[kimleebj]

Online, I usually receive messages, or occasionally initiate a witty message. A woman responds because she likes my photos and some witty remark in my profile. Then one of two things happens.

1) We exchange a few messages or e-mails. But she does not call me, nor pick up my calls. The exchange just fizzles out.

2) We talk on the phone and set up a meeting for drinks. But to make it convenient for me, we need to wait almost a week, or schedule it on a night that is slightly inconvenient for her (after work, long drive, etc.). Then she flakes with a lame text.

Obviously the woman has low interest level. I need to pump her temperature more. The problem is that online time moves at warp speed. So I need to move fast before she gets distracted by another guy or simply by life. If we exchange too many messages then the interaction may fizzle or fail to translate to a phone/real interaction. Basically I become a gay pen pal confidante or witty dancing monkey.

I can relate. Initially I'm hot to meet a woman because her picture is decent. Then I message other girls and memory fades. If we need to go back-and-forth several times to reschedule then I just get fatigued. Instead of thinking "This is the hot divorced nurse", I think "What a pain in the ass to reschedule and dress up for a dud date."

Again, I need to pump her buyer's interest within 2-3 messages. But I'm skeptical about putting sexual/personal/romantic stuff in messages, because it can be really creepy over the internet. I'm stuck.

[Timoteo]

I really don't think you're doing anything wrong. I've found that some women, though they're online and think they want to try to meet someone that way, aren't really all in. Some are in it for an ego boost. Others are into the fantasy of meeting someone, but when it gets to the point where it gets real, they get scared. The leap from messages to phone convo can be too great for some of them.

I had one chick I was writing, and things were heating up. Finally, she wrote, "I want to hear your voice baby." We exchanged digits, and I called her. We talked a few times. Finally, I told her I was coming to San Antonio. I could sense a lack of enthusiasm. I was looking through her pics, and saw some comments from a dude on one of her pics, talking about how he couldn't wait to see her, and hold her in his arms, and some other soft shit. One comment was particularly telling - "If the other guys here only knew," like he really was coming to visit. She had another guy coming, but didn't say anything. If I had gone down there, I would have been played. I was going to go down when the Knicks were playing the Spurs, and had other sightseeing lined up just in case (I always make plans first, with the chick being secondary just in case of flakeage), but you never know with chicks. She stopped calling and writing, and eventually just disappeared from the site without a word. I still have her number, but I wouldn't bother with her now.

Another chick I'd been hollering at on MSN chat down in New Orleans was talking really sweet about all the shit were going to do together, where we were going to go, etc. I already had a trip down there planned, so when it got close I wrote to her that I was coming down. The language of her messages immediately changed. I WILL changed to I'll TRY to do blah, blah, or I MIGHT do blah, blah. She immediately backpedaled when shit got real. I gave her my info (where I was staying, my cell #), but I knew I wasn't going to hear from her. I've had other women step right up, make plans with me and follow through.

It's true that a decent looking chick has several cats hollering at her, and she may opt for the one where the logistics work out a little better than you. Women are all about their own convenience. You're right about not going heavy with the sexual innuendo or getting romantic with someone you don't know (unless THEY go there with it first). The San Antonio chick acted VERY sexual with the things she posted to my profile, but in the end, I don't know if that was all internet persona, or who she really was. Humor and wit are always good. In the end, there's no magic bullet. A chick is either trying to go next level or not. If they are, they'll offer the cell # or personal email to chat. If they're one of those chicks that ONLY wants to communicate through the site, then it's a no or a maybe. Sometimes she may be backburnering you as a future option if her primary doesn't pan. I had another chick in Phoenix that I banged. After I hit, she assumed we were in a relationship (as it turns out, she was hunting for someone to either move in with her, or pick up and move to where he was). When I made it clear that wasn't going to happen, almost immediately she had another dude visiting her down in Phoenix, and eventually moved to Syracuse, NY to be with him. Just like that. She had prospects lined up in case another didn't pan out.

I understand your frustration, and sometimes working online takes a lot of patience. Chicks can be flaky and indecisive, and when they have options it exacerbates that. They can friendzone you online just like off-line. Bottom line, if a chick really wants to meet you, she'll make it happen. If she's stalling, she may have another option in play and you need to direct your energies to another chick. But don't drive yourself crazy poring over old messages wondering if you wrote the wrong thing, or if there's some magic line you can write to change the course of things.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Frankly, while there is nothing we can do about flakiness in these cases, I think most of these stories that you've told are absolutely disgusting. It takes only basic human decency - just a tiny shred- to not play people if you're already seeing someone or have no intention of ever doing anything with them. After a certain amount of experiences like that, I will just start treating them like disposable fuck buddies.

[kimleebj]

Your signature link She has a boyfriend is quite relevant here. I just asked an online contact to put me on Facebook relationship status of "It's complicated" in order to dump another girl. She said she already had a complicated relationship with some guy, and that would merely antagonize him. In other words, she has a boyfriend and wants to upgrade.

Indeed, the more their profiles complain about seeking decent, honest men due to past bad experiences, the more likely they are to have current boyfriends who disregard them. I need to remember, they are not visiting relatives, working, or caring for sick children when they flake. They are seeing boyfriends, dating, picking up guys with their friends, or whatever.