[Palo_alto]

Gents,

Last night one of my main plates, which is actually one I want to keep. Asked me this question. (Are you banging other choices on the side?)

I agree, amplify and change subject. Things did not turned out as expected.

HER: Are you having sex with other girls?

PALO: Sure, but today you are the lucky one :Smirk
Want another drink?

HER: I just got tested so we can start having sex without protection but I am not into sharing partners.

PALO: Sure, no worries, we are at in different pages of the book of life, all god.

After that she starts crying, telling about how horrible her ex husband was,etc...etc.... 30 min later we bang. Then she starts telling me how horrible I was for fucking multiple girls at the same time, she started crying and being demanding. i show her the door.

Today I got a text with an apology which I reply with a picture of the sandwich I was eating, asking if she wanted a bite.

How do you handle this? This is over right?

Thanks gents

[wi30]

How I would've handled it:

Her: Are you having sex with other girls?

Me: Only dudes. Mostly black guys.

Then change the subject to something else.

You weren't subtle at all and straight up told her you're banging other girls. Girls "know" you're getting side action but they don't actually want to hear you say it. A good agree and amplify would've been, "I'm only seeing 17 girls at the moment. I like to take things slow".

[Latan]

Everything went very well, from my point of view.
But I do agree with wi30, that answering the simple truth wasn't your best move.

[Rawmeo]

The problem is that if you answer yes, she'll say you're disgusting, and if no, she'll say that you are lying.

Agree and amplify - but if you're confromted with the question, I'd say no. I usually say "since we don't see each other often because of my work, I have even less time for other girls, so no"

[kaotic]

Agree and amplify was definitely the play here.

BUT her response is where things got interesting.

Her response was basically the "what are we question" but quite literal "I want to only fuck you, and I only want you fucking me"

You said she's the one you wanted to keep - I wouldn't of said "different pages", I'd start asking WHY she got tested, and when exactly she got tested, if she's ever had anything before, etc.

Put the frame on her.

If anything just tell her cool, and you agree with that.

The less she knows about YOUR sex life, the better. Just don't be an idiot and get an STD and give it to her.

She's a plate at this point, not an LTR.


At this point she's clearly got some issues, you held your frame and she walked.

I'm sure some of the trust she had in is fractured or broke, BUT she came back to you.

I wouldn't of sent a picture of a sandwich - I wouldn't have responded for a day or two then act like nothing happened and hangout with her.

If she acts up again next her, it'll just be a recurring problem and a headache for you.

[Wargasm]

An obviously joking Agree and amplify as first answer, and then a direct lie as a second answer.

Everyone has their own moral code, but I don't think you can really act holier than thou for being honest with these girls while not taking any of them seriously.

If you want to see 99% of girls for longer than a month you're gonna have to build some comfort, and that includes them not knowing you fuck other girls.

They should however have a nagging suspicion that you still do.

That's the art of the 90 % convincing lie. Don't try super hard to persuade them if they don't believe you, just tell them you're not seeing other girls and if she doesn't believe you that's her problem.

[Rudeman]

" This is over right?"

Maybe not. But don't think about that. Approach this from an outcome independent outlook. You'll know soon enough from her whether it's over or not. If she doesn't get back to you, try a "Come over" booty call text this weekend (even if you aren't free for her to come over). Her response or non-response will give you the answer.

You played pretty high on the a-hole end of agree and amplify. This would have blown out many girls, but it may have worked with the one. I noticed a pattern here:

Her: initiates define the relationship talk
You: make her cry
Result: she bangs you

Her: acts demanding
You: show her the door after sex
Result: she apologizes to you

Her: she apologizes to you
You: send her sandwich pic
Result: she....???

When women tell you how bad other guys have treated them, it's like they are telling you directly what sort of treatment they respond to. This girl may very well respond well to being treated not well.

[RatInTheWoods]

The problem I have is, if you are banging other chicks, then she is banging other dudes.

I don't know how you can be happy going down on a box of assorted creams.

[SlickyBoy]

(02-23-2017 01:20 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You said she's the one you wanted to keep - I wouldn't of said "different pages", I'd start asking WHY she got tested, and when exactly she got tested, if she's ever had anything before, etc.

Put the frame on her.

Excellent question - "Tested? why now? Something going on I don't know about? Should I get tested too?

Quote:

The less she knows about YOUR sex life, the better. Just don't be an idiot and get an STD and give it to her.

Even then, there's sometimes a way to flip the script on this. I knew a guy who was regularly hitting Tinder on the side while he had an LTR. Then one day he gets chlamydia from some forgettable Tinder slut. He winds up passing it to his LTR girl shortly thereafter before he realized he had it. She found out because she got symptoms and flipped out on him.

He maintains his cool and asks: "So, when was the last time you went to see an OB-GYN?" "Uh.... like, five years, I think-?" She's 25 years old at this point, mind you. He planted the seed of doubt in her head and she went to get checked out more thoroughly. She got it treated, convinced she must have given it to him from a prior relationship, since they hadn't been dating more than a couple of years.

[goodington]

Very tricky situation. Telling the truth is a high risk, high potential reward move. If she accepts it then you can bang other girls openly, if it fails you will lose her. If you lie and continue to bang other girls she may find out later and then it's definitely over. The only safe option is to stop banging other girls, but you need to be okay with that. Is she worth it or are you willing to risk that she walks away? Are you high value enough that she would accept you banging other girls when she's exclusive?

[kaotic]

(02-23-2017 05:28 PM)goodington Wrote:  

Very tricky situation. Telling the truth is a high risk, high potential reward move. If she accepts it then you can bang other girls openly, if it fails you will lose her.

Bad advice and end game.

She's a plate, not his girlfriend/ltr/wife, she doesn't need to know anything about him besides him being STD free.

The less she knows the better.

There is no high reward, you forget the otherside of the coin of knowing you bang openly, SHE will bang openly, eventually there's some drama tied to do this, and even a higher chance of an std.

By soothing her hamster, flipping it on her, keeping her on edge and telling her you're only banging her, that's the best route. The least drama, she's only fucking you.

If she drops the are we GF/BF question and he doesn't want to be tied down, then he can let her go.

Quote:

If you lie and continue to bang other girls she may find out later and then it's definitely over. The only safe option is to stop banging other girls, but you need to be okay with that.

This is why you keep your game tight and your phone even tighter.

There are plenty of options:

Keep banging this plate and just deny till you die.
Downgrade this plate and eventually ghost on her.
Drop this plate now and find others.

Quote:

Is she worth it or are you willing to risk that she walks away? Are you high value enough that she would accept you banging other girls when she's exclusive?

Bingo, he shouldn't care, he's got options, who cares if she walks away.

99.9% girls already know what's up, and 99.9% they don't want to know the truth but want to hear the comforting words "I'm with you"

It's lip service, if you aren't official with a girl, always assume she's fucking others also.

It's isn't your pussy, it's just your term.

[rafaeld]

Quote:

Women don't "just want you to be honest with them." The want to force admissions out of you to harangue you with at their convenience.

(Note: This quote is not mine, I read it somewhere else on the forum but it absolutely reeks of truth)

Women play a different game than men. They won't hold lies against you as long as you consistently make her feel good.

The "truth" is not necessary in this case but neither is an outright lie. Do what a woman would do and avoid the question by changing the tone of the conversation. Saying something absurd like the above-mentioned "only black dudes" would have probably been a better option for you.

You could also have guilt-tripped her and accused her of being jealous and untrustworthy. Say you were enjoying hanging out with her and actually imagined spending time with her in the future but now she has asked this it makes you question the whole relationship because you can't build a foundation when the trust isn't there.

[XXL]

It is not over. She is hooked. She will fight with herself for a couple of weeks trying to ger her upper hand and eventually will accept the failure to change you. The she will disappear probably

[XPQ22]

(02-23-2017 12:57 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  

After that she starts crying, telling about how horrible her ex husband was,etc...etc.... 30 min later we bang. Then she starts telling me how horrible I was for fucking multiple girls at the same time, she started crying and being demanding. i show her the door.

Today I got a text with an apology which I reply with a picture of the sandwich I was eating, asking if she wanted a bite.

This part made me sad. Is this the type of relationship you want? Even with a plate?

Some girls will be fine with you seeing them casually for months or years. Others will very much want you to "sign on" and be continually hurt and frustrated if they don't get what they want. Yeah, you could probably still bang them out from time to time, but who wants to bang a continually sobbing, hurt, and frustrated girl? That doesn't sound like much fun.

I think honestly the only options here are to sign on, or at least give the impression that you are and not be fucking two other chicks or whatever every week. Or let her go. And frankly given your description of her histrionic fit there when you told her honestly what was up, this is not a girl I would sign on for the long haul with.

Sometimes the tough calls are the right ones. My vote is to apologize, do the "You do mean a lot to me but I just can't give what you're asking" thing, and cut her loose.

(02-24-2017 04:06 AM)rafaeld Wrote:  

You could also have guilt-tripped her and accused her of being jealous and untrustworthy. Say you were enjoying hanging out with her and actually imagined spending time with her in the future but now she has asked this it makes you question the whole relationship because you can't build a foundation when the trust isn't there.

Girls have asked me the "so, what are we?" question sometimes before. But I'd be really leery of a girl who went full-blast direct and asked questions like OP's girl did. It's very much a nuclear-warhead option - I've never had a girl ask me this. It sounds like the kind of question that a girl who herself is trying to detonate the relationship would ask, or at the least a girl who is going to be nothing but problems down the line.

The "I got tested so we could..." blah blah is very manipulative, even for a girl. So wait, its good to get tested for general health's sake but you say "we" like you weren't going to run the rest of that whole plan by me first? Like maybe ask "What do you think about both of us getting tested?" Just ran out and did it and then dropped this bomb on me?

PS: I put odds she's still fucking someone else or has in very recent history at about 99%. If I may, imagine if you will a woman who gets banged raw by a guy she doesn't know very well, gets scared, gets tested, comes back OK, then spins it into "I got tested because I want to use 'safe sex' as leverage with the other guy on the relationship angle."

Does this sound like something a woman might do?

[kinjutsu]

(02-23-2017 01:11 PM)wi30 Wrote:  

How I would've handled it:

Her: Are you having sex with other girls?

Me: Only dudes. Mostly black guys.

Then change the subject to something else.

You weren't subtle at all and straight up told her you're banging other girls. Girls "know" you're getting side action but they don't actually want to hear you say it. A good agree and amplify would've been, "I'm only seeing 17 girls at the moment. I like to take things slow".

Fucking gold. I'm using this.

[TheMaleBrain]

(02-24-2017 07:33 AM)XXL Wrote:  

It is not over. She is hooked. She will fight with herself for a couple of weeks trying to ger her upper hand and eventually will accept the failure to change you. The she will disappear probably

Agree
One of my plates did the exact same thing. Apart from disappearing.

What you need to do is not to bring it up.
She will. When she does - Do not lose frame.

I usually tell her that I understand how she feels, but that "I own her" and she has benefits from being with me. This takes sometime to calm her down.

Expect drama, followed by mind blowing sex.

[XPQ22]

(02-27-2017 03:43 AM)TheMaleBrain Wrote:  

I usually tell her that I understand how she feels, but that "I own her" and she has benefits from being with me. This takes sometime to calm her down.

Expect drama, followed by mind blowing sex.

At the end of the day, a girl who really wants to leave, will leave.

And if one's frame comes unhinged and one starts falling all over the place apologizing, wracked with guilt, she'll take that as a pretty good reason to do so.

[TheMaleBrain]

(02-27-2017 02:22 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

At the end of the day, a girl who really wants to leave, will leave.

Dude
That goes without saying.
Of course if she "really" wants to leave she will.
However - most people (guys included) will sit on the fence for a while. Frame helps to get her back.

[Palo_alto]

Well, things turned out quite well.

I met the gal during Saturday night.
I had a early Sunday flight to Europe and I asked her to come over and help me make my luggage.

We had a good talk, she got tested because she banged one dude after our first ¨date¨ (with a condom). She told me she just want to fuck with me without protection from now on. I put the blame on her, act like nothing happened, bang, slept and now enjoying a pilsener in Bavaria.

I will treat her just like another plate from now on and focus on other things.

Thanks for the support gents, Prost!

[Sonoma]

She has an ex-husband? Yiiiikes

[Mufasa]

(02-23-2017 01:11 PM)wi30 Wrote:  

How I would've handled it:

Her: Are you having sex with other girls?

Me: Only dudes. Mostly black guys.

Then change the subject to something else.

You weren't subtle at all and straight up told her you're banging other girls. Girls "know" you're getting side action but they don't actually want to hear you say it. A good agree and amplify would've been, "I'm only seeing 17 girls at the moment. I like to take things slow".

Whatever you do don't pause or freeze up. I did that shit and it was a bad move. If you are going to be honest then make sure you don't pause and say it with conviction. Don't back down when she tries to make you feel bad for it.

You have no way of knowing if she's fucking other guys and I always prepare for the worst and hope for the best. One thing I've noticed with the direct route is it does put you on the clock to be replacement. Women cannot handle rejection and when you tell her you are fucking other girls you are effectively rejecting her as not being "woman enough" for you. None of the women I've been with have tried to win me over after this; in my experience they instead kept fucking with me before ending it and beau-ing up with another less awesome dude.

[Dream Medicine]

(02-28-2017 03:15 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  

Well, things turned out quite well.

Good to hear!

One suggestion from my end is to consider the implications of her incongruence (bolded) below:

(02-23-2017 12:57 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  

HER: I just got tested so we can start having sex without protection but I am not into sharing partners.

PALO: Sure, no worries, we are at in different pages of the book of life, all god.

After that she starts crying, telling about how horrible her ex husband was,etc...etc.... 30 min later we bang. Then she starts telling me how horrible I was for fucking multiple girls at the same time, she started crying and being demanding. i show her the door.

vs

(02-28-2017 03:15 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  

We had a good talk, she got tested because she banged one dude after our first ¨date¨ (with a condom). She told me she just want to fuck with me without protection from now on. I put the blame on her, act like nothing happened, bang, slept and now enjoying a pilsener in Bavaria.

In light of the above, my tips include:

1. Do not trust anything she says, and therefore,
2. Always wrap it up with her,

Also...

(02-23-2017 12:57 PM)Palo_alto Wrote:  

Today I got a text with an apology which I reply with a picture of the sandwich I was eating, asking if she wanted a bite.

Nice one. Not taking these randoms seriously is one of the keys to longevity in this plate-spinning game.

[Palo_alto]

Other info:

She is allergic to condoms
She fucked the other dude the night after the has met me. I only went for the kiss that night

Yup, she had a husband for 1 year. She broke up with him due to the fact that the dude had depression. She drunkely confess to me taht she is still in contact with him

I will downgrde to plate material

Danke!