[pitt]

I remember learning this move from the classic book ''how to win friends and influence people'' and I decided to apply it in my everyday life. What a big difference it made in terms of building relationships.

Soon as I approach a girl, introduce myself and find out her name, I would be calling her by her name and they were usually impressed on how I am already so familiar with her even though we just met. Calling her by her name you are implying that you are already familiar with her and you don't need lots of time to build familiarity with her. If you are already familiar, the sex should come faster.

I don't only do this with girls, I also do it when I am dealing with the customer service from my local shop (I look at the badge for the person's name and then I will be calling them by their name), when the police stops me for no reason to search me (even though this doesn't happen to me anymore) when I meet a new person and I know he will be my friend, I start calling them by their names in order to build familiarity faster (I confess it, I do it with forum members too). Remember this is not manipulation, it's simply an art of effective communication. People like to be called by their names and our names is one of, if not, the biggest identity we have.

Don't over use it, I usually do it when I want the person to really listen to what I am saying, when I am telling the girl that I am about to go but I will keep in touch, eg. ''hey listen patricia, I have to go, but I will call you tonight, alright''?, to reinforce and show that I am interested in that particular person (if the person remember our names then I am sure that person is interested in us in some way), people listen to you more when you call them by their names, when a customer service rep tries to argue with me on the phone and I throw the ''Listen James, I know this is your company policy but''' I feel that the guy on the other end becomes surprised and then becomes more cooperative, customers rarely ever remember the company representative name, when you do it, you are ahead of the game, you will always get better service. You get what you give.

Most of my friends think that I manipulate girls in order to sleep with them but the truth is that my game is just based on these small ''strategies'', they really make a big difference.

[soup]

Pitt, this looks like solid info.

[Christian McQueen]

Classic move been using for years.

It works better and better as people become worse communicating due to Smart Phone Dummy Syndrome as well.

Within 3-5 years, if you look a person in the eye, use their name and have a modicum of confidence and charisma a man will be in the top 5% of communicators.

I'm at the car wash right now and people are afraid to make eye contact, from the guy who asks what wash you want to the checkout girl.

People are afraid to connect anymore. It's pitiful, but yet super easy to dominate social situations now due to this.

[L M McCoy]

I always did this out of common courtesy

[Mr. Butterworth]

funny you post this... SNL from last night kept doing this to me. well, I do have a rather unique name so I'm sure that's why. she wasn't aware of the effect it had.

however, I did notice the effect. every time she said it. I got just a bit more happy and comfy with her. turned on as well.

there's definitely something to this.

[Goldmund]

Yup, I travel a lot and am always meeting new people, I got into the habit of using names just so I wouldn't forget. And it really helps in seduction as well.

Last night, I met a girl 'Maria' and she had pink sleeves. So I called her 'Maria pinky sleeves' all night long. She gobbled it up.

Always use the name, it also is great to call girls over by name "Maria! Come over here!" Command with comfort. Boom.

This is so simple, yet Jedi-mind effective. Awesome.

[Blackwell]

Unique name huh? I can see it now...

'Ooh, Mr Butterworth please don't stop!'

Haha. But seriously, solid breakdown pitt. I picked this up early in my teenage years and it has been instinctual ever since. I like to get a name as early as I can, within reason, for all the benefits you outlined.

Whenever I make an approach I get the name early. I've noticed perhaps a marginally uptick in effectiveness in recent years. This alludes to what Christian mentioned in terms of the increasing value of the ability to communicate directly.

I guess it's somewhat of an advantage when your playing the game but it's still a shame that the ease of technological communication is turning half the population into socially inept drones who can't sit still for more than second without reaching for a device to swipe through.

[Santoro]

These are great techniques. When I was in grad school I would often reference papers of people I knew would be at my lectures...whether it was other professors or research assistants. It made for a very nice effect

Also Use this whenever I'm onstage for music...if you can learn the names of the bouncers/bartenders it can pay huge dividends when you use them as small asides for your stage game.

We got Rachel slingin booze tonight, lookin sexy as hell. Drink up! This next song reminds me of...

You fuckers lookin rowdy tonight, keep it up and Big Al is gonna have to choke you out! Who here knows anything about kickin ass?!? [segue into hard rockin tune]

For rock venues the above attitude works pretty well

It's beta if you do it offstage, onstage you're a part of the 'club' where one hand scratches the other. It brings all the 'biz aspects' of the venue together

[game_ethic]

Great tip. I read How To Win Friends & Influence People only a few months ago and I've already forgotten about that technique. I guess I'll have to re-read it. Even though Dale Carnegie essentially wrote that book for salesmen and politicians, some of the techniques works wonders in gaming girls, too.

[Seth_Rose]

It might have been "how to win friends" or some game book but I remember the quote along the lines of "the sweetest sound in the world is ones own name."

[Days of Broken Arrows]

(07-22-2014 04:26 PM)Santoro Wrote:  

These are great techniques. When I was in grad school I would often reference papers of people I knew would be at my lectures...whether it was other professors or research assistants. It made for a very nice effect

Also Use this whenever I'm onstage for music...if you can learn the names of the bouncers/bartenders it can pay huge dividends when you use them as small asides for your stage game.

We got Rachel slingin booze tonight, lookin sexy as hell. Drink up! This next song reminds me of...

You fuckers lookin rowdy tonight, don't make me call Big Al in to stomp you! Who here knows anything about kickin ass?!? [segue into hard rockin tune]

For rock venues the above attitude works pretty well

It's beta if you do it offstage, onstage you're a part of the 'club' where one hand scratches the other. It brings all the 'biz aspects' of the venue together

Mentioning the names of musicians on stage was the way Frank Sinatra earned the loyalty of his band members. Duane Allman did this a lot too with the Allman Brothers.

But I'm actually writing for a different reason: the reverse of this is true as well. If you meet a woman, and she greets you with "Hey" all the time instead of your name, it's a sign of unconscious disrespect and/or contempt for men. Keep her at arms length because bigger problems will be ahead.

[Cheetah]

(07-22-2014 03:47 PM)Christian McQueen Wrote:  

Classic move been using for years.

It works better and better as people become worse communicating due to Smart Phone Dummy Syndrome as well.

Within 3-5 years, if you look a person in the eye, use their name and have a modicum of confidence and charisma a man will be in the top 5% of communicators.

I'm at the car wash right now and people are afraid to make eye contact, from the guy who asks what wash you want to the checkout girl.

People are afraid to connect anymore. It's pitiful, but yet super easy to dominate social situations now due to this.

You are saying that there's at least something good that comes out of the smart phone era?

[Truth Tiger]

^^^ It's a classy gesture (though standard practice for decades I'd bet) and something you see with a quality leader. Was treated to a Chris Isaak show last year by a client and felt I was back in the 40's with how professional, fun, and cool the whole band was to each other.

and +1 on a girl using your name or not. BTDT, rampant disrespect indicated. I think in some cultures and mythologies knowing a name grants power (genii in the bottle, etc.) so in non-Western or tradiitional cultures it's a plus for them. Having a girl with an accent say your name (or her version of it) really is like music.

I'd say it's also a fast and important way to screen for slut behavior (maybe it was mentioned in the slut signs posts) or women who aren't capable of any degree of bonding. Some of them actually subconsciously know it, as now instead of anonymous 'Latin guy Miami black Nissan' all her associations with you tie into a name which is personal and goes deeper.

On the other side, if you get a girl making up nicknames I'd bet it's a sign that deep conversion is starting to happen.

[kaotic]

I never understood why people can't make eye contact and make sure to repeat the persons name when they first hear it. I made it a habit to talk to people and address them by their name because I had a bad memory.

[Blobert]

I've got a somewhat contrary example myself. My ex-workmate, whenever I called him (which happened on a daily basis at work) would always answer the phone first with ~"what's up [my name]?", which got kinda irritating since everyone else who knew who's calling, would just answer with a 1-word reply initially. I'm not sure what it was exactly - maybe it was a too learned routine for him so I could snuff it out, or it just got too repetitive in being uncommon.

But on the whole I can definitely agree with this - if you want to make pay more attention, call them by name. Just what I'm probably thinking is, don't overuse it either.

And another thing it brought to mind:

Oh and one more related thing that I thought about - when I worked in a customer service phone, we had a sort of game between a bunch of employees. When we answered the phone we always had to answer first with telling our (first) name together with the company name etc. so it'd seem more personal for the caller. We would try all kinds of different names for ourselves, from Michael Jackson to Lady Gaga to Elvis. And see if the customers paid any attention to it. It turned out that people calling practically NEVER paid attention or questioned to what you said your name was.

[silent_scope]

I do it because I suck at remembering peoples names. If I don't use your name in a conversation within the first 5 minutes of meeting you... GUARANTEED I forgot it.

[JustJay]

This is a good post. I've sometimes intimidated other women by using their first name. I have made sure to limit the amount of use in a conversation. Generally I have a direct/serious tone in my voice so I guess I come off as talking down to them. Who knows.

I've found that giving them a playful nickname helps ease the mood as well. Treating her like a little brat in succession to above sentence helps too.

I'm terrible with remembering names, so this is very helpful in trying to program her into your long term memory.

[BadWolf]

I'm with JustJay here, I give all my students and most of my friends a personal 'nickname' which usually sticks with them forever.

For instance, there was this chick named Xi Xi but she wore huge glasses, so I started calling her Glasses and by the end of the year, everyone knew her as 'Glasses' and she would even sign her name as 'Glasses'. It made her more comfortable in the class and people were able to interact with her very easily because it created an atmosphere of fun. When other teachers would follow up with the next class the entire mood would disappear and things would get serious again. The other teacher's would always wonder how I could get everyone (from diverse backgrounds) to mix so easily, act silly, talk a lot and have fun. It was all to do with them taking on a different persona (their nickname). If you told Glasses to come up in-front of the class and do an embarrassing role-play, she wouldn't hesitate, now if you asked Xi Xi to do it, well then you were putting her personal 'face' at stake. Just as if I get positive or negatively repped here, it's Badwolf who is getting that, not so much ME personally.

I never refer to my wife in her Chinese name unless its something VERY serious. I chopped her Chinese name into a manageable piece and tagged on something that had a nice English ring to it. She even knows herself now by that name so when I say her Chinese name she's wide-eyed and all ears because likely I'm saying something very serious.

I would say giving a nickname creates a personal bond between two people and allows others to relax around you. Obviously no one calls me Badwolf except you guys but in my personal life (even in my family) I'm known by another nickname. The same with my brother, my father and my mother (dad and mom). If I were to call my parents by their first names, they would think something was wrong with me. To give you an example: The last time I heard my REAL name, I was being cuffed and thrown into the back of a cruiser.

I find the people who are called by their REAL first names are usually people who aren't much fun to be around. Some of the big name teachers in Guangzhou are known by their nicknames but absolutely nobody knows them by their real name. Nothing is more fun or memorable than a great nickname. Out of my GZ social group, we only called... mmm I think two guys by their REAL first names and both of them were seriously uptight people.

As for GAME, I would certainly start by making a nickname for a girl. Why? Well when you are talking to that girl this name will be something only the two of you know, kind of like 'an inside joke'. It always sucks being around 2 friends, who are making inside jokes, laughing like hell and then hearing "Oh you'd have to be there or you wouldn't understand!". It's going to trigger all sorts of good memories that the two of you shared together and is especially effective if her guy friends/orbiters are around. You want to make it known that she enjoys her time with YOU and trusts YOU to give her a fitting name. This also means that YOU are someone that she allows into her comfort zone. Anyone else attempting to call her by her nickname will make her seriously uncomfortable unless YOU have accepted them into your new 'group'. You will become the 'authority' figure she looks to in all social situations as you continue to bind her to that name.

Just because I'm married, don't assume I don't use game.

[Vacancier Permanent]

Great post and solid advice Pitt! Using names of people, specially girls is something that not a lot of people are doing. Works like charm in biz and with employees at stores, bars, restos etc...That simple fact alone sets you apart.

Also totally agreed with Badwolf on giving girls a cute/funny nick name. I always do that, girls love it. Just like BW mentions, I only use their real name when I have something serious to say and that gets them all ears and with total attention.

[Matt3B]

Very true, Pitt. I started doing this a while back when I realised how it made me feel when someone would repeat my name. It makes you feel a bit special and actually cared about () and once I realised what people were doing to me, whether intentionally or not, I started doing the same.

Like anything else out of the ordinary, doing something like this puts you in the very minor percentage of people that communicate effectively. It can really change people's perceptions of you and in a way, it raises you above them because it's as though you're talking down to them. You know how teachers address people by their names when you're in school to give someone permission to speak? It's a similar interaction where somebody is in charge and leading, and the other is following. It's authoritative.

[Basil Ransom]

Nice tip. One of those things you do on occasion and it works, but you never quite make it a habit... Until now.

Parenthetically though, I want to say, DON'T FUCKING DO THIS WITH RETAIL WORKERS. I just have some pent up rage from people doing this to me when I worked retail briefly . I would have printed "Mr. Ransom" on my name tag if I could have gotten away with it, because it's always some chump reading your badge and trying to be buddy buddy with you. At the least, there should be a verbal exchange of names and preferably a handshake before you can address a man by his first name - otherwise it's Mr. ________. It used to be that it was a privilege to refer to someone by their first name, an indication t hat you had a relationship with them.

[soup]

Basil, you are a guy. Of course you are going to hate it.

But a girl who is creaming in her panties for you- you can tell you she wants to fuck you but she has asd will be very glad if you take the dominant role because in her mind it absolves her of all guilt, wants you to do it.

By the way, you guys should all rep basil. I just noticed that I have more reps than him, and that doesn't make sense to me because I'm a basil ransom fan. If you repped me, than maybe you should rep him.

[kmhour]

it depends on the delivery, frame etc (just like everything else in life of course) and it may be more effective with girls (I'm personally horrible with names and have a fear of mixing them up so I often intentionally avoid them), but I know it's a 'trick' often used in sales to build rapport or help imprint a contact's name in your mind, and I've had people do it to me and gotten weirded out by it. I had one neighbor years ago, every time I'd see him he'd drop my name several times into a casual conversation. I eventually wanted to say "ok, you remember my name, I get it, can we have a normal conversation now?"

I know I'm belaboring the point because half of game can be boiled down to the word "congruity", but this is one of those things that's incredibly easy to overdo. especially outside of dealing with girls.

[soup]

[Mister X]

I call most of them by their first names but for the girls who act "cool," I call them by their last names. Feels like an authority thing. Anytime a girl tries to run aloof game on me or overall just seems like she's trying to play hard to get/uninterested I always chuckle and call her by her last name. Force of habit.

Me: Friday, XYZ Bar. 9-ish?

Her: I don't knooo

Her: What's in it for mee

Me: You're talking to him.

Her: Oh really. I'll think about it.

Me: Haha. Okay Coleman.

May just be a little thing, but I always took it to mean that I have her number/have played her type of games before/am not phased by her answers/etc.

Not sure it does anything for me either way but like I said, it's just something that seems to come out of my mouth when situations like that arise.