Had Good date , then straight to ghost. what happened?
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I think if she ghosts on you after a date, it wasn't a good a date in her mind. Even if she seemed to be enjoying it.
Quote: (12-29-2015 04:00 PM)HankMoody Wrote:
Here is some actual advice...
If you're trying to have a "connection" with a woman, to truly enjoy her presence, to gain a deeper understanding of each other on a mental level, you're not going to get laid. She's going to "have such a good time" and then friend zone you.
If your goal is to try and get laid, act aloof and disinterested. Look at your watch. Sneak a peek at the hockey game. Reveal very little about yourself. Do not lean into the conversation, laugh at your own jokes, or try too hard to make her laugh. Treat her like she's one of many in a vast sea of poon.
Hypergamy, my friends. Women don't want to meet their best friend, they want to lure in a man who is better than them.
It's like I'm reading poetry. Being aloof and disinterested is like kryptonite for women, makes them weak at the knees. My last bang, I only texted the girl once to set up the date, the rest was her texting me for subsequent dates and then bang. If you're not naturally aloof you need to find yourself a fuck buddy and have your balls thoroughly drained, so when you go out to meet these other women, you don't really want it as bad and youre just more cool and collected, no reek of desperation. Girls are masters at sensing emotions. Never held her hand once either and we walked quite a bit on one date.
Bump.
The type of scenario in the OP is more or less how I found the forum. A similar situation in 2013 had me feeling lost and gave me a thorough wake up call
So some thoughts.
I've been thinking lately about psychology in human interactions and personal performance. One aspect of this and a key driver of actions and thoughts is self esteem. Relating it to OP, is it the case that the frame had already been set in the prior interactions, where the girl had concretely established that she could be dismissive of the OP, and that despite this, he would still treat her well and respond to her subsequent communications.In other words, the frame was that she had the upper hand, all interactions occur on her terms and if she once again was dismissive of OP, this time after a real world meeting, the status quo would persist, with no consequences. Once again after being rebuffed, she still was the object of OP's attention, as he contacted her. She still held the upper hand.
From this position was it then logical that she would not have real attraction to him. The kiss then was not sexual. Basically OP lost the battle over the frame, even before the in person meeting.
The second aspect is planning and attention to detail in relation to the date. I have lost many times by merely going on dates without thinking ahead about the purpose of it. In other words, not considering logistics. Hence in my pre-forum days, I did not really know why I was going on a date, except that female companionship seemed like a good idea, and I always believed that dates were "capital" that led to a bang in times ahead. I was wrong. Add to that, I didn't understand kino or escalation. The end result was that I would luckily get a few bangs despite blindly going on dates, but I later realised that these were girls who were very interested in a relationship with me already.
I hadn't learned enough by December 2014 when I went on my last ever date. I thereafter swore off them. The scenario was once again similar to OP, except that all pre first date communication had been good, with the girl being very receptive, unlike OP's girl. After the date she stopped responding to my texts. Same mistake. I had no real plan for the date. I hadn't even considered how I could get a bang out of it. I hadn't figured out her availability for the day, after the date, so that we could potentially divert to my place. No planning at all for logistics. End result? I called her out for a daytime movie and pizza at the mall (nice guy vibes), which was about 25 km from my place. She likewise lived about 20 km from the same mall. First date awkwardness ensued, exacerbated by the mandatory silence in the movie theater. Pizza afterwards would help loosen things up right? Not so. I could see her body language changing during the meal and her facial expressions and non verbal communication told me that this girl wasn't impressed by the things I was saying and I was failing to live up to her expectations. The meal was more like a Q and A, with her asking me really probing questions and then talking as if she was the wisest person despite only being 22 years old.
After I dropped her off at her place, she maybe responded to my next 3 texts and never replied again.
What I did wrong was to burst the bubble. The first time I met her was at an outdoor concert where I got her number. She'd felt good about me when we texted and spoke on the phone. The date was too much, too rigid and gave her power as it put me in the spotlight, as she cleverly interviewed me. Despite my failings with the old canard, logistics, there also was no mood or romance. The setting was all wrong. My mistake. We might as well have met in a morgue, that's how dire the atmosphere became by the time it ended. I could sense her mood. I did everything possible to change her ideas about me.
You live and you learn.
The type of scenario in the OP is more or less how I found the forum. A similar situation in 2013 had me feeling lost and gave me a thorough wake up call
So some thoughts.
I've been thinking lately about psychology in human interactions and personal performance. One aspect of this and a key driver of actions and thoughts is self esteem. Relating it to OP, is it the case that the frame had already been set in the prior interactions, where the girl had concretely established that she could be dismissive of the OP, and that despite this, he would still treat her well and respond to her subsequent communications.In other words, the frame was that she had the upper hand, all interactions occur on her terms and if she once again was dismissive of OP, this time after a real world meeting, the status quo would persist, with no consequences. Once again after being rebuffed, she still was the object of OP's attention, as he contacted her. She still held the upper hand.
From this position was it then logical that she would not have real attraction to him. The kiss then was not sexual. Basically OP lost the battle over the frame, even before the in person meeting.
The second aspect is planning and attention to detail in relation to the date. I have lost many times by merely going on dates without thinking ahead about the purpose of it. In other words, not considering logistics. Hence in my pre-forum days, I did not really know why I was going on a date, except that female companionship seemed like a good idea, and I always believed that dates were "capital" that led to a bang in times ahead. I was wrong. Add to that, I didn't understand kino or escalation. The end result was that I would luckily get a few bangs despite blindly going on dates, but I later realised that these were girls who were very interested in a relationship with me already.
I hadn't learned enough by December 2014 when I went on my last ever date. I thereafter swore off them. The scenario was once again similar to OP, except that all pre first date communication had been good, with the girl being very receptive, unlike OP's girl. After the date she stopped responding to my texts. Same mistake. I had no real plan for the date. I hadn't even considered how I could get a bang out of it. I hadn't figured out her availability for the day, after the date, so that we could potentially divert to my place. No planning at all for logistics. End result? I called her out for a daytime movie and pizza at the mall (nice guy vibes), which was about 25 km from my place. She likewise lived about 20 km from the same mall. First date awkwardness ensued, exacerbated by the mandatory silence in the movie theater. Pizza afterwards would help loosen things up right? Not so. I could see her body language changing during the meal and her facial expressions and non verbal communication told me that this girl wasn't impressed by the things I was saying and I was failing to live up to her expectations. The meal was more like a Q and A, with her asking me really probing questions and then talking as if she was the wisest person despite only being 22 years old.
After I dropped her off at her place, she maybe responded to my next 3 texts and never replied again.
What I did wrong was to burst the bubble. The first time I met her was at an outdoor concert where I got her number. She'd felt good about me when we texted and spoke on the phone. The date was too much, too rigid and gave her power as it put me in the spotlight, as she cleverly interviewed me. Despite my failings with the old canard, logistics, there also was no mood or romance. The setting was all wrong. My mistake. We might as well have met in a morgue, that's how dire the atmosphere became by the time it ended. I could sense her mood. I did everything possible to change her ideas about me.
You live and you learn.
She just wasn't into you.
She spent the date getting to know you, checking you out, analysing you.
She was nice, let you hold her hand and kiss... but she doesn't want to take things further.
Its not because you didn't bang her - she's just not attracted to you for whatever (could be a million reasons) reason.
At least you didn't get strung along and time wasted for attention, free meals and validation.
Straight onto the next date, and look for a woman who is into you....
She spent the date getting to know you, checking you out, analysing you.
She was nice, let you hold her hand and kiss... but she doesn't want to take things further.
Its not because you didn't bang her - she's just not attracted to you for whatever (could be a million reasons) reason.
At least you didn't get strung along and time wasted for attention, free meals and validation.
Straight onto the next date, and look for a woman who is into you....
Quote: (12-28-2015 07:48 PM)Vincent Chase Wrote:
They'll ghost you for any reason, and it won't necessarily be for anything logical either.
This. You can reduce ghosting by improving yourself but you will never outright eliminate it.
You can follow the RP principles to a tee, be 2 points higher on SMV, have money, etc. and she still might ghost.
The key is to not let it eat at you. You have to genuinely not give a fuck. If the date was great and then she ghosts...then fuck her. Her loss. Always remember that.
On to the next.
"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa
"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
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