[Stroked351w]

Gentlemen,

Something that has been bothering me lately is that I don't really feel like doing anything. For weeks now all I ever want to do is be at home and sleep. On top of this I've been stuck in my "feels". So, here is what has been on my mind:

A few months ago I was having a chat with my sister over lunch and I was telling her that over the past few years I've noticed that I just don't quite enjoy things like I used to. I can think back to when I could get lost in a great soundtrack and truly live in the moment. Now, I feel like I'm always in a rush. Never relaxed. When I hear, see, or even smell certain things I feel pretty bummed out. It's as if nostalgia is the reason I'm sad? I told my sister that I often have a longing for home. I left home and started a career at the age of 18 (five years ago) and haven't stopped thinking about home since. My sister told me "I think you might be depressed".

I think about what she said fairly often. It really bothers me to be honest because I feel as though I have too much going on to be depressed. Of course I am not a psychologist so I wouldn't know. I don't actually feel comfortable talking to anyone other than my sister about this due to my pride, so I felt that an anonymous post to strangers would make me feel better.

As for women? I have been going and talking to women and I have added a few notches in the last few months but sex itself is kind of whatever lately. I don't have the drive for it lately I suppose, yet, at the same time I think about companionship. I gotta tell ya though, it's like every time I start to think about taking a woman serious enough to start an actual relationship I feel like something in my head holds me back. Strange, I know.

I haven't been very satisfied with myself recently. I noticed that I don't make eye contact as much as I usually would. I'm feel more passive. I don't understand it to be honest, I have my hobbies, I lift at least three times a week and yet I just feel so "bleh". I realize that when reading this it may seem like I'm all over the place here but these are just my thoughts as they came to mind.

What do you gentlemen think? Any advice on how to get out of a rut such as the one I'm in? (If I'm even in a rut.)

[John Michael Kane]

1. Go to bed earlier. Set an alarm, shut off the computer and cell phone at least two hours before bedtime. Do some reading instead.

2. Stop jacking off and watching porn. Recharge your masculine spirit.

3. Get your butt to the gym. Hit the weights hard.

4. Stop consuming depressing news or spending time on social media.

5. Set 3 goals that are insanely hard. If they are too easy, you won't both to attempt them. As Donald Trump has said before, if you're going to be dreaming, you might as well dream big!

[Paracelsus]

And people say the Everything Else forum is full of weird shit.

[LINUX]

Here is my opinion on depression and life.

There is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of being depressed. Western society seems to think that they need to always be in control of everything. That's why they have no life inside them. Inner-feelings are never wrong. It may not be a good guide to what you should do at a given circumstance, as if you hate someone, it would be a bad idea to punch him in the face, but it is right to have the feeling of hate, sadness, and anger because you learn to be one with your own feelings and that's the only way you can be in complete control of yourself, to have those emotions but not be a slave to them.

As far as my opinion on life, I grew up on a farm. We had four chicken coops and hundreds of ducks. One day, as a kid, I sat inside my dad's truck looking into the sunlight and held this duck for hours. I told it that I would be its friend forever. Then I looked at it and realized that it was dead. I held it too hard to my chest and smothered it. My problem was that I was only 6 years old and I didn't know when to let go.

And life is like that also. To have life and to have the pleasures from life, you have to learn let go of it. You have to love it and feel it, but yet still be detached from it and when you do that, that's when you become free. And once you feel that freedom, you realize letting go was stupid in the first place because there was never anything to hold onto. You're in an ocean of fucking chaos . You try to grab onto the water, you're just going to sink and drown. But once you lay back, spread out your arms, let go, and float, Life becomes beautiful again.

[Thomas the Rhymer]

If you think it's just the weather, get some high dose Vitamin D supplements and some zinc supplements, and try taking those for a few days.

If you don't improve, consider getting a medical checkup to exclude other causes of chronic fatigue.

[Stroked351w]

Thanks for the replies gents.

I felt a lot better after I got all of that off of my chest. I spent a good bit of my time today reflecting on what I had typed up last night and it felt good to do so.

John, I will take the list you have posted and put it to good use. Thank you.

Linux, thank you for that. It was very well written. I think you're right, I need to not dwell on things. I actually have quite a bit going on in my life at the moment and I have spent most of my time worrying about it all. So, I think I will try to focus on the things I can control.

Thomas, It's funny that you bring that up. I work inside with no windows and where I live the sun is down when I go to work and when I leave so perhaps this is a result of a lack of vitamin D. Maybe a combination of things?

Thanks again gents.

[Windom Earle]

Most people who are depressed are constantly looking back on their past experiences, thinking they had it better then.

The problem with looking back is you get the pangs associated with nostalgia (often obsessing over and inflating the value of good times) and the pangs of regret/remorse for the poor choices made, and the things you should have said or done differently. There is nothing positive to come out of such navel gazing.

The emotions that are conjured weigh heavy on the mind and can trap you in a spiralling loop downwards - affecting you in the present.

If you are always looking back, there is no way you can look forward.

[Hypno]

Solid advice above.

The other thing you can do which is easy is to start a journal. The act of writing down a concern or feeling often allows you study it objectively, and helps you to manage it.

[Richard Turpin]

(02-16-2018 05:45 AM)Hypno Wrote:  

Solid advice above.

The other thing you can do which is easy is to start a journal. The act of writing down a concern or feeling often allows you study it objectively, and helps you to manage it.

Starting a journal is a good idea and may be of help to you Stroked351w. But it's hard, insanely hard. I kept a diary for 3 years solid before stopping for a couple of years. I found that once I missed a day or two it was difficult to catch up and the pressure to fill the page for each day was immense.

But somehow I kept it going and its an incredible read going back through old entries. The stuff I used to worry about was stupid. The stuff I filled my time with was stupid. Also, it spurs you on when you realise how little progress has been made in some areas.

I've re-started it for 2018 and managed to keep it up-to-date so far. Its every bit the pain in the arse I remember it being, but at least I now know it to be worth it in the long run.

[911]

(02-15-2018 01:26 AM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  

1. Go to bed earlier. Set an alarm, shut off the computer and cell phone at least two hours before bedtime. Do some reading instead.

2. Stop jacking off and watching porn. Recharge your masculine spirit.

3. Get your butt to the gym. Hit the weights hard.

4. Stop consuming depressing news or spending time on social media.

5. Set 3 goals that are insanely hard. If they are too easy, you won't both to attempt them. As Donald Trump has said before, if you're going to be dreaming, you might as well dream big!

Might be better to set goals of increasingly difficult nature and build your confidence gradually. Kind of like the Jordan Peterson clean your room/apartment mantra.

[heavy]

(02-15-2018 01:26 AM)John Michael Kane Wrote:  

1. Go to bed earlier. Set an alarm, shut off the computer and cell phone at least two hours before bedtime. Do some reading instead.

2. Stop jacking off and watching porn. Recharge your masculine spirit.

3. Get your butt to the gym. Hit the weights hard.

4. Stop consuming depressing news or spending time on social media.

5. Set 3 goals that are insanely hard. If they are too easy, you won't both to attempt them. As Donald Trump has said before, if you're going to be dreaming, you might as well dream big!

Good stuff. For me, all except #5. Goals never do me any good. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that goals never work for me personally. Obviously it depends on personality.

Instead of goals, I simply track stuff. When I first started lifting, I simply started putting it in my calendar when I went to the gym. Same with BJJ. Same with jackin. For me, that way I don't beat myself up when I don't go. I just pull up my calendar and go, huh, I guess I only went to the gym once a week the last few weeks. Need to up that.

Edit: Speaking of, I've taken a cold shower for about 20-30 seconds the last two mornings. I'll put it in my calendar.

[Hypno]

(02-16-2018 12:26 PM)heavy Wrote:  

Good stuff. For me, all except #5. Goals never do me any good. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that goals never work for me personally. Obviously it depends on personality.

Instead of goals, I simply track stuff. When I first started lifting, I simply started putting it in my calendar when I went to the gym. Same with BJJ. Same with jackin. For me, that way I don't beat myself up when I don't go. I just pull up my calendar and go, huh, I guess I only went to the gym once a week the last few weeks. Need to up that.

Agree with this. Scott Adams in his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Success says instead of goals develop systems. Basically he means create habits and learn related skills and focus on the process instead of the outcome. So if you want to lose weight, decide that you are going to eat 5 servings of veggies a day and track that, or exercise every day, or limit alcohol to x servings a week and track that.

[Raylan Givens]

My wife recently commented that I "seem to have my life together lately" meaning I've been on a good roll here over the past month or so. I attribute it to:
1. 30+ days of nofap
2. Cold showers daily
3. Cleanish diet
4. Strong gym routine
5. Getting back into the Church

It's simple (it's hard to actually stay strong, but the road map itself is simple).

[SiverFox]

There is a thing called Seasonal affective disorder. I get it bad when the days get shorter. You need to realize the time of year and plan for it. All the suggestions above are good.