she wouldn't get rid of, a questionable past, and so on. I'm happy that I don't have any issues of this kind with her and some other common ones we're familiar with.
My biggest conflict seems to be another. I miss the lifestyle I used to hold. The bar girls, the one in the coffee shop, the one I should be approaching after a flirtatious look. I think it's harder than ever before to suppress the urge when we're surrounded by women with minimal clothing, porn is forced on to us, everything is so sexualized. It's never been easier to have sex with someone new. The novelty is hard to resist.
Roosh had an article about it recently, about guys in a relationship missing the single life. So I won't go into it, and you're already familiar with what I'm talking about. Grass is greener is relevant here too.
I know what I have is worth building because if I were to give it up just to go back to the chase, eventually I'd find myself in the same position as I'm in now, because there's no end to it. Hooking up gets old, and you'll find a girl that maintains your attention, and you find yourselves developing strong feelings and so on. There's a chance these other girls could be even better than my current girlfriend. But it's a ridiculous game to play. The ego is never satisfied, we'll always want a hotter, prettier girl that can do more for us.
So the best choice for me at the moment is to keep going, because at least this path has progression. At some point it could get much more serious than it is. I'm not remotely ready for it, but one stage at a time.
Needed to write this and get some of my thoughts out of my head.