[nomadiam]

I'm 44. I've been working online, travelling and living abroad for the last ten years. I've spent time in Nicaragua, DR, Colombia, Mexico, Guatemala, Panama, Costa Rica and Peru.

For the last few years I've been in Colombia.

About a year ago I met the hottest girl I've ever dated. She's 22, smoking hot. We've been together almost a year.

I feel I'm at a crossroads in that things are going pretty well with this girl, she treats me very well, cooks, cleans, etc.. amazing sex whenever I want it, etc.. pretty much an old-school relationship in the sense that I pay for everything, she cooks, cleans, looks great and does whatever I desire sexually daily.

I've told her I will never marry her and there's no chance I'm taking her to the US, for obvious reasons. She seems happy with that and seems fine with our arrangement as long as I spend most of my time here, with her. I have a small group of expat friends and the last year or so has been pretty amazing for the most part. I work online, hang out with my girl and hang out with my friends a few times a week.

The problem is that for the last few years I've been itching to get out of here and for a variety of reasons would like to be back in the states, closer to friends and family, and also for business reasons. I work in the music industry but have sustained myself pretty well with an online business that brings in around 5 or 6k a month on average, but feel I could go much further if I was based in the states. But i also know moving back after all this time would be a real transition and would require time to get back into the swing of things.

So it seems like my choices are either

A) stay with the hottest girl I've ever been with and resign myself to a certain amount of boredom and feeling held back in terms of my environment and culture

or...

B) go back to the states as a 44 year old bachelor and re-connect with my culture, family and friends and likely see an increase in my income due to being closer to more people, connections,e tc.. but also be a 44 year old bachelor in the USA, a culture I haven't dated in for over a decade...

Anyone been at a similar crossroads? I've been leaning towards cutting things off with girl and taking a year or so off from dating and simply focusing hard on business, music ,etc.. and then regroup. But, cutting things off with this girl and letting her go has proven harder than I imagined.

I've spent a decade creating a lifestyle that i know feel bored of.


Thanks for your comments and thoughts.

[Heuristics]

It sounds like you need to have her pop out some kids. Although I haven't been to colombia it sounds like the hedonism would wear on you, especially if you're hanging out with expats... does a similar age gap relationship have any chance of working, much less starting in the US? I think the answer would be no.

[RatInTheWoods]

Its your mid life crisis, you are at the age where you are questioning everything and feeling the malaise.

But honestly you have a great life by objective measure, and sometimes you don't know how good you have it, until you fuck it up.

Imagine yourself moving back to the states and having to date fat, entitled bitches who cheat on you.

Imagine paying more for stuff, paying more taxes, and all the shitting things the western lifestyle throws at men (read other threads on this forum to hear the sad tales of the shittyness of the west)

I know the grass looks greener, but your life sounds like the envy of all forum members.

Perhaps you can take your sweet girl on an extended holiday, to get a reminder and taste of how shitty the west is?

I've done the similar thing to you, back and forth from Thailand, and let me tell you its not where and how you live that creates the unrest and dissatisfaction you feel - it's in you.

I feel bored and uninterested after "reconnecting" with my homeland in Oz, and pined for the sweet life I have thrown away.

[WombRaider]

Do not go back to the U.S. You will regret that hard. You'll find yourself heading back out within a year or so.

[Chetthebaker]

Yeah, I’d stay put if I were you. Even if you made more money here, your cost of living will be higher too.

And it’d be such a massive step down as far as women. Over the course of ten years dating will have changed so drastically here for you along with women’s attitudes that you’ll almost certainly be dissatisfied if not downright miserable.

Why did you leave the US in the first place?

[nomadiam]

(04-02-2019 09:07 PM)Chetthebaker Wrote:  

Yeah, I’d stay put if I were you. Even if you made more money here, your cost of living will be higher too.

And it’d be such a massive step down as far as women. Over the course of ten years dating will have changed so drastically here for you along with women’s attitudes that you’ll almost certainly be dissatisfied if not downright miserable.

Why did you leave the US in the first place?

I left more or less out of a sense of boredom and desire for travel, adventure, new experiences, etc... Over ten years i've had a lifetime's worth of fun, adventure, women, etc... The last few years i've shifted and have sought more stability and more meaningful connections...

One of my main desires to go back to the states is to improve my business, but i do question whether or not what i would gain in going back would make up for what i'd lose in leaving (beautiful girl, more relaxed lifestyle, etc)

[yankeetravels]

Do not go back to the US as a middle age bachelor. Not that it's impossible, but the US is really ageist when it comes to middle aged men hooking up with the 20's aged girls I'm assuming you'd want. Here's an alternate idea. Why not go back to the US for two weeks? Maybe get a taste of it, see your family, and get a teaser look at the women and attitudes of them back there you would potentially face. Definitely a tough decision to give up a good looking girl half your age.

[nomadiam]

(04-02-2019 04:06 PM)Heuristics Wrote:  

It sounds like you need to have her pop out some kids. Although I haven't been to colombia it sounds like the hedonism would wear on you, especially if you're hanging out with expats... does a similar age gap relationship have any chance of working, much less starting in the US? I think the answer would be no.

I agree, if I went back to the states I wouldn't seek out girls this young. I'd probably date closer to my age, but wouldn't necessarily put much emphasis on dating. I'd probably just do my thing until if/when i met someone i clicked with.

[nomadiam]

(04-02-2019 05:38 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Its your mid life crisis, you are at the age where you are questioning everything and feeling the malaise.

But honestly you have a great life by objective measure, and sometimes you don't know how good you have it, until you fuck it up.

Imagine yourself moving back to the states and having to date fat, entitled bitches who cheat on you.

Imagine paying more for stuff, paying more taxes, and all the shitting things the western lifestyle throws at men (read other threads on this forum to hear the sad tales of the shittyness of the west)

I know the grass looks greener, but your life sounds like the envy of all forum members.

Perhaps you can take your sweet girl on an extended holiday, to get a reminder and taste of how shitty the west is?

I've done the similar thing to you, back and forth from Thailand, and let me tell you its not where and how you live that creates the unrest and dissatisfaction you feel - it's in you.

Yes, I'm pretty self aware about my own role in the dissatisfaction I sometimes feel, which is why I haven't made any hasty decisions. But I also know that sometimes a little change is just what we need to get us out of our ruts.

[LoveBug]

Your instinct don’t lie

It might be the minority chance that you’ll wake up completely enamored with this current girl and wanting the same environment forever

Id go back to the states if that’s what your instinct is saying. Learn from it. And make another adjustment if your not happy

But it sounds like this episode of your life is nearing a close

[nomadiam]

(04-02-2019 11:11 PM)nomadiam Wrote:  

(04-02-2019 05:38 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Its your mid life crisis, you are at the age where you are questioning everything and feeling the malaise.

But honestly you have a great life by objective measure, and sometimes you don't know how good you have it, until you fuck it up.

Imagine yourself moving back to the states and having to date fat, entitled bitches who cheat on you.

Imagine paying more for stuff, paying more taxes, and all the shitting things the western lifestyle throws at men (read other threads on this forum to hear the sad tales of the shittyness of the west)

I know the grass looks greener, but your life sounds like the envy of all forum members.

Perhaps you can take your sweet girl on an extended holiday, to get a reminder and taste of how shitty the west is?

I've done the similar thing to you, back and forth from Thailand, and let me tell you its not where and how you live that creates the unrest and dissatisfaction you feel - it's in you.

Yes, I'm pretty self aware about my own role in the dissatisfaction I sometimes feel, which is why I haven't made any hasty decisions. ANd i agree, in many ways, things are pretty awesome at the moment.

But I also know that sometimes a little change is just what we need to get us out of our ruts and I'm having a hard time shaking a feeling that i could be going further in life. It could be a middle aged thing, for sure my age is playing a factor in my restlessness.

[Newguy101]

Well if you arent willing to stay and commit to the girl or bring her back, why waste her time.
Ya you struck gold but she doesnt seem that important to you to keep. Its more you cant pull something better then that coming back home unless you go rural town game.

If youre bored of her Id go back and just make bank and see loved ones again.
Its up to you if shes worth it since we dont know her.

[BangBoy123]

Stay.

Even if you're more successful back home your expenses will skyrocket.

Or take some extended trips back in America and test the water.

[The Grey]

I would absolutely stay

[RoadTo100]

Colombia is cheap enough that renting out a pad year-round with a lease and only staying in half the year should be very do-able. Essentially you are "paying" 2x the rent that the apartment costs do so. If your rent is $300 a month and you only spend 6 months there it is effectively like paying $600 a month. Not breaking the bank by any means.

That should give you the freedom to take extended stays in the USA for business networking and/or music collaboration in whichever city you need to (LA, NYC, etc.). You can pop in, grab a sublet somewhere for N months to do your thing then head back to Colombia.

Especially in this half-half system if your trips are 1-3 months back in the USA at a time, there shouldn't be much of a disruption to the relationship with your girl. Sure, she might cheat on you/leave you, but if that's her personality then better she does and you find out sooner rather than later.

Cost-wise, 2-4 round trip plane tickets per year between the USA and Colombia shouldn't be too costly. If you need recommendations on the cheapest ways to do this just ask --- I've done a good amount of research on it.

[nomadiam]

Thanks for all the feedback guys. I like the idea about taking more trips back to the states and keeping a place here year round.

One caveat i should add, and what led me to making this post, is that about two weeks ago I attempted to break things off with my girl and head back to the states. We were having issues the last few months, she's pretty controlling and at times illogically jealous (she's latin in other words) and we had been fighting a lot. So our problems, along with my growing urge to return to the USA, built over the course of a couple months until I decided to break it off.

So I had the talk with her. Long story short, Her reaction was not what I expected and it caused me to rethink my decision. I expected her to be upset obviously, but she was completely crushed and devastated. she cried non stop for about three hours. I saw genuine fear in her over the idea of losing me.

I reflected on things and realized I hadn't really made that much of an effort to work things out. I consulted with a few close expat friends, and a couple locals here and they all feel like my girl is a genuine girl who actually does care for me deeply. My closest expat friend, who has been married to a Colombian for 7 years, fairly happily, is convinced I've found a needle in a haystack.

So.... long story short, after all this went down, I agreed, for the time being at least, to try and work things out with my girl. I've been in a lot of relationships, have had a lot of women, and I'm tired of breaking up, starting over, etc... And realizing that this absolutely stunning girl has legit feelings for me, and isn't with me only for what I provide (although I'm sure that's part of the attraction), has inspired me to try and figure out a way to make thing work.

So I guess where I'm at now is trying to more pro actively design my life in a way that's more fulfilling, beyond just my relationship with my girl. I think the solution of taking more trips back to the states, and keep my place and girl here could be the way to go... maybe this doesn't have to be and either/or decision...

[AsiaBaller]

(04-02-2019 05:38 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I've done the similar thing to you, back and forth from Thailand, and let me tell you its not where and how you live that creates the unrest and dissatisfaction you feel - it's in you.

I'm not sure how anyone with half a brain can feel at ease among primitive and hostile 3rd world people, so who you're surrounded by definitely is important.

[LoveBug]

Do it if you truly care about her.

Don’t because you fear you’ll never get anything better though.

Its also tricky dealing with these girls from poorer countries to assess their feelings for you or the lifestyle you provide. Because she’s affectionate as you say, and will have sex st the drop of the dime I’m assuming she isn’t there solely for the material goods, which is assuring

It will be interesting to see what becomes of the situation if you make a more honest effort. If the same patterns reoccur they always will

[RatInTheWoods]

(04-03-2019 10:51 AM)AsiaBaller Wrote:  

(04-02-2019 05:38 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

I've done the similar thing to you, back and forth from Thailand, and let me tell you its not where and how you live that creates the unrest and dissatisfaction you feel - it's in you.

I'm not sure how anyone with half a brain can feel at ease among primitive and hostile 3rd world people, so who you're surrounded by definitely is important.

I know what you mean, and 20 years go this was true.

My home suburb has been invaded by "migrants" and going "home" now feels more like a trip to Beijing or Iraq then the homeland I was raised and born in.

I'd rather the warm, friendly, caring and beautiful Thai people style of "3rd world" than the true hostile 3rd world created by my homelands invaders.

[RatInTheWoods]

(04-02-2019 11:11 PM)nomadiam Wrote:  

Yes, I'm pretty self aware about my own role in the dissatisfaction I sometimes feel, which is why I haven't made any hasty decisions. But I also know that sometimes a little change is just what we need to get us out of our ruts.

Watch out for the "grass is greener".

You have a unicorn hot young woman that loves you, I can't imagine you will find that back in the states.

Yep, she is a Latina pain in the ass with the drama - but you will miss all that drama.

Putting a ring on it and having some babies could be the change you need.

If you really want to get all disappointed and regretful by going back to the states, just book a long holiday and take your girl - this should be enough to cure you without burning your bridges?

[John5000]

My vote is to stay in Colombia with the cool chick, but visit home more often. Maybe twice per year for 3 weeks at a time. That'll give you your USA fix without having to spend all year there.

You don't want to be single in most places in the USA (there are a few exceptions). The dating environment is very much inferior to Latin America.

[Dilated]

Stay.

Getting out of a divorce and dating again for the first time in 5 years...American women are a goddamn unmitigated dumpster fire. From the sound of it, you’d be hard pressed to find something even close here.

It’s sad.

I agree with the posters that said to visit the USA more often.

Myself, I’m thinking of retiring early (40) in Bulgaria or Mexico. Working on summoning the courage to do it.

[Guitarhappy420]

OP, you're an intelligent guy so I'll offer up two sayings or platitudes.

First, it's absolutely true what they say, "Wherever you go, you only see yourself."

Second, it's absolutely true what they say, "Ninety percent of life is waiting in line for the next thing to happen." It's important how you deal with the empty space in between.

Being intelligent, boredom might be your biggest downfall. Don't let your boredom cause you to shoot yourself in the foot. Sounds like you already have an enviable life situation.

[nomadiam]

(04-03-2019 09:23 PM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

OP, you're an intelligent guy so I'll offer up two sayings or platitudes.

First, it's absolutely true what they say, "Wherever you go, you only see yourself."

Second, it's absolutely true what they say, "Ninety percent of life is waiting in line for the next thing to happen." It's important how you deal with the empty space in between.

Being intelligent, boredom might be your biggest downfall. Don't let your boredom cause you to shoot yourself in the foot. Sounds like you already have an enviable life situation.

Without knowing me, you know me well. I've struggled a lot with boredom over the years, it's led to some interesting adventures and experiences, but there are definitely times where feeling restless has led to some hasty decisions that in retrospect I regretted. Thanks for your input.

[zoom]