[Ironbound]

How do you guys pick yourselves up from humbling moments? Like say, getting rejected, losing a fight, etc.


To make a long story short, I didn't do exaclty as well as I thought I would have in a little fight I got into today (less of a fight, and more like a test of manliness...you guys get the picture) and, frankly, it sucks, and major hit to my pride. I tend to carry myself as a tall, strong person, but damn, life just finds ways to knock you back down.

What do you guys do to lessen the blow to your pride?

[scorpion]

It's not the worst thing to learn some humility every now and then. Keeps the ego in check, prevents you from getting too far out of line and getting yourself into more serious trouble in the future. If you walked away with your body and mind still intact then consider it a valuable lesson, and don't be too hard on yourself. It's a long life, there's a lot to learn, and most of it only comes the hard way.

[Goldmund]

[Ingocnito]

I chalk it up to things have changed drastically in the last decade. The typical disagreements found of the past are too well choreographed to miss, at least with a little age and experience under your belt.

I had two events happen in the gym within the last 3 weeks, each was humbling in it's own way. The one involving a couple guys, I dominated with swift response. It wouldn't have likely occurred coming out the mouth involving the previous generation's men, but the goof ball millennials ran their mouths and got served. What was humbling is later recognizing what I said in response would not have been considered an overreaction in a Pre-PC culture, but was regardless in this setting after I said it. Oh well, someone has to keep it real, especially when two idiots are making fun of you working out.

The second was involving a seemingly sweet girl who regularly talks to me, preens herself, and walks by seemingly to either get attention or hope I drag her into a conversation. Realizing her steeze was just covering up the multiple guys she was spinning while leading me on or using me to piss them off, I felt really stupid that it took me as long as it did to wake up to the reality of what was occurring, but it became obvious today. I chalk it up not to oneitis, nor lack of experience, but to the ever changing times and my unpreparedness to quickly absorb reality and not be sidetracked by the facade around me.

Sometimes you figure out you're the one creating the facade, and these are the most humbling moments. In which case I typically get more introspective and work on something totally unrelated. For instance, if you get your ass kicked, the time and frustration spent running straight home to work on kicking and punching a heavy bag, might be better spent organizing your life while the "event" that humbled you settles in and your subconscious has some time to iron it out during a good night's rest. Hope this helps.

[nek]

One thing I think is all too often missed with this "red pill awakening" is that there's a self assessment part that's not taken into account, and that's where humility comes in. Humility is understanding that yes, there will be people better than you. You are human and fallible with weaknesses, just like all of us. While understanding about the truth of the society we live in is important, equally if not more important is understanding the truth about yourself and your position in the world.

To do this, troubleshoot. Be honest about how you felt and why you felt (or reacted) the way you did in that given situation. Can you change it? Then go ahead and change it. Shame is a great motivator, and usually an honest one. If you can't change it, well, that's when humility comes into play.

[Goldmund]

Humility is a key to becoming powerful. I spoke about it here and am still trying to work on it.

[Ironbound]

(08-04-2014 11:10 PM)nek Wrote:  

One thing I think is all too often missed with this "red pill awakening" is that there's a self assessment part that's not taken into account, and that's where humility comes in. Humility is understanding that yes, there will be people better than you. You are human and fallible with weaknesses, just like all of us. While understanding about the truth of the society we live in is important, equally if not more important is understanding the truth about yourself and your position in the world.

To do this, troubleshoot. Be honest about how you felt and why you felt (or reacted) the way you did in that given situation. Can you change it? Then go ahead and change it. Shame is a great motivator, and usually an honest one. If you can't change it, well, that's when humility comes into play.

I'm going to be honest with everyone here, maybe other men have this issue/complex as well. In his youth, my father was a very, very very tough man. Everyone feared him, and he was well respected. According to people in my family, he had never lost a fight in his life, and all that good stuff. Me being his first born son, I feel as If I need to be that as well, as if its a duty to my father and to myself to carry on that reputation of his. It's far fetched, and stupid (some would day) but it is a "complex" of mine.

In regards to you nek, because of this complex, that is where I cannot accept any form of humility. The thought that I am not as strong as my father, not as kick ass, not as tough, is just something to me that seems to spell out being the "ultimate failure". Of course in reality my father isnt perfect, but regardless..

The funny thing is, is that I know all of this is ridicoulous, but some part of my sub concious refuses to see it as such...

Idk, I have had all this pent inwards for awhile. What do you guys think?

[Goldmund]

I've seen a lot of this in guys who are pent-up and have that rage within.

It's weird to me because I have always been in the observer role my entire life...especially now when its my job to observe.

But it is a limiting belief and you should try to get over it.

Don't give a fuck what other people think...unless they go out of their way to disrespect you, there is no reason to get upset.

You ever get drunk with your dad? Tell him how you feel? Maybe that would help.

[Ironbound]

(08-04-2014 11:23 PM)Goldmund Wrote:  

I've seen a lot of this in guys who are pent-up and have that rage within.

It's weird to me because I have always been in the observer role my entire life...especially now when its my job to observe.

But it is a limiting belief and you should try to get over it.

Don't give a fuck what other people think...unless they go out of their way to disrespect you, there is no reason to get upset.

You ever get drunk with your dad? Tell him how you feel? Maybe that would help.

I have, and he tried to reassure me that I'm a strong guy, good guy, and not to go down that road of being a tough guy, it goes nowhere etc. But I don't feel it.

I feel like I wasn't born with "it", the same way that he is. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be what he is, in that aspect. I have surpassed him in certain things in life, like going to college, etc. But still.

I see it like this, yeah you got your nice job, your nice car, big business, youre in college, whatever. But how can you hold your own in a fight? Are you strong? Are you firm, are you "above" other men, or not? The thought of me not being a natural born fighter/tough guy/whatever you wanna call it, is just...

Perhaps it is stupid, and a horrible way to think, but again, based on my background and upbringing, its how I see things.

I hope other folk on this forum can relate. I figured no better place to talk about this then on a red pill forum, with some real men.

[Goldmund]

Hmm...it sounds like you are under 30 years old.

Thats when a man can begin to understand himself and his place in the world.

Doesn't matter if you have the 'nice job, nice car, business, college' you gotta know yourself. It comes with time and experience.

[Ironbound]

(08-04-2014 11:34 PM)Goldmund Wrote:  

Hmm...it sounds like you are under 30 years old.

Thats when a man can begin to understand himself and his place in the world.

Doesn't matter if you have the 'nice job, nice car, business, college' you gotta know yourself. It comes with time and experience.

Haha yeah, I'm 21.

To be honest, if I managed to get over this stupid complex, I feel like a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders..

To sum it all up: I dont want to be a pussy, i wanna be tough and strong, like my pops.

[Suits]

If you want to learn humility, come to China and begin the three year process of learning Chinese. Two years in you'll alternate between overhearing conversations where you comprehend every word and conversations where you literally don't understand a single word.

I think the best way to avoid getting knocked down a peg or two is to live by the often quoted phrase:

"The higher you climb, the further you fall."

There is no shame in being awesome, but make sure you aren't fronting, because sooner or later, someone with big enough balls will make a point of seeing you take a fall.

[Big Country]

You can't always measure up to people you hold in high esteem because you never lived their life. So your dad is a tough dude and you might not be. All the events in your life have lead you to be the person you are today. Humility comes when you realize that. You can't constantly compare yourself to someone else because you can only have the frame you have grown for yourself.

It may be the biggest thing in your world that you lost a fight today, but years from now you'll look back and say "Why did I ever care about something like that?" So long as you begin the process of identifying what makes you who you are, you can't go wrong.

[scorpion]

(08-04-2014 11:29 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  

I feel like I wasn't born with "it", the same way that he is. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'll never be what he is, in that aspect. I have surpassed him in certain things in life, like going to college, etc. But still.

You aren't him. You're you. Stop trying to be just like your father and learn from him instead. Then be your own man.

Being tough is not just about giving and taking punches and never backing down. It's about having the confidence to be your own man and stepping out of your father's shadow. It's about controlling your emotions and not letting feelings of personal inadequacy eat you up inside. Your goal in life should be developing yourself into the best version of you possible, not trying to become a copy of your father. You will never be him. Be you.

[Dr. Howard]

When I get down after being humiliated I try to think about how I was able to learn a lesson without it being much worse. I made the mistake of sending out a constituent response before getting the correct reviews in my old job thinking "who the hell cares, I am the expert on this issue and I know what this guy is asking"...a few days later my boss let me know that I may have opened up a can of worms for the state governor and because I didn't get approvals they couldn't protect me if shit went down, ie. I could lose my job. I was given a verbal beating by the governor's staff but on the bright side wasn't terminated.

The same with losing a fight, at least you didn't lose the fight and along with an eye or teeth.

[Foolsgo1d]

Never been humiliated seriously but I am too ignorant for anything like that to matter. I know for sure people were undermining me in University but I never let it get to me. Instead I went about what I wanted to do.

I've had plenty of moments where some people with big mouths and big ego's dont shut up so instead I clown them and laugh. Its amazing what a few laughs and clear cut barbs off the mouth do to pent up ego's.

[Engineer]

(08-04-2014 11:36 PM)Ironbound Wrote:  

(08-04-2014 11:34 PM)Goldmund Wrote:  

Hmm...it sounds like you are under 30 years old.

Thats when a man can begin to understand himself and his place in the world.

Doesn't matter if you have the 'nice job, nice car, business, college' you gotta know yourself. It comes with time and experience.

Haha yeah, I'm 21.

To be honest, if I managed to get over this stupid complex, I feel like a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders..

To sum it all up: I dont want to be a pussy, i wanna be tough and strong, like my pops.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be like your dad, he sounds like a good role model. Set some goals, be like his best side, don't copy his bad habits, and find your own thing. Concentrate on your top three things physical, mental, relationships, whatever. You're 21 is there any real reason you can't be on top of the fucking world? You want to be a badass, how about martial arts?

[The Beast1]

(08-05-2014 07:48 AM)Foolsgo1d Wrote:  

Never been humiliated seriously but I am too ignorant for anything like that to matter. I know for sure people were undermining me in University but I never let it get to me. Instead I went about what I wanted to do.

I've had plenty of moments where some people with big mouths and big ego's dont shut up so instead I clown them and laugh. Its amazing what a few laughs and clear cut barbs off the mouth do to pent up ego's.

I had that problem in college as well. Problem is I let it get to me.

Humility is a good thing. It reminds one of what it is like to be at ground zero.

The best thing about getting humiliated is the come back. I enjoy nothing better than becoming better than the people who said otherwise.

[heavy]

Don't avoid the feelings. Embrace them. Denial is a lot more energy than reality.

I think in terms of shining a light on a shadow. The shadow is the reality that you aren't as great as your ego wants you to believe. It's not really a monster in the dark, it's just a stupid stuffed animal.

Great post as it reminded me of myself. I'm always trying to shift these gears quicker after failure. With approach, I went through a period of "thinking" I was the greatest...when in reality I sucked. As soon as I admitted to myself I sucked, my brain went, "well, if you really suck at it, you've gone nothing to lose...you're ego is gone anyway, so you might as well go talk to her."

[polymath]

Get stronger, choose your life direction, and go toward it.

Think of all the successful people you admire, and try to find one who has never been embarrassed, never been shown to be weak. Even Jordan got stuffed from time to time. Even Messi couldn't carry Argentina to beat Germany at the World Cup finals in Rio. Bill Clinton was impeached. Evander Holyfield came out of retirement to win the WBA title for a third time from Tyson after losing it to Michael Moorer, whom he also later defeated.

The point is that life isn't a single forward charge, and your first fall isn't your final score. Brush it off, improve yourself, and keep moving.

Big dogs lick their wounds sometimes...Just not for long. Get over it and push it out of your mind.

[Constitution45]

Learn from your mistake, embrace it and move on to fight another day. There is no shame in that, you will have your good days and bad days. Your bad days are when you should be meditating on your goals and on yourself.

[Volk]

Humbling momens? Pretty much once or twice a week.

[Quintus Curtius]

No magic formula. Shrug it off, move forward, and chalk it up to experience.

[Ingocnito]

Maybe the greatest lesson of humility is to apply the old addage about nearly every person who is closest to you, and that is;"Their greatest success is also the cause of their greatest weakness."

By learning from that, you can leverage knowledge learned from the biggest mistakes those closest to you have made, and not only gain some of their best qualities (toughness in your case), but forever remain valuable to them throughout life by being great at much of what they are not.

[Kingsley Davis]

(08-05-2014 03:51 PM)Quintus Curtius Wrote:  

No magic formula. Shrug it off, move forward, and chalk it up to experience.

Live and learn.