[CJ]

I've read this a couple times: http://www.rooshv.com/going-out-alone

There's definitely some good advice in there, but I still can't get over the awkwardness (in my head) of being that guy hanging out at the bar alone. I know Roosh states in the article "don't be an insecure pussy" yet I still can't overcome this mental roadblock.

Most of my post-college wingmen suck though, either they're inadequate socially (embarassing game), try to take every girl for themselves (passive cock-blocking), or because they have a girlfriend place boundaries on themselves (problems).

So my concerns are:

1. Obviously being "that guy" that's drinking alone at the bar.
2. Not getting enough approaches because no one is pushing me.
3. Wasting too much time talking to the bouncers I know because I don't know anyone else.
4. Starting off slow, losing patience and just getting a "Fuck it" attitude and either going home or drinking too much.

The other night I was headed home and stopped by Meijer (grocery chain) a little after 1am, I saw at least half a dozen girls I should've approached, but my mood was crappy, so I didn't because I got too concerned that my openers would reflect my mood. That is a top fear of mine, being out solo and letting my mood dip. Of course I suppose I could just start going out solo, and everytime my mood starts to dip I just leave?

[Roosh]

Doesn't sound like you want it bad enough yet. Obviously going out solo there will be no one to push you, so your determination has to be stronger than minor concerns like how you appear to random people and wasting time with bouncers.

[CJ]

(05-31-2010 03:46 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

Doesn't sound like you want it bad enough yet.

Thank you. You might be right, I need to do some reflecting and work on my inner-game.

[speakeasy]

(05-31-2010 03:49 PM)CJ Wrote:  

(05-31-2010 03:46 PM)Roosh Wrote:  

Doesn't sound like you want it bad enough yet.

Thank you. You might be right, I need to do some reflecting and work on my inner-game.

Although I do have a couple wings to call on, I have been considering giving the solo game thing a try just to see what it's like. I do know what you mean by the weird feel of it. People quickly notice who's alone in the bar. I went on a date with a girl a few weeks back who was at the bar by herself. She said her friend stood her up so she just decided to hang out by herself. Girls can get away with that easier because any girl that's hanging by herself and looking bored will be approached within seconds if she's even halfway decent looking. The thing is, guys don't require social proof of girls, only looks. Girls want looks(good genes) + social proof(so she knows you're not a rapist or psycho) + confidence(so she knows you are alpha and can handle shit).

Hey, have you thought about daygame instead? You can do that solo and not worry about looking funny.

[CJ]

Ya, actually I've been dipping my toes in the day game pool, but again as Roosh said, I'm not sure "I want it enough" yet. I've made the excuse that working third shift is holding me back, but it's really not, it's all psychological.

I definitely want to go full force into day game though, any jackass can go sit on a park bench, in a coffee shop, wander around a grocery store, etc without being though of as a creeper.

[thegmanifesto]

"but I still can't get over the awkwardness (in my head) of being that guy hanging out at the bar alone."

If this is your frame of mind, you are not ready.

"1. Obviously being "that guy" that's drinking alone at the bar. "

"That Guy" is pretty dope. Do you think Bruce Lee needed a couple of buddies in Affliction shirts to go out to bar with? Or do you think he went at it alone?

Going Dolo is for the strong and confident.

Read this a few times:

Going for Dolo: http://www.thegmanifesto.com/2007/08/goi...-dolo.html

[Feo]

When I go out solo I usually start off shooting shit with the first set of 1 or 2 guys more handsome than me I see. I stay away from groups of 3 or more guys or mixed sets right off the bat because they are usually stand-offish and will sink your mood (you may want to try this and find out for yourself, since you know what to expect it won't affect you as much). In my experience, for the most part, a set of 1 or 2 guys are down to take on a 3rd to help with the pillaging.

I do this either in line or as soon as I walk into the bar. I ask about the ladies/venue("is this the place that has that drink with 151 in the straw? that drink tastes like shit."), make some jokes ("shit dude, this line is a sausage fest"), push him around, buy some shots, give high fives and try to start the night off with a good vibe. Laugh a little bit and be high energy but NOT SPASTIC. I don't really give a shit if he likes me or not, but it starts off good social proof and you have a base camp to retreat and compose if you take on heavy fire ("damn man that girl was a bitch....oh man check out the one in the black, I'm gonna go talk to her"). If you choose the right people to be seen with off the bat, girls will approach you. If I don't get approached early on I look for the most approachable girl and attack. If there is a large set of them I will call the guy/group I just met over and start an orgy of randoms while I isolate the I want.

It's true you don't want to be "that guy" alone at the bar. So you have to give off the perception of knowing several people. After an hour or two you actually DO know all these people. If you feel your vibe dipping go to nearby bars/clubs and do the same thing there. But ideally I try not to leave a spot unless I have found a girl to take with me, even if she is only passable ("hey, we're going to go check out X bar around the corner, come on let's go.").

One thing with this though, until you find a girl to vibe with, you have to be sure to push yourself to keep approaching and not become too comfortable just standing around with one group watching everyone else, it's a mistake. You don't want to be seen alone for more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time. Keep pushing yourself to open groups whether it be male female or mixed, and pull groups together to your benefit if need be. If you get blown out, keep the positivity flowing on to the next set. And you are always with "those guys over there" and point in some random direction. Never say you are alone.

I've gotten on several guest lists and hung out with bartenders/club owners with free nights of drinking doing this, even the times I was blown out all night I had good times.


The other thing about going out solo is getting the ball rolling to get yourself out of the door. I work on that from earlier in the day. Make random convo with cashiers/waitresses/baristas/etc. Once I am out I park somewhere downtown force myself out of the car and go the rest of the night on foot.

I know this is sloppy style, but it has worked for me over and over.

[hydrogonian]

The trick to going to a bar alone, to game, is to go early, like real early (between 4-930pm). Or else go during the week when there are less people.

If you go during peak hours, then you might feel awkward next to the larger groups of people there. You'll stand out more as being alone. Also, it'll be harder to be heard over all of those people. When your trying to game women who are alone, crowds and distractions are your enemy. But if you go at quieter times, you wont stand out as being alone, as there will be other loners around, to target, and less groups, if any at all. Girls getting a drink after work, unemployed girls, etc.. I find it so much easier to make inroads with women in the earlier bar hours.

Be ready to do some bar hopping to find some women though. But since the bars wont be crowded, it won't be very stressful to walk to a few different bars in an area. Lone girls having drinks early in the evening tend to be eaaasy targets. You can then make friends with them, and now you've got one or more people to hang out with once the bar gets crowded.

[Kona]

(05-31-2010 11:29 PM)hydrogonian Wrote:  

The trick to going to a bar alone, to game, is to go early, like real early (between 4-930pm)

That's good advice.

Go to happy hours. There's tons of people there solo. Girls at happy hours don't have that "going out" mentality either.

Aloha!

[Willy Wonka]

I only do well going out solo when I get out early. It's easier to stand around by yourself in an empty bar and wait for an opportunity than to walk into a crowded bar being by yourself and ready to approach.

[clr]

Or, I just make friends with whoever happens to be next to me when I walk to the bar to order a drink, just start talking to them.... you will get in the social "vibe" right off the bat. If you start sitting by your self and being a lone, you will fall into that vybe. IME often I would intentially want to have a drink and just people watch. Its like the 3 second rule people use, just start talking and being social right away! Guys, girls, fat chicks, doesnt matter.

[Rocco81]

Yep I love to hit the bar alone at times. You can just really chill and watch a game on TV or be on the hunt.. up to you but get in the right mind set. It's important to remember that people around you are thinkin about you a whole lot less than you think they are. Really, most guys I know worry way too much about that kind of thing and get awkward....fuck that. Just make friends. The rest will come easier.

I can talk to just about anyone and find some sort of chattable common ground atleast for a few beers. This alone has served me well in my chasing of the poon. Just strike a convo with the bartender or even another guy near you. Once you build a small report then ask questions - since I think you are abroad now, I am sure there are tons of things you can ask and genuinely learn from people around you. Next thing you know, the bar starts to fill up and there are girls to meet and ask things to as well.

I always make friends with the people around. Be nice to the fat girl, she might have fun/hot girlfriends. She might also be funny and cool. Befriend the local guys, they can tell you allot about where to go later in the night and places with more action.

[choichoi]

Hey CJ, the more you do it the more it won't be such a big deal. I usually hit up clubs cause it's easier for me to just groove to fill in those moments when I'm planning my next move. But in any case, most of the times I end up goin alone because I don't have a choice; I really don't have any friends here in ATL like I did when I was in college.
When you're out by yourself, you call the shots and you don't have to make compromises just because your boys puss-out and get tired/bored. Also when you do get on some brizzles, you don't gotta worry about your boys cb'in you or causing you any other logisitical headaches (i.e. he's your ride home, he gets sick and you gotta roll out, etc) Just keep making the effort man!

[clr]

Yup Rocco, Plus local guys will want to intro you to his friends, the he is the guy who knows someone from NYC etc... then you meet everyone and you get socially proofed, he feels cool for being associated with you.

[thegmanifesto]

Lots of good suggestions on here.

Rolling Dolo is fun, but can be tricky.

Sometimes the "friends" you make, can also turn out to be rivals.

Here is first night out in Barcelona where this happened: http://www.thegmanifesto.com/2010/05/nig...elona.html

Another good thing to do is order some Foie Gras and Steak Tartare and rap out with the Bartender/ waitresses.

Eating alone at the bar is smooth, when you play the "just got into town, well dressed, young, dashing" guy vibe.

[K-man]

I think going out solo should mean going solo - not attaching yourself to the first douchebag you see in the bar. If your longtime friends are bad wingmen, why do you think some dude you just met will be a better wing? That's crazy.

I go out alone when I have to - I'd rather do that than go with some guy who may be a good friend but a pathetic wingman. It's less awkward when you pick a large venue - in a big crowd you won't stand out. And as G says, you won't seem like a loser if you are dressed and groomed well, and consume expensive-looking drinks or meals. Being a smoker also helps, as you have to step outside nowadays to smoke - it is totally normal for people to go out alone to smoke, as their friends may not be smokers. So again, you won't stand out.

That being said, I have met some cool dudes while I've been out solo, but other times dudes have tried to one-up me or cockblock me, so I don't try to look for that if I'm out - solo is solo. Just motivate yourself and go with it. It does take a certain inner strength of character.

[OSL]

Over the last year, as I've traveled alone, I've pretty much had to go dolo all the time. It has its benefits and disadvantages. Instead of getting into a whole thing about the pros/cons, I would just say that the most beneficial thing to me has been to learn how to day game solo.

I go to bars to party with my friends and pick up girls from online dating, day game, or social proof from my crew when I go to clubs.

That's just me though, and I am not a huge baller/pimp or anything. Just my two cents.

[oldnemesis]

(05-31-2010 02:48 PM)CJ Wrote:  

So my concerns are:
1. Obviously being "that guy" that's drinking alone at the bar.

Don't be "that guy". Wear nice clothes and bring a nice book which you'd be reading with a laugh. Wrap it in a fake cover which says something like "How to pick up girls in a bar". Enjoy your night.

Quote:

2. Not getting enough approaches because no one is pushing me.

Your glass is half-empty. Look on it differently: no one is holding you from approaching by telling you sob stories of their own failures with women, or by getting into stupid situation (like talking for an hour to a group of guys and constantly involving you so you cannot leave). Another bonus is that when you screw up the approach, there is nobody to witness it who'd be reminding you about it for years after that.

Quote:

3. Wasting too much time talking to the bouncers I know because I don't know anyone else.
4. Starting off slow, losing patience and just getting a "Fuck it" attitude and either going home or drinking too much.

This is still better than NOT going out at all. Not every night out gonna be perfect. Don't punish yourself too early.

Quote:

The other night I was headed home and stopped by Meijer (grocery chain) a little after 1am, I saw at least half a dozen girls I should've approached, but my mood was crappy, so I didn't because I got too concerned that my openers would reflect my mood. That is a top fear of mine, being out solo and letting my mood dip.

Your problem sounds like you're pushing yourself too hard into an uncomfortable position. Try going out just to have fun yourself. Tell yourself you will NOT talk to a single girl or guy that night out for more than three minutes (feel free to tell that to any girl who approaches you, but do not explain why). Do whatever you want to have fun. You're not there for approaching, you're there to have fun. Once you mastered it, everything gonna be much easier.

[AlphaQup2nite]

Even when i go out with friends im always at the bar or club a few hours early. Gives you your time to make a few approaches with the "oh im waiting for friends." Since i travel a lot, and the people i travel with are the "lets goto the bar to find hookers" approach to getting laid, i don't want to be anywhere near them, so im out alone all the time.

Totally agree with G on the eating at the bar thing. I do it all the time all over the place. Most bars have pretty decent food, even some hole in the wall Irish pub in a backwater town in Germany had some of the best schnitzel i have every had. Then you can do you approaches afterward.

But honestly bar game isn't too difficult when you are solo. Its pretty easy to go out and get invited to any kinda group, even mixed groups are easy if you can tell a story or are interesting. Then you just use it as your social proofing base. Then you roll as normal.

But day game is where flying solo is awesome. It is so difficult to do anything with a group in day game, and thats where you get the best responses. Bar shields arent up yet for chicks, and most people arent in too much of a hurry to be anywhere so its easy to convert to an on the spot date. I am working on improving my day game, but even with out much fine tuning, the results are surprisingly better then bar results.

[Giovonny]

Going out solo is not for everyone. It takes a certain type of personlity that enjoys being alone and likes the challenge of doing things alone. It can be tough to create the right "frame" at first. I think most guys are better off working with a wing.

Maybe you should focus on finding a good wingman instead of trying to force yourself to go solo.

If you do go alone, just have your story straight and approach, approach, approach. You will get more comfortable with practice. Don't hesitate, apologize or make excuses for why you're alone. Don't even mention it, but if she does, you gotta have a story ready, a good story.

[HD668B]

Nobodys talking about nightclubs? Dancefloor game is the perfect setup for a dolo night. Its crowded, people are into the music (theres already a vibe, BT is up, whatever you wanna call it), so you just approach directly girls you like. Even if im out with friends, I always endup by myself on the dancefloor or some part of the club, approchaing random girls. So theres not an iota of difference, no out-of-place feelings to have. Also no need to befriend the dozen Afflication tshirts with fake silver chains.

[Giovonny]

(06-03-2010 06:27 PM)LÉtranger Wrote:  

Nobodys talking about nightclubs? Dancefloor game is the perfect setup for a dolo night. Its crowded, people are into the music (theres already a vibe, BT is up, whatever you wanna call it), so you just approach directly girls you like. Even if im out with friends, I always endup by myself on the dancefloor or some part of the club, approchaing random girls. So theres not an iota of difference, no out-of-place feelings to have. Also no need to befriend the dozen Afflication tshirts with fake silver chains.

Yes, How could i forget??? If you can dance and move just a little, this is a great way to roll if you're by yourself. Get a drink or 2, get on the dance floor and vibe with the dancing girls. This was my "Default Solo Night Game" when i was 18-22.

Good call L'Etranger

[lilseezie]

Someone said "Never say you are alone".

I very much disagree with this. Inevitably it always comes up after you've been talking to a girl for a while - she'll ask "So who are you here with?" I just look her straight in the eye and say very confidently "Well none of my friends wanted to party tonight but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from having a good time, so I figured I'd come out and meet some cool new people...oh by the way, you wouldn't happen to know where the cool people are would you?" (The last part said jokingly with a big smile, while playfully squeezing her waist.) She'll inevitably giggle and give you that 'oh no you didn't' face, and possibly a friendly slap on the arm. Then she'll say something like "Wow that's crazy...I could never do that, I'd be way too shy". At this point she knows you have mad confidence, and she's not creeped out by the fact that you're alone because she already knows you're cool and is digging you from the past few minutes you've been talking.

I've never had my solo status affect a pick-up...you just have to play it the right way.

[AlphaQup2nite]

(06-07-2010 01:14 AM)lilseezie Wrote:  

Someone said "Never say you are alone".

I very much disagree with this. Inevitably it always comes up after you've been talking to a girl for a while - she'll ask "So who are you here with?" I just look her straight in the eye and say very confidently "Well none of my friends wanted to party tonight but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from having a good time, so I figured I'd come out and meet some cool new people...oh by the way, you wouldn't happen to know where the cool people are would you?" (The last part said jokingly with a big smile, while playfully squeezing her waist.) She'll inevitably giggle and give you that 'oh no you didn't' face, and possibly a friendly slap on the arm. Then she'll say something like "Wow that's crazy...I could never do that, I'd be way too shy". At this point she knows you have mad confidence, and she's not creeped out by the fact that you're alone because she already knows you're cool and is digging you from the past few minutes you've been talking.

I've never had my solo status affect a pick-up...you just have to play it the right way.

"You just have to play it the right way"

The magic line for everything in pickup. If you can turn a girl calling you out of shape back on her and make her look like the insecure, defensive one, you are golden. There are no strengths or weaknesses in the game, its all how you play it. Ive flown with the most retarded shit and seen work. And its even more when you are solo. A chick is more likely gonna believe something unbelievable coming outta the mouth of a wing, but if you can sell it yourself, you have the key to pussy. But really, i never stay solo long at any of the good venues i frequent. Like i mentioned before, its easy to insert yourself into a set, and then you arent alone anymore.

[InternationPlayboy]

I like rollin solo sometimes. I even break off my croud quite often to pull women. I would rather go out solo than with some friends, as they have no game. I also have a blast going out with friends that know how to pick up. Sometimes being with people distracts you though. I definitely do a lot of rolling out solo because I know if I'm not having luck I'm going to at least run into people I know and will still have a fun time, as I live in a small town. I also don't like having to deal with sticking with the croud. If my friends are going to a bar I don't want to go to, I'm breaking off and going somewhere else.