[monster]

How do you approach the situation of slowing down girls you're dating who are becoming infatuated with you?

I'll give an example: I've slept with a girl three times over 3 weeks (once per wk) and she's become infatuated with me that she wants to see me more often and often texts "I miss you."

In the past I would have been like "cool more sex! come over now!" but relationships that heat up fast also burn out just as quickly. I'd like to take it slow to see if there's a longer-lasting companionship and not just sex.

So my question is how do you parry texts like "Let's hang out today" and "I miss you"

I'm broken it down to kind of three types of options and I'd like your opinion on them:

1) Use a flirtatious vibe to deflect. In response to "I miss you" an example reply might be "You don't miss me, you just miss my dick." But you can only deflect for so long before it grows old and you run out of responses.

2) Reschedule. So in response to "Let's hang out today (e.g. Sunday)" reply back with "I'm doing xxx right now but let's meet up Thursday." The issue with this is that if the girls is very infatuated with you she will repeat "Let's hang out today" just a day or two later and you have to gently remind her about the plans you two made for Thursday. After doing this a number of times her hamster may think, "why doesn't he want to hang out with me? Does he not like me?" Some hamsterizing is good but there's also a point at which it comes too much and she writes you off to find new meat instead. Which I think may justify the final option:

3) Have a sincere talk about taking things slow because you value friendship and connection over sex and all of your past relationships that heated up too quickly also fizzled just as quick.

Just wanted to post this to see how others have handled this situation where the girl is into you and you like her back, but you just want to slow things down a little.

[456]

Why not do:

1) tease for a LITTLE BIT until it gets stale (like 3x)

2) honest rescheduling / busyness for a month or two

3) if she made it this far, the sincere talk could come at the "right" moment and make you the hero of Being Real and caring


All of your options have merits. I think leading her down these options in sequence is great for buying time, testing her sensitivity towards your needs, and ultimately giving both of you a chance to see how far down the line you need to go before she understands.

[questor70]

I would love a good way to parry the "I miss you".

"I miss you" you is only a hair's breadth away from "I love you". It's inherently polarizing and they know it. They're putting you on notice that you're on the "serious boyfriend" track with all the milestones and expectations that go with it.

The "you just miss my dick" is totally incongruent with my personality and would not work, nor do I want to bullshit and mirror her back if I know the feels are not as strong.

[monster]

(12-31-2017 05:53 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I would love a good way to parry the "I miss you".

"I miss you" you is only a hair's breadth away from "I love you". It's inherently polarizing and they know it. They're putting you on notice that you're on the "serious boyfriend" track with all the milestones and expectations that go with it.

The "you just miss my dick" is totally incongruent with my personality and would not work, nor do I want to bullshit and mirror her back if I know the feels are not as strong.

That was from these threads thread-13171.html and thread-44074.html

It is incongruent in many ways with my personality as well but I've still used it and gotten really surprisingly good reactions with it.

[Palo_alto]

send her flowers

[RatInTheWoods]

I miss you - "You are only human"

HTH

[xxx]

Just ghost her for awhile.. simplest thing in the world.

[Yeti]

I would say a mix of 1 and 2, but not 3. And 1 should be less flirty and more anti-seductive, as detailed in Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction.

Basically you want to delay and not give her anything meaningful to grasp on to, and keep doing this until things quiet down naturally. If she does grasp onto anything (like if she drops by unexpectedly and you end up spending a few hours together), then you want to be repellent with boorish, boring behavior. If you want her to stick around in the end, the relationship should be able to take some punishment in this regard without any serious long-term negative effects.

So talk about boring stuff. Moralize her decisions and talk a lot about money. Be a bit aloof and anti-social around her friends. Et cetera.

(12-31-2017 05:40 PM)monster Wrote:  

1) Use a flirtatious vibe to deflect. In response to "I miss you" an example reply might be "You don't miss me, you just miss my dick." But you can only deflect for so long before it grows old and you run out of responses.

2) Reschedule. So in response to "Let's hang out today (e.g. Sunday)" reply back with "I'm doing xxx right now but let's meet up Thursday." The issue with this is that if the girls is very infatuated with you she will repeat "Let's hang out today" just a day or two later and you have to gently remind her about the plans you two made for Thursday. After doing this a number of times her hamster may think, "why doesn't he want to hang out with me? Does he not like me?" Some hamsterizing is good but there's also a point at which it comes too much and she writes you off to find new meat instead. Which I think may justify the final option:

[Dalaran1991]

(12-31-2017 05:40 PM)monster Wrote:  

but relationships that heat up fast also burn out just as quickly. I'd like to take it slow to see if there's a longer-lasting companionship and not just sex.

Cliché and not always true. Some girls just have strong emotion or are attached quickly, which sometimes make for good relationship material.

But let's just assume it's true, what's wrong with that? Mini-LTR is a thing and you can easily juggle 2-3 at the same time if you dont want to see the same girl.

I can see that you want to keep girls for on-demand sex without seeing them too much and getting them attached. But if you want to play the harem game then waiting until you get a text "I miss you" is already too late, either the frame was wrong or the girl wants something more.

Girls will drop out either way, you can play the delay game or go full speed ahead till they drop. The kind of girls who are cool with FWB relationship would not text that in the first place.