[Basil Ransom]

(05-29-2012 10:59 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I just got a job at a hotel. I was upstairs on the pool deck (it's a pretty baller joint) and I was making an excuse to be up there and stare at tits. There were two girls at the edge of the pool, kinda cute, decent shape, couple of 7s. There was a plate of chocolate chip cookies at the edge of the pool that they were eating. Like they couldn't WAIT to get those carbs in their gut, they had to eat fucking cookies while swimming in a pool. I had to force myself to look away.

Keep in mind, this is in L.A., at a private, members-only rooftop pool, with musicians, models, and power players hanging out. This fattie mindset is working its way up to the top.

The days of vodka and cocaine are being replaced with cookies, apparently.

It's funny, two of the cutest, most feminine and sex-loving but commitment-averse American girls I've banged were both obsessed with eating cookies, but were still skinny. They'd frequently admit to avoiding starvation by eating lots of cookies. They were like little kids who'd get so excited at the prospect of cookies. I didn't mind at all, I even found it endearing, because well, they were skinny, super-girly and sexy. So when they acted like little kids, I'd just laugh and think it's cute.

[Nonpareil]

Excellent work as always elmech. A few observations of my own;

- Nearly no Western girls can cook, but many of them can bake, which I believe contributes to fatness upticks.

- When in a restaurant and ordering, they will take five times as long because they're so picky and indecisive...completely disregarding the fact that I came here specifically for the porterhouse, ordered the porterhouse (rare), and want to eat the porterhouse, and the other patrons that want to order but can't because the waiter is answering her 438 questions.

- If I have a girl for dinner at my place she can expect steak, chicken or fish, good bread, baked or steamed vegetables, red wine and maybe some coffee or ice cream afterward; the type of shit that you could get in a restaurant. Dinner at a girl's place? Something that had been frozen and whatever she has to drink in her fridge (and many times, I'm the one that prepares it).

- Claims to not be hungry so she just snacks, but as soon as my food comes or is ready, she wants a bite of it.

- Creams over anything organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, soy-based or cruelty free.

- I concur with the getting leftovers but forgetting them point, unless it's super-pricey shit, but when was the last time that happened? I haven't taken a girl to a pricey restaurant in like 4 years (not because I think it's beta, but because my funding was slashed in that time). Pisses me off because by the time I notice it sitting in my backseat the next day I can't eat it myself.

- Claims to like French food, is shocked to learn that Escargot is snail. Claims to like Thai food, doesn't know what that sauce on green mango salad is (it's some kind of peanut sauce). Claims to love wine, won't drink anything from outside of California and Australia. Claims to love cooking for herself, cooking for herself constitutes throwing some chicken fingers on a tray and putting it into the oven.

- Will skip the gym because she ate at Subway, took the stairs instead of the elevator or ate two rice cakes for lunch.

- Is very closed-minded about food. Unless I'm in the mood for something or I know that _________ makes a great _________, I order something different every time. She orders 'her favorite thing' (or in some cases, 'the most expensive thing!').

- Likes Sushi...can't use chopsticks.

- Swears by her overpriced Corporate Vanilla Bean Venti Lattes with like 400 calories from Starbucks.

- Says she wants to lose some weight, but doesn't do anything about it.

- American girl I know over here can't cook (in China, food is usually cooked one way; fast fried in oil or water). I try to tell her that it's pouring oil, slicing and adding ingredients, not drafting up schematics for the new wing of the Guggenheim.

- Considers losing 4 pounds this month a feat akin to designing the new wing of the Guggenheim...still weighs 25 too much.

- A big part of obesity that hasn't been listed; Women are far more likely to eat at night. I try to never eat within 3 hours of bedtime.

[Hades]

I definitely agree with the wine thing, adding a detail.

Women are incredibly stupid about wine, especially if they're under 21. I had the privilege of listening to some chump dude and a girl have an animated discussion about "types of wine", none of which you would have trouble finding in a WalMart liquor store (OMG, WHITE ZINFANDEL AND YELLOWTAIL, MY FAVES!) with the conversation concluding that "You ever try French wine? French and Italian wines are better", like every single European wine shoots magic and lightning out their assholes. Some of these foolish women would drink cooking sherry if you said some mumbo-jumbo about "shavernayyy bow-mignon" before pouring it. Boxed-wine classy.

They'll also pig out on your shit when you're not looking. They'll say something like "oh, I don't want that old pizza, it's been sitting out for four hours", so they don't look like a fatass in front of you, only for you to wake up from your nap and find your last two slices of Jumbo Supreme missing. These are the same type of broads I have found gobbling Crisco-made Oreo cream filling on English muffins and fishing the chunks out of BBQ sauce.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about my pizza. I paid and tipped well for it.

[Nonpareil]

(05-29-2012 11:58 PM)Hades Wrote:  

I definitely agree with the wine thing, adding a detail.

Women are incredibly stupid about wine, especially if they're under 21. I had the privilege of listening to some chump dude and a girl have an animated discussion about "types of wine", none of which you would have trouble finding in a WalMart liquor store (OMG, WHITE ZINFANDEL AND YELLOWTAIL, MY FAVES!) with the conversation concluding that "You ever try French wine? French and Italian wines are better", like every single European wine shoots magic and lightning out their assholes. Some of these foolish women would drink cooking sherry if you said some mumbo-jumbo about "shavernayyy bow-mignon" before pouring it. Boxed-wine classy.

They'll also pig out on your shit when you're not looking. They'll say something like "oh, I don't want that old pizza, it's been sitting out for four hours", so they don't look like a fatass in front of you, only for you to wake up from your nap and find your last two slices of Jumbo Supreme missing. These are the same type of broads I have found gobbling Crisco-made Oreo cream filling on English muffins and fishing the chunks out of BBQ sauce.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about my pizza. I paid and tipped well for it.

Yeah the wine thing is hilarious especially when they can't properly pronounce 'Merlot' and consider the $23 bottle of California Pinot to be 'the expensive one'. A move I did when I was having girls over was to always keep a bottle of Yellowtail or Brindisi stashed away just in case ($13 and $23, respectively).

[Hades]

(05-30-2012 12:09 AM)Nonpareil Wrote:  

(05-29-2012 11:58 PM)Hades Wrote:  

I definitely agree with the wine thing, adding a detail.

Women are incredibly stupid about wine, especially if they're under 21. I had the privilege of listening to some chump dude and a girl have an animated discussion about "types of wine", none of which you would have trouble finding in a WalMart liquor store (OMG, WHITE ZINFANDEL AND YELLOWTAIL, MY FAVES!) with the conversation concluding that "You ever try French wine? French and Italian wines are better", like every single European wine shoots magic and lightning out their assholes. Some of these foolish women would drink cooking sherry if you said some mumbo-jumbo about "shavernayyy bow-mignon" before pouring it. Boxed-wine classy.

They'll also pig out on your shit when you're not looking. They'll say something like "oh, I don't want that old pizza, it's been sitting out for four hours", so they don't look like a fatass in front of you, only for you to wake up from your nap and find your last two slices of Jumbo Supreme missing. These are the same type of broads I have found gobbling Crisco-made Oreo cream filling on English muffins and fishing the chunks out of BBQ sauce.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about my pizza. I paid and tipped well for it.

Yeah the wine thing is hilarious especially when they can't properly pronounce 'Merlot' and consider the $23 bottle of California Pinot to be 'the expensive one'. A move I did when I was having girls over was to always keep a bottle of Yellowtail or Brindisi stashed away just in case ($13 and $23, respectively).

True that, IMO. I'll have to keep some cheap shit around for the 'discriminating type'. I haven't had that issue since most of them have no trouble drinking PBR.
What made me rage most was that a man was humoring a woman's opinion about something neither of them knew anything about but both thought they were brilliant at. I could do nothing except get drunker and hope to drown out their bullshit.
Brindisi sounds like a solid move. Slightly more expensive, so they don't know about it, but still pretty cheap.

[MikeCF]

So much hilarity in this thread. Hall of Fame contender, for sure.

[Nonpareil]

(05-30-2012 12:15 AM)Hades Wrote:  

(05-30-2012 12:09 AM)Nonpareil Wrote:  

(05-29-2012 11:58 PM)Hades Wrote:  

I definitely agree with the wine thing, adding a detail.

Women are incredibly stupid about wine, especially if they're under 21. I had the privilege of listening to some chump dude and a girl have an animated discussion about "types of wine", none of which you would have trouble finding in a WalMart liquor store (OMG, WHITE ZINFANDEL AND YELLOWTAIL, MY FAVES!) with the conversation concluding that "You ever try French wine? French and Italian wines are better", like every single European wine shoots magic and lightning out their assholes. Some of these foolish women would drink cooking sherry if you said some mumbo-jumbo about "shavernayyy bow-mignon" before pouring it. Boxed-wine classy.

They'll also pig out on your shit when you're not looking. They'll say something like "oh, I don't want that old pizza, it's been sitting out for four hours", so they don't look like a fatass in front of you, only for you to wake up from your nap and find your last two slices of Jumbo Supreme missing. These are the same type of broads I have found gobbling Crisco-made Oreo cream filling on English muffins and fishing the chunks out of BBQ sauce.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about my pizza. I paid and tipped well for it.

Yeah the wine thing is hilarious especially when they can't properly pronounce 'Merlot' and consider the $23 bottle of California Pinot to be 'the expensive one'. A move I did when I was having girls over was to always keep a bottle of Yellowtail or Brindisi stashed away just in case ($13 and $23, respectively).

True that, IMO. I'll have to keep some cheap shit around for the 'discriminating type'. I haven't had that issue since most of them have no trouble drinking PBR.
What made me rage most was that a man was humoring a woman's opinion about something neither of them knew anything about but both thought they were brilliant at. I could do nothing except get drunker and hope to drown out their bullshit.
Brindisi sounds like a solid move. Slightly more expensive, so they don't know about it, but still pretty cheap.

Yeah 'I just had this bottle sitting around...' game has greased the wheels for many of my bangs; wine has that nice effect of getting a woman drunk but not making her feel bloated (beer) and not getting her too drunk to do anything and upping the risk of a false-rape claim (liquor).

Also, I've noticed that they'll buy wine, even if it's shitty and they hate it, as long as it has cutesy packaging or a fun name (Fat Bastard, Cunty Little Bitch, Fat and Proud etc,.).

[Tengen]

Down here girls like to drink Moscato - it's sweet and bubbly, just like how girls want to think they are.

I actually work with wine, although mostly focused on Australian wines. Would anyone be interested in a data sheet?

[MikeCF]

(05-30-2012 12:20 AM)Nonpareil Wrote:  

Also, I've noticed that they'll buy wine, even if it's shitty and they hate it, as long as it has cutesy packaging or a fun name (Fat Bastard, Cunty Little Bitch, Fat and Proud etc,.).

"Seven Deadly Zins" for the win.

[Cr33pin]

My ex fiance could cook her ass off... best damn food i have ever eaten, she knew what she was doing to she would make shit up an cook it an it would be sooo good

not a day goes by i dont second guess my decision to break up with her...

[Nonpareil]

(05-30-2012 12:15 AM)Hades Wrote:  

(05-30-2012 12:09 AM)Nonpareil Wrote:  

(05-29-2012 11:58 PM)Hades Wrote:  

I definitely agree with the wine thing, adding a detail.

Women are incredibly stupid about wine, especially if they're under 21. I had the privilege of listening to some chump dude and a girl have an animated discussion about "types of wine", none of which you would have trouble finding in a WalMart liquor store (OMG, WHITE ZINFANDEL AND YELLOWTAIL, MY FAVES!) with the conversation concluding that "You ever try French wine? French and Italian wines are better", like every single European wine shoots magic and lightning out their assholes. Some of these foolish women would drink cooking sherry if you said some mumbo-jumbo about "shavernayyy bow-mignon" before pouring it. Boxed-wine classy.

They'll also pig out on your shit when you're not looking. They'll say something like "oh, I don't want that old pizza, it's been sitting out for four hours", so they don't look like a fatass in front of you, only for you to wake up from your nap and find your last two slices of Jumbo Supreme missing. These are the same type of broads I have found gobbling Crisco-made Oreo cream filling on English muffins and fishing the chunks out of BBQ sauce.

Yeah, I'm still bitter about my pizza. I paid and tipped well for it.

Yeah the wine thing is hilarious especially when they can't properly pronounce 'Merlot' and consider the $23 bottle of California Pinot to be 'the expensive one'. A move I did when I was having girls over was to always keep a bottle of Yellowtail or Brindisi stashed away just in case ($13 and $23, respectively).

True that, IMO. I'll have to keep some cheap shit around for the 'discriminating type'. I haven't had that issue since most of them have no trouble drinking PBR.
What made me rage most was that a man was humoring a woman's opinion about something neither of them knew anything about but both thought they were brilliant at. I could do nothing except get drunker and hope to drown out their bullshit.
Brindisi sounds like a solid move. Slightly more expensive, so they don't know about it, but still pretty cheap.

Well the Brindisi is more expensive because it comes in a bigger bottle, but it has the added advantage of being Italian (and remember, these are Canadian prices, which are through the roof because of our government-owned liquor stores).

But yeah, cheap wine game is a nice DHV; beer is good for just hanging out, and liquor will run the risk of making her too drunk (premium brands DHV though), but wine, and not even that expensive shit, a girl will never say no to a free glass of wine, and it shows that you are a man who enjoys the finer things. I've actually heard pussies getting wet when I asked if she'd want some wine.

(05-30-2012 02:46 AM)Tengen Wrote:  

Down here girls like to drink Moscato - it's sweet and bubbly, just like how girls want to think they are.

I actually work with wine, although mostly focused on Australian wines. Would anyone be interested in a data sheet?

Would we like a wine data sheet? Only FUCK YEAH!

[Blunt]

Damn Martha Stewart was sexy and can cook? Where they do that at?

[Belize King]

Never asked a young girl if they can cook. My roommate couldn't make shit and was proud about it. She is 27. My sister can't cook but her mom cooks everyday.

Grown and sexy women can sometimes cook. Had a 33 yo cook for me. Had a 32 yo nurse who never cooked. Our generation is losing on that skill. I know 4 dishes from scratch but only 7+ would get to taste my food. The rest just get to taste the D.

[el mechanico]

Some restaurant observations...

Sending shit back just to be a cunt. Sometimes complaining about food to get a gift certificate. You take them to dinner and not only do they eat but leave with a free meal card in their pocket.

Ordering way off..
She could have just watched Bourdain do a tour of the best pizza joints in New England. Take her to one and she orders a fish sandwich.
Ordering Chicken at a place famous for ribs.
Ordering steak at a seafood place

I watched this girl at the Casino sitting next to me eat a slab of ribs and double fries. she left two bites then called the waitress over and bitched her out cause everything was "Dry" She got an entire new order and wrapped it up to take home.

[Cookie]

I once bang a girl who would brag that she knew how to make egg and cheese sandwhiches.

P.S. I can't handle this thread

[AntiTrace]

My pet peeve:

Girl claims to only want something small. Orders the most expensive thing on the menu.

"ummm...I guess Ill just get the bacon wrapped scallops and asparagus with a glass of champagne please"
"yeah, ill have a burger with sweet potato fries, medium"
"is that it?" - waitress
"seperate checks"

[Nonpareil]

=delete=

[Veloce]

(05-30-2012 08:27 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Some restaurant observations...

Sending shit back just to be a cunt. Sometimes complaining about food to get a gift certificate. You take them to dinner and not only do they eat but leave with a free meal card in their pocket.

Ordering way off..
She could have just watched Bourdain do a tour of the best pizza joints in New England. Take her to one and she orders a fish sandwich.
Ordering Chicken at a place famous for ribs.
Ordering steak at a seafood place

I watched this girl at the Casino sitting next to me eat a slab of ribs and double fries. she left two bites then called the waitress over and bitched her out cause everything was "Dry" She got an entire new order and wrapped it up to take home.

I had this chef gig in Hollywood somewhat famous for the attractive servers and all of them were actors that later went on to do something better. They were all the stereotypical kids from the midwest who moved to L.A. to "make it".

Every day I'd have a lineup for the servers to go over daily specials, tell them if any items were 86ed, daily thoughts on service, etc. Over the course of working there, it SHOCKED me what these girls didn't know. There was a girl, I think from Iowa, who had never eaten spinach in her entire life and HAD NEVER SEEN A TOMATO. She'd seen them on TV and I brought one out to her and she was handling it like it was some exotic alien fruit. This is the girl: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1181406/
Every day it would be something different. It was like teaching retards. "Okay guys, this fish is called halibut. Say it with me, HAH-LIH-BIT." Forget trying to teach them to say big fancy words like "caponata" or "sopressata".

Better yet was the girl who told her server to inform the kitchen that she had a glucose allergy. She meant gluten I'm sure, as anyone allergic to glucose would be dead.

[kosko]

Female logic in baking cookies:

I was invited over for some wine from a broad I sleazed up via a friend. We clicked on alot of health shit and she wanted to make her "most amazing cookies". It was around this time of year and I remeber the playoffs being on in the backround so I just noded my head.

"yummy organic choclate chunk cookies"

Me: yea cool.

her: Gotta impress you with my kitchen skills"

me:You making that from scratch?

her: "mhmmmm of course baby."

Okay so this is where the logic runs of the tracks. She makes the cookie dough and like 90% of women can't hold her self from eating it. We're talking as she's shoveling spoons of this shit into her mouth.. she obviously offers. I don't mind cookie dough but it makes me sick and full after a while so I have a spoon or two and continue downing this wine.

In due time I swear half this fucking bowl of dough is gone.

she spoons the drops onto a sheet and bakes these bad boys up. I give her a tad of credit as they turned out decent but this shit aint organic of you got frankenstien eggs and whatever else in it. she had some nouveau-riche organic flour she bragged about that probably cost 19 bucks for a tiny bag but evreything else was mass market garbage.

The killer was this:

Her: "I really try to make one small batch.. or i'd eat them all thier soooo good"

Me: there ok

Her: "OMG. like really. there so good I could eat this whole batch"

me:

In my mind she basically did. I know cookie recipes make 2 trays at least of cookies and this bitch ate half the dough in one sitting.

Her: "I shouldn't say that. Tryna stay nice and slim for you"

Oh yeah of course she spent like 5 min+ arranged the cookies on a pink plate and took a pic of them for FB.

...hr later she starts snaking on pretzels. When I am leaving she offers me 2 of the 8 cookies left over. I decline .. she takes a bite out of one as I leave.


.....

My math:

24 cookies would of been made.

Half the dough = 12 cookies
plus the 3-4 she ate in me presence

Her = 16/24

Me = 3/24

[WesternCancer]

Girls are definitely uncontrollable when it comes to baked goods. Thing is they can't bake for shit. Baking is not hard whatsoever. Especially cookies. Just follow the directions and chuck the 6 measured ingredients into a bowl and presto cookies. Bake for the amount of time it says on the sheet. I think they see the people on food network just throwing stuff in without measuring (they've been doing it so long they don't need to) so do the same. Or they fuck up and forget something. I once had a girl replace salt with sugar in the recipe, she couldn't figure out where it went wrong. I've had them burn the cookies and blaming it on the recipe (they should have blamed it on me, I was distracting). Either way even following directions is too hard for most of them.

I made a girl roast pork tenderloin with cinnamon as a main ingredient in the rub. Then I made coffee risotto and asparagus. I had no idea if the coffee risotto would taste good, but it did. She creamed her panties and thought I was worthy of iron chef. I brought the same girl back later, I told her to put a handfull of parmesan in the pasta and she dumps the whole container in. Completely ruins it, salty and dry beyond belief. Her: OMG THIS IS SEWW GUUDDDD I LUV CHEEZZZZ"

[Cr33pin]

i dunno kosko, your sounding like a negitive nancy here

doesnt sound like a awful story that deserves the detailed write up

[kosko]

(05-30-2012 12:33 PM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

i dunno kosko, your sounding like a negitive nancy here

doesnt sound like a awful story that deserves the detailed write up

Do you eat the equivalent of 16 cookies in one sitting?

[Cr33pin]

Noway i would get sick as shit, but i mean as long as she wasnt a chubby girl (im guessing she was slim cause she made the remark about staying skinny)

im not gonna knock a skinny girl for comming over an baking me cookies even if she happened to eat most of them

[rozayINTL]

There is no middle ground between women who "omg i fuckin LOVE food" and the women (the few of them left) who have a respect for food. Some of the women in my family have one or two medium sized meals a day (they often cook for others without even sitting down to eat).. the other half are total users and will chow down like its their job, and yes they are the fatasses. Absolutely no self control whatsoever, most of them used their pregnancies as excuses to eat whatever whenever, although something tells me they did it before and my uncles were just too fucking ignorant or straight up didn't care. It shows selfishness in addition to a lack of control.

one of my buddy's girls would be around our apartment and this bitch would just take out anything out of the fridge and start fucking eating it. And yeah she was chubby. Fuck chubby girls. I am really convinced most of the bitches just LOVE TO EAT. They have no respect for that shit. My friend could actually cook quite well, anytime he'd make something she would eat at least half of it.


Also i think college really fucks up girls' abilities to cook shit and/or take care of themselves or anyone else in a civilized manner. When girls leave the house (and mommy/daddy isn't cooking her food anymore - if they even did in the first place).. this is really their time as an adult to pick this shit up. Yet when you think about it they don't get that opportunity in between spending a year or two in a dorm, a year in the sorority house eating out/buying food every night, and maybe a year in an apartment where these habits don't improve. This unfortunate trend translates into "homemaking" skills as well. Dorm/college life is fucking de civilized as shit, just as bad for females as males. Don't believe me, chill in an all girls' dorm.. fucking ANIMALS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Screwston]

I remember taking a girl to a BBQ spot in the hood and the bitch ordered a grilled cheese sandwich. I felt like leaving her ass there.