Hey guys,
So now I'm 6 months down the road from when I posted this thread - 39yo Aussie PUA, 25yo Russian Trad hot fiancee just left me..
The TL;DR of that thread is this:
- I've just turned 40.
- ex-PUA, have played the field plenty and would like settle down to start a family.
- Suffered a massive personal financial crisis that practically wiped me out, had built up a sizeable investing portfolio over 18 years that was reduced to less than 30% of it's value.
- Lost my mojo, put on weight, suffered from a negative mindset.
- Had an amazing LTR but couldn't move forward with the marriage/kids thing for an unknown reason. I just didn't feel comfortable. The issue was with me, she was great. I could have some kind of anxiety issue or similar.
- After postponing our wedding and having kids, she felt she had waited long enough and left me and moved back to Moscow.
I was shattered. I decided to lay low and do some work to get back to my old self again. Meditation, gym, healthy eating - all implemented.
### 6 months later ###
I knew that I'd need some time out, time heals all wounds and all that, but 6+ months on I'm still feeling really lost and could really use the forums advice.
Where am I right now?
Living situation - I sold two amazing apartments in inner Melbourne to get a deposit for a family home in the outer burbs. That didn't go ahead and now I'm renting with a housemate. I really miss owning where I live, although I've already lost quite a lot in sales transaction costs ($80k in taxes & agents fees) and if I just went out and bought something similar to what I just sold I'd be up for another round of purchasing costs (around 5% of the purchase price in Australia, $40k on an $800k AUD place).
If I were to buy again, I could buy a 2 bedroom apartment in inner Melbourne, or a family home up in the hills (45 min drive from the city). There is a part of me that still wants to go ahead and buy the family home with a backyard, to 'nest' a little, start making minor improvements like an outdoor decking or BBQ area, that type of thing. The area is in a forest with lots of trees, an area I love to be in, it makes me feel relaxed and content. Downsides are living out there might not be so good for a single man and/or my next woman I meet could live somewhere else completely.
My first question is should I buy something inner city, the 'family home' (and rent out the other bedrooms) out in the burbs, or just continue to rent until it becomes clearer?
Women Wise - I've had basically no contact with my ex. There is a part of me that wants to go all out to win her back (as low chance that may be), another part of me that doesn't want to do this until I've worked on myself enough, to ensure I don't repeat the same habits (indecision, irritability, unhappiness) and a smaller part of me that wonders if I would be happier with someone new.
Obvioulsy I'm still confused - but am not getting any clarity here. I know I'm still down and still greiving her loss. I thought I'd go through a year of FB's just to keep my mind off things, gain some perspective and then start to look for something serious again, although my game is rusty as hell and I'm not sure if my heart is in it. My half assed-ness and lack of mojo shines through and it's been a struggle to get back into the swing of things. I've had one BJ and one (crappy) lay in 2-3 months of getting out there. I've been hitting mainly dating apps with some day game and results have been average.
I've just had an ex-FB come back into my life (thankfully I should be getting laid regularily soon!). I also have another wife quality ex I've considered hitting up if/when the time is right.
Second question - any advice on what to do here? I'm unsure about trying again with my ex and am also afraid I'll repeat my bad habits in new relationships until I fix them.
I've got a few more life areas I'd love some advice on but I don't want to overcomplicate the thread.
So now I'm 6 months down the road from when I posted this thread - 39yo Aussie PUA, 25yo Russian Trad hot fiancee just left me..
The TL;DR of that thread is this:
- I've just turned 40.
- ex-PUA, have played the field plenty and would like settle down to start a family.
- Suffered a massive personal financial crisis that practically wiped me out, had built up a sizeable investing portfolio over 18 years that was reduced to less than 30% of it's value.
- Lost my mojo, put on weight, suffered from a negative mindset.
- Had an amazing LTR but couldn't move forward with the marriage/kids thing for an unknown reason. I just didn't feel comfortable. The issue was with me, she was great. I could have some kind of anxiety issue or similar.
- After postponing our wedding and having kids, she felt she had waited long enough and left me and moved back to Moscow.
I was shattered. I decided to lay low and do some work to get back to my old self again. Meditation, gym, healthy eating - all implemented.
### 6 months later ###
I knew that I'd need some time out, time heals all wounds and all that, but 6+ months on I'm still feeling really lost and could really use the forums advice.
Where am I right now?
Living situation - I sold two amazing apartments in inner Melbourne to get a deposit for a family home in the outer burbs. That didn't go ahead and now I'm renting with a housemate. I really miss owning where I live, although I've already lost quite a lot in sales transaction costs ($80k in taxes & agents fees) and if I just went out and bought something similar to what I just sold I'd be up for another round of purchasing costs (around 5% of the purchase price in Australia, $40k on an $800k AUD place).
If I were to buy again, I could buy a 2 bedroom apartment in inner Melbourne, or a family home up in the hills (45 min drive from the city). There is a part of me that still wants to go ahead and buy the family home with a backyard, to 'nest' a little, start making minor improvements like an outdoor decking or BBQ area, that type of thing. The area is in a forest with lots of trees, an area I love to be in, it makes me feel relaxed and content. Downsides are living out there might not be so good for a single man and/or my next woman I meet could live somewhere else completely.
My first question is should I buy something inner city, the 'family home' (and rent out the other bedrooms) out in the burbs, or just continue to rent until it becomes clearer?
Women Wise - I've had basically no contact with my ex. There is a part of me that wants to go all out to win her back (as low chance that may be), another part of me that doesn't want to do this until I've worked on myself enough, to ensure I don't repeat the same habits (indecision, irritability, unhappiness) and a smaller part of me that wonders if I would be happier with someone new.
Obvioulsy I'm still confused - but am not getting any clarity here. I know I'm still down and still greiving her loss. I thought I'd go through a year of FB's just to keep my mind off things, gain some perspective and then start to look for something serious again, although my game is rusty as hell and I'm not sure if my heart is in it. My half assed-ness and lack of mojo shines through and it's been a struggle to get back into the swing of things. I've had one BJ and one (crappy) lay in 2-3 months of getting out there. I've been hitting mainly dating apps with some day game and results have been average.
I've just had an ex-FB come back into my life (thankfully I should be getting laid regularily soon!). I also have another wife quality ex I've considered hitting up if/when the time is right.
Second question - any advice on what to do here? I'm unsure about trying again with my ex and am also afraid I'll repeat my bad habits in new relationships until I fix them.
I've got a few more life areas I'd love some advice on but I don't want to overcomplicate the thread.