@coffedrinker this is literally me when i first started out. I had no problem pulling and escalating, my problem was the closing and the sex part which gave me tremendous performance anxiety because i could not last longer than a minute. It comes down to a few things. If you don't care about the girl you're with, you wouldn't want to do all of this im about to explain to you. You would just fuck her once and leave her, but in your case, i read that you want to try have sex more than once with a girl, so here's my advice.
Winston Wolfe's advice is absolutely spot on. Girls don't care so much about whether you cum in a minute or 10. Girls will forgive a lot more than you think. If she decided to sleep with you, she liked your personality enough to spread her legs for you, which means you've fucked her mentally, now you only need to fuck her physically. Halfway there already. That's a good start. One thing you should never do is being apologetic and showing weakness after cumming too fast. I used to do that and i saw how quickly girls lost attraction for me because i projected insecurity/beta behaviour. Girls are usually insecure about themselves, they want the guy to make them feel comfortable and secure, so when you lack that aspect you will repel them off faster than anything in this world.
A tip i can give you is trying to relax, breathing is important and also relaxing the muscles. The more you tense your muscles, the faster you will ejaculate. It's a fact. With more experience, you will also learn your "trigger" point where you're about to reach climax 90%. You need to learn the cooldown. It will come, don't worry. 2 things i started doing that helped me in my journey of premature ejaculation other than nofap/no porn. #1 foreplay my man. I used to hate it but now i can't go without it.
It's like lubrication for the girl before the actual sex. Honestly, for some girls, the foreplay part is more exciting than the sex itself. Learn to make her cum before you even stick your penis inside of her. If you can manage to do this by either fingering her, going down on her, playing with her tits, sucking on them, kissing her between her thighs, kissing her neck, tease her etc she wouldn't even mind you cumming early, once she already reached an orgasm, even if you cum within 10 seconds.
Obviously, i couldn't do this forever, since i felt shit for still cumming early and i wanted the sex part to last longer than a minute. I felt like a little boy, didn't feel very masculine having my finger and mouth do the work. So, i started learning about my trigger point, the point where you're about to reach climax. If you feel like cumming, something you want to do is pull out for 30-60 seconds and finger her all you can while kissing her. If you're smooth about it she won't even notice you pulled out (obviously depends on position). Another thing is switching positions frequently, have 2-3 positions you can transition from to cooldown. A technique i learned was going for 50% speed for a minute then up it to 80% speed for half a minute then switch position. Repeat. Switch position, go for 1.5-2 minutes. Repeat. This way you can control the buildup and stop right before you reach climax.
Also, blowjobs were too good for me lol so i tend to avoid them while i fixed my problem. You'd want to give her before she gives you in the beginning until you learn to be in control of your body. This way you will avoid many awkward situations the first time. The more partners the more in control you will be. You will start doing things subconsciously with little to no effort, once you get more experience with women. It's like learning to drive a car with manual gear, at first you look at the gearbox every time you have to switch because you're not used to the pattern of movement. But after a while you start doing it like it's nothing, no need to look, just feeling it with your hand is enough.
Quote: (12-01-2018 11:22 PM)Winston Wolfe Wrote:
I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start not giving a shit. You came in 20 seconds? Don't even apologize for it, just say something like "well that was a quick one" and lie down with her (or don't even say anything). You being insecure about it will make her lose attraction more than the actual fact that it happened.
I remember the first time with this girl i had seen for a little while, everything was exciting, we spent a lot of time together and had a lot of fun. The first time we we had sex i lasted for 30 seconds. I felt like a piece of shit and it showed in my behaviour towards the girl that liked me so much, she said it's fine we will just try again later. She came to "comfort" me but i was just sitting on the edge of the bed angry at myself, ignoring her when she came to kiss me.
But the way i acted and the way i pushed her away with my words showed so much weakness that we eventually fell out of contact, even when she was actually so into me the few times we'd seen each other and things were going great. So this is very important concept to understand. You need to hold your frame if something like this happens.
2 things i started saying instead of showing insecurity "damn, it's been a while, first round is for me, next round is for you" in case you don't make her cum and want to go for a round 2. In case you don't make her cum the first time. A lot of virgin guys / inexperienced guys think that you need to fuck a girl like a pornstar for her to come back crawling to you. No, you just need to string her along emotionally enough and she will do anything for you. Keyword. Foreplay. Make her cum before you cum. The more i fucked new girls the longer i could last because eventually my anxiety completely disappeared, so it put ease on everything else.
