One of the most profound quantum leaps in my confidence with women (well, in general) and my abilities as a seducer occurred shortly after I started putting in some concerted effort to become a great lover.
Before I focused on this, sure - I'd get laid and have a good time with a girl, and it would be casual and fun and non-committal.
Now, girls straight up fall in love with me. And I attribute this almost scary power to the work I've done and continue to do to improve my sexual skills.
I'm NOT some expert on sex. I have so much left to learn.
But here's what I learned so far and hopefully it will be useful to some of you:
1. Sex is psychological
You're not just fucking a girl's pussy. You're fucking her heart and soul. If you can get inside her emotions and tune into them and flow with them, you'll rock her world. And you'll get off harder, too.
2. Dominance
The more I exert control, dominance, ownership, possession over a woman, the more she falls in love with me. There's a finesse to dominance. It's brute force but it's controlled and targeted.
First, a girl needs to have some sort of emotional investment in you for you to be able to effectively dominate her. You can't just demand she get on her knees and blow you in a public bathroom (in general) if she doesn't already see you as - I hate this term - "high value". Hence why "nice guys" have no hand in relationships. They have no sexual value, so a woman doesn't allow herself to be submissive to this guy. Because she can't trust him to responsibly handle the polarity.
So you can constantly keep pushing the dominance threshold. But you also need to watch that you're not making demands too far outside of her level of submissiveness.
I'm still working out the kinks on this. But basically, I find it's good to escalate dominance gradually and reward it. "Good girl". "That's my girl - *spank*", etc.
Also, picking a girl up, spanking her, choking her lightly, pulling her hair and all of that kind of raw physical dominance works well with just about any kind of girl and feels very empowering to you as a man. It also lets you jump her submissiveness to higher levels quickly. Like skipping a few steps.
By the way this is not domineering-ness, which is insecurity based and aimed at insulting a woman. This is more just of a "I want you => I'm going to have you => I have you => I have you more => You're mine => your pussy belongs to me"
A bit hard to explain. It's more of a feeling. I'd really recommend Dan Rose's book "Sex God Method". He talks a lot about dominance and how to do it right. You can find the PDF on Google.
3. Do what you want in bed
The more I let loose in bed, the more the girl gets turned on and the more I enjoy. I don't ask for anything. I take it. I tell her what to do and she does it (most of the time).
4. Talk dirty and be expressive
I was always a quiet lover. I figured what the hell do I need to talk for?
But now I say all sorts of dirty shit and moan and grunt like an animal and straight up scream my lungs out during orgasm. I think I've heard @xsplat call this "affect". It adds a lot of excitement and emotion to the whole affair.
I'm in Asia but even with the language barrier chicks get into it. It's funny to hear a Thai girl talking dirty back to me in broken English and it comes out totally comical haha.
"Make my pussy cum deep into your cock", "put yourself inside myself baby oh!"
But say the right thing at the right time and you'll feel the pussy juice squirt all over your dick right then. It's nuts.
5. Foreplay
Well before actual sex I'm teasing a lot, exerting a lot of physical dominance (spanking, hair pulling, picking her up), and just generally getting her riled up and slightly agitated. I'm always reasserting the frame to keep the dominant/submissive roles strongly polar.
Some girls (cough cough Western girls) insist on fucking up the polarity by trying to assume an overly dominant role in bed. So with these girls it's all the more necessary to continually enforce the roles or the sex will suffer big time.
Clumsiest sex I ever had was when the woman wanted to be the man. So I was arranging her body and she was trying to arrange mine. I was kissing her hard and she was tonguing me back twice as hard. This got annoying in about 2 minutes. So I threw her down, choked her, pulled her hair extra hard and came in her mouth. She was a bit dumbstruck. Next time we fucked it was like a completely different vibe.
5. Slow down
I used to just pump away until I came. And I still do sometimes. But it's almost good if I'm not too horny, so I can take my time and build up the tension. It's the difference between a pop song and a symphony if you know what I mean.
6. Love em
After I violate their bodies mercilessly, I let the women in my life know how much they mean to me. And they really do. Lying drenched in sweat, with a woman's bare skin draped over me like a sheet, I feel so fucking happy and grateful. Not that I had sex necessarily. But that I'm alive and enjoying my life. And that I have beautiful girls around me to inspire me and keep me going.
I don't necessarily say I love you or anything. I try to stay from that kind of language to be honest. I feel it corrupts the purity of emotion to label it. But they know how I feel. I don't try to hide it. It's in my eyes, it's in my tender gestures. It's in my refusal to break my terms for them or anybody else.
I'm sure I'll read this post in a year and think man I didn't know anything back then. But this is where I'm at now and I hope you guys enjoyed the post. I also welcome any advice to up my sex game that I missed. Thanks.
Before I focused on this, sure - I'd get laid and have a good time with a girl, and it would be casual and fun and non-committal.
Now, girls straight up fall in love with me. And I attribute this almost scary power to the work I've done and continue to do to improve my sexual skills.
I'm NOT some expert on sex. I have so much left to learn.
But here's what I learned so far and hopefully it will be useful to some of you:
1. Sex is psychological
You're not just fucking a girl's pussy. You're fucking her heart and soul. If you can get inside her emotions and tune into them and flow with them, you'll rock her world. And you'll get off harder, too.
2. Dominance
The more I exert control, dominance, ownership, possession over a woman, the more she falls in love with me. There's a finesse to dominance. It's brute force but it's controlled and targeted.
First, a girl needs to have some sort of emotional investment in you for you to be able to effectively dominate her. You can't just demand she get on her knees and blow you in a public bathroom (in general) if she doesn't already see you as - I hate this term - "high value". Hence why "nice guys" have no hand in relationships. They have no sexual value, so a woman doesn't allow herself to be submissive to this guy. Because she can't trust him to responsibly handle the polarity.
So you can constantly keep pushing the dominance threshold. But you also need to watch that you're not making demands too far outside of her level of submissiveness.
I'm still working out the kinks on this. But basically, I find it's good to escalate dominance gradually and reward it. "Good girl". "That's my girl - *spank*", etc.
Also, picking a girl up, spanking her, choking her lightly, pulling her hair and all of that kind of raw physical dominance works well with just about any kind of girl and feels very empowering to you as a man. It also lets you jump her submissiveness to higher levels quickly. Like skipping a few steps.
By the way this is not domineering-ness, which is insecurity based and aimed at insulting a woman. This is more just of a "I want you => I'm going to have you => I have you => I have you more => You're mine => your pussy belongs to me"
A bit hard to explain. It's more of a feeling. I'd really recommend Dan Rose's book "Sex God Method". He talks a lot about dominance and how to do it right. You can find the PDF on Google.
3. Do what you want in bed
The more I let loose in bed, the more the girl gets turned on and the more I enjoy. I don't ask for anything. I take it. I tell her what to do and she does it (most of the time).
4. Talk dirty and be expressive
I was always a quiet lover. I figured what the hell do I need to talk for?
But now I say all sorts of dirty shit and moan and grunt like an animal and straight up scream my lungs out during orgasm. I think I've heard @xsplat call this "affect". It adds a lot of excitement and emotion to the whole affair.
I'm in Asia but even with the language barrier chicks get into it. It's funny to hear a Thai girl talking dirty back to me in broken English and it comes out totally comical haha.
"Make my pussy cum deep into your cock", "put yourself inside myself baby oh!"
But say the right thing at the right time and you'll feel the pussy juice squirt all over your dick right then. It's nuts.
5. Foreplay
Well before actual sex I'm teasing a lot, exerting a lot of physical dominance (spanking, hair pulling, picking her up), and just generally getting her riled up and slightly agitated. I'm always reasserting the frame to keep the dominant/submissive roles strongly polar.
Some girls (cough cough Western girls) insist on fucking up the polarity by trying to assume an overly dominant role in bed. So with these girls it's all the more necessary to continually enforce the roles or the sex will suffer big time.
Clumsiest sex I ever had was when the woman wanted to be the man. So I was arranging her body and she was trying to arrange mine. I was kissing her hard and she was tonguing me back twice as hard. This got annoying in about 2 minutes. So I threw her down, choked her, pulled her hair extra hard and came in her mouth. She was a bit dumbstruck. Next time we fucked it was like a completely different vibe.
5. Slow down
I used to just pump away until I came. And I still do sometimes. But it's almost good if I'm not too horny, so I can take my time and build up the tension. It's the difference between a pop song and a symphony if you know what I mean.
6. Love em
After I violate their bodies mercilessly, I let the women in my life know how much they mean to me. And they really do. Lying drenched in sweat, with a woman's bare skin draped over me like a sheet, I feel so fucking happy and grateful. Not that I had sex necessarily. But that I'm alive and enjoying my life. And that I have beautiful girls around me to inspire me and keep me going.
I don't necessarily say I love you or anything. I try to stay from that kind of language to be honest. I feel it corrupts the purity of emotion to label it. But they know how I feel. I don't try to hide it. It's in my eyes, it's in my tender gestures. It's in my refusal to break my terms for them or anybody else.
I'm sure I'll read this post in a year and think man I didn't know anything back then. But this is where I'm at now and I hope you guys enjoyed the post. I also welcome any advice to up my sex game that I missed. Thanks.
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