[kbell]

I had to edit a lot of posts in here since it gave away to much personal info, but I did have an interesting experience this week. I had a very bad depressive episode brought on by fapping most likely. Its still not fully gone but much better than before. I almost wanted to just stop doing anything, but I forced myself to walk a lot. I than watched a ton of netflix shows. A tough exercise, a ton of walking, mediation and a return of a attractive employee with nice ass , and my spirits seems to have lifted. I knew the state wouldn't last forever so didn't do anything stupid. I may always have these states, which is unfortunate, but they never last super long. Holding a grudge seems to hurt me more than others too, and feels good when released as well.

[The Lizard of Oz]

(02-08-2016 11:11 PM)kbell Wrote:  

I had to edit a lot of posts in here since it gave away to much personal info, but I did have an interesting experience this week. I had a very bad depressive episode brought on by fapping most likely. Its still not fully gone but much better than before. I almost wanted to just stop doing anything, but I forced myself to walk a lot. I than watched a ton of netflix shows. A tough exercise, a ton of walking, mediation and a return of a attractive employee with nice ass , and my spirits seems to have lifted. I knew the state wouldn't last forever so didn't do anything stupid. I may always have these states, which is unfortunate, but they never last super long. Holding a grudge seems to hurt me more than others too, and feels good when released as well.

kbell, I think there is a CBT opportunity here. You should reflect on the implications of this sentence:

I had a very bad depressive episode brought on by fapping most likely.

You write it as if fapping just "brought on" the depressive episode in some natural way, like the moon causing the tides. Maybe you imagine there are some chemical or biological processes that cause the depression to be "brought on" by the aftermath of masturbation?

There are no such processes. Fapping and ejaculation, in themselves, are completely natural and benign occurrences, and there is nothing about them that would, in itself, bring on a depressive episode (no matter how much nonsense to that effect may be written by dudes on the web). Instead, the mechanism here is purely psychological: it is not the fapping that brings on the depressive state but how you feel about it. And as you should know from CBT, the intense feelings that you experience in such a context are really the results of certain thoughts and ideas you have.

So you should take this as an opportunity to reflect on the question: what are the thoughts and ideas you have that make you feel so bad after fapping that it brings about a depressive episode? Are these thoughts rational, or justified, or true? If not, why do you keep letting them affect you?

Men almost never use the principles of CBT when it comes to their sexuality, because the emotions involved are so hot that they shy away from any reflection about them. But that is a shame, because there is no other sphere in which men are prone to more wildly irrational, useless, and borderline insane thoughts and conceptions. Instead of shying away from these subjects, they should be examined under the inquiring light of CBT, because this is how some real significant progress can be made over time.

[kbell]

Wanted to update this. Been making some major progress. Planning a trip to South America, learning Spanish and dance has tremendously helped my mood. When I have clear defined goals and signs of progress I'm content. Dance is helped with a dislike of touching people and also the fear of dancing period. There is so much information you can get about a persons mood from how they hold your hand or grip your back (dance holds) that I never though much of.

I've also try to do a few meetups per month and have met one forum member recently. Will try to meet more.

I've discovered a core belief which I need some help with removing. "I'm not good as I am." I always put off doing things or making friends until I believe I get to certain point. Except the goal post shifts. I didn't want to do serious day game until I had a 6 pack. I'm close to the 6 pack and not close to doing daily approaches. When I get the 6 pack I still might not do daily approaches with this mindset. Since than it could be I won't approach until I have 22" arms or have a 6 figure income.

[Cr33pin]

Where I come from CBT stands for cock and ball torture

[RatInTheWoods]

I think NLP is a secret weapon for mental health issues, its a way to rewire and reframe the way you look at the world and life.

Find a quality NLP coach and give it a try.

[kbell]

How does NLP work with recurring thoughts?

[RatInTheWoods]

(05-16-2018 04:06 PM)kbell Wrote:  

How does NLP work with recurring thoughts?

NLP changes the way you run software on the hardware of your brain, so it works with everything.

It is up to you what software you run on your brain, so if you want it to work it will, if you want to remain broken, then nothing can help you.

NLP is mind ninja stuff.

[AceP]

(05-16-2018 03:35 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

Where I come from CBT stands for cock and ball torture

I actually wouldn't mind that CBT if the mistress is that hot lol.

My advice for the @OP is 1) make a list of all your strengths and achievements, be proud of who you are 2) make another list of all the things you want to learn more and achieve.

tldr; Be a persona that focuses on constant self-improvement and not what other people say, do or follower. And women like men who are ambitious with their own lives

[kbell]

Im going to start a gratitude journal. 3 positive things a day with the hope I have more positives per day. Open to ideas on this. I don't know why I put this off so long. Also I started reading a book on positive mantras, if its good I will recommend it here.

[chrisblackbeard]

My depression cured the minute I was dropped off at the airport to get the hell out of the west. It slowly returned over the course of months after I returned.

People say like to say "You make your own happiness" "Its all in your head" "happiness is a state of mind" etc.

I say BS to that.

Environment makes a HUGE impact. People living in natural societies don't have to change their "state of mind" and trick themselves through mental exercises to be happy.. they just wake up happy.

That's my two sense on the matter.

[kbell]

In Colombia, the 2 weeks I was there I didn't really have much negative thoughts. Granted I don't know how I would be if I was there long term, which is a new goal. I don't think things would resolve that easily if they have been wrong for so long.

I bought a little leatherbound notebook and wrote 3 gratitudes yesterday. Right now my thanks are materialistic but I will try to see deeper over time.

[duedue]

I too have felt depressed for the most of my adult life and what I found helpful was:

Positivity
Discipline
Building (whatever personal project such as learning Spanish, building my body, an art portfolio, work-related but personal projects... )


What gets in the way is:

Physical health issues: partly genetic, causing me fatigue.
Isolation: I can't exaggerate this issue. Self perpetuating too.

There is also the problem that I've not completely figured out what I want to get from life and how exactly I'm gonna get it (see papayatapper's quote in my signature) and so there's still entropy (chaos/uncertainty) in my life that I need to figure out. I've made quite some progress though. For example I've decided that I don't want to stay in the academia however I've not yet decided if I want to stay in the West or not.

[kbell]

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Yourself-Lik...l+ravikant

An interesting book recommended by MikeCF. Basically he recommends doing 3 things in the books with a lot of personal stories. The first is too mediate for about 7 minutes or so using the mantra "I love Myself." The second is to do the same while standing 5 inches from a mirror looking at your left eye. Kind of like trying to fall in love with yourself through repetition. The last one is to write your problems on a paper than wrap the paper around a rock, toss the rock into the ocean. Hard to say love myself fast in a mantra. But I like the idea, sort of like a inverse negative thought.

The gratitude journal is coming along. I most write things I'm thankful for but occasionally I will hit on a trait or person. Supposedly it will help with finding positive in things. More important to do when I feel bad I think.

I'm also starting to really clean out my room. It was a mess. I want to clear enough space to put up a standing easel for doing some artwork. Decluttering and selling old things may deserve its own thread. The more that is cleaned in the room, the less mental weight I feel. The stuff you own, owns you.

[DonnyGately]

It's always very important to have space and art of some form around whether photos or paintings or even poems you wrote on the wall.

DBT maybe worth looking into if you have not already for getting rid of negative thinking patterns.