[TheChosenMark]

Met this check at an event, she asked for my number. She texted me straight away and we were chatting for a couple of days, I suggested we would meet up and orgniased a day. She cancelled and apologies like crazy, organised another day and she said was busy and wanted to meet close to her. Not recieved any messages since then.

Not sure how to handle this.

[UlteriorMotive]

If she hasn't suggested another day she has more than likely lost interest.

Or wait a week and use a hail mary.

[kaotic]

Don't you usually cash checks ?

She's gone silent you - the last thing you can do is send out a feeler text and see if she's interested - if she isn't or doesn't respond - next her.

Personally I think this is a dead lead already.

[XPQ22]

Every girl who flaked on me even once, who I managed to wrangle a re-schedule a day 1 out of has been a waste of time.

Every one.

I know some guys here are in favor of "letting go of your ego" and trying restarts and this and that. I talked with another member from Boston a while back via PMs and we agreed that this tactic is likely highly location and culture-dependent. Maybe it works great in Pennsylvania or Poland. I've certainly never gotten shit out of it here.

(12-06-2016 03:03 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Personally I think this is a dead lead already.

Yep. The question we and OP should be asking is, why didn't he move forward when he already had her face to face and was hitting it off? A number-close is kind of a last resort - low risk, low reward. Was it isolation? Logistics? What?

Sounds like OP might be in college. I'm not sure how it works nowadays, but I'll tell y'all whippersnappers that back in my day of the mid-late 1990s, if me or any of my boys were hitting it off with a girl at some weekend event on or off campus, we'd be trying to pull her back to our dorm or off-campus apartment right then and there. I didn't bang that many girls in college, maybe 6 - I was in a LTR for much of it. But I don't recall ever taking any phone numbers. We didn't even have telephones! We had some big plastic and metal thing with buttons that sat on a desk!

[zphyer7]

Time to move on buddy. If she really wanted to meet you I can guarantee she wouldn't have flaked in the first place. If it was Brad Pitt you think she would have canceled?

Her saying sorry doesn't mean anything either. They just say sorry to make themselves feel better for being a piece of shit towards you.

If you try to reschedule with her she'll probably pretend to go along because she likes the attention and ego stroking you're giving her and then flake on you again. Best solution is to delete this time wasters # and find new girls.

[LeoneVolpe]

It sounds cliche, but this a perfect opportunity to adopt the "Don't chase 'em, replace 'em" mindset. Who knows, if this girl were to see you out and about with someone new, she might start coming around -- but at that point, I'd blow her ass off, or agree to meet and keep changing days.

In all seriousness though, as tempting as it might be to play games with her, it's just not worth your time. Move on and find more promising prospects.

[brick tamland]

Hi OP. I've been thinking about this recently. What the forum teaches is that if you aren't being flaked on, you aren't approaching enough. No risk, no reward. So we need a thicker skin to withstand the inevitable unpleasant things girls do.
Lessons for the future - use text sparingly and mostly to set up a meeting and to maintain a positive mood. Lesson 2 - don't fall into her frame (she basically dismissed your suggestions and came up with hers, the one where you meet closer to her. If that doesn't suit you, don't go). Lesson 3 - she's putting you in line to be her beta orbiter. Beware the trap. If you text her again, you are dissing yourself. That's why we use the shorthand expression (NEXT!).

There is an old rule - if she flakes (yellow flag nr. 1) but SHE doesn't suggest a re-schedule (yellow flag nr. 2), then unfortunately you have to be sceptical about the chick and it's probably time to start protecting your time (don't waste it further on a dead prospect) and protect your confidence / momentum (don't get stuck on one chick). That's what NEXT means to me now. It is a numbers game - the more we approach, the 'luckier' we get.

[BadgerHut]

Bumping for these two gems:

"If she really wanted to meet you I can guarantee she wouldn't have flaked in the first place. If it was Brad Pitt you think she would have canceled?

Her saying sorry doesn't mean anything either. They just say sorry to make themselves feel better for being a piece of shit towards you."

This is an actions-not-words mindset. As a newbie it's worth trying to view a gal's actions more impersonally, forget the words and tones and think of it more like moves on a chessboard. She agreed to meet with you, or demurred; she showed up, or she didn't. Try not to read much meaning into the emotive verbal communication. You put yourself out; if a gal doesn't make it happen, she's either not interested or is enough of a fuck-up or so controlled by other people that she can't get her hands on the things she actually wants...like your ass.

We sell each other on the power of good game to make a man more desirable. It turns out that girls will give you signs of interest without really buying in, and in some cases _will_ buy in but are such fuckups they won't be able to de-clutter their life enough ("omg I totally can't make it tonight!!1 Can you reschedule?")

[Beirut]

(12-06-2016 06:45 PM)zphyer7 Wrote:  

Time to move on buddy. If she really wanted to meet you I can guarantee she wouldn't have flaked in the first place. If it was Brad Pitt you think she would have canceled?

I appreciate the sentiment, and ive heard the same thing in many threads in this forum.
But i think its irrelevant. Hes not Brad Pitt. And neither are we.

I dont expect to be treated like Brad Pitt by girls neither do i want to be.
If i have to work harder to get a girl in bed, thats just the way it is.

Sometimes it means chasing, making the extra effort, etc...



Now i totally agree with chasing other girls, etc.... but, you can do both. I agree on having 0 investment in the girl and the outcome, but many times in these positions, i think the smart thing to do is:

"Now that were in this position, whats the best way to get the result we want?"

If you delete nb/next/whatever, 0 percent chance of getting what you want (excluding the NC where shes possible to contact u herself)

If i have to keep the conversation going and ask again later, its no big deal.

My ego doesnt depend on the girl saying yes or no, nor does it depend on anything she does.

Ive nexted plenty of girls, but ive persisted with plenty as well. And it can get results. A few lines on whatsapp take like 10 seconds from my day.


I was in Romania this september and i met this girl my 2nd night there. Kept trying to get her out for 10 days straight. She was saying she cant but she was replying. SHe finally came over to my place 2 hours before i had to leave.

Did i waste my days on her? No, just threw out some messages every day. Maybe 1 minute a day was spent on her. Did i stop chasing other girls? No. Was my ego ever on the balance because of a random girl i met a week before? Hell no.

[BadgerHut]

Beirut, there's a pretty thick line between hitting up a girl for a reschedule, and blowing up a girl for 10 days trying to get her to meet you.

[Beirut]

Badger, line of what though? What did i lose crossing that line?

[RatInTheWoods]

I'm with Beirut on this one.

It's worth a few seconds texting for a meet a few times a week. Nothing lost but potential gain.

As long as you are not sitting around doing nothing. Go on with your life. DO NOT giver her more than a few seconds attention pushing for meetup.

Doesn't make sense guys wasting time and effort on random approaches and not spending a few seconds on this one, when this chick approached him, so it's a live project.

[ShuaiGe]

We make time for what's important to us. I think she's gone.

That said, it requires very little effort to send another message to reschedule. Wait a couple days because you don't want to seem needy and try again. Don't feel down about it if this one doesn't work out.

[Beirut]

tbh i didnt quite understand from the OP how it exactly played out at the end when she suggested another day and wanted to meet close to her. Did you reply? did that day pass?

Anyway, here is what i do when a girl flakes (but is still responsive):

1- I make some kind of joke about it. I think trying to play it all cool doesnt work out cause then if she flakes and you want to reapproach the subject its awkward.
Just any stupid joke about which allows me to later approach it from that angle.

2- Keep the conversation going beyond just the subject of meeting. You dont want your conversatiosn to become a continuous stream of only you asking her out and her answers.

[Noir]

^^ Build it up, it's the old two steps forward, one step back.

Just get her back in to the mindset that she was in when it was on between you two and then propose the meetup.

Chicks go through the motions, you can't just throw a meetup out there and expect that they will be as keen as you expected them to be.

It's like your engine in the morning, you gotta let it warm up before going full revs on the throttle.

[Mig Picante]

"1- I make some kind of joke about it. I think trying to play it all cool doesnt work out cause then if she flakes and you want to reapproach the subject its awkward.
Just any stupid joke about which allows me to later approach it from that angle.

2- Keep the conversation going beyond just the subject of meeting. You dont want your conversatiosn to become a continuous stream of only you asking her out and her answers."

I really like these two points. Had it happen to me recently where a chick cancelled on plans later that day.
I don't plan to mention the possibility of meeting up again until she brings it up. I'm not reserving any time for her.

[Gorgonzola]

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