Morning gents,
So basically I wanted to share something I have been doing this past 4 years, something I don´t know if I am proud about, but something I have become a master of.
I have become the Michael Jordan of work slacking.
Background: I am a business guy, went to business school, did well, got a good job after college, have my own biz, etc..….I am well travelled, speak a couple of languages and I am very outgoing.
Since school I have had a small but fairly profitable import business, even though I don’t need to work for an employer (I can live with my biz), I thought I could get some extra cash and a nice office where I can get stuff done better for my own business. Also I do not mind to get all the medical benefits, insurance and what not.
During the past 4 years, I got 2 promotions, got every incentive and company award, and I probably spent only 2 hours of solid work every day, all the extra time I spent in growing my own business.
I am thinking in writing a book about this. I will explain how a regular day is for me:
1.Arrive early, around 7:30 o 8AM, only because I can get the better parking spot. I will bring donuts to the guys in the warehouse, chit chat with them about bitches, money and football. Turn on the computer and print whatever business shit I can find, always in a different language. If I show up on my bike I will come later.
2.Go to the cafeteria around 8:30, talk to the ladies, compliment their new hair, new nails, always being respectful but with hella swag. I get a coffee, wash my cup and wash whatever leftover is in the sink (careful, people get used to) Anyway most of them love me cause I do it. I personally do not mind.
3.Around 9 or 9:30 I will go to my office, put the AC on, and check my personal e-mails.
4.Around 10:30 I know is the time that the CEO shows up, I go outside, with my mobile showing that I am fixing a big messed up that I know he is aware off, compliment his car, talk about the game…come back to the office.
*I did some linkedin/facebook research on everybody I could find before getting this job, this gave me a bunch of topics to talk about my first weeks. For instance, I know that the CEO is a 49ers fan, so when I met him I did some random comment about a game…Instant chemistry from day 1.
5.At 11 or so…time to work…good 1-2 hours of work. Go to the printer, check my business newspapers in Italian or portuguese, I always receive something like..OMG you know Portuguese also? From people checking the printer.
6.Read the newspaper……time for lunch.
7.During Lunch I always invite somebody new, or somebody I don’t know, to get to know them. I know pretty much everybody in the company and there are about 500 people in our building. I am the guy who is saying *how is it going!!! to every single person.
8.I will smoke a cigarette if I see people smoking and chit chat with them (even though I don’t smoke). Company´s always have a place to smoke, take advantage of that, get some fresh air, smoke a piece, talk to the ladies, chill.
9.In the afternoon, I work in my biz 100%. I look stressed, run around looking for stuff and basically make the thing grow till like 7pm, where there is no traffic and I can leave.
10.I have an agenda with all the schedules of the important people and I make sure I am at the office when they are around and looking busy all the time. If I know that all the managers are on business trips I will come in at 11AM, talking about some crazy story that happen in the factory or whatever.
11.I will leave a golf bag in my car and carry it around after work, telling everybody to join me. Some other time I will bring my tennis equipment, other times my guitar…just inviting everybody to learn a new hobbies or skill.
12.I will post new ideas in the company’s website all the time.
Some things I do:
-I learned early how to say NO. If they give me some shit task I will politely excuse myself from doing it and delegate.
-Every half an hour, go to somebody and asking something (everybody thinks you are busy).
-Use the printer a lot, print excel spreadsheets, graphs, etc…
-Be on your blackberry all the time, even if you are checking facebook.
-During meetings, stand up and go on front, ask questions and suggest solutions
-When they call you, never answer!...makes you look busy, and call right back. Same with emails.
-Dress sharp, look your best, well shaved, short hair, well groomed.
-Don’t ask for work, they will think you don’t have enough. YOU ARE BUSY.
-Park where nobody can tell if you are in the office or not.
-I take all my sick days no matter what. I will call in sick if I am hungover for instace. Other days I will go surfing.
-Things to do while on computer: Buy presents on Amazon, pay the bills, check new apartments, read about game, business, lifestyle, new diets,gym training, crossfit, fragrances, making money, you name it!
-Get into a committee, I am in the innovation one. Go there for a couple of hours everyweek and throw some ideas that will never materialized because of the companys beaurocracy. Brilliant!
-Have your space clean but always unorganized, I keep calculators, spreadsheets, graphs, papers, business magazines, all over the place. Looks like I am heavily multitasking (while I am reading roosh´s forum).
-Delete your web history every day.
-Go party a couple of nights a week, makes you look tired for so much extra hours you are putting in.
-Always have healthy snacks in your office. Remember you are the coolest guy in the office, the balanced guy who is into sports, music, ladies and a healthy lifestyle.
-Go to the IT department and tell them that something does not work. Either phone, internet, whatever bullshit. Usually It takes forever to fix.
-That software that makes every website looks like a spreadsheet is a must (forgot the name).
-Have an alarm system that will let you know that somebody is coming to your office. I put some kind of plastic under a carpet that I brought for the office and I placed it outside my office in the corridor, if somebody comes by I get a little noise.
I can tell some people (specially the ones in my department) know what I am doing, but I believe we have a non-verbal agreement and they will not complain about me (Not that I actually care). Every time they need a night out with lizards, I am the one to call. I will take them to my Vegas weekend trips, and rolled with me….they are total AFC´s who go crazy for making out with a 6.
Basically I get along with everybody, suck a lot of ass and I look busy all day. Some people are so busy with no social skills, nobody knows about them, I am the guy who everybody likes and everybody thinks I will never do something to hurt the company.
If I want to leave early, I will leave my computer on, light on, a fresh coffee and a Jacket on my chair. People think I am still there. I remember once I left work at 2pm for like a month, nobody said anything.
I am not lazy or anything like that I just don´t care much if I get fired, since I have good degrees and experience I can get a job easily, also I have my own BIZ to cover my back. I also have great recommendations through LikedIn and on paper.
Some slackers believe being invisible is key, for me is the opposite. I keep telling everybody how busy I am, what ides I brought to the company and how they can help me out with some problems. That has work for me.
I am basically the guy from Office space after his reveal.
Anyway, I am not pretending to stop…maybe even write a book about it?
I Thoughts?
So basically I wanted to share something I have been doing this past 4 years, something I don´t know if I am proud about, but something I have become a master of.
I have become the Michael Jordan of work slacking.
Background: I am a business guy, went to business school, did well, got a good job after college, have my own biz, etc..….I am well travelled, speak a couple of languages and I am very outgoing.
Since school I have had a small but fairly profitable import business, even though I don’t need to work for an employer (I can live with my biz), I thought I could get some extra cash and a nice office where I can get stuff done better for my own business. Also I do not mind to get all the medical benefits, insurance and what not.
During the past 4 years, I got 2 promotions, got every incentive and company award, and I probably spent only 2 hours of solid work every day, all the extra time I spent in growing my own business.
I am thinking in writing a book about this. I will explain how a regular day is for me:
1.Arrive early, around 7:30 o 8AM, only because I can get the better parking spot. I will bring donuts to the guys in the warehouse, chit chat with them about bitches, money and football. Turn on the computer and print whatever business shit I can find, always in a different language. If I show up on my bike I will come later.
2.Go to the cafeteria around 8:30, talk to the ladies, compliment their new hair, new nails, always being respectful but with hella swag. I get a coffee, wash my cup and wash whatever leftover is in the sink (careful, people get used to) Anyway most of them love me cause I do it. I personally do not mind.
3.Around 9 or 9:30 I will go to my office, put the AC on, and check my personal e-mails.
4.Around 10:30 I know is the time that the CEO shows up, I go outside, with my mobile showing that I am fixing a big messed up that I know he is aware off, compliment his car, talk about the game…come back to the office.
*I did some linkedin/facebook research on everybody I could find before getting this job, this gave me a bunch of topics to talk about my first weeks. For instance, I know that the CEO is a 49ers fan, so when I met him I did some random comment about a game…Instant chemistry from day 1.
5.At 11 or so…time to work…good 1-2 hours of work. Go to the printer, check my business newspapers in Italian or portuguese, I always receive something like..OMG you know Portuguese also? From people checking the printer.
6.Read the newspaper……time for lunch.
7.During Lunch I always invite somebody new, or somebody I don’t know, to get to know them. I know pretty much everybody in the company and there are about 500 people in our building. I am the guy who is saying *how is it going!!! to every single person.
8.I will smoke a cigarette if I see people smoking and chit chat with them (even though I don’t smoke). Company´s always have a place to smoke, take advantage of that, get some fresh air, smoke a piece, talk to the ladies, chill.
9.In the afternoon, I work in my biz 100%. I look stressed, run around looking for stuff and basically make the thing grow till like 7pm, where there is no traffic and I can leave.
10.I have an agenda with all the schedules of the important people and I make sure I am at the office when they are around and looking busy all the time. If I know that all the managers are on business trips I will come in at 11AM, talking about some crazy story that happen in the factory or whatever.
11.I will leave a golf bag in my car and carry it around after work, telling everybody to join me. Some other time I will bring my tennis equipment, other times my guitar…just inviting everybody to learn a new hobbies or skill.
12.I will post new ideas in the company’s website all the time.
Some things I do:
-I learned early how to say NO. If they give me some shit task I will politely excuse myself from doing it and delegate.
-Every half an hour, go to somebody and asking something (everybody thinks you are busy).
-Use the printer a lot, print excel spreadsheets, graphs, etc…
-Be on your blackberry all the time, even if you are checking facebook.
-During meetings, stand up and go on front, ask questions and suggest solutions
-When they call you, never answer!...makes you look busy, and call right back. Same with emails.
-Dress sharp, look your best, well shaved, short hair, well groomed.
-Don’t ask for work, they will think you don’t have enough. YOU ARE BUSY.
-Park where nobody can tell if you are in the office or not.
-I take all my sick days no matter what. I will call in sick if I am hungover for instace. Other days I will go surfing.
-Things to do while on computer: Buy presents on Amazon, pay the bills, check new apartments, read about game, business, lifestyle, new diets,gym training, crossfit, fragrances, making money, you name it!
-Get into a committee, I am in the innovation one. Go there for a couple of hours everyweek and throw some ideas that will never materialized because of the companys beaurocracy. Brilliant!
-Have your space clean but always unorganized, I keep calculators, spreadsheets, graphs, papers, business magazines, all over the place. Looks like I am heavily multitasking (while I am reading roosh´s forum).
-Delete your web history every day.
-Go party a couple of nights a week, makes you look tired for so much extra hours you are putting in.
-Always have healthy snacks in your office. Remember you are the coolest guy in the office, the balanced guy who is into sports, music, ladies and a healthy lifestyle.
-Go to the IT department and tell them that something does not work. Either phone, internet, whatever bullshit. Usually It takes forever to fix.
-That software that makes every website looks like a spreadsheet is a must (forgot the name).
-Have an alarm system that will let you know that somebody is coming to your office. I put some kind of plastic under a carpet that I brought for the office and I placed it outside my office in the corridor, if somebody comes by I get a little noise.
I can tell some people (specially the ones in my department) know what I am doing, but I believe we have a non-verbal agreement and they will not complain about me (Not that I actually care). Every time they need a night out with lizards, I am the one to call. I will take them to my Vegas weekend trips, and rolled with me….they are total AFC´s who go crazy for making out with a 6.
Basically I get along with everybody, suck a lot of ass and I look busy all day. Some people are so busy with no social skills, nobody knows about them, I am the guy who everybody likes and everybody thinks I will never do something to hurt the company.
If I want to leave early, I will leave my computer on, light on, a fresh coffee and a Jacket on my chair. People think I am still there. I remember once I left work at 2pm for like a month, nobody said anything.
I am not lazy or anything like that I just don´t care much if I get fired, since I have good degrees and experience I can get a job easily, also I have my own BIZ to cover my back. I also have great recommendations through LikedIn and on paper.
Some slackers believe being invisible is key, for me is the opposite. I keep telling everybody how busy I am, what ides I brought to the company and how they can help me out with some problems. That has work for me.
I am basically the guy from Office space after his reveal.
Anyway, I am not pretending to stop…maybe even write a book about it?
I Thoughts?
The harder you practice, the luckier you get.
