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I'm curious about some of the other people here who have setup long term abroad in places like Asia. Not like for 6-12 months, but thinking 5 years+ (AmericanInBangkok?). I'm thinking potentially of getting a place in Bali, the other option would be to be boring and just set up in Canada or Australia.
Blasphemy - don't even consider moving to Canada or Australia part-time. Also, if you're considering Indonesia, get out of Bali! Stay on the outskirts or one of the smaller cities.
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So for those who've lived abroad, how did you manage? First off just having close friends or relationships with people? Until you get basically fluent with the language which is a multi year process, it's almost impossible to have real conversations with people, so what do you do for friends? There are expats, but again, aside from the fact that you're both foreigners in a foreign country, you may not have much in common.
First, I'm a loner. I almost always travel alone. It takes time to meet decent people so you just give it time. As far as the language, it depends on how dedicated you choose to be. It doesn't need to take years to speak basic Thai. I did so in about a year. The longer you stay, the easier it gets. Make acquaintances, give time to make friends.
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From reading lots of trip reports, It seems the longer people stay in SE Asia, the more trivial annoyances seem to get to them. Hopefully this doesn't come off as too racist or condescending, but the education here is bad, and dealing with people who aren't even grade 9 educated can be incredibly frustrating. It's literally like dealing with children.
If the people were more intelligent on the whole, chances are the third world countries we like so much wouldn't be third world and we couldn't afford to live in them! Patience...learn to ignore shit and be patient. It does help and it does get easier.
If you expect people to relate to you like they do in your home country you might as well pack it in now. Different cultures have different senses of humor. I won't watch Thai TV because it's full of over dramatic soap operas and comedies for complete morons.
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The other issue is that no matter how long you are abroad, no matter how well you learn the language, you'll always be a foreigner. I speak passable Indonesian now, but in the tourist areas, even speaking Indonesian and telling people what certain things should cost, some people refuse to budge from tourist pricing.
Again, get over it. For every negatives there are at least five positives. Either that or get an Indonesian chick to make the purchase for you.
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So is it possible to truly integrate into Asian society? Or is all you can do is just stay in gated communities hanging out with other expats.
Gated communities with expats? No way.
I didn't come to Thailand to hang out with foreigners, I came to experience Asia and learn about the region. I feel fortunate to have a close-knit family and a handful of good friends and that's enough for me.
Personally, I've grown slightly bored with Thailand and Asia in general. There's not a whole lot I haven't experienced so I'm now looking into spending a few months in Africa or South America and a few months in Thailand. It may be 3-5 years before I am completely set-up and ready to roll.
Anyhow...as far as integrating. Yes, you can do so but you will never be Asian or Thai. That doesn't bother me one bit. I am what I am. When I stay in another country or region, I know going in I'm a foreigner. Not a problem. Frankly, I don't really care if I'm viewed as an outsider or not.