[bewater]

I'm turning 27 and I feel I'm missing the train.

I have only about 5 bangs with different girls. I have only a few friends which are not very close.

I'm only 5'9, slim built (I tried going to the gym in the last 2 years, but I couldn't keep going). In some clubs, I get a few girls gazing at me, but are on the 4-6 range, no hotties...and I rarely approach them either because I have approach anxiety or because I'm not attracted and I compare them to my ex who was an 8.

My last bang was 2.5 years ago with my ex of 3 years.

After break up, I had a few make-outs, but that's all, TBH I'm afraid to close because I had severe ED when I started dating my ex in the first months. I'm afraid it will happen again with the new girls...

I feel that I need a reset. I also have some financial issues, but for this year I will be ok.

Did any of you tried to reset his life? Should I need to start over in another city?

Not sure what to do. I want to start over with the entire "game" thing and reset my life. Any help appreciated.

Thank you

[seabridge]

The only way to deal with approach anxiety is to approach.. Not much else you can do about it. Try imagine the worst thing that can happen. It's status quo, nobody ever died approaching girls. Buy 'BANG' by roosh, that's how I started out. He talks about 'elderly game' as a method to deal with AA. Begin with asking random people the time or just say hello. It WILL get better with time.

About your ED, do you watch a lot of porn? If so, you must read the NoPorn/NoFap thread thread-12879.html

Another city will not just magically get you laid. Of course there are always better battlegrounds, but you'll have to know the basics and work on your frame

[Spectrumwalker]

OP, if you're starting out and struggling with approach anxiety start by talking to girls who have to talk to you. Look, right now, don't even worry about getting a number. They'll come eventually. What do I mean by girls who have to talk to you? Waitresses, hostesses, retail girls, checkout stand girls, etc. Get yourself comfortable striking up a conversation with a "random" girl. Keep it brief, lighthearted, a bit humorous. Could be about anything just as long as your warming up to the idea of talking to girls. This also gives you time for introspection into your own behavior which you'll want for later. Do you avoid eye contact, do you fidgit, mumble, etc?.

Then get in the habit of doing some bs approaches just for the sake of approaching. Stop and ask a girl, anything about anything. Time, directions, a reccomendation, you name it. Keep it short, and bounce. Your training yourself to approach and get in the mindset that it really isn't all that bad. Whether it's on the street, in a bookstore, or in a club. This is your practice.

You don't learn to play the piano in one day. Same with game. After awhile you will reach a point where you say fuck it, realize you can do it, and start pushing for a number and being more flirty. You'll make mistakes, say some embarrassing things, get rejections, meet some rude girls, but each time you get better and better. Look at every approach you do as a victory regardless of outcome. Your heart will be racing, you'll be breathing a bit heavier, but just the fact that you did it, be proud. Don't be hard on yourself. It's not something many men do. Keep at it and you'll get there. I'm going to assume your introverted, don't be ashamed of it. Extroverts tend to try and dominate the conversation in their natural social state. Your natural social state is to listen, and women love to talk more. As a man, with a woman, often saying less, is in reality saying more. Don't worry about it.

You are 27, you're still young. And look on the bright side, you are at an age where are starting to think more rationally as opposed to a younger 20 something full of piss and vinegar and stupid decisions. But keep it that way. When you get a girl, keep your wits about you to avoid trouble. You know what I mean.

The ED issues. Don't know what advice to give other than get it taken care of. Maybe talk to a doctor. Don't be embarrassed, just get it over with and get it taken care of.

Finances. Well finances, don't be like the government. Spend less than you make.

Your environment. If you have the means of traveling right now, and are able to change your environment, do so. If you are not happy where you are, both physically and in life, change it. Nothing wrong with going into a town where no one knows you and starting new. Think of how many people commiserate about where they are from and never do a damn thing about it. Perhaps you'll be inspired by your new surroundings in ways you didn't believe and that could help you and bring out a side of you didn't even know existed. Or you could park yourself in a new city and do what you always did and never change. Perhaps you move, and learn to appreciate where you are from all the more and decide to live and die there. You are in command of your future. As far as friends, learn to be your own best friend. Aint nothing wrong with it.

If you will always do what you will always did, you'll always be who you always were OP. In this day and age the resources are there for you. You've realized where you are and that you want to change. If you don't, you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Who do you want to see in the mirror?

*edit, just saw your last post was from 2015 on almost the same thing. Come on man, time and tide wait for no man. Game and life is a journey, but I do hope you've made at least some progress since your last post.

[brick tamland]

Success with game is a byproduct of everything else excluding game. More approaches, even successful ones, are irrelevant.
Seems the first step is to live in a different environment because you won't suddenly find success in the same situation that's been demotivating you.
Without more information here, it seems the issue is that you are facing adulthood. Maybe you're overwhelmed. You'll have to step up and spend years making changes.

[roberto]

(06-24-2017 08:14 AM)bewater Wrote:  

I'm turning 27 and I feel I'm missing the train.

I have only about 5 bangs with different girls. I have only a few friends which are not very close.

I'm only 5'9, slim built (I tried going to the gym in the last 2 years, but I couldn't keep going). In some clubs, I get a few girls gazing at me, but are on the 4-6 range, no hotties...and I rarely approach them either because I have approach anxiety or because I'm not attracted and I compare them to my ex who was an 8.

My last bang was 2.5 years ago with my ex of 3 years.

After break up, I had a few make-outs, but that's all, TBH I'm afraid to close because I had severe ED when I started dating my ex in the first months. I'm afraid it will happen again with the new girls...

I feel that I need a reset. I also have some financial issues, but for this year I will be ok.

Did any of you tried to reset his life? Should I need to start over in another city?

Not sure what to do. I want to start over with the entire "game" thing and reset my life. Any help appreciated.

Thank you

1. 27 is still young in the game.

2. If you didn't like the gym, find something else phsyical that you like doing. Team sports are a great place to start.

3. If you haven't had a shag in 2 and half years, yet you won't approach a 6 because your ex was an 8.... well, was she really? Or is it just rose tinted memories? Get your testosterone checked. Eat clean, do some squats. And most importantly, STOP WATCHING PORN! It gives you an easy way out. Head over to the NoFap thread and we will do all we can to help you mate.

4. Regarding ED with a new girl- it's all in the mind. All the time you're worried about it happening, it's going to happen. You need to learn to chill and relax when you're with a new girl. Get yourself hard whilst kissing her after you've munched that rug and made her scream. Pick up a girl who's company you genuinely enjoy. Club rats are not going to fit the bill, plus you wouldn't want to go down on them. You could also use Viagra for the first couple of times, but make sure you don't become dependant upon it.

[bewater]

About ED most likely is psychological, my first 3 bangs, before my ex, I had no ED, I was 18-19... but I was very confident for some reason(irrational young and dumb confidence).

With my ex, the first time(20 years old) I couldn't get it up at all. She was more experienced with me and the hottest girl I've been with and had a terrible anxiety and a shock when I couldn't get it up at all....I was scared as fuck. After that, each time we tried to have sex, I was afraid I won't be able to perform and that's what exactly happened. It took 6 weeks and some ED pills that gave me some confidence and everything went better from there, but I never performed doggystyle more than 3 minutes....for a super strange reason, I needed to feel connection to keep it up. Luckily, the sex was good in other positions, we learned to finish at the same time.

Now, the same shit is happening....I know that if I'm afraid it won't work and because I know that I can't be not afraid....it's a cycle.

I also think porn had a bad effect on me. When we fucked watching porn, I was super hard. I was more stimulated by the porn scenes... after years of fapping I think getting hard on porn became a habit. Physically I think I'm ok, I get morning wood, testosterone is low, around 400, but I always had it like that.

Now I desperately need to bang, but like you guys said, after I fap(daily) that need is reduced a lot.

The first steps I think are:
1) Stop watching porn and fap max 2 times/week (oe even try to reduce it to 1-3 times a month)
2) Get over approach anxiety

@Spectrumwalker : no progress since last post in 2015. I'm not even sure why. I tried starting a business which failed and most o my energy got there....and I even become worse with girls. I don't want to make the same mistake again, I can't afford to make the same mistake again.

[Phoenix]

I'd like to know how many action declarations are ever followed. I'm guessing it's about 10%.

How is "get over approach anxiety" a step? How is that an enforceable goal. Think it through more assertively man.

On the porn/fap, I think it's a better limit just to say "no porn" and without fap limits. If you can fap to just pictures of clothed girls, or just the thought of specific girls, you're not hurting yourself.

You've been here since 2014, you don't know all this stuff already? You should start an accountability group in your local area. It's not knowing that's your problem it's actually doing the shit.

[Spectrumwalker]

(06-24-2017 02:34 PM)bewater Wrote:  

@Spectrumwalker : no progress since last post in 2015. I'm not even sure why. I tried starting a business which failed and most o my energy got there....and I even become worse with girls. I don't want to make the same mistake again, I can't afford to make the same mistake again.

A man who has never made mistakes is a man who has never done anything with his life. Get on it.

[Slam]

+1 to STOP WATCHING PORN. Your outlook will get 100% better.

[MongolianAbroad]

DELETE

[bewater]

Even though it's 5 years old, Roosh program i think is the best for me right now since it touches multiple areas. I should add to that list something to find a social circle and be more social. I was shy as long as I remember and working from home with very low external interactions, doesn't help at all.

Before I reach 30, I want to "fix" myself.

The biggest problem for me, is to stick to the steps/programs. I give up pretty easily, even though I try not to, something distracts me(like the failed startup I started 2 years ago) and I don't keep it as a priority. I need to find a way to trick myself to remain committed, at least until I get some momentum going.

Any ideas?

[MongolianAbroad]

(06-24-2017 11:20 PM)bewater Wrote:  

Even though it's 5 years old, Roosh program i think is the best for me right now since it touches multiple areas. I should add to that list something to find a social circle and be more social. I was shy as long as I remember and working from home with very low external interactions, doesn't help at all.

Before I reach 30, I want to "fix" myself.

The biggest problem for me, is to stick to the steps/programs. I give up pretty easily, even though I try not to, something distracts me(like the failed startup I started 2 years ago) and I don't keep it as a priority. I need to find a way to trick myself to remain committed, at least until I get some momentum going.

Any ideas?

Are you having ED even while getting blowjobs, or are you not getting blowjobs before sex?

Are you fat?

How severe is this thing?

[bewater]

(06-24-2017 11:24 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

Are you having ED even while getting blowjobs, or are you not getting blowjobs before sex?

Are you fat?

How severe is this thing?

No, I don't get ED from blowjobs or when she jerks me off. Probably it's a matter of stimulation, I'm not even sure.

I'm not fat, I'm about 148lbs at 5'9, I'm slim. I went to gym in autumn and reached 153lbs, but this year I got back below 150lbs and skinny fat since I had a very shitty diet.

[Leonard D Neubache]

I you can't quit watching porn then try to cut back and watch POV porn exclusively.

I'm not even kidding.

[MongolianAbroad]

(06-24-2017 11:35 PM)bewater Wrote:  

(06-24-2017 11:24 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

Are you having ED even while getting blowjobs, or are you not getting blowjobs before sex?

Are you fat?

How severe is this thing?

No, I don't get ED from blowjobs or when she jerks me off. Probably it's a matter of stimulation, I'm not even sure.

I'm not fat, I'm about 148lbs at 5'9, I'm slim. I went to gym in autumn and reached 153lbs, but this year I got back below 150lbs and skinny fat since I had a very shitty diet.

Well there you go, problem solved.

Eat healthy and get blowjobs before sex.

You don't have ED, you just aren't attracted enough to the girls you're with for you to get turned on by their mere presence around you. Keep this in mind also, a girl being physically hot can still be very unattractive if she isn't feminine, so if you think the girls you've been with were attractive, it's possible they were physically attractive, but not very feminine. That's important, and by the same token, a girl that isn't particularly physically hot (within reason) can, in some cases, be attractive if she's very feminine. Femininity brings out the masculinity in us.

[bewater]

(06-25-2017 12:39 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

(06-24-2017 11:35 PM)bewater Wrote:  

(06-24-2017 11:24 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

Are you having ED even while getting blowjobs, or are you not getting blowjobs before sex?

Are you fat?

How severe is this thing?

No, I don't get ED from blowjobs or when she jerks me off. Probably it's a matter of stimulation, I'm not even sure.

I'm not fat, I'm about 148lbs at 5'9, I'm slim. I went to gym in autumn and reached 153lbs, but this year I got back below 150lbs and skinny fat since I had a very shitty diet.

Well there you go, problem solved.

Eat healthy and get blowjobs before sex.

You don't have ED, you just aren't attracted enough to the girls you're with for you to get turned on by their mere presence around you. Keep this in mind also, a girl being physically hot can still be very unattractive if she isn't feminine, so if you think the girls you've been with were attractive, it's possible they were physically attractive, but not very feminine. That's important, and by the same token, a girl that isn't particularly physically hot (within reason) can, in some cases, be attractive if she's very feminine. Femininity brings out the masculinity in us.

Not sure. What I saw is that I'm always super hard when we make out and prior to sex, but when I get into the act something happens , I lose the "connection" with the girl and in about a minute I get limp.

Anyway, I'm not sure how it will happen with the next girl, but by the amount I worry for sure will happen....depends how I manage that afterwards. I'm thinking this "fear" also stopped me going for the close when I had the chance.

[bewater]

(06-24-2017 11:46 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

I you can't quit watching porn then try to cut back and watch POV porn exclusively.

I'm not even kidding.

Just deleted my porn archive, felt really good.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Just get dick pills if you're getting E.D.

It's not like they give you cancer or anything.

You'll probably only have to use them once with any chick to break the curse before mister winky gets with the program, and if you're young then you wont even need half a pill.

[Greyman]

OP I was a shy non-getting ass guy at the quarter century mark of my life.
I understand more than most I'd like to think.

Things that are easy to fix.

Diet. Dude feed the machine healthy food.

Work out. Does this really need to be said at this point in fcukin' history?? Take up a combat or other physical sport or hobby, and excel in it. Man I'll tell ya; the pure unadulterated confidence from knowing how to give/take a punch, grapple and/or defend yourself cannot be overstated. Strengthen society as a whole by strengthening yourself. Be hard to kill...that shit will put lead in your pecker more than some pill I guarantee it. Starting boxing, then grappling gave me the balls to goto Japan to train, which gave me the confidence to then join the the military and try out for special operations....its step by step improvements in life, man, that will be attractive to women but more importantly give you a healthy IDGAF attitude. And that abundance mentality is clutch.

Even with accolades and such there are guys with performance issues. Truly the old saying that if ya don't use it you lose it applies, especially with unconfident (young) men. Happened to me for a time. It's just a part of growth. Limit porn. Sounds like your confident with your abilities up to penetration. That's where not giving a shit attitude may benefit ya...make it JUST about your orgasm. Do whatever you need to do to get her in whatever position or attitude in, for your nut. Break the cycle of impotence. FYI, I too enjoy and seek out a 'connection'...sometimes I NEED it to get hard, girl dependent. I time some of the women I get with i.e. If there's a particular young hottie I want to be at my best for, I'll sched the meet up when I'm at my peak physically. Some girls aren't as hot but that connection may be more sensual, or our pheromones are more compatible, or whatever, and even when I'm tired or anxious I can use that to get me going vs. a new girl or one I'll have possible performance issues with potentially...(I am in my 40's and don't TRT or blue pill after all...)

I won't advocate low balling but ehh get back in the game with a few easy lay ups that you may or may not be proud of but who cares. Respectfully, people are people and breaking out of a cycle is what unattractive chicks are for in my personal opinion...

Lastly, there's no 'fixing' yourself...If I'm understanding your meaning. Yes, obv fix behaviors not conducive to the positive outcomes that you already know in part, to take, I believe. But your not broken. Repeat that. Now. I'm serious. I'll wait...

If your looking for that 'thing' that will be the balm that makes life, your dick just click or whatever...man I'll say it emphatically right now... it doesn't work like that. Just like depression, working out, gaming, eating healthy...there is NO point that it will ever end. Its a daily grind. Winston Churchill said once that fighting the 'black dog' will never abate. I battle the same as he...and I realize that I'll always have to. There is no fix. Just mitigatable action.

For every thread I read like yours, remember the men of this forum and community are here to help without which I know I'd be worse off. Your not alone. Read some of the guys that have stories that inspire...here's my favorite and last that got me to respond to you at 4:55am when my shit is fcuking me up.

thread-63493.html

[Thinking Out Loud]

(06-24-2017 08:14 AM)bewater Wrote:  

I'm turning 27 and I feel I'm missing the train.

I have only about 5 bangs with different girls. I have only a few friends which are not very close.

I'm only 5'9, slim built (I tried going to the gym in the last 2 years, but I couldn't keep going). In some clubs, I get a few girls gazing at me, but are on the 4-6 range, no hotties...and I rarely approach them either because I have approach anxiety or because I'm not attracted and I compare them to my ex who was an 8.

My last bang was 2.5 years ago with my ex of 3 years.

After break up, I had a few make-outs, but that's all, TBH I'm afraid to close because I had severe ED when I started dating my ex in the first months. I'm afraid it will happen again with the new girls...

I feel that I need a reset. I also have some financial issues, but for this year I will be ok.

Did any of you tried to reset his life? Should I need to start over in another city?

Not sure what to do. I want to start over with the entire "game" thing and reset my life. Any help appreciated.

Thank you

When I was your age, the only "sex" I ever had was with a prostitute, and I didn't even come. What exactly is your problem? What do you mean by reseting your life? If you are in financial trouble, go get a job. If the job doesn't pay for much, get a better job. If you can't, read some books and get some skills or something. If you are frustrated with your sex life, learn game and go out and approach. I can't do it for you. If you have approach anxiety that bad, even though you've had sex, and made out with girls and you're getting IOIs regulary, I don't know how to help you. Read PUA material, watch PUA videos, and then go out and do.