[Giovonny]

I have learned to become a more effective listener. I think its an important part of the process. Here are a few things that have helped me better connect with women:

Ask Open Ended Questions

"what were your childhood dreams"
"how have you changed since high school"
"how have you evolved"
"what are you good at"
"what are you bad at?
"what do you do to relax"

Stuff like this.


Don't Interrupt Her

If she is talking, let her talk.

Encourage her to continue talking by nodding your head and saying, "um hmm", "yup", "seriously", "wow", "right", "cool", "nice" and stuff like that.

Be Semi-Interested

Ask her questions and probe her mind but if she says something stupid just ignore her and change the subject. Also, feel free to cut her off at anytime and change the subject.

Let her talk when she is opening up or connecting to you, but don't let her control the conversation.

Break eye contact during boring, light hearted, or weird parts of the conversation.

Probe Her Mind For Clues Into Her Personality

Be aware of what topics excite her. Be aware of what she likes to talk about.

Use these topics as a way to get her talking. Identify her passions, hopes, and fears, and discuss these things in detail.

Take notes if it helps you.

Be a Confident Listener

Watch your body language. Keep it strong and masculine. Don't let your eyes dart around nervously. Don't twitch. Control your nervous mannerisms. Stay open and relaxed. Smile and smirk.

This is common sense for alot of you. I had to re-learn a few of these things as I got older.

What listening techniques do you guys like?

[Aliblahba]

Her: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
*stops*
Are you listening?

Me: Huh?
Her: Did you hear anything I said?
Me: No.


That's how I listen to women.

[Kabal]

Good write-up.

Listening is an underrated skill in general. Especially in picking up chicks, where guys are not "in the moment" and are instead thinking of the next clever thing to say.

(03-31-2013 07:54 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  

Don't Interrupt Her

If she is talking, let her talk.

Encourage her to continue talking by nodding your head and saying, "um hmm", "yup", "seriously", "wow", "right", "cool", "nice" and stuff like that.

You can often predict the course a girl's opinion will take on a particular subject, because girls generally have pretty predictable, conformist, mainstream views on things. You will often be better able to articulate a girl's hackneyed opinion better than her.

Thus, occasionally interrupt and talk over her to complete her train of thought.

Talking over her shows dominance, and completing her train of thought makes her think you two have a bond/connection.

[Sombro]

[Belize King]

It all depends on if I think I can get the lay or how bad I want it. If I dont care for the lay, the lizard sounds like thosecicks on the view. Cluck cluck cluck cluck. I control the convo and change it when I want. If I want the lay then I try to listen and ask open questions. Kino and escalate from there. Change venue then head to the room.

[Aliblahba]

Her: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Me: *startled* Baby stop!!! Do you hear that?
Her: *scared* What?
Me: That noise, you don't hear it?
Her: No, what is it?
Me: *waving arm* That incessant whining from that side of the bed.
Her: You're an asshole.
Me: Fuck your asshole? Ok!

Then the wrestling start and I bite her butt. She forgets that I told her to shut the fuck up and all is good.

[Giovonny]

(03-31-2013 08:19 PM)Aliblahba Wrote:  

Her: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Me: *startled* Baby stop!!! Do you hear that?
Her: *scared* What?
Me: That noise, you don't hear it?
Her: No, what is it?
Me: *waving arm* That incessant whining from that side of the bed.
Her: You're an asshole.
Me: Fuck your asshole? Ok!

Then the wrestling start and I bite her butt. She forgets that I told her to shut the fuck up and all is good.

This is a beautiful technique!

Cut Her off-Change the Subject-Start a Fake Fight-Start a Wrestling Match.

Added to my tool belt.

[Veloce]

Yeah no offense Gio, I think you're one of the best posters on this site and this is a great thread idea, but when I read the thread title my response was:

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Important thing in listening is paying attention to what she is really talking about. If she is talking about how she flew to Cuba for a holiday and enjoyed diving with her friends, for the love of God, don't comment about how expensive airplane tickets are. Talk about how diving is liberating and makes you forget everything going on in the world. Always choose the most emotional and personal part of the previous sentence to begin a new conversation.

[freshcream]

(04-01-2013 07:09 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Always choose the most emotional and personal part of the previous sentence to begin a new conversation.

This.

[Parlay44]

It's amazing how women can ramble on about nothing. It's like the words don't even matter.
The words are just a vehicle to deliver their emotions.

[lush1]

Very interesting as always Giovanny. My problem is that when I'm talking to a girl I am very attracted to I get nervous and my listening skills go out the window somewhat.

[Screwston]

I use these to help me listen

[Giovonny]

(04-01-2013 07:09 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Important thing in listening is paying attention to what she is really talking about. If she is talking about how she flew to Cuba for a holiday and enjoyed diving with her friends, for the love of God, don't comment about how expensive airplane tickets are. Talk about how diving is liberating and makes you forget everything going on in the world. Always choose the most emotional and personal part of the previous sentence to begin a new conversation.

Great comment!

This is very important!

Always discuss the topics that are the most personal and emotional to her.

When the conversation gets dull, I bring them up again in greater detail. When I text her, I might mention some aspect of these things again. When I suggest a date, it often involves one of these topics.

Identify her passions, dreams, hopes, and fears -- These are the pathways to her mind!

Use these things to connect with her emotionally.

You want her to feel comfortable talking to you about anything.

(04-01-2013 07:53 AM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

The words are just a vehicle to deliver their emotions.

Well said.

Read between the lines to identify the emotion that she is expressing. Identify the emotions that she wants to feel.

Don't get caught up in her words. Instead, engage her emotions.

Don't use logic. Keep it about "feelings and emotions".

(04-01-2013 08:19 AM)lush1 Wrote:  

Very interesting as always Giovanny. My problem is that when I'm talking to a girl I am very attracted to I get nervous and my listening skills go out the window somewhat.

You can fix this..

You just need to talk to attractive women everyday. The hotter the better. Approach more hot women. Talk to more hot women.

That is how you fix this problem.

It's easy. Start today.

[pitt]

Thats what my game is all about, listening.

This is way more effective with girls who like to talk a lot. Put it this way, the majority of people dont know how to listen and they are even worse when comes to listen to somebody who talks a lot. When you meet a girl who likes to talk a lot and you truly listen to what she has to say and you engage in what she is saying, she starts to like you. Human beings are very egocentric and we care more about ourselves, our goals, our fears, our passions and it is great when you meet someone who is actually interested in listening to what you have to say. Remember that listening is also understading her funny jokes (i am always laughing so this comes natural for me) and participate in the conversation with ''yeah'' ''hmm hmm'' , etc (just like you have said).

Listening comes natural for me. Growing up, I had four siblings who were older than me, all my friends were always older than me. They had more stories to share and more life experiences and i knew that in order to learn and grow faster i had to listen. I was always a very inquisitive kid (why this, why that, what did you say to this girl to fuck her, etc) and now that i am older, im still inquisitive but more in a listening way, not the typical question waiting for answer type of guy.

I know you are attracted to younger women and you think they are interesting because they dont know what they want and there is so many topics to explore on that but i find myself on the opposite side. I usually prefer older women because they have more to say, more life experiences, more fears (death, i am getting older), more insecurities (husband is tired of fucking her for more than 15 yrs, she wonders if she still as hot as 15, 20 years ago) for women in poor countries, they wonder how they are going to raise money to send her daughter to university, she wonders if she is going to be poor forever or if her life is about to change for good because she now met a gringo who makes 20 times more of what she makes a month, all those factors make these women easy prey and they become really easy to bang. Listening is very effective because the more a person exposes themselves, the more you are likely to know them and you will know what are the right tools to attack them.

Listening also allows me to choose the type of personality i will portray for that particular girl. Game to me is all about acting, i put the right act for every girl. All her ex boyfriends were very aggressive and violent guys? Damn, i am incorporating the aggressive personality real quick ( i will probably mix fun with aggressive acts for that particular girl, she needs to feel a new experience with a touch of her past experience). Her ex boyfriend didnt care about her and was very selfish? I am incorporating that same personality, i will be nice to her in the beginning and soon as we familiarise a bit, i am applying that raw personality of her ex boyfriend (you can't be bait, you need to be a good actor when incorporating that new act/personality and i like to give mixed emotions, i wont be 100% her ex but this is for another topic)


The guys that think that is beta to listen, you need to think again. You can't go rob a bank if you dont have any information about the bank. In order for you to have information about a new person, you need to listen to them. You can't google your everyday girl and have information about them. Once she discloses her life info, you know what tools you are going to use to close the deal.

[amity]

@pitt interesting insights bro
i also sometimes prefer the older women for the same reasons you mentioned, and yes you can get away with more beta behaviours with them and still close the deal
some younger women have so little of interest to say, that it can be difficult to tolerate them for longer than a couple of evenings (which i know is why they're perfect for ONSs! ha!)
speaking of younger women, saw a couple of recent pics of my ex today, and was quite shocked at how that really cute chick i used to be crazy about is now...well not so cute anymore, the beauty of youth is fading and she's a good 1.5 points less than when i knew her (possibly touching a 7 in her peak, no more than a 5.5 now)

[Pesopolis]

Good insights. There is an interesting ebook on how women talk to emote and test men and how to pass these tests: " everything out of her Mouth is a test" by Frank B Kermit
http://www.scribd.com/doc/81160819/Frank...-is-a-Test

[pbw]

Listen to her like a therapist -- and you have put yourself in a permanent 'friend zone.'

Women 'need' tension that needs to be directed --- always create that sexual tension - no matter how little -- and keep hamering away unitl the tension breaks those false mental defences she carries.

Your initial post seems totally friend zone material.

[Ovid]

Women love to talk. If you get them started, most of them can go for hours. I like to let them run for a bit sometimes, because it means I don't have to do anything for a few minutes, and at the end of it, she feels closer/more connected to me, because she's just told me all about her grandma's dog, or whatever. She has positive feelings about Grandma and her dog, and now she has warm feelings towards me, because she's shared this. Afterwards, her thoughts are more akin to "he's a great guy" than "he's this guy who approached me out of the blue and maybe he's dangerous (or worse, creepy.) If you let her talk too much about boring crap, the likelihood of ending up as her new best friend is much greater, but in the initial approach or date it can be useful, to let her build herself some comfort, so to speak. I think the key to harnessing this is to keep "comfort" from overriding "attraction." Both are necessary, but they aren't interchangeable.

[Atlantic]

Listening to girls? Aprils fools joke right?

[amity]

@Pespolis thanks for that, even just the preview made for interesting reading

[bojangles]

(04-01-2013 07:09 AM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Important thing in listening is paying attention to what she is really talking about. If she is talking about how she flew to Cuba for a holiday and enjoyed diving with her friends, for the love of God, don't comment about how expensive airplane tickets are. Talk about how diving is liberating and makes you forget everything going on in the world. Always choose the most emotional and personal part of the previous sentence to begin a new conversation.

Love this, I call it hooking, every sentence spoken has 'hooks', you choose which hook you want the conversation to continue on.

[RonnieB]

Listening to girls and driving the conversation to get their emotions going is one of the most important parts of the game. You guys that don't play the listening game must have some cool tricks that I don't know about or a foot long cock.

[Anon-A-Moose]

I judge each situation independently but usually I roll with asking an open-ended question, then sitting there kind of eyes glazed, looking like she's not interesting me but at the same time occasionally prompting her. I'm not sure why it works, but it does. I had a girl tell me all about her high school music career and how she loves guys who are musical and some shit, and I don't think I added anything to the conversation. Still can't remember her name, and I've seen her every day at lunch for 3 months now.
Not a game tactic per se, but very amusing. Young low quality chicks will qualify the shit out of themselves to you like that. Weird bit of role reversal.

[Blaze Frazier]

So basically just have a normal conversation? Got it.