[SilentMajority]

What's the consensus with regards to leaving your girl unattended at a party / social gathering to go mingle with others, get drinks, whatever, only to return to find some other dude is trying to make inroads?

Potential responses could be:

(a) Sit back and casually observe, don't say much, allow her to 'hang herself' metaphorically speaking by biting the bait with new dude. If she bites, actively flirts and gives the impression of being more than just polite in conversation because this guy came along, then it's a good opportunity to note a red flag

(b) Sit back down next to her, say, put your arm around and acknowledge the guy a nod / casual hello, subtly join in the conversation

© Sit back down, engage the guy and make it clear who she with and that this is guarded territory

Option A looks ok from an exploratory / experimental point of view.

Option B looks like a half way house.

Option C I'm against on the one hand as it looks defensive / nervous, but on the other hand it shows you won't take shit and some girls might off on the whole 'he is being protective, ain't that shit sweet.'

Views and opinions

[redbeard]

What are you worried about?

Beat the pussy right, set the relationship well, and have fun at the damn party.

[Latan]

Option D : What's the point of going there to stay around her, like a guard dog, the whole time?
You're not here to watch her, but to have fun.
Either she accepts the advances of other men, or she doesn't.
If she does, next.

You should work on your scarcity mentality.
Go talk to some girls during the party.

[RatInTheWoods]

"Mate guarding" looks Beta.

Option E - go chat up a hotter girl than her.

[polymath]

You should expect any attractive woman to get approached by other guys. If you can't leave her alone at a party, then you can't trust her to go to a grocery store or to a bar with her friends.

[SilentMajority]

Appreciate the advice, will go act on it, simple as that.

[Travesty]

One thing to prevent much of this is to actively run for mayor and greet everyone and get to know them a little.

If everyone meets you and you come off as high level most guys will back down once they know from talking to your girl or someone else that she is with you.

If you go off to a corner of the party and talk to the same two people makes you have no presence.

It should also keep your girl in check more seeing you be so social.

I don't believe in jealousy games like preemptively flirting with other girls infront of her unless she has done something wrong. I equate that to randomly yelling at your dog when he is just sitting and looking at you.

[Delta]

This can be figured out from first principles. The primary "first principle" of game is to behave as though you're a high-value man who has no trouble attracting women. How would this type of man view the situation you describe?

Answer- He'd be confident and secure that the other dude is no threat, and treat it as a non-issue.

[LockeAndLoad]

You aren't a babysitter/she isn't a child. No need to worry about her talking to other people if you have self-confidence

[MongolianAbroad]

1. Date girls that don't drink or drink very rarely. This alone would probably lead to half the guys reading this still having their father instead of having been raised by a single mom.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

2. Date the kind of girl that brushes off male approaches. The last two girls I dated seriously behaved very similarly when a guy started talking to them in this kind of situation, here's some examples:

Guy: "Hey"
My girl: "I have a boyfriend."

Guy: Moves closer to my girl, attempting to break into her personal space.
Girl: Walks away and finds me.

Guy: "Hey, I'm John, what's your name?"
Girl: "I'm Jane, I'm here with my boyfriend, Spaniard."

These are at college/house party kind of parties. If it were a work-related party, I wouldn't be there, because I don't drink, and I definitely don't drink around coworkers.

3. It should be obvious to everyone that she's with you, to prevent any misunderstandings. I usually have my arm around my girl. If I sit down on a couch, for example, she'll tend to snuggle into me. Everyone knows she's with me, and when I did the party scene, I was usually the one hosting, 3 kegs, 1 or 2 hundred people at my place(s), people don't generally want to cause a beef with the host of the party or his crew. When I wasn't hosting, I would usually attend with a tight crew, with at least three 6 foot plus athletes, sometimes 5 or 6 of us, and other guys tend to notice these things, so it prevents a lot of potential problems.

Also, if it's obvious you're with her and this is still happening, you need to increase your masculinity, which may mean bulking up or changing your mannerisms if you're already a larger guy. In your scenario, you were away from her while this happened, but it's possible the other guy may have known she was with you and you just weren't giving off the kind of vibe that makes other guys think twice before they hit on someone else's girl. Cover all your bases.

4. If you can't date a girl that doesn't drink or drinks rarely, then just don't take your girl to these parties and don't allow her to attend them either. Replace these activities with healthy activities. You'd be surprised at how quickly you can turn a girl that enjoys partying into a girl that enjoys eating healthy, hiking, and waking up early. If you're high value enough, if she wants you badly enough, she'll follow your lead, a girl that's really into you is like clay.

The last time I drank around coworkers I ended up making out with a really good looking, blonde, blue eyed coworker who was trying out for the U.S. Snowboarding team. Then later on in the night her girlfriend punched me. Twice. The second time was because I ignored her the first time and kept making out, since my mind didn't put 2 and 2 together that the girl I was making out with while I was randomly punched by another girl was that other girl's girlfriend. No harm was done though, these were girl-punches from a normal-sized girl, the situation was more comedic than anything. On my end, anyhow, it wasn't comedic to the other girl.

Anyhow, the girl I made out with texted me a couple of weeks later with, "Hey Spaniard, want to grab a drink sometime?" I didn't reply, I'm not looking to complicate my life with a woman who's attracted to both sexes, no offense, I just prefer to keep things simple.

From the perspective of the punching girlfriend, though, she should not have allowed her girlfriend to attend work parties where there's alcohol. You could say she was really confident or whatever, but if I had been another guy with less compunctions about sleeping with someone else's girl or following up on that later text, that would have caused complications for their relationship.

I remember reading some article about Facebook contributing to a lot of divorces/breakups, as it provided a new avenue for people to conveniently cheat. It is what it is, the world we live in now, in the West, provides basically no social shame for bouncing from man to man. If your girls comes with built-in shame due to her upbringing, that's great. If she doesn't, then you have a lot of work to do, unfortunately.

You've got to be realistic, the guys that say, "You have to be confident enough to trust your girl to go to a bar and have drinks with her friends," they're coming from a place where if the girl cheated, they really wouldn't care. That's fine if that's your game, but if you've invested into your girl, you have to protect that investment, and telling her "girls night out" is out of the question, for example, is the way to go. She needs to get new friends, ones that aren't single carousel-riders. Nothing good comes from your girl being out and about drinking at bars.

Protect what you've built.

[Robert High Hawk]

(02-23-2017 10:20 AM)Travesty Wrote:  

One thing to prevent much of this is to actively run for mayor and greet everyone and get to know them a little.

If everyone meets you and you come off as high level most guys will back down once they know from talking to your girl or someone else that she is with you.

If you go off to a corner of the party and talk to the same two people makes you have no presence.

It should also keep your girl in check more seeing you be so social.

I don't believe in jealousy games like preemptively flirting with other girls infront of her unless she has done something wrong. I equate that to randomly yelling at your dog when he is just sitting and looking at you.

I really like this response, because it appreciates the nuance of certain situations. Without knowing the specific details of OPs situation, we can't just assume that it's the rote solution to just hang back and be confident (heavily exaggerating what other people have written for the sake of argument here...)

The thirst level in the USA is at crisis levels. And I don't say that lightly. I brought my German longterm GF to NYC recently. After a two year absence going out in NYC, due to a stay in Germany, I thought it would be a nice idea to go to my old stomping grounds.

Let me just say, things have gotten bad. I always knew guys were a little aggressive in NYC, but it's ridiculous now. Unless you are going somewhere high end, don't bring your GF or current piece to places filled with Thirsty guys.

Where I was before, if guys came up to talk to your GF, even under the pretense of hitting on her, they were quite civil about it and you as a guy, could totally relax even if it was a new relationship, first date etc... in fact many times, since the guy would see you were together he'd back off flirting and then just start talking socially and actually end up being a friendly group conversation.

In NYC, If I was gone for a minute to go piss, at least 3 guys would come up to hit on my girl. Again no big deal, she says no and they leave, but I don't particularly want my GF to develop a natural "bitch shield". Isn't that what we complain about on this forum as a problem in society?

What put me over the edge was when we were both out one time, admittedly both drunk, I go down to piss, come back up and two guys are more or less cornering her in a rather aggressive manner. Nothing happened and I quickly extracted her, but she was just outright scared/confused, as she doesn't understand how to act like an outright cunt to scare guys like that away. And why should she? What kind of fucked up society is this? I really think that could have easily escalated into violence, and in my super drunk state it would not have ended well.

Basically, to end my ranting/venting - assess the situation very carefully. Don't be naturally worried or insecure, but there is certainly an atmosphere of thirst you do NOT bring any girl too. It's like taking your girl in a walking tour in rural Syria. I don't care how "alpha" you are, secure your relationship is, there are some places you should not leave your woman alone in. Make sure you know ahead of time what is the location like (I assumed grossly incorrectly). There is a tipping point, but prior to this point, definitely definitely just relax and "be cool".

Now prior to this incident a week ago, I would have NEVER advocated anything other than "be cool", but sincerely, as much as anyone can trust the judgement of Newbie, things are getting bad out there, and at a minimum stay away from an atmosphere of desperation. It will affect you and your girl's vibe, or much worse.

[lapalco]

if you have fucked her its cool to leave them for extended periods of time. If you have not someone is gonna try to fuck her and she may be receptive.

[General Stalin]

It's polite to not leave your girl stranded if you are at a party where she doesn't know anyone. At least introduce her to people and have her feel comfortable. If she is settled in and chatting with people then do whatever you like. If your worried that dudes are macking on her and she is reciprocating then she isn't your girl anyway.